DerekFalken
A Disturbance in the Force
Hello Folks,
I thought I'd make my first post and relate a personal experience I had a few weeks ago. I'd like to get as much feedback from you on what you think it means and if anyone has had similar experiences.
I'll start with why I decided to embark on this journey of discovery.
I've noticed a great difficulty in my ability to concentrate lately, and this has been going on for a number of years. Not only that, I've had an inability to stop thinking. There is an internal dialogue, my voice if you will, that constantly babbles. It babbles about conversations I've had, things I've read, things I've seen, and thoughts and memories.
Sometimes I'll drift into a nostalgic frame of mind, thinking about past relationships, events, and so on. Other times I might lapse into thinking about the future.
All in all, sometimes I've been unable to control where these states of mind are going. I never used to have this problem. I began looking into mental states and for some reason found myself wanting to learn more about boredom.
It seems to be the least understood and researched aspect of our psychology. Defining what boredom is and how it arises is more difficult than it might seem. But I drew some useful conclusions.
Boredom might just be the impetus for everything we do. Talking to friends and colleagues, I find that most people will do just about anything to avoid being bored: including myself. I read some material on buddhist meditation, and one article said that boredom is really the key to attaining higher states of consciousness.
By not doing; not thinking; we escape the prison of reality that we dwell in. By focusing on not thinking; not doing; we can stop this internal dialogue, this incessant babbler that dwells within us. I learned about a method for meditating and tried it a few times. I was completely unprepared for the experiences, and I'd like to share them. I'm sure many of you are already aware of what I'm going to describe, but in case some of you aren't, I'll refrain from expurgation.
I learned a concept called "universal love-kindness," used to begin and end meditations. It begins with "giving yourself the gift of happiness." It is a series of statements:
1. I give myself the gift of happiness. Let me have no worries, no stress, and no problems that I cannot overcome. Let me have no evil or harmful thoughts.
Then you extend this statement to others, starting with your loved ones, friends, etc., picturing their faces as you wish the same, repeating the statement, for each of them. You then extend this statement to those who are indifferent about you, then on to those you consider adversaries or obstructive in some way. I didn't understand this step, until upon more reading: "If your enemies are filled with love and happiness, they would cease to be your enemies."
I have to point out that this was a profound revelation for me.
The first time I tried it, I first began to feel light-headed. This feeling increased until I felt that my whole body was light and intangible in some way--almost incorporeal. It shocked me and I stopped right there, for the feelings were too intense.
I tried again, and this time after I felt light and ethereal, I continued. I began to see flashes of light--of different colors and intensities. This was so bizarre that I was overwhelmed and thought that something must be wrong, and I quit for the night.
The next time I tried this, I didn't have the intensity as before, but a new change began "happening." My chest tingled--it felt as though someone was pouring a liquid into my heart, or my chest, and it was healing me in some way. It's difficult to describe.
I felt as though a golden light was shining from within. I continued to authentically try to feel love-kindness for all the creatures on the earth, and in fact the universe, as suggested: trying to visualize all life in the universe was a very mind-stretching thing to do for me.
At some point time seemed to freeze, pause, or somehow cease to exist for me. It was a very unsettling feeling at first, but as I continued, maintaining my focus and trying to radiate this love-kindness, it felt as though I was being filled with something.
I began laughing out loud, for no apparent reason at nothing in particular. It was a deep laughter, completely carefree, like nothing I have ever experienced. I tingled from head to toe, and quite suddenly the feeling of lightness and etherealness left me and I felt absolutely solid. It was as if I was no longer a person, but perhaps rock or earth--immovable and absolutely still. Solid.
I'll stop here and ask a few questions that perhaps some of you can shed light on.
What happened to me? The lights, the feelings...
What is the meaning behind my experiences? Where did those feelings come from? Is this a natural part of the meditation?
Any insights are well-recieved.
Thank you for your time and attention,
Derek Falken
I thought I'd make my first post and relate a personal experience I had a few weeks ago. I'd like to get as much feedback from you on what you think it means and if anyone has had similar experiences.
I'll start with why I decided to embark on this journey of discovery.
I've noticed a great difficulty in my ability to concentrate lately, and this has been going on for a number of years. Not only that, I've had an inability to stop thinking. There is an internal dialogue, my voice if you will, that constantly babbles. It babbles about conversations I've had, things I've read, things I've seen, and thoughts and memories.
Sometimes I'll drift into a nostalgic frame of mind, thinking about past relationships, events, and so on. Other times I might lapse into thinking about the future.
All in all, sometimes I've been unable to control where these states of mind are going. I never used to have this problem. I began looking into mental states and for some reason found myself wanting to learn more about boredom.
It seems to be the least understood and researched aspect of our psychology. Defining what boredom is and how it arises is more difficult than it might seem. But I drew some useful conclusions.
Boredom might just be the impetus for everything we do. Talking to friends and colleagues, I find that most people will do just about anything to avoid being bored: including myself. I read some material on buddhist meditation, and one article said that boredom is really the key to attaining higher states of consciousness.
By not doing; not thinking; we escape the prison of reality that we dwell in. By focusing on not thinking; not doing; we can stop this internal dialogue, this incessant babbler that dwells within us. I learned about a method for meditating and tried it a few times. I was completely unprepared for the experiences, and I'd like to share them. I'm sure many of you are already aware of what I'm going to describe, but in case some of you aren't, I'll refrain from expurgation.
I learned a concept called "universal love-kindness," used to begin and end meditations. It begins with "giving yourself the gift of happiness." It is a series of statements:
1. I give myself the gift of happiness. Let me have no worries, no stress, and no problems that I cannot overcome. Let me have no evil or harmful thoughts.
Then you extend this statement to others, starting with your loved ones, friends, etc., picturing their faces as you wish the same, repeating the statement, for each of them. You then extend this statement to those who are indifferent about you, then on to those you consider adversaries or obstructive in some way. I didn't understand this step, until upon more reading: "If your enemies are filled with love and happiness, they would cease to be your enemies."
I have to point out that this was a profound revelation for me.
The first time I tried it, I first began to feel light-headed. This feeling increased until I felt that my whole body was light and intangible in some way--almost incorporeal. It shocked me and I stopped right there, for the feelings were too intense.
I tried again, and this time after I felt light and ethereal, I continued. I began to see flashes of light--of different colors and intensities. This was so bizarre that I was overwhelmed and thought that something must be wrong, and I quit for the night.
The next time I tried this, I didn't have the intensity as before, but a new change began "happening." My chest tingled--it felt as though someone was pouring a liquid into my heart, or my chest, and it was healing me in some way. It's difficult to describe.
I felt as though a golden light was shining from within. I continued to authentically try to feel love-kindness for all the creatures on the earth, and in fact the universe, as suggested: trying to visualize all life in the universe was a very mind-stretching thing to do for me.
At some point time seemed to freeze, pause, or somehow cease to exist for me. It was a very unsettling feeling at first, but as I continued, maintaining my focus and trying to radiate this love-kindness, it felt as though I was being filled with something.
I began laughing out loud, for no apparent reason at nothing in particular. It was a deep laughter, completely carefree, like nothing I have ever experienced. I tingled from head to toe, and quite suddenly the feeling of lightness and etherealness left me and I felt absolutely solid. It was as if I was no longer a person, but perhaps rock or earth--immovable and absolutely still. Solid.
I'll stop here and ask a few questions that perhaps some of you can shed light on.
What happened to me? The lights, the feelings...
What is the meaning behind my experiences? Where did those feelings come from? Is this a natural part of the meditation?
Any insights are well-recieved.
Thank you for your time and attention,
Derek Falken
