Black cat meaning?

[know_yourself_1234]

Dear All,

These days I am going through hard times, because of trying to relieve some primal pain related to my birth; I am reading Arthur Janov's 'The body remembers' and I found some tracks for relieving some ancient powerful pains, acting in myself. These days, I have been experiencing a lot of really intense and raw pain, related to the way my parent gave me no 'voice' during my 28 years. It is still on, and very difficult to understand for me that my parents did not accept me, and more, love me as I am. They always wanted to be perfect, and never accepted my own opinion, initiatives, always 'showing me the correct way to do things'. I identified a moment when I 'stopped fighting' and accepted their opinion fully, because of the blackmail 'you leave the house if you do not do...'. I realized that since that moment, as I left my fight for my own self, I kind of put my soul away, for a long time now. For a long time I have not been able to express my disconfort or my own opinion in front of people, because I was moved on by the fear of receiving a punishment. Today, I realized that it would not necesserely be the case, and I began to reattach to my real self. At least I hope that I am doing so.

Today, these things come out and it is very painful. As it came out the first time, the most intense buried feeling was 'I need to die, because it is to hard to suffer this way'. It came out during my shower and it was so hard to sustain that I went to bed. Later, my friend rang the bell, and he took me out, not knowing what I was experiencing. we sat in a park, and we saw a cat. Not black. Each time I go there with this friend, a cat appears.

That time(yesterday), as we arrived there, we immediately saw a black cat on our right, then another one on our left. Then, the first one cam behind, in our direction. It was like being surrounded, and they 'wanted to show us they were here'. Then they approached us, not close, but they stayed around.

I have a lot of anger, unanswered phenomenons and questions and was able to express them to my friend, and this relieved me. We had a couple of beers, which I never do. Then he asked me to hold a tree and breathe in and out, letting my pain to go in the earth. As I did this, I experienced an intense calming feeling, and it was like my 'machine' started running in a more 'normal way', actually the opposite of my current state, these days. I realized that my 'bad' feelings, emotions, grieves were totally on the control, and that at that time it 'reversed' in such a way that I was now able to be 'moved' by positive feelings. My state was calm, still, and it was so relaxing! I understood how much I was shaking and shaking my dark ideas so that I was not 'out of them', and that it was not very much 'living'. I think that I was sure that I could do the work alone, but I realized that I surrendered to my friend proposition(hands on the tree), because I was in such a state where I needed help, and accepted that. It is maybe related to my birth, where I had to 'do a battle for surviving', and now this feeling is still acting upon myself.

I wish I could know more about the meaning of these two black cats: I googled it but I did not find information outside the 'black cat brings bad luck' meaning. Sorry for having exposed my little bad state of mind; but today, I want to be able to 'live' and experience positive feelings. What I have been through is just 'being in the bottom of my darkest feelings', overwhelmed by some strange manipulators that seem to take advantage of this situation. Lies, lies, and more lies.

I am grateful for having the opportunity to express this here, and I feel sorry if I had a bad behaviour, baked noodles, and going against the rules of this forum. I present you my sincere apologizes.

 

[truth seeker]

First of all, no worries! It's good to see you back. :)

Perhaps the black cats or cats in general don't relate so much in terms of having a meaning but rather are an outward reflection of something internal? I used to see a lot of spiders so I don't think the importance necessarily lies in the animal or insect (I could be wrong), but more importantly may just be a sort of hook being used in order to shift your attention from seeing more objectively to being stuck in subjective though patterns. Or maybe the cats just really like that park? :)

I would suggest that you not place too much focus on the cats (realistically speaking, there's nothing you can do about them anyway) but rather ask yourself why they are important to you. If you happen to see a or some cat(s), just take note and go back to whatever you were doing. You may eventually come to realize that it's not about the cats.

