'Channeling STS v STO Energy' via the Choices we Make

[Cyre2067]

Recently, while out dancing, I've had a moment of awareness that is altering my perception of the choices I make, or seem to make, each day. It's in that vein I wanted to share and discuss excerpts from a journal entry I wrote shortly after returning home.

So it's been a completely STS few days. I've had a hard time reading/networking in my free time. I'm pretty hooked on HoN [video game]. Even when I lose, I still 'have fun' which leads me to an interesting realization I had tonight, while dancing. I'm a pretty good energy conduit. I've always had the ability to conjure/channel/represent a different flavor of 'energy'.

This can be done in a variety of ways, and is the result of our choices. What we choose to wear, how to act, what we do in the presence of others - we pluck ideas from a different level, like the painter's palate - and we manifest them here, on Earth. For example, in high school I conjured Goth, Raver and Prep, alternately, in order to create a 'favorable reaction' from those around me. When Goth, I wanted people to be afraid of me. To avoid me. This was a defense mechanism, programmed as a result of years of daily harassment by other kids. Raver elicited interest, and attraction. I seemed too silly to be a threat and that made people comfortable.

In college I had it down to an art form, I wasn't even conscious of what I was doing - then again, no surprises there. - In all of this I was channeling a certain type of energy, and eliciting same from the environment.

For example, tonight I was serving "Pennsylvania straight-boy who knows how to dance." Which generated a unique reaction from those around me. Namely attraction from another unique set of personality types. All this self-serving energy work is pure STS, I act as a battery absorbing & transmitting this 'stuff' to the moon. It seems to have mass, albeit infinitesimal, and has a distinctly magnetic/electrical feel about it.

This seems to be something each of us is capable of, perhaps others have perceived it differently and understood it using another metaphor.

When absorbing this energy I get a distinct sensation it's coming form the ground. It comes through the floor and from all around me (via people, I think) mainly when I'm dancing. I think the same thing happens during 3D induced adrenaline rushes, but I'm not sure. I do recall the same 'flavor of experience' from snowboarding & martial arts. These are all instances where I absorb/spend this 'sexual energy'

Here I use the term to indicate it's transmissive nature, not necessarily having to do with intercourse - but it can.

When I discharge it, it's like spending a currency. This takes the form of any number of activities. The big one I'm doing now is HoN, and it amazes me how similar the experience is to WoW. I'd be the same is true for all video games. Thus their propagation. As others have discussed, the same is likely true for movies and television. [Sexual activity also seems to utilize this 'stuff']

The amazing thing is that in all these experiences we have the potential to learn 'simple karmic understandings' that can, over time, elucidate a fundamental choice regarding the nature of reality.

The annoying part is the addictive nature of the STS experience. It's a high, a rush, its having fun in its most three-dimensional, ie brain chemically induced [forms of pleasure] naturally or artificially induced. These types of experiences all 'feel good' and even when they go to far and 'feel bad' your still pumping raw sexual energy via the emotional/movement centers.

Never give up aka Don't Drop the Hope aka Even in the Face of Failure, to remain dedicated to an idea because it is in you to do so. To have Faith in oneself, and the creative principle. To do what you can, and let the universe take care of the rest these are ideas or understandings that came to me through movies, through cartoons, through books and stories. To do the right thing, not because it's easy, or because it feels good, but because it's hard and yet so right - these are the lessons I learn from the heroes of 'fiction'. Frodo and Sam, the Jake Sully, Harry Potter, Fox Mulder, etc and I see them represented here by real people as well their Work.

'Reading/networking' has a completely different flavor, which, unlike STS, alternatively feels bad with minor amounts of feeling good, usually coming after the activity has taken place, as if it's 'something to be proud of'. Whereas the STS stuff is 'fun in the moment' but offers no lasting gratification.

'Reading/networking' also can, after awhile, feel 'boring/tiring', as if it drains the energy at a faster rate ---> or costs more in terms of currency.

