Being Ignored

[primechild]

Thank you, AlToday for starting this thread

I can't put into written words how helpful this thread has been. Well not yet but by practicing I'll get better.

The best description of what I've felt since I can remember.
[quote author=Laura]So, you've got this issue. Thing is, you have to live where you wake up even if some other person put you there while you were dreaming (including some other aspect of yourself, possibly.)

I often describe it as coming to yourself in the middle of a battlefield and wondering how the heck you got there. [/quote]

Thanks Laura, going to read quote below in the morning after PotS as a reminder.
[quote author=Laura] The first order of business is to survive until you can get out of that mess and that means stop being a target. You have to very quickly learn to master your fear and impulses to react to everything going on around you so you can "get out alive". [/quote]
I've come to realize that most of my life been spent in a dissasociating state and I don't know myself nor the real world. Now I'm here whether by choice (made in 5th) or tricked, going to make the best of it by unlearning and relearning. Hopefully one day teach/learn in balance and "paying in advance" when I figure out what that truly means.


ack me, me, me! Sorry Al Today and Forum. I was trying to give thanks and I hijack it. I don't know how else to write (cried 5min before self-calming took over) usually would have delete it and tried to forget it. I do have a draft for swamp board. I know you'all are there. Thanks

 

[Thomas Alan]

Hi, Al:

Wow, you've received some very insightful replies. Just think where you'd be without the group's support. Alone with your physical suffering and it being nearly impossible to bring any meaning to it. You have a huge resource here and you have shown that you are willing to learn just by starting the thread.

I'm having my own turn at physical troubles. First a chronically sore hip, the going to an eye doctor thinking I needed new glasses (Nope, beginnings of cataracts), then my first encounter, and hopefully my last, with a kidney stone. I didn't know such pain was possible. I cried and screamed in the ER until the quieted me down with morphine. Plus having to go each day to Castle Dracula (the place where I am employed ):)

It's frustrating and angering. But as Viktor Frankl suggests we have to do all we can, then choose what our attitude is going to be. Nobody wants to suffer, but it does gives us a opportunity to build our will. I guess that this is what DOING means. If life was easy all the time we likely go with the flow. (The flow over a cliff into nothingness.)

Sometimes my post are passed over as well. This, of course, wounds my self-importance. In re-reading the posts that get few replies I find I am not really asking for anything. I draw too many conclusions in the post, so members might be led to think, "Well, he seems to think he knows so why respond?"

Looks like you have found new resolve and at least the start of the will to do what is necessary. Thanks for starting the thread, I, no doubt, others have learned from it.

Mac

 

[Buddy]

[quote author=Al Today]
Already, my attitude has shifted.[/quote]

Al, I'm late (as usual) to your thread, but I wanted you to know you have all my hopes for a brighter tomorrow!

 

[SeekinTruth]

I'd like to thank you for starting this thread too, Al. It caused so many interesting things to be posted in response. :)

 

[Don Diego]

I'd like to thank you for starting this thread too, Al. It caused so many interesting things to be posted in response. :)

Same here and SO timely...
Thanks Al

 

[Laura]

I was not passed around the family as much as some of my cousins. A whole clan of parents who didn't know what a parent was. I was not ignored all the time. I was also yelled at, dragged and/or hit. I remember picking my own cherry stinger for my whipping. I didn't get only the belt, sometimes the buckle got me too... WTF...

Ha! This brought back memories.

I WAS passed around the family quite a bit. (Read "Grace?). My mother married 6 times and I had 4 stepfathers - what a trip that was.

And yeah, I had to go and cut my own switch though it wasn't cherry, it was plum. More than once.

 

[Al Today]

[..]
Just think where you'd be without the group's support. Alone with your physical suffering and it being nearly impossible to bring any meaning to it. You have a huge resource here
[..]

All here need to Know and Understand this.

After starting this thread, I now have the "kick myself in the butt" program running. I want to respond to each and every one of you. Let me just say to all a big THANK YOU. I cannot thank you all enough for all your considerations. I also gotta watch the "puff up my ego" program in that hopefully this thread will be of help and use to someone else.

 

[Al Today]

I was not passed around the family as much as some of my cousins. A whole clan of parents who didn't know what a parent was. I was not ignored all the time. I was also yelled at, dragged and/or hit. I remember picking my own cherry stinger for my whipping. I didn't get only the belt, sometimes the buckle got me too... WTF...

Ha! This brought back memories.

I WAS passed around the family quite a bit. (Read "Grace?). My mother married 6 times and I had 4 stepfathers - what a trip that was.

And yeah, I had to go and cut my own switch though it wasn't cherry, it was plum. More than once.

Seems to do much with the culture of many back then in the 1950's
I hate to say southern culture, but that's my hillbilly upbringing background and environmental experiences.
I've been reading "Grace" intermittently. Will get back to it. Enjoyable and a very visual read.
:)

 

[mcb]

Seems to do much with the culture of many back then in the 1950's
I hate to say southern culture, but that's my hillbilly upbringing background and environmental experiences...

Go ahead and say it. I had a taste of it too, although not as much of one as either of you, and I didn't live in the culture for very long (although it can travel with your family, no matter where you go.)