I'm wondering if you're doing ee and what your diet looks like? Getting rid of gluten, dairy, soy, corn, sugar and rice products will go a long way in helping with getting your body and mind into optimal working order. The ee will help greatly with any stress you may experience. Supplements will also help. If you haven't done so already, the books on narcissism and Gurdjieff help us to not only understand how we got where we are, but also provide us with tools to help us start to release our wounding.

As we start to clear the body and mind and begin to work on seeing ourselves and the world more objectively, there is no room for these other thoughts to continue to reside in us. Hope that helps a bit. :)

 

[Laura]

For me, black cats always bring good luck.

 

[ginebra]

I agre with Laura. Black cats bring me good luck.

 

[Gonzo]

I don't have much to add, since truth seeker seems to have covered the bases.

I would like to offer a thought you might want to consider regarding your anger.

Is it possible that your parents were doing their best to prepare you for this world but the combination of social programming, wounds they suffered in childhood and lack of knowledge prevented them from seeing any mistakes they were making?

Can you consider that you were actually loved to the best of their abilities but their abilities were limited?

If you can make room for such thoughts without minimizing whatever wounds you accumulated, you may find yourself in a position to better understand, to forgive and to move forward.

Many parents have a hard time admitting to themselves, let alone their children they made serious mistakes. Such an admission requires a level of mental health that many just don't have, unless they are intentionally working on themselves, and even then, it depends on how far along the healing path they have traveled.

Your pain does not have to be attributed to something that happened to you. Rather, it could be more related to how you feel, how you perceive, how you think about yourself, your family and your past.

I wish you well and hope you continue to be open in your healing journey and I thank you for sharing it.

Gonzo

 

[Buddy]

...today, I want to be able to 'live' and experience positive feelings.

Hi know_yourself_1234. My impression is that the quote above is related to BOTH the 'grounding tree' and the black cats.

Perhaps, Universe, Divine Cosmic Mind or 'higher self' (or whatever) is offering to help with your 'asking to live and experience positive feelings'?

If this is a possibility, then perhaps the cats and the tree thing is just a way of showing you that the way to "live and experience positive feelings" is to focus more outside yourself on the 'outside' reality (with you as a part of it but not the dominant part) and overcome a childhood fixation on other people's words and actions - something that we unconsciously learn to do in a less-than-optimal childhood.

Best of luck to you!

 

[know_yourself_1234]

First of all, no worries! It's good to see you back.

I am not able to find words to express my feeling; there is so much shame, and it seems that a lost friend of mine, humility, rose its sword against it. Your answers just...warmed my hearth. Thank you so much for being there. I feel so dumb.

Through your post, that are actually so accurate, I found in each answers a track, and I think that I am more ready to see things that I was not ready to see in myself. During september, I have identified that I was suffering. Actually suffering a lot. Where does this pain come from?

Is it possible that your parents were doing their best to prepare you for this world but the combination of social programming, wounds they suffered in childhood and lack of knowledge prevented them from seeing any mistakes they were making?

Can you consider that you were actually loved to the best of their abilities but their abilities were limited?

As I have been identifying painful wounds from my childhood, even if I do not remember everything, I just began to paint it black; and I wish I could express that it was so hard to find an escape, because I have been in such a negative hopeless state, unable to see the love I have received from my parents. because even if I think that there was little, maybe there was much more. Your post helpes me to ponder a negative feeling with a realistic situation: yes, they did their best (and they always tell us it so many times..)

A program regarding this is that I am constantly moved on by a major program, that would be more or less 'you are alone, you have to fight for yourself, nobody is there to help you'. How has this evil mechanism took place? Maybe through my birth, where I wanted to 'get out' but could not because of my mother who fainted; at that moment, I was 'stucked' and my father had to 'take me out by strength' (his own words). But meanwhile I wanted to get out! I fighted but could not! And behind me there was my twin sister, and I am really wondering how much pain she might have suffered since that moment, first because of anoxy.

Then, during childhood, the following sentences told by my parents did not help to unwind this program:

"You can only rely on yourself"
"We will not always be there"
"You have to become independant"

I think that this bolded my primal fear.