This is something I'd like to dig around, the unique feeling of 'intentional suffering' which is a particular sort of psychological pain. It's hard to describe, similar to boredom, but it also withdrawl. It's an irritation that is difficult to tolerate, for me at least.

It happens to everyone, osit. Some people deal with it via television, I can't tell you how many people I know that like to just 'turn their brains off to some mindless tv' after work. Some do drugs, some focus on social activities, large groups of 'friends', some sports, other's work or school... it seems that when the activity in question becomes a medium for ignoring large portions of reality it becomes a channel for STS energy. This could be due to exterior circumstances - how crappy our planet is and the horrible things that happen daily - or due to internal ones, unpleasant emotional states. But the goal always in mind, or not, is to 'feel good'.

This is so common it's 'normal' imho.

I think it's possible to use the some of the same activities to channel STO energy, but it requires much more Work. For example, external consideration, worked at in any medium is a choice that channels STO energy. It also hurts, and can cause pangs of anxiety from programs and buffers, little I's. I think this is a result of the 3D STS medium in which we live, and the 'gravity' of the 6D STS thought-center towards non-being.

An interesting aside, if we were in an STO realm, would the opposite be true - IE it's 'easier' to make STO choices and 'more difficult' to make STS ones by the very nature of the medium and the inherent pull of the 6D 'gravity well'.

Any activity that is creative/expansive, done because you choose to do it, not because of an expectation of reward or done simply to 'pass the time' - has the potential to be Other-Serving, in a non-linear, outward spiral, sort of way. I think, one must be Consciously choosing the activity in order for it to be STO, merely by the nature of the experience and energies involved. It's like a rule, osit. Like, if it's an easy choice to make, if it doesn't irk you in some way, if it doesn't 'cost more' then a 'default' choice it's probably STS.

Granted, we're aiming for 51% STO, so making 'STS' choices, isn't necessarily a 'bad thing'. It all depends on one's aim, and one's ability not only to See the choice, but to make it.

I'd be interested to hear other people's examples of Seeing the Choice (STS vs STO) and how you made it, one way or the other. For myself, I'm a pretty bad STO conduit. I do have ebbs & flows, a day or a few where I'm on it with the 'reading/networking' and others where I'm totally asleep. It's very similar to a wave function now that I think about it. All feedback welcome. :/

 

[Buddy]

I'd be interested to hear other people's examples of Seeing the Choice (STS vs STO) and how you made it, one way or the other. For myself, I'm a pretty bad STO conduit. I do have ebbs & flows, a day or a few where I'm on it with the 'reading/networking' and others where I'm totally asleep. It's very similar to a wave function now that I think about it. All feedback welcome. Undecided

I think the reason why you see reading/studying/networking as the kind of Work that brings on a boredom/withdrawing thing is because you've got STO and STS seperated in your mind like two different Universes.

Right now, we can't be anything but STS but we become STO candidates through those activities that raise our FRV so that we get ready to 'fit' that context, right?

I think it is important to 'play and have fun', but why would that be opposed to Work?

Who says that you can't use 'dance' to deepen your understandings of how thought is motion and that by moving, one can assist the thought processes? All is one.

If you are using pleasurable activities as an 'escape' then you are just digging a deeper hole for yourself, in my view, because the 'do it again' center is going to exert its pull on you and threaten you with withdrawal symptoms if you fail to comply.

I think the problem is easy to solve. Just eliminate distracting/dissasociating activities that are done for 'escape', and instead, use all pleasure opportunities to learn or confirm something about the Work. (Even G and the Sufi's had dance and music.) Conserving energy means to be efficient. Don't do something just for the 'hell' of it...make it serve a purpose for you to help you grow in knowledge and assist others to do the same...when they're ready.

