Confession

Now that I’m seeing things much clearer and seeing how a probable future can unfold I figure there no better way than to beaware of it by forewarning and getting this off my chest.

I played a bad character in an independent film before I came in contact with the Cassiopeia information. This was when I wanted to pursue acting and took whatever part that was available. This was a military film about the U.S and terrorism. The film had no written script and we were going by the director’s idea of the film. The idea was to show how a plane from the Uk was co-opt by terrorism as the official story but the film also showed how the U.S. military was behind it.

But like any movie that can be re-edited to agenda is open. My part played an interrogator when innocent and confuse passenger came in I and another guy questioned them about who the terrorists was on the plane.
In the beginning when talking about the script all this wasn’t clearly conveyed so I followed along excited like the rest of the cast about what to do. The parts I acted out was a guy who was an authoritarian who followed orders. A military guy who at the end pull a gun out and aimed it at a woman this is what I regret doing. This take was down over and over and now I realized that they wanted me to pull the trigger to depict me as a killer but I never did although the scene cut to another scene and the gun fire was heard.

When I finally seen the film I was so disgusted with myself and angry about what I had down. I throw it in the trash and put the hold thing in the back of my mind. I didn’t even show for the cast party and cut all ties with the cast from that point on. So when I think of Trojan horse I think of myself and what determent that maybe caused on behalf Sott.
 
You were identified with your ambitions and it was before you found this information. The fact that you now disavow what that project portrayed, and cut ties with those who conceived it is a good testament to your growth. As anart is fond of saying, for who and what you were at the time, it couldn't have been any other way. But now you know better and you are here. It is a priceless chance to grow. What is done in the past can be a source of understanding yourself today. Try not to beat yourself up about it. It's done. What you do from here on in is what counts.
 
Roland JP] When I finally seen the film I was so disgusted with myself and angry about what I had down. I throw it in the trash and put the hold thing in the back of my mind. I didn’t even show for the cast party and cut all ties with the cast from that point on. So when I think of Trojan horse I think of myself and what determent that maybe caused on behalf Sott. [/quote] [quote author=herondancer said:
You were identified with your ambitions and it was before you found this information. The fact that you now disavow what that project portrayed, and cut ties with those who conceived it is a good testament to your growth. As anart is fond of saying, for who and what you were at the time, it couldn't have been any other way. But now you know better and you are here. It is a priceless chance to grow. What is done in the past can be a source of understanding yourself today. Try not to beat yourself up about it. It's done. What you do from here on in is what counts.

Agree with herondancer here Roland JP. But also it seems as much as this is identified with a “confession” you said, like probably thousands of other actor:

This was when I wanted to pursue acting and took whatever part that was available.

You did not design the script, however, you seem to seriously regret the identification as if it was real. Getting into that type of character’s mindset would be really troubling for some and you certainly, as herondance says, “disavowed what the project portrayed.” In life reality we don’t design the script either necessarily, yet we choose to become a part, to act out or not on its stage, accepting in many cases the parts so easily, identifying with them so completely - becoming them - mechanically. How our thinking can so easily become opposite to the aims of benevolence to our fellow human being is astounding, but predictable, too, given some human traits.

Anyway, can understand your reaction on seeing the film – your altered persona in fiction, but what you did was act, you did not become, but you acknowledge the reality of those acts and it is scary to realize these are indeed realities, too, for someone.

PS. If your still acting, something will come along that you will find meaningful - looks like you will notice.
 
herondancer said:
You were identified with your ambitions and it was before you found this information. The fact that you now disavow what that project portrayed, and cut ties with those who conceived it is a good testament to your growth. As anart is fond of saying, for who and what you were at the time, it couldn't have been any other way. But now you know better and you are here. It is a priceless chance to grow. What is done in the past can be a source of understanding yourself today. Try not to beat yourself up about it. It's done. What you do from here on in is what counts.

OMG you should write quotes for an iphone app...

that was just amazing, I am thinking of how that statement effects me and although I may not have had rolands experience I can apply this wisdom to mine. Thank you Herondancer.

Roland, I cant add much to that breath of wisdom from Herondancer but to reinforce it, What has happened in the past has happened and was meant to happen so that you can come to this point in your life/journey where you can forgive yourself, possibly the most valuable lesson of all. So congratualtions on getting through it and good luck for the future my friend.

Regards,

Brent.
 
thanks very much I didn't expect this support I was sure I was cast out. Lol. I sure didn't expect tears to run down when reading these responses. I don't pursue acting anymore I learn alot about different characters from stage to film and all seems so real when you perform. But when I played the bad guy its a hard personality to shake. Even in regret and denial I beat myself up on it and this experieence really made me think about how we dismiss the morals of ourselves when we step on the conveyor belt of supposed sucess. At the same time this role was beneficial because it help me to really see what I can turn into or what i could have turn into.

I was in the marines for a year and two months and was finally kick out because I objected to everything about it and when I finally realized what the marines were all about while in it. I went throw nail teeth to get the hell out. When I had that jump of “oh my God what did I get myself into” I knew at that point it would be 10 times harder to get out than when I signed those papers to get in. I ran from state to state, went back left again went back was thrown in what they called a military prison for 25 days hazing, interrogation to break me. I left again until finally a Jewish couple saw my peril and told me what I had to do to officially get out. And this I followed and was discharged an OTH on misconduct And only because I was not a senior marine.

So a lot fears and paranoia I carry with me into acting and I could see the other problems but I couldn't see my own. I didn’t grasp the tight rope I walk when in the military and what I could have become. If I didn't make a quick decision on what I came to know at the point of what I call an "AWE Moment” while in my second phase of training in the marines, well It would have been tougher with a much heavier price. Its amazing how denial and not completely understanding a circumstance can drive you to do other things undesirable until you it has your attention.

I join the marines because I was running from a real problem when my high sweet heart broke apart from me and this took me two year to get over. To say I was devastated is putting it kindly. For I was literally never the same or at least I look at life differently. Lots my innocents and at that point didn’t have any desire for accomplishments. It seem from that point on I simply walk a tight rope of experiencing life ups and downs trying to find myself and also trying to find a life work that could fit, from education to working in dump yards and host of others….

Anyway just getting this off my chest: Thank you guys!!!! This is very Supportive!!! :)
 
Looks like its been interesting to say the least! I believe we bring these experiences into our life deliberatly so we can learn from them,

In reply to your last line, That is the reason we are here for. Am I right in thinking a problem shared is a problem halfed?
 
herondancer said:
What is done in the past can be a source of understanding yourself today.
And for understanding others too, I think. Maybe these were important lessons for you to learn and you had to play the acting role and be in the military in order to learn from them...? Maybe you will be able to use this deeper level of awareness that you have gained from these experiences to your advantage in some way. Or maybe you already have, but haven't noticed...? Just some thoughts for you to meditate on..hope this helps