Before my parent divorce, they were fighting so much and arguing in front of us, their children. They were shouting, as if we were not there! But we were, and if they had asken us only our opinion about 'what to do', I would have told them, without an hesitation: "stop it." "Please stop it because I cannot take on this any longer...I cannot express my feeling and my pain, because only your anger against the other counts, and there is no control any more in front of us...You do not even see how painful it is". Hopefully at that time I have been able to express my desesperate state to a friend of mine. Otherwise I think that I would have run mad. it was too much.

After the divorce, I stayed with my mother, and the "Life is hard" concept took place in an omnipresent way. I think she was depressed, and I had to "make myself utile", and it was one of the only way for me to get some of my mother's love. Having good notes at school was a way to make her satisfied by her son too. Otherways, any mistake, any different opinion were strongly rejected. I reached a way where I could not any more be myself, fearing for loosing this little piece of love I could get by 'being useful'.

But today, these things, together, are crackling, and I have to admit that deep in my heart there still is a strong feeling of 'uselessness' and despair, related to. I understood it by reading Artur Janov's book, and I recognized myself in the traits of the person 'wanting to help the other for any sake'. I have been the kind of person providing my help, without being asked, in any situation. I have been wanting to help any person in the street who 'seemed' to need help: the tourist with the map, the ol'lady 'needing' a seat in the bus, the bum sitting in the park. And a strange episode regarding this happened to me last year, but I think that I was not ready to see and understand its meaning: there was a bum at the station, and I gave to him a bill of approx. 10$. He refused! I insisted... Then he told me 'How can this be that people do not respect myself, even if I tell them that I do NOT want their money! It is a bit too much! But even though I express it, people still go on and put their bills in my pockets, without hearing what I just said...'

This was a great lesson for me, even if I was not in the position to understand the underlying programm being run. But I understood that I was inetentionnaly 'offering' my help to all kind of people, without being asked . And I understand today that it put me in a kind of judge, which is terrible, and even more disrespecting and not considering the persons as they are, because I think that they need this or that. Too many times what I thought being empathy was clearly something else, and a way for not seeing that there is a problem in myself. regarding thi episode, I would like to say that maybe ' something' tried to tell me that I had to take care of myself, but I felt so useless in this situation...not being able to help, as I thought/knew(!) that this person needed help! I was wrong.

Yesterday, I began to let myself overwhelmed by my programms and I definitely went far away from my real self. I wish I could express that in such a state it is so difficult to understand and realize that I am all wrong, and that even what I consider, in such a negative state, being 'love' was actually something else, maybe these endorphins acting to help me avoid this pain. If this i the case, I have to say that I have been producing a lot. A lot. As my pain went out the first time, I understood that I wanted to die. And I think that the amount of unexpressed pain was so hard that it might be the least I had to do because the suffering was too intense. Hopefully, my body and mind found a way for staying alive.

And the 'three and two black cat episode' showed me what 'real love', or at least a more appropriate feeling regarding feeling well was. It came right in my face: all the 'love' I had been feeling when in a darkest mood ever was not love. Maybe simple endorphins. I have to say that what I felt in the three episode was uncomparable to ANY moment I thought it was accurate good/positive feeling. I have been so blind.

And I really think that the declic was to understand and let myself go against the unuseful program, as my friend advised me to put my hands on the three. I first thought to myself: hey, you have already done this, but it did not work. How many times have you seated and meditated upon a three? How can this work and help me, as during the past it only provided me small relief (even though, to be honest, I need to thank the Nature, because it helped me a lot, actually, to seat upon a three)?

But at that time I was in such a desesperate state that I let myself go, and surrendered to my friend. I put myself in the position where:

-I accepted that I needed help because I would not be able to succeed alone
-I asked for external help
-I accepted external help


And now I understand it in my gush, not simply intellectualising this concept: I am not alone, I am not the center of the world, there are other people there and I CAN be in the position of 'asking' and EVEN RECEIVING HELP because I would actually NEED IT! I still do not realize what it will bring in my life to integrate this truth, but as I think about this in my bed, I am kind of...afraid! It is so unusual!

