Bonding with your dog - are you doing it properly?

Jones

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Bonding with Your Dog – Are You Doing it Properly? Bonding in animal behaviour is a biological process in which individuals of the same or different species develop a connection. The function of bonding is to facilitate co-operation.

Parents and offspring develop strong bonds so that the former take care of the latter and the latter accept the teachings of the former. This serves both parties best. As a result of filial bonding, offspring and parents or foster parents develop an attachment. This serves both parties best. As a result of filial bonding, offspring and parents or foster parents develop an attachment. This attachment ceases to be important once the juvenile reaches adulthood, but may have long-term effects upon subsequent social behaviour. Among domestic dogs, for example, there is a sensitive period from the third to the tenth week of age, during which normal contacts develop. If a puppy grows up in isolation beyond about fourteen weeks of age, it will not develop normal relationships.

Males and females of social species develop strong bonds during courtship motivating them to care for their progeny, so they increase their chances of the survival of 50% of their genes.

Social animals develop bondsby living together and having to fend for their survival day after day. Grooming, playing, mutual feeding, all have a relevant role in bonding. Intense experiences do too. Between adults, surviving moments of danger together seems to be strongly bonding.

Bonding behaviour like grooming and feeding seems to release neurotransmitters (e.g., oxytocin), which lowers innate defensiveness, increasing the chances of bonding.

We often mention bonding together with imprinting. Even though imprinting is bonding, not all bonding is imprinting. Imprinting describes any type of phase-sensitive learning (learning occurring at a particular age or a specific life stage) that is rapid and (apparently) independent of the consequences of behaviour. Some animals appear to be pre -programmed to learn about certain aspects of the environment during particular sensitive phases of their development. The learning is pre-programmed in the sense that it will occur without any apparent reinforcement or punishment.

Our dogs in our domestic environments develop bonds in various ways. Grooming, resting with each other, barking together, playing and chasing intruders are strong bonding behaviours. Their bonding behaviour is by no means restricted to individuals of their own species. They bond with the family cat as well and with us, humans.

Bonding is a natural process that will inevitably happen when individuals share responsibilities. Looking into one another’s eyes is only bonding for a while, but surviving together may be bonding for life – and this applies to all social animals, dogs and humans included.

We develop stronger bonds with our dogs by doing things together rather than by just sitting and petting them. These days, we are so afraid of anything remotely connected with stress that we forget the strongest bonds ever originate under times of intense experiences. A little stress doesn’t harm anyone, quite the contrary. I see it every time I train canine scent detection. The easier it is, the quickest it will be forgotten. A tough nut to crack, on the other hand, is an everlasting memory binding the parties to one another.

I even suspect one of the reasons we have so many divorces these days is that we want everything to be easy, and oh so pleasant, that in the end, nothing is holding the two together – but that’s another story for maybe another time.

 
Maybe it should be "bonding with pets"? I learned in the past 6 months, that grooming my kitty was a real bonding activity if it is done right. She was so against being touched or handled before I started the method, and now she asks to be groomed for a few minutes every day AND she likes to get in my lap and be held and other behaviors that she formerly avoided because she was so "anti-touch". "Don't touch me, human! I'm SOOO independent!" And now she likes it.
 
I have a strong bond with Arturo. We play together, I talk to him, I like to put him angry sometimes, I like to make him sing like an wolf. What I like to see also in Arturo is his eyes, when he studied me. Dogs are marvelous creatures that you can bond very easily with them. Just be a little crazy and that's it. Dogs are a little crazy, don't you think? because you have to be when you decide to be the best friend of a human being.
 
Maybe it should be "bonding with pets"? I learned in the past 6 months, that grooming my kitty was a real bonding activity if it is done right. She was so against being touched or handled before I started the method, and now she asks to be groomed for a few minutes every day AND she likes to get in my lap and be held and other behaviors that she formerly avoided because she was so "anti-touch". "Don't touch me, human! I'm SOOO independent!" And now she likes it.

True - I've had similar experiences with cats and birds. One pet bird, when I let him out for a fly around, I could get to come to me by scratching my shoulder. He'd fly over and land on me then put his head under my hand for a scratch.

Then they can get quite demanding when they realise you know all the good spots!