I think you have a huge amount in common with others here, experience-wise. I say that because I have seen it clearly before, in a "workshop" environment. Those were different people, decades ago, but many of them were asking some of the same questions that we do, and searching together for answers. You can see it for yourself by reading other people's posts -- in other topics in this forum -- with understanding. Listen to what others are saying, and notice what you have in common. Notice the connections.

Earlier I alluded to feelings that would come up for me when reading your posts, feelings that I would rather ignore. This is actually true for me of a number of forum members, and it has something to do with common issues, and a phenomenon whereby we see ourselves when we look at others. So when you are reading forum posts, notice which ones you want to ignore. Notice why, and what your message is for each of those people, and see if there isn't something there that you can apply to yourself.

 

[Al Today]

[...]
feelings that I would rather ignore. This is actually true for me of a number of forum members, and it has something to do with common issues, and a phenomenon whereby we see ourselves when we look at others.

I appreciate your considerate reply. Sometimes the paranoid "they don't like me" program fires up. Reading between the lines when there is nothing between the lines to read? As I said, some programs just will not die. They go dormant, but fire up at the worse times. Seems like a plan, eh?

[...]
So when you are reading forum posts, notice which ones you want to ignore. Notice why, and what your message is for each of those people, and see if there isn't something there that you can apply to yourself.

Methinks "ignore" can be a harsh word leaning towards derogatory conscious intentions. Then again, could ignoring be with either "good" or "bad" intentions? When should truth be withheld? Ever? Anyway, this "ignore" word stirs up many emotions. Especially in the defense mechanisms.

Sometimes I ignore because I have nothing of value to add.
Sometimes I ignore because I do not have time to reply.
Sometimes I ignore because I do not anything good/nice to say (let the Mods have them).
Sometimes I ignore because I am ignorant within the subject.
I do try hard to reply when prompted. I definitely sometimes fail to notice (ignore).

I'm having a tough time with that "ignore" word. Since this "ignore" word is bugging me, while thinking and digging I came across an interesting web sit, osit anyway.
_http://www.englishforums.com/search/ignore.htm

The site "said, for example":

ignore: to fail or refuse to notice; disregard

question: Does 'gloss over' mean 'to ignore'?
answer: More avoid than ignore. When you gloss over something you avoid talking about it or quickly change the subject.

question: When someone you very well know passes by you .. but he pays no heed to you and never gives you any greetings .. Does he/she ( ignore or neglect ) you ?
answer: Say 'ignore' in this case. It shows more intention. 'Neglect' usually implies laziness, careless lack of attention, etc. He neglects his homework because he loves to play computer games.

 

[mcb]

...Methinks "ignore" can be a harsh word leaning towards derogatory conscious intentions. Then again, could ignoring be with either "good" or "bad" intentions? When should truth be withheld? Ever? Anyway, this "ignore" word stirs up many emotions. Especially in the defense mechanisms...

Well, don't overthink it. "Ignore" is not a nice word when you are on the receiving end. It implies a deliberate act, as your quotation suggested. But one thing that makes this Work difficult, sometimes, is that we need to accurately see what we are doing, even when it isn't nice. That in turn requires observing without judging oneself. So go ahead and consider some of the posts you would rather ignore. Maybe this is one of them.

 

[Al Today]

[...]
Maybe this is one of them.

:)

 

[ignis.intimus]

I hate being ignored.

I suppose the way you measure the level of ignorance to your posts is through replies to you. (there is not a device to detect who is reading your post or not, so that would be the only way).

You can see how many views there are on your own threads, but not on your posts. Sometimes we like to sneak by and insert a comment into another thread that is only superficially related to the topic at hand, when our real focus and motive is to draw attention to ourselves and to our woes. We want the attention we want, but don't want the full brunt of the spotlight on us. It's an avoidance mechanism, that we use to vent off some of the energy related to ... the problem ... without having to face it head-on.

 

[Al Today]

[...]
You can see how many views there are on your own threads, but not on your posts. Sometimes we like to sneak by and insert a comment into another thread that is only superficially related to the topic at hand, when our real focus and motive is to draw attention to ourselves and to our woes. We want the attention we want, but don't want the full brunt of the spotlight on us. It's an avoidance mechanism, that we use to vent off some of the energy related to ... the problem ... without having to face it head-on.

I can understand enjoying to be the center of the universe and being seen in the spotlight. Being the "man" of the hour, so to say. Me Me Me, look at me! Aren't I great? Give me the attention that I never received and now deserve. (self-importance)

Methinks I should clarify as to what events have occurred. The situation that brought this thread to life was my question being what I perceived as "my" question being ignored. For I know, the person may have never even seen the question. Or the question was perceived as trivial. Or perhaps the person does indeed have something that is desired to remain hidden. I don't know. My emotional response was that my question was ignored and I was quite irritated. (self-aggrandizement)

Both may indeed have the same roots from pre-verbal childhood. And boy-o-boy, this opened a can of worms and provided personal epiphany.!.!.!

self-importance - Excessively high regard for one's own importance or station; conceit.
self-aggrandizement - an act undertaken to increase your own power and influence or to draw attention to your own importance

fwiw

 

[Laura]

I often don't respond right away because I want to give other people a chance to respond to gauge how they are progressing, to note who is feeling helpful, that sort of thing. Then, usually, other people handle it better than I would anyway, so there's nothing for me to say!