Just my 2 cents. :)

 

[Turgon]

I'd be interested to hear other people's examples of Seeing the Choice (STS vs STO) and how you made it, one way or the other. For myself, I'm a pretty bad STO conduit. I do have ebbs & flows, a day or a few where I'm on it with the 'reading/networking' and others where I'm totally asleep.

This is a tough question because what if what we are seeing, is perceived to be an STS choice, but in reality is an STO choice and vice versa (we are limited by our understanding and perceptive abilties). Although, fundamentally, most of the choices we make are STS in nature, and very few perhaps are STO-inclined.

it seems that when the activity in question becomes a medium for ignoring large portions of reality it becomes a channel for STS energy. This could be due to exterior circumstances - how crappy our planet is and the horrible things that happen daily - or due to internal ones, unpleasant emotional states. But the goal always in mind, or not, is to 'feel good'.

If you are using pleasurable activities as an 'escape' then you are just digging a deeper hole for yourself, in my view, because the 'do it again' center is going to exert its pull on you and threaten you with withdrawal symptoms if you fail to comply.

Although I think we can pretty much determine that any activity or thought process that is in any relation to what you and buddy wrote in these quotes is STS in nature.

This is something I'd like to dig around, the unique feeling of 'intentional suffering' which is a particular sort of psychological pain. It's hard to describe, similar to boredom, but it also withdrawl. It's an irritation that is difficult to tolerate, for me at least.

But once you add in concepts like External Consideration, Internal Consideration, Conscious Suffering, Mechanical Suffering, it makes things so challenging, because, at least for me, I struggle with making decisions, because I don't know if it's the 'right' decision. I would think, just going with the flow of things, would lead you down an STS Pathway, because isn't the natural flow of our environment engulfed in STS manifested energy. The almost automatic flow of thoughts and actions are meant to ultimately lead to 4D STS.

For me, the intentional suffering that comes from trying to understand what I'm doing, and most importantly WHY I'm doing things, and trying to find a clear answer, and if these answers are suitable for me to go ahead and continue on in my path or change direction seems to cause that 'intentional suffering' that you describe above. It is a psychological pain, and usually, the boredom I experience comes from a point of stagnation because of my inability to make a decision out of fear of making the wrong one, which is just another STS feeding mechanism, I think.

Although, to give you an example of my way of Seeing the Choice (STS vs STO), I'll use this weekend. I finally decided after a lot of struggle internally to leave the cover band I've been in. It was such a hard decision to make, because my own negative introject was going crazy telling me that if I quit, I'm just doing the same thing over and over again, quitting when things get too tough or I lose interest half-way through. But from what I could observe, the band itself was a feeding mechanism and hierarchy, and a lot of drama and STS type 'fun' came along with the band, which I tried to minimize my involvement in, but which inevitably set me apart and singled me out from everyone else.

Now I instinctually sensed from the beginning that there was something very 'off' about being in the band for me. An almost heavy, oppressive energy that I had difficulty thinking straight or focusing properly. After a while, I rationalized that it was all me, because I dont know the songs yet, so the nervousness is playing with my mind, and I started to empathise and open up with my bandmates, because that's the STO thing to do, right? Wrong! As soon as I opened up with a certain member of my band who was considered to be the top of the food chain, he took advantage of it and used everything I talked to him about against me in some way. Little inuendos, insults, telling me how the band will 'fix me up' as if there was something wrong with me. He was feeding off of me! And all because I thought my initial thoughts of him being a psychic vampire was just paranoia on my part, that I should be more open and honest, only to realize that he was a vampire, and desperate to feed off of people. I opened myself up because sometimes I would see genuine care and concern coming from him, but now I wonder if it was all an act. Or he is just so dominated by the vampire archetype that there's no turning around for him.