Horses too. I had one old stock horse mare that used to be bothered by flies. I could keep the flies away from her eyes with a fly veil, but used to put soothing ointment on other bare skin during the worst fly seasons. There is a patch of bare skin under the base of the tail and I found out pretty quickly that she liked being rubbed there. She developed the habit of backing up to me when I went into the paddock - if you didn't know her, you'd think she was lining you up for a kick and there were quite a few that backed away from her for fear of that, but she just wanted her tail rubbed! She was pretty difficult to catch for any reason prior to that. I guess as a working mare, she'd only been caught to work a hard day in the past and she had arthritic stifles.

A percheron x thoroughbred that I had hated bot flies. They are around the size of a bee and don't typically land on or bite the horse, they just shoot their eggs out onto their hair and the larvae burrow in through the skin after the eggs hatch. There is a special comb that is used to comb these eggs off their hair. A few times when I was working with him or grooming him there would be a bot fly buzzing around and I'd kill it because he would dance around trying to escape it. After that he could come thundering up to the house, stamping his feet on the concrete step until I went out and killed the fly that was bothering him. He used to also let me know if he wanted a hose down when it was hot. He'd pick the garden hose up in his mouth and start swinging it around until I hosed him down!

It's nice to have that kind of bond and it seems to encourage the pet to try to communicate with you.

What I like to see also in Arturo is his eyes, when he studied me.

I think they are quite good at reading us, often better than we are at reading them. My sister hasn't ever really been a dog person, and didn't let my nephew and niece get one because my nephew was allergic to them. He grew out of his allergies as he got older and now they have a Jack Russell Terrier. If my sister has had a rough day at work, she typically goes and has a quick nap when she gets home and this little dog reads that as soon as she gets in the door, knows that she will nap and beats her to the bed!
 
Since one year approximately I am a house for dogs that will be adopted. I have one dog at a time. All the dogs that come at home are sad, very very sad because they have been abandoned, and some are recovering from operations. Some have been tortured and some do not know how to play with humans or other dogs. So since one year my dogs and me are learning how to create bond with these little creatures. You accept the dog as he is and little by little create a bond, with physical communication ( caresses, gentle voice, talk) and little by little confidence comes from the dog and from you. This bond is curing the dog, curing his solitude and sadness. The dog that goes to a new family (in Germany most of the time) is not the same dog that came at home. Now the dog is able to accept this bond from another human being and also with other dogs. He has recovered his identity as a dog, his pride, his being as a dog friend of humans and other dogs.

When a new dog is smiling at me when I open the door, really smiling with my other dogs I know that he is here, all his being, that we are in contact and he can be adopted without problem.
 
Since one year approximately I am a house for dogs that will be adopted. I have one dog at a time. All the dogs that come at home are sad, very very sad because they have been abandoned, and some are recovering from operations. Some have been tortured and some do not know how to play with humans or other dogs. So since one year my dogs and me are learning how to create bond with these little creatures. You accept the dog as he is and little by little create a bond, with physical communication ( caresses, gentle voice, talk) and little by little confidence comes from the dog and from you. This bond is curing the dog, curing his solitude and sadness. The dog that goes to a new family (in Germany most of the time) is not the same dog that came at home. Now the dog is able to accept this bond from another human being and also with other dogs. He has recovered his identity as a dog, his pride, his being as a dog friend of humans and other dogs.

When a new dog is smiling at me when I open the door, really smiling with my other dogs I know that he is here, all his being, that we are in contact and he can be adopted without problem.


It does take time to bond with a dog that's been treated badly. Sometimes it can take a couple of years of them learning the new way of being by slow, patient, example. But it is real happiness when you have one that you now remember was SUCH a basket case in the beginning, but has become, over the years, confident and playful and wants to be close to you. And you see it in their sweet eyes.
 
I have a huge task ahead. I have to bond with my daughter’s horse, a self opinionated but sweet, 16 hands thoroughbred. She is leaving for studies abroad in 2 weeks time and I’ll be the ‘person’ to both the horse and her dog an 8 yr old St.Bernard. Lucky, both have the same temperament. May the Force be with me. 🥰
 
I have a huge task ahead. I have to bond with my daughter’s horse, a self opinionated but sweet, 16 hands thoroughbred. She is leaving for studies abroad in 2 weeks time and I’ll be the ‘person’ to both the horse and her dog an 8 yr old St.Bernard. Lucky, both have the same temperament. May the Force be with me. 🥰
How lucky you are! What an adventure!
 