And I understood this principle more fully yesterday night, as I went back from the utmost meeting with my sisters ever...We have been speaking freely, and spent a very good moment. I had not experienced this for a long time... During the way back, I spoke with my little sister and we identified some programms running in us. And as I went back at 3am, I had a quick look on this thread and I saw Bud's post:

If this is a possibility, then perhaps the cats and the tree thing is just a way of showing you that the way to "live and experience positive feelings" is to focus more outside yourself on the 'outside' reality (with you as a part of it but not the dominant part) and overcome a childhood fixation on other people's words and actions - something that we unconsciously learn to do in a less-than-optimal childhood.

...with you as a part of it but not the dominant part...

Well, I was stunned to read about what I have been thinking and speaking about five minutes ago. What a relief to understand that I am not alone.

Your posts helps me to understand more what I am living through, being a kind of strategic guide for me; your word are so accurate. Strucked by your accuracy, I cannot do something else than admit that there is a lot to understand, so that I will read them more and more, because I can see ALL these things in myself, unable to express them correctly and objectively. Thank you from the deep of my heart. Thank you for being able to express these things here, and for helping me.

The most precious gift is to receive this help, even if I had an uncorrect behaviour. I feel sorry. I do not remember having received a so respectful act from anyone, as far as I can remember. I had no clue of what being respected looked like, and it is...wonderful.

Regarding EE and diet...hum... I will have to take them back in my life.

Oh yes.. During the last two days, I saw so many improvements in my life that I cannot remain 'of marble'. I am so happy and only begin to find a kind of way out :D

 

[know_yourself_1234]

I think that my last post was just a kind of self-ma***ting one and that quite all of it can be taken away, because it is all subjective consideration. Just by reading it I see that most of it is just my opinions and the tainted 'wish to express what I feel valid for me as valid for others'. I have this big problem.

That time I did not want to post immediately my answer and it seems that the result has been quite improductive.



Now that I re read it I feel that I just wanted to say thank you. Let me assure you that my next post will be more appropriate to my position here in the forum.

 

[know_yourself_1234]

I feel I need to ask if you could tell me what is the worst when you read my post?

 

[truth seeker]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I wasn't going to say anything but I'm glad you wrote that post. I had read Bud's reply to you earlier but when you quoted it and replied, it made me stop and think about my own childhood. It brought up feelings for me which led to memories of how I fixate unnecessarily on the words and actions of others in order to try and prevent negative situations from occurring. So without that post, I may not have seen this when I did.

A good example of how one person's asking for help, helps others. :)

 

[ScioAgapeOmnis]

This isn't really about cats in dreams, but here's some history behind how black cats became associated with bad fortune, and what other associations exist in the world. It looks like more places consider it good luck than bad, and it looks like religion (as usual) was responsible for the negative association.

_http://www.catster.com/black-cats/

 

[Buddy]

I feel I need to ask if you could tell me what is the worst when you read my post?

I also think you are being too hard on yourself, if you are referring to your post (Reply # 6).

Fwiw, I enjoyed reading it. Whether it was all subjective or not, I like the way you write and your expression was from the heart, so when I read it I felt like reaching out to offer a hug and say thank you, I'm glad we connected. I didn't judge anything at all, and I wish only the best for you in all your journeys into self-exploration, networking, the Work and anything else :)



Edit: for clarity of meaning (hopefully).

 

[know_yourself_1234]

Bud,

Thank you.

Just by reading your message I am...receiving your hug! :D

SAO, thank you for the link!

:) (hug return) :)

Today, I realize that I am in a constant 'fight'. My body is always 'alert' and there is a mass of stress along my body I do not know how to get rid of. I am always tensed, and this is really hard, as I thought it was normal up to today, a kind of 'this is what I am', a 'nervous person' (...)

But it is clearly not the fact! This is pushing me down today, as it was carrying me foreward before! And if I do not do something about it, I think I will pay a high price!

What is at the root of this 'inner fight'!?!?! What should I work upon to release this?! Is it about my relation to God, or to love? Is it only related to my birth? What are the stored emotions? I think there is a bag of anger, but... well... I mean... what kind of anger could take such proportion?

My question is : did you people experienced this 'inner fight' in such a way, and might you tell me, please, if you wish, where it came from, or what is it related to?

Thank you :)


PS: my last days have been full of joy, new connection with 'good-vibration' people... I even found a job :O

 

[Buddy]

Today, I realize that I am in a constant 'fight'. My body is always 'alert' and there is a mass of stress along my body I do not know how to get rid of. I am always tensed, and this is really hard, as I thought it was normal up to today, a kind of 'this is what I am', a 'nervous person' (...)
...
What is at the root of this 'inner fight'!?!?! What should I work upon to release this?! Is it about my relation to God, or to love? Is it only related to my birth? What are the stored emotions? I think there is a bag of anger, but... well... I mean... what kind of anger could take such proportion?

My question is : did you people experienced this 'inner fight' in such a way, and might you tell me, please, if you wish, where it came from, or what is it related to?

It seems to me, that what it is depends on who you ask. The cornerstone of the Work here is Gurdjieff's teachings. Gurdjieff would likely describe it as the struggle between 'yes' and 'no', with respect to a particular issue or to more general issues, OSIT.

A psychiatrist may tell you that it is Bi-Polar mania, perhaps. A hynotic regression therapist might say it is an expression of an original trauma to the body, such as from fears associated with an experience of early circumcision, or something equal to that, more or less. A Cognitive Behavioral Therapist might call it a 'schema' that relates to a particular way of interpreting a current experience (frightening?) as it may relate to a previously trained-in experience or experiences. Someone else may call it a reaction similar to terror or the fight vs flight instinct. Or even just a nervous disposition that can get worse or better depending on the stress you're under at the moment.

An experienced 'Mindfulness' practioner or 'Self-Observer' would say just to breath deeply and regularly and try to notice where in your body you feel all these sensations and exactly what they feel like without judging or forming conclusions about it - just observe and feel and don't think or fantasize or imagine or in any way force the thinking into the physical level.

With a regular, deep breathing sometimes that helps to calm you down and might even give some space for previously ignored aspects to come up to your awareness so you can tell if this is related to your upbringing or other previous experience somehow.

Whatever it means for you I can't say, but what can be said about it, based on my experience, is "standing energy waves" creating back and forth energy sensations in the body. If it continues, it can wreak havoc with your endocrine system and put you in ill health and bad mood. When you apply thinking to the physical energy, you might see everything in black-and-white (bi-polar thought); if you need to decide something, you won't be able to, because you will be ambivalent about it (back and forth).

As stated, at the root, it's a back-and-forth pattern of energy waves in the body that needs to be transmuted into higher vibrations or released somehow, OSIT.

Can you do some kind of controlled breathing or exercise until you feel much more calmer when this happens?

Note: I am no expert at this or anything else, so just consider this for what it's worth. Other members may have more useful input. :)

PS: my last days have been full of joy, new connection with 'good-vibration' people... I even found a job :O

-----------------------------------------
ref:
In this context, bi-polar refers only to "two-poled" extremes, not the conventional mental condition:

Having two poles; Involving both extremes (poles) at the same time.

 

[Nienna]

know_yourself_1234, have you tried doing the Eiriu Eolas stress reduction, detoxing and healing program yet? It is a breathing and meditation system that helps us to reduce our stress (fight or flight response), become relaxed and calm and to help bring up our repressed emotions and past psychological traumas, work through them and let them go.

You may want to start trying this program, if you haven't already, but look at the site first, then watch the videos for all the information on stress, how this system controls stress and how to do the exercises. And, best of all, it really works. :)