So who really benefits from me staying? I don't, that's for sure (or maybe I did but from a lesson perspective). I was in an environment that felt like it went against almost all the STO Principles I've learned here on the forum. Maybe in a sense I've screwed the band over because they have to find a new bassist with so many gigs coming up, and the guitarist is going to be solely picked on now that I'm gone, and people will talk terribly about me for leaving, and it will be uncomfortable for me to show up to those venues again. Was it the STO thing to do? I think the STO thing to do would have been to have left a long time ago, listened to my instincts instead of trying to rationalize staying longer than I should have.

I hope this answers that initial question as I went into a bit of a rant

 

[3DStudent]

It happens to everyone, osit. Some people deal with it via television, I can't tell you how many people I know that like to just 'turn their brains off to some mindless tv' after work. Some do drugs, some focus on social activities, large groups of 'friends', some sports, other's work or school...

I've noticed a similar thing. I've called it in the past "stats", in reference to video games. Also "ego". These are things to just get lost into. Now I call them "A" influences, which is how I understand the term. I don't think they necessarily keep you stuck, but they especially do when you do them to escape or put so much value in them. The video game threads were enough for me to quit them, and I had been naturally phasing out of them so it was like a confirming straw on the camel's back.

As far as how to determine STS vs STO acts, I think Buddy made a good point about us not being able to be anything other than STS. We're just here to prepare for whatever we need, with this STS body and mind. I guess it's like a dirty tool that can still get the job done.

But once you add in concepts like External Consideration, Internal Consideration, Conscious Suffering, Mechanical Suffering, it makes things so challenging, because, at least for me, I struggle with making decisions, because I don't know if it's the 'right' decision.

I think that even when you externally consider and try to consciously suffer, there may still be some doubt, which leads to not knowing if it's "right". It seems that SEEing comes into play here. Pepperfritz's quote that a challenge producing the most resistance in us is the one we should take is relevant too. Just an internal friction that goes against our STS nature. But of course we are going to fall and not make every opportunity. But even at 51/49% for STO candidacy, it is still almost half and half. I guess it's that 1 percent that makes all the difference.

Well, I hope this helps. I'm not totally confident in my understanding of these kinds of things, so I'm placing an OSIT.

 

[Cyre2067]

Thanks for your thoughts guys, sometimes I get stuck beating myself up with my 'I'm not good enough' program, and a lot of the time that causes me to get a little obsessed with my day to day choices. I self observe as much as possible, which tends to be most of the time now oddly enough. And I think that's where a lot of the angst or whatever was coming from. Yay friction?

I think the reason why you see reading/studying/networking as the kind of Work that brings on a boredom/withdrawing thing is because you've got STO and STS seperated in your mind like two different Universes.

Right now, we can't be anything but STS but we become STO candidates through those activities that raise our FRV so that we get ready to 'fit' that context, right?

I think it is important to 'play and have fun', but why would that be opposed to Work?

Well I kinda feel like they are two different 'modes of being' which are in opposition. I try to represent the idea with energy moving through me, as it seems to be the way I perceive it most of the time. STOish choices, or what I perceive to be such, do cause a sort of angst/pain/friction which I can only tolerate for certain periods of time. I guess the play & have fun bit is good as long as it doesn't interfere with STO-practice - my problem is I'm not good at drawing that line, like I always beat myself up when I'm not 'STOing/reading/networking' as much as I 'should be'. Then again there is no way to tell how much 'should be' is and I should just learn to content myself with what I'm capable of --> not easy.

If you are using pleasurable activities as an 'escape' then you are just digging a deeper hole for yourself, in my view, because the 'do it again' center is going to exert its pull on you and threaten you with withdrawal symptoms if you fail to comply.

I think the problem is easy to solve. Just eliminate distracting/dissasociating activities that are done for 'escape', and instead, use all pleasure opportunities to learn or confirm something about the Work. (Even G and the Sufi's had dance and music.) Conserving energy means to be efficient. Don't do something just for the 'hell' of it...make it serve a purpose for you to help you grow in knowledge and assist others to do the same...when they're ready.