It does take time to bond with a dog that's been treated badly. Sometimes it can take a couple of years of them learning the new way of being by slow, patient, example. But it is real happiness when you have one that you now remember was SUCH a basket case in the beginning, but has become, over the years, confident and playful and wants to be close to you. And you see it in their sweet eyes.

Loreta, you are not alone with this struggle to help a pet that has gone through so much in their short life. My buddy Gus of 10 years died last year at 13 years of age and to honor his memory I decided to foster too. The lady who runs the rescue knew me and signed me up with little vetting at first. I pulled one that came from an AL shelter with numerous health and behavior issues named Walter. He has been a challenge in every sense of the word. I can tell over the year he has been here he is fearful at times and reacts to that with aggression. My other rescue that the neighbors abandoned is a sweet and submissive dog who is still a puppy and plays a lot. Walter does not play at all. Grooming is the biggest challenge at the moment, even though I've worked with him so he will let me give him a bath. It's getting into and out of the tub that is the problem. He doesn't like to be picked up and will not use stairs to get into or out of the tub. It took 2 months for him to let me clean his face folds and ears.

He is scared of the dark so I keep a night light on for him but I can't have him in the bedroom with me because of my other dog Rocky. He needs a safe place and Walter paces a lot during the night bumping into him an anything else around. Walter is between 7 and 9 years old and the lady who runs the rescue has spent a fortune on HW treatment, tail amp and neutering him. She also has him on Prozac (yea, I know) because the CBD oil didn't help much. Even though bull dogs are popular breeds here many don't realize the health issues they have and because he was probably kept in his create for too long periods of time, I never locked him in the create for longer than it would take me to sweep the floor. I've looked into training for him but I don't know if it would help in this stage of his life. With his age and temperament there are no interested parties in adopting him and that's hard on my roommate who is 70 years old and afraid of him sometimes. Life with animals is challenging and rewarding... sometimes.😅
 
Hi KrystinLynne, do you know if they checked Walter's eyesight? Poor eyesight could explain some of the things that you mention so I wonder if that's the case.

A dog that can't perceive or isn't expecting something moving toward them or if they're about to bump into something can be a grumpy dog.
 
Hi KrystinLynne, do you know if they checked Walter's eyesight? Poor eyesight could explain some of the things that you mention so I wonder if that's the case.

A dog that can't perceive or isn't expecting something moving toward them or if they're about to bump into something can be a grumpy dog.

Hi Jones, I'm not sure if the vets have checked or not but I know he doesn't see very well. The eye drops they have him on are for serious dry eyes due to having the cherry eyes removed. Oh and one other thing, he is grumpy even when he is standing in front of someone, usually my roommate, and can see enough to know they are there. He gets possessive of things and will guard them such as anything set on the floor. We have learned not to do that whenever possible. But he also guards the gate separating the front and back of the house and doesn't let my roommate pass by easily. It's just weird what sets him off at times.
 
Hi Jones, I'm not sure if the vets have checked or not but I know he doesn't see very well. The eye drops they have him on are for serious dry eyes due to having the cherry eyes removed. Oh and one other thing, he is grumpy even when he is standing in front of someone, usually my roommate, and can see enough to know they are there. He gets possessive of things and will guard them such as anything set on the floor. We have learned not to do that whenever possible. But he also guards the gate separating the front and back of the house and doesn't let my roommate pass by easily. It's just weird what sets him off at times.

It's difficult to suggest anything with accuracy without being able to observe the dog and the environment, even then it can take some time to figure out what is going on from the dogs perspective to know what direction to take, but here's some stuff that might help.

First up, there are some different styles of harnesses for dogs with limited or no vision that gives them a warning through pressure in the harness when they're approaching something or something is approaching them that might otherwise unexpectedly connect. That advance warning can help them calm down. Here's an example of one:


For resource guarding, the simplest place to start is the NILIF program:


There's also a feeding program - not about what you feed, but more how you deliver food that helps a dog to learn to look to you for guidance to deal with issues that come up. Where a dog has a conflict, it will solve it with doggy means, but if you can show it a more stress free way of solving the problems it will follow your direction. But first the dog has to learn to focus on you, look to you and then trust that you can solve the problem:


Additionally, I'd reconsider the crate unless Walter has a real fear of it. Instead of thinking about it as a prison or punishment, think about it as a safe space. Just like you might go to your room to chill for a bit, a crate can serve that purpose for a dog. Or you could use your room when your other dog is not in there. So instead of Walter and your room mate reacting to each other creating counterproductive feedback loop bouncing back and forth between the two of them, crating might ease tensions a bit - help them both to relax. When a calmer routine is established, then consider exposure up to the thresholds of both Walter and your roommate to figure out where training needs to go from there. Ideally, your roommate could take part in some of the above programs, but if not then it's best to take them both into account.
 
