Blonde Jokes

Re: A blonde goes to Heaven

A blond was looking at things in a hardware store when she saw a thermos. She asked the man working there what it was and he replied, "This is a thermos."

"Well what do you use it for?" asked the blond.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." replied the man.

"Well that is a great thing to have." said the blond. "I'm going to buy it."

So she bought it and in the morning got things ready for work. On her way to work she stopped to pick up her blond girlfriend who worked with her. "What's that?" asked her friend pointing to the thermos.

"That's a thermos." replied the blond.

"What does it do?" inquired her friend.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." said the blond.

"What do you have in there?" asked her friend.

The blond replied, "Coffee and a popsicle!"
 
Re: A blonde goes to Heaven

I think there is a 99.99% chance that the peepz who have posted in this thread are NOT blonde! :P
 
Re: A blonde goes to Heaven

I don't understand most of the blonde jokes, maybe i was one in a previous life :D
 
Re: A blonde goes to Heaven

A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration."

The blonde looks at the policeman irately and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

(btw, I'm not a blonde, but I have always acted like one, so I don't think it's only about the hair colour!) :wow: :) :huh:
 
Blonde joke

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
 
Re: Blonde joke

:lol: That's great!!

Here's another one:

A lawyer boarded an airplane in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in Sarasota Florida, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Baltimore, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think

(dumb like a fox!) ;)
 
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde."
Dolly Parton :cool2:
 
this is one i like, since barbie is oftentimes blonde i'll include it here;

a father walks into a toy store looking to buy a barbie doll for his daughter's birthday.

the man sees three barbie dolls, two of them cost 50 dollars and the other one costs 500 dollars !

the man finds one of the store's staff and asks; "i noticed these two dolls cost 50 and this one costs 500, what's going on here ?"

to which the salesperson replies; "oh. you see, this is dancing barbie, she costs 50. this is hoola-hoop barbie, she also costs 50..."

"and this one... this is divorce barbie. she's a bit more pricey since she comes with ken's house, ken's cars and ken's bank account."
:P
 
Re: Blonde joke

SolarMother said:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think

(dumb like a fox!) ;)
Click to expand...

I'm a blonde and I endorse this message :lol:
 
Here is one from memory;

It happened in a bar far away from the civilization, somewhere in the swamps of Australia, that a “Crocodile Dundie” type guy walks into a bar, holding a cane and towing a huge live crocodile on a rope behind him. Making his way straight to the bartender he smacks his cane on the bar table and orders whiskey.

The bar became silent and the bartender, who was terrified of the crocodile, stammers to the guy; “Please, you cannot bring a wild animal into the bar, it might hurt someone”.

Our guy stares into the eyes of the bartender for some time and then says in a low “dirty harry” kinda voice “I have total control over this animal” and without another word, he turns towards the dumfounded bar crowd, he grabs the jaws of the croc and opens its mouth, then he undoes his zipper, pulls out his private part and puts it into the jaws of the croc closes it and to underline his mastery over the animal, he thumps it on the head with his cane.

After some minutes of this, were the bar crowd expected to see this ill-fated man become seriously injured and considerably poorer, he again opens the jaw of the croc and pulls his private part back into his pants. Then with staring challenging eyes he looks from person to person in the bar and says slowly; “Is there ANYONE who dares to repeat this?”

Complete silence in the bar; you could hear the buzz of a fly, until a soft voice comes from a dark corner; a blond rises and says: “I dare, if you don’t hit me in the head with the stick”


:lol:
 
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