Just my 2 cents. :)

I feel ya, my heads just muddled when it comes to am I escaping or recharging? Do I just need some downtime or should I push myself a bit more? I've always had this issue of 'not living up to my potential' and it's a HUGE program thanks to my narcissitic father. So it keeps cropping up in different contexts.

This is a tough question because what if what we are seeing, is perceived to be an STS choice, but in reality is an STO choice and vice versa (we are limited by our understanding and perceptive abilties). Although, fundamentally, most of the choices we make are STS in nature, and very few perhaps are STO-inclined.

True true, maybe that's what I'm seeing and this is why I feel like I'm bashing my head into a wall lolz.

it seems that when the activity in question becomes a medium for ignoring large portions of reality it becomes a channel for STS energy. This could be due to exterior circumstances - how crappy our planet is and the horrible things that happen daily - or due to internal ones, unpleasant emotional states. But the goal always in mind, or not, is to 'feel good'.

If you are using pleasurable activities as an 'escape' then you are just digging a deeper hole for yourself, in my view, because the 'do it again' center is going to exert its pull on you and threaten you with withdrawal symptoms if you fail to comply.

Although I think we can pretty much determine that any activity or thought process that is in any relation to what you and buddy wrote in these quotes is STS in nature.

Yep, issue is that's how I relax. I like to chill with some fiction, play a game with some friends, or go out for the night and dance my booty off. The entire time though there's a part of me 'watching' me and there's another part commenting, usually the comments aren't very helpful, but sometimes they come as 'flashes of awareness' which are very revealing.

This is something I'd like to dig around, the unique feeling of 'intentional suffering' which is a particular sort of psychological pain. It's hard to describe, similar to boredom, but it also withdrawl. It's an irritation that is difficult to tolerate, for me at least.

But once you add in concepts like External Consideration, Internal Consideration, Conscious Suffering, Mechanical Suffering, it makes things so challenging, because, at least for me, I struggle with making decisions, because I don't know if it's the 'right' decision. I would think, just going with the flow of things, would lead you down an STS Pathway, because isn't the natural flow of our environment engulfed in STS manifested energy. The almost automatic flow of thoughts and actions are meant to ultimately lead to 4D STS.

It's that whole sifting through the sand to find the diamonds bit, trying to live life, but not be ruled or obsessed by things in it. To keep your focus on your goals, but to not let them consume you or a timetable plague you with guilt. Fine lines.

For me, the intentional suffering that comes from trying to understand what I'm doing, and most importantly WHY I'm doing things, and trying to find a clear answer, and if these answers are suitable for me to go ahead and continue on in my path or change direction seems to cause that 'intentional suffering' that you describe above. It is a psychological pain, and usually, the boredom I experience comes from a point of stagnation because of my inability to make a decision out of fear of making the wrong one, which is just another STS feeding mechanism, I think.

Although, to give you an example of my way of Seeing the Choice (STS vs STO), I'll use this weekend. I finally decided after a lot of struggle internally to leave the cover band I've been in. [snip]
I hope this answers that initial question as I went into a bit of a rant

No, I definitely think you made the right choice. Similarly I've been dissociating from old friends who's energy is much more materialistic, who were clique-ie in a way that made you feel weird if you didn't act/dress like they do. It's interesting to see how your internal friction comes from a slightly different place then mine, I guess it's a little different for all of us, but the idea is to Know Thyself and to struggle against those 'lower' parts of ourselves that have ruled us for so long.

It happens to everyone, osit. Some people deal with it via television, I can't tell you how many people I know that like to just 'turn their brains off to some mindless tv' after work. Some do drugs, some focus on social activities, large groups of 'friends', some sports, other's work or school...

I've noticed a similar thing. I've called it in the past "stats", in reference to video games. Also "ego". These are things to just get lost into. Now I call them "A" influences, which is how I understand the term. I don't think they necessarily keep you stuck, but they especially do when you do them to escape or put so much value in them. The video game threads were enough for me to quit them, and I had been naturally phasing out of them so it was like a confirming straw on the camel's back.