It's difficult to suggest anything with accuracy without being able to observe the dog and the environment, even then it can take some time to figure out what is going on from the dogs perspective to know what direction to take, but here's some stuff that might help.

First up, there are some different styles of harnesses for dogs with limited or no vision that gives them a warning through pressure in the harness when they're approaching something or something is approaching them that might otherwise unexpectedly connect. That advance warning can help them calm down. Here's an example of one:


For resource guarding, the simplest place to start is the NILIF program:


There's also a feeding program - not about what you feed, but more how you deliver food that helps a dog to learn to look to you for guidance to deal with issues that come up. Where a dog has a conflict, it will solve it with doggy means, but if you can show it a more stress free way of solving the problems it will follow your direction. But first the dog has to learn to focus on you, look to you and then trust that you can solve the problem:


Additionally, I'd reconsider the crate unless Walter has a real fear of it. Instead of thinking about it as a prison or punishment, think about it as a safe space. Just like you might go to your room to chill for a bit, a crate can serve that purpose for a dog. Or you could use your room when your other dog is not in there. So instead of Walter and your room mate reacting to each other creating counterproductive feedback loop bouncing back and forth between the two of them, crating might ease tensions a bit - help them both to relax. When a calmer routine is established, then consider exposure up to the thresholds of both Walter and your roommate to figure out where training needs to go from there. Ideally, your roommate could take part in some of the above programs, but if not then it's best to take them both into account.

Thank you so much for all this info, I will read the articles when I get home from work. Maybe there is something I am not doing right... or a lot of things. :-D Walter needs a lot of time and he also has separation anxiety. Over the time I've had him many other things happened that demanded my time and attention. We did have a create here in the living room until this past weekend. The door was left open almost always unless I had to sweep and that happened to be the place he was at when I started. He has a weird fixation with the broom and will stand right next to me when I try to sweep. The biggest reason I took down the create was another behavior issue that has happened since he came to live here. No matter the times I feed him ( and we have varied it to test if a different time would work) he will pee and poop in the house after we go to bed usually between the hours of midnight to 5 or 6 am.

We have been in the process of remodeling this old house since around the first of the year and recently completed the front porch area which we also installed gates and a small fence area just for him to go outside when he wants to go. We have not gotten to the living room yet where a doggie door will be installed for him to go as much as he wants. But the issue here as well as with the create is he started to pee in the create a lot. It would happen after I tried to get him outside with treats which is the routine. Walter decided he would not go outside and wait until right before I go to bed, step in the create and pee. I watched him do it 3 times but it also explained why sometimes he would go to it and stand there looking and smelling it before moving on to his other bed. My roommate lets him out when he stand at the door during the day but this activity may also be related to age, condition of mental issues prior to his coming here and he is potty trained.

So with the create being removed I have moved his big bed to it's spot and surrounded it with bathroom rugs in the hopes that he won't pee there. Now we are back to peeing and pooping near the front door and that's what I get up to more often than not. 💩
 
Well, it can take a lot of patience! If as you say he was kept crated lots, he may habitually use the crate for a toilet because he couldn't get out when he needed to. He sounds like one confused doggy so might need training in the basics from scratch.

Sometimes dogs develop a preference or habit for the surface types that they toilet on. If they learn to go outside to grass early, they develop a habit of going on absorbant surfaces and if they are kept locked in on solid flooring they develop the habit of going on solid ground. A friend of mine raised a litter of puppies and used to keep them in a playpen on a tiled floor with a blanket over it. When they were old enough to go outside on their own, they didn't automatically learn to go on the grass outside. One puppy from the litter that she kept used to be running around outside but then when he needed to go to the toilet, he'd come inside and pull a towel of the towel rack and pee on it on the tiled floor until she retrained him to go outside!

I toilet trained a friends poodle earlier in the year. They'd had him from puppy age, but they lived on the upper story of a high set house so there were issues with him getting used to stairs. They opted to use disposable puppy toilet mats and gave up on him going outside. He was around 6 months old when I went to stay. I broke one rule with him and let him sleep on my bed while I was there. The reason for that was I wanted to know when he started stirring during the night. As soon as he did I got up and took him downstairs and stood outside with him until he went and then praised and rewarded him, I started praising him the instant he started to relieve himself. It only took a couple of nights before he was doing that himself without me. Older dogs mightn't learn as fast though.

