Being Wrong by Kathryn Schulz

[Tigersoap]

To err is human. Yet most of us go through life tacitly assuming (and sometimes noisily insisting) that we are right about nearly everything, from the origins of the universe to how to load the dishwasher. If being wrong is so natural, why are we all so bad at imagining that our beliefs could be mistaken – and why do we typically react to our errors with surprise, denial, defensiveness and shame?

In Being Wrong, journalist Kathryn Schulz explores why we find it so gratifying to be right and so maddening to be mistaken, and how this attitude toward error corrodes our relationships—whether between family members, colleagues, neighbors, or nations. Along the way, she takes us on a fascinating tour of human fallibility, from wrongful convictions to no-fault divorce, medical mistakes to misadventures at sea, failed prophecies to false memories, “I told you so!” to “Mistakes were made.” Drawing on thinkers as varied as Augustine, Darwin, Freud, Gertrude Stein, Alan Greenspan, and Groucho Marx, she proposes a new way of looking at wrongness. In this view, error is both a given and a gift – one that can transform our worldviews, our relationships, and, most profoundly, ourselves.

In the end, Being Wrong is not just an account of human error but a tribute to human creativity – to the ways we generate and revise our beliefs about ourselves and the world. At a moment when economic, political, and religious dogmatism increasingly divide us, Schulz explores the seduction of certainty and the crisis occasioned by error with uncommon humor and eloquence. A brilliant debut from a new voice in nonfiction, this book calls on us to ask one of life’s most challenging questions: what if I’m wrong?

_http://beingwrongbook.com/

I've recently finished this book and I thought it was very interesting as a primer to deeper books such as Strangers to Ourselves by T.Wilson for example.

It won't probably be a must read and there isn't much explanation about how our mind works in this book and it does not talk about psychopathy or the authoritarian followers for example but it give enough real life examples to make you pause and ask yourself some questions about times when you are/were wrong but try so hard to protect your belief system about the world and yourself.
It really shows that being wrong is a big part of life, that it is the basis to make progress, and to try to erase or deny any kind of errors from our life, seems to me, very narcissistic at best.

 

[Laura]

It is, indeed, amazing to see the amount of energy people will put into defending themselves against any admission of wrong actions, thoughts, behaviors. It's sad, too, because it creates such distance and barriers between people. It can actually be quite endearing for someone to say "I was wrong, I'm sorry..."

 

[truth seeker]

It can actually be quite endearing for someone to say "I was wrong, I'm sorry..."

Amen. And incredibly healing, I think. My mother died some years ago. When I first started ee, one of the earliest dreams I had was of my mother apologizing to me. In the dream, I wouldn't let her finish because I was trying to make it alright for her so I'm not sure what exactly the apology was for. I started crying in the dream because I'd never heard her apologize or admit she was wrong when she was alive. I ended up waking up crying because the emotions I felt in the dream were so viceral and it ended up being quite cleansing.

I think that when people make heartfelt apologies, what they're really saying is, "I'm human and I acknowledge and respect that you're human too." It places one on par with others as opposed to hubristic attempts to play god. It says I respect you enough to tell you the truth about myself and trust you enough to show parts of myself that I keep hidden. A very vulnerable place for most.

edit: spelling

 

[SethianSeth]

It can actually be quite endearing for someone to say "I was wrong, I'm sorry..."

Amen. And incredibly healing, I think. My mother died some years ago. When I first started ee, one of the earliest dreams I had was of my mother apologizing to me. In the dream, I wouldn't let her finish because I was trying to make it alright for her so I'm not sure what exactly the apology was for. I started crying in the dream because I'd never heard her apologize or admit she was wrong when she was alive. I ended up waking up crying because the emotions I felt in the dream were so viceral and it ended up being quite cleansing.

I think that when people make heartfelt apologies, what they're really saying is, "I'm human and I acknowledge and respect that you're human too." It places one on par with others as opposed to hubristic attempts to play god. It says I respect you enough to tell you the truth about myself and trust you enough to show parts of myself that I keep hidden. A very vulnerable place for most.

edit: spelling

I absolutely agree. I was just trying to think along these lines in the broadest sense I could, and it seems to me that admitting error could be an evolutionary maneuver on the psychological plane (to use natural selection as a metaphor). Our entire three dimensional existence is an exercise in error. Any attempt to reconcile our error in the simple human relationship sense is placing oneself that much closer in alignment with reality as it is. It really is like the genetic mutation (random or not), that places an organism in a favored position given the exterior environmental factors of the moment. Add esoteric work to the equation (building potential energy for "intelligent design" maneuvers from within the organism), and you've got the recipe for a humanity that bridges the gap from material evolution to conscious evolution. This feels so far away to me. But we have a shade of the blueprint, at least, and a really big boat of a forum!

Thanks for sharing the story about your dream, Truth Seeker. I am glad you found healing out of the experience!

 

[Aliana]

It can actually be quite endearing for someone to say "I was wrong, I'm sorry..."

Amen. And incredibly healing, I think. My mother died some years ago. When I first started ee, one of the earliest dreams I had was of my mother apologizing to me. In the dream, I wouldn't let her finish because I was trying to make it alright for her so I'm not sure what exactly the apology was for. I started crying in the dream because I'd never heard her apologize or admit she was wrong when she was alive. I ended up waking up crying because the emotions I felt in the dream were so viceral and it ended up being quite cleansing.

I think that when people make heartfelt apologies, what they're really saying is, "I'm human and I acknowledge and respect that you're human too." It places one on par with others as opposed to hubristic attempts to play god. It says I respect you enough to tell you the truth about myself and trust you enough to show parts of myself that I keep hidden. A very vulnerable place for most.

edit: spelling

I absolutely agree. I was just trying to think along these lines in the broadest sense I could, and it seems to me that admitting error could be an evolutionary maneuver on the psychological plane (to use natural selection as a metaphor). Our entire three dimensional existence is an exercise in error. Any attempt to reconcile our error in the simple human relationship sense is placing oneself that much closer in alignment with reality as it is.

I agree as well. When I was experiencing some really deep releases in the early phases of practicing EE, I realized that to completely heal the emotions required me to apologize and admit wrongdoing in many instances with family and friends (where appropriate and would not cause further harm). And in doing so, I felt that we became closer in the present and finally able to get past some really difficult issues.

My mother also has never really apologized for many of the things she has done in the past, and in fact will generally just excuse her behavior by saying she was young and immature. Well, yes - many of us could say that, but somehow I think just being able to admit that you were wrong and that you feel some measure of regret for past actions goes a long way to make amends. I have never gotten the deep sense that she really cares about what she inflicted on me and my siblings as children and perhaps that is wrong on my part, but how are we to really know? I also think it keeps her locked in the past somehow, unable to move forward out of that.

 

[Laura]

My mother also has never really apologized for many of the things she has done in the past, and in fact will generally just excuse her behavior by saying she was young and immature. Well, yes - many of us could say that, but somehow I think just being able to admit that you were wrong and that you feel some measure of regret for past actions goes a long way to make amends. I have never gotten the deep sense that she really cares about what she inflicted on me and my siblings as children and perhaps that is wrong on my part, but how are we to really know? I also think it keeps her locked in the past somehow, unable to move forward out of that.

Yes, it was very helpful to me when my mother finally said that she was really, really sorry for all the things she did that were hurtful and she just was doing what she thought was right or, at least, to "do no harm" because she knew she was messed up. And then, she began to try to act in ways that conveyed this wish to make amends. Of course, this was only very late in life, but better late than never.

 

[Aliana]

Yes, it was very helpful to me when my mother finally said that she was really, really sorry for all the things she did that were hurtful and she just was doing what she thought was right or, at least, to "do no harm" because she knew she was messed up. And then, she began to try to act in ways that conveyed this wish to make amends. Of course, this was only very late in life, but better late than never.

Yes - Definitely better late than never. Am glad to know you got some closure from your mother. And I wonder if having said she was sorry, that it actually opened a door for her to be able able to ACT differently in the future.

When someone apologizes to us, I also think it helps us to let go of our "hurts" because it somewhat takes away the reasons for holding on to them and allows those knots of emotional pain to loosen and dissolve. And then you are freer to be more open, honest and engage with others. OSIT.