Indeed, thing is I'll quit one and then play another. I like ones that I can play in short blips of time, whereas WoW was a total life-eater. They're also fun in social contexts, like I can play this new one HoN, with my brother, cousin, and friends from home for a half hour here or an hour there. Withdraw from A influences hurts though, and that's what I'm trying to get at, it's like how much do we A inf and how much can we B inf. Laura & many others in the group seem to have the act down, heck they are the B inf's in my life. Then again, they also play with Karyoke and movies too - so.....

As far as how to determine STS vs STO acts, I think Buddy made a good point about us not being able to be anything other than STS. We're just here to prepare for whatever we need, with this STS body and mind. I guess it's like a dirty tool that can still get the job done.

I think that even when you externally consider and try to consciously suffer, there may still be some doubt, which leads to not knowing if it's "right". It seems that SEEing comes into play here. Pepperfritz's quote that a challenge producing the most resistance in us is the one we should take is relevant too. Just an internal friction that goes against our STS nature. But of course we are going to fall and not make every opportunity. But even at 51/49% for STO candidacy, it is still almost half and half. I guess it's that 1 percent that makes all the difference.

Well, I hope this helps. I'm not totally confident in my understanding of these kinds of things, so I'm placing an OSIT.

Ah no, its a great help! I love mulling things over and hearing other people do the same. Networking FTW! :D

It's just imma huge mess with my 'not good enough' program, and one thing I do need to work on is striving to reach my potential in all things in my life. Work, School and interpersonal relations - to be externally considerate - and it blows my mind sometimes how far from the ideal i see myself - then again, my measure of myself is probably not terribly accurate.

 

[samii]

Hi Puck, you inspired me to think a little of what you said. I will try to elaborate on what you said by some definitions. All of what I’m going to write below is due to my absorption of the material here in this forum and Laura and team’s work. I’m going to omit phrases and words like “I think”, “probably”, “maybe” and so forth in order to be candid on how I view the world we live in. Please feel free to correct any mistakes you find, comment and mirror.

This STS/STO business has different meanings when applied to different densities. There is a special meaning for us, and there is another meaning for the higher densities:

STS (applied to densities higher than us) = Empowering yourself by weakening others
STS (applied to us 3D) = Empowering your little I’s by weakening your real I

The meaning of weakening others in the first STS definition is through punishing/rewarding 3D little I’s in the second STS definition. This STS interaction between for example 4D and 3D keeps us in a state of illusion, dictated by aversions and attractions to our 3D image. This state of illusion is also maintained by erroneous belief systems created by 3D/4D STS forces. Our little I’s have been tampered with by 4D STS, they have given us a predator mind.

On the other hand:
STO (applied to densities higher than us) = Empowering yourself by empowering others
STO (applied to us 3D) = Empowering your real I by empowering your knowledge

The meaning of empowering your knowledge in the second STO definition is through increasing your objective outlook on life, which will automatically help you filter out lies and deception, thus helping you break through the veil of illusion. Empowering your knowledge also means gaining knowledge free from the pressures of “authority”. This is not easy, the draining of energy that you feel after STO work is due to the withdrawal effect of not feeding the little I’s. It is more like a strong depression that comes over you and a feeling that life has no meaning anymore. People who are not familiar with this work may contemplate suicide (courtesy of 4D STS).

Now this is not the entire picture, our little I’s are not entirely controlled by 4D STS. Remove 4D STS from the equation and you still have little I’s because they are a natural affinity of our physical existence. So it’s still possible to satisfy/feed some of your little I’s and still do STO work. It is also called living. :)

 

[Buddy]

I self observe as much as possible, which tends to be most of the time now oddly enough.

If that's the case, then I'd say whatever you're doing is probably helping your Work, especially if your success at self observation results from friction (which, for me, is the stress from the bio-chemical withdrawal from the rut, or mechanical thinking and behavior).

If I may relate something to this, my experience has been that the more background novelty/spontaneity I can generate, the more aware I am which increases stress which I reduce with the breathing exercises. The longer I manage to keep this up, the more I can stay focussed on reality, which helps keep my monitor in place.

The best analogy I've seen for describing this is when person A is driving down the road and person B pulls out unexpectedly, cutting person A off. Instantly person A becomes more aware of his surroundings (the surprise/novelty factor). People usually become upset to find their attention yanked to the present moment like that, and they tend to blame that upset on person B, but it rarely occurs to person A to explain to themselves why they were driving a two-ton bomb down the road with only the minimal awareness required to operate it.

To me, that dissociated/lowered awareness state is what exists while operating routinely, mechanically, and it can't be helped while in that mechanical state because the higher level awareness needed to step back and notice it, has been lost - the situation has got to be prevented from happening in the first place whenever you can. It has helped me tremendously to think in terms of algorithms1 and to reprogram them on the fly everywhere and everywhen possible. In other words, try to keep everything as fresh and new as possible - every moment that it's possible to do so.

I think the reason why you see reading/studying/networking as the kind of Work that brings on a boredom/withdrawing thing is because you've got STO and STS seperated in your mind like two different Universes.

Well I kinda feel like they are two different 'modes of being' which are in opposition.

The ‘idea’ of opposition comes from the habit of categorizing everything, and often dropping out the 'middle'. categories can also lead to many fundamental errors like believing that there are answers to questions that are either ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. The ‘answers’ are mere conveniences for our current choices, Aim, purposes, intention...a means of selecting for a particular purpose rather than getting hung up in an extended dither of indecision like a computer with a recurring loop. Similar to computers, our brains, or minds, have been programmed since babyhood to think in 'opposites' like on/off, good/bad, hot/cold, right/left, republican/democrat, STS/STO, etc, but the real world is not so delimited and neatly categorized.

My experience of the world as a result of this Work is becoming more and more of a consistent, unified, analoggy kind of thing where the identifiables seem to exist on some spectrum of continuity for the most part. In order to increase thinking efficiency, it seems necessary, at some point in our growth, to grasp and allow for this structural problem in the human brain/mind and in the inherent digital nature of language. Don't forget you've got to keep what you're thinking and doing connected to where you want to go, because staying on the right track involves moment-by-moment choices; but, I think you know that!

I guess the play & have fun bit is good as long as it doesn't interfere with STO-practice - my problem is I'm not good at drawing that line

See above, about that either/or thinking.

...like I always beat myself up when I'm not 'STOing/reading/networking' as much as I 'should be'. Then again there is no way to tell how much 'should be' is and I should just learn to content myself with what I'm capable of --> not easy.

I step back and insult my own work lots of times when I feel it's not up to par or headed toward the 'quality plateu'. I think that's healthy as long as you don't identify yourself with any errors or let downs. With me, the problem is often with slowing down long enough to read and think about what I'm reading. It takes self-discipline which sometimes induces stress which sometimes requires pipe-breathing.

When I chat face-to-face with someone, I usually 'get the point' long before a person generally finishes talking because my energy level for thought and activity seems to have shot up, so to channel energy into a much slower activity (like reading) often seems hard, but I don't see it as opposed or not, to STO considerations...just another level I can try and DO something on. I refuse to read anything unless I think I can learn something from it, so it's not like it's a pointless activity.

Similarly I've been dissociating from old friends who's energy is much more materialistic, who were clique-ie in a way that made you feel weird if you didn't act/dress like they do.

I like the way you put that. Sounds STOish, like the way a person would naturally act when their energy no longer 'fits' the older context and so they move into a different one.

It's just imma huge mess with my 'not good enough' program

Well, from what I see, it appears your 'not good enough' program is not the problem - it's your belief in it.


I wrote a song for you, wanna hear it, here it goes:

You can whirl like a Dervish
You can give your 'I's' the moon.
Cause your 'I's' don't dance
so if they drop out, then it
won't be too soon.

Just sing it to the tune of "Safety Dance": :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOZ6xFxJqg

Edit: Added later: smiley
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1 Algorithm: A set of steps for doing something. Traditions, rituals, habits, routines are all algorithms in this context and consist of learned steps that we repeat every day. Our routines for getting up in the morning, dressing for the day, going to work, driving routes, greeting people, making a purchase in a store, etc., etc. It's even worse than that, but I think you probably get the picture.

 

[SeekinTruth]

Thanks for all the helpful metaphorical and practical examples and explanations guys. I think we are all struggling with similar issues of HOW to be less mechanical. Buddy makes a lot of good points in almost constructing a strategic approach to be spontaneous and have novel interactions in general. I think he makes a very important and very tricky point. The tricky part is to not let the strategy-like aspect defeat the spontaneity part, I think. Just making time to be creative without pressure may help all this, like practicing something, so it can be done more spontaneously in all situations.

That's what I try to do as much as possible. The problems is that we are struggling both with ourselves, the really crucial part, but also with the problem that the environment we're in is also closely connected to the struggle as it is a great part of dampening the full expression of creativity. Laura has advised to expend creative energy doing what we love to do - write, cook, sing, whatever, and this is a good way of practicing and going against the intertia.

Also as Buddy mentioned, reducing stress by pipe breathing as needed as well as regular practice of EE helps a bunch. The types of stress that are generated from everything around us is a real creativity killer. When the stress is reduced it already seems to open me up to creative energy with less obsessions and compulsive behaviour - the mechanical inertia. So maybe some things to try would be to have intentional creative activity - both things you do well or pretty well, and things you haven't tried or need to get better at. There is pleasure in being spontaneous and creative too, but it's just very different in its self reinforcing aspects than the more mechanical and chemical - commonly addictive - pleasures we are constantly tempted and bombarded with.

And as mentioned and explained different ways already in the other replies, it is really helpful to remember that we ARE STS in an STS realm; whatever we "do" is more an imitation, like the way children learn, than the real thing of DOing and BEing. Just like the child, the period of trying to emulate things we can't really do yet, eventually leads to learning to do it for real, as long as the desire to learn is sincere. At least that's my take on it currently.

 

[Buddy]

Buddy makes a lot of good points in almost constructing a strategic approach to be spontaneous and have novel interactions in general. I think he makes a very important and very tricky point. The tricky part is to not let the strategy-like aspect defeat the spontaneity part, I think.

That's it exactly, and it's the best we can do with that approach, osit. To fully implement it would probably require reverting to childhood or becoming a Don Juan or Don Genaro-type character, at least while here in 3D. :)

 

[Ollie]

I guess the play & have fun bit is good ...

Buddy makes a lot of good points in almost constructing a strategic approach to be spontaneous and have novel interactions in general. I think he makes a very important and very tricky point. The tricky part is to not let the strategy-like aspect defeat the spontaneity part, I think.

That's it exactly, and it's the best we can do with that approach, osit. To fully implement it would probably require reverting to childhood or ...

I have found these quotes to be spot on - revert to childhood, play and understand in simple terms - and reinforced by

... I used to enjoy doing ... Why did I enjoy it? I used to play with it. I used to do whatever I felt like doing - it didn't have to do with whether it was important for the development of ...., but whether it was interesting and amuzing for me to play with. ...I'd invent things and play with the things for my own entertainment.
... It was effortless. It was easy to play with these things. It was like uncorking a bottle: Everything flowed out effortlessly. I always tried to resist it! There was no importance to what to what I was doing, but ultimately there was. ...

It works for me, give it a go and see what happens, after all, everything is a learning experience an it may just prove as positive experiences, or not.