While you're retraining him to go outside, one trick that might help is to clean up any indoor accidents with vinegar - it totally neutralises the urine smell so that there isn't even a hint of it left for the dog to seek out to go the toilet again on that spot.

It can be counterproductive to punish or growl at a dog that goes inside if they don't already have the firm understanding about going outside. If there's any confusion they might just try to go inside but when you are not looking and they might get creative about where and when they go. They can seem to get the message that it's not that they went to the toilet inside that you're grumpy about, it's that you caught them going inside or that you found the mess because they can't totally avoid going to the toilet. So it's often best to wait until they've got a firm history of reinforcement for going outside before discouraging them from going inside.

Then urinary tract infections or prostrate problems can impact a dogs ability to hold on. Feeling nervous can also play a part in frequency of going to the toilet too.
 
Well, it can take a lot of patience! If as you say he was kept crated lots, he may habitually use the crate for a toilet because he couldn't get out when he needed to. He sounds like one confused doggy so might need training in the basics from scratch.

Sometimes dogs develop a preference or habit for the surface types that they toilet on. If they learn to go outside to grass early, they develop a habit of going on absorbant surfaces and if they are kept locked in on solid flooring they develop the habit of going on solid ground. A friend of mine raised a litter of puppies and used to keep them in a playpen on a tiled floor with a blanket over it. When they were old enough to go outside on their own, they didn't automatically learn to go on the grass outside. One puppy from the litter that she kept used to be running around outside but then when he needed to go to the toilet, he'd come inside and pull a towel of the towel rack and pee on it on the tiled floor until she retrained him to go outside!

That was my take on it and it's a joke that Walter prefers indoor plumbing to outdoors! But the little puppy pulling a towel to go inside is funny, after the fact.

I toilet trained a friends poodle earlier in the year. They'd had him from puppy age, but they lived on the upper story of a high set house so there were issues with him getting used to stairs. They opted to use disposable puppy toilet mats and gave up on him going outside. He was around 6 months old when I went to stay. I broke one rule with him and let him sleep on my bed while I was there. The reason for that was I wanted to know when he started stirring during the night. As soon as he did I got up and took him downstairs and stood outside with him until he went and then praised and rewarded him, I started praising him the instant he started to relieve himself. It only took a couple of nights before he was doing that himself without me. Older dogs mightn't learn as fast though.

While you're retraining him to go outside, one trick that might help is to clean up any indoor accidents with vinegar - it totally neutralises the urine smell so that there isn't even a hint of it left for the dog to seek out to go the toilet again on that spot.

I am really over my head with the training and have spoken to the rescue lady about it. She said it would be the responsibility of the adopter if they choose too. I have no experience and while there are trainers in the area, I'm not sure if they would be willing to take him on. On my 2 days off he is much better in this aspect because I can work with him more but on the days I'm working, that's when most of this goes on. And thanks for the tip with the vinegar!

It can be counterproductive to punish or growl at a dog that goes inside if they don't already have the firm understanding about going outside. If there's any confusion they might just try to go inside but when you are not looking and they might get creative about where and when they go. They can seem to get the message that it's not that they went to the toilet inside that you're grumpy about, it's that you caught them going inside or that you found the mess because they can't totally avoid going to the toilet. So it's often best to wait until they've got a firm history of reinforcement for going outside before discouraging them from going inside.

Then urinary tract infections or prostrate problems can impact a dogs ability to hold on. Feeling nervous can also play a part in frequency of going to the toilet too.

I am aware and most of the time, I just get on with the clean up. But there have been a few times lately that has tried my nerves. I know Walter is a complicated, old dog, that hasn't had a good life. I know he has it so much better here and I've made peace that he will be here until the end. He hasn't had anyone else care for him and along with all the other health issues this is just one more. The urinary tract or kidney infection is being checked by the vet during his last blood test and they are monitoring it. I've read quite a bit about doggie dementia and sometimes wonder if that could also be what's causing some of the biggest issues we have with him. He doesn't get a lot of exercise because he doesn't like to go for walks and it seems to aggravate his allergies which both may be a contributing factor. He is on the cleanest diet we can maintain but once the damage has been done, it so hard to mitigate it. Any way thanks for the time and listening about Walter. He is something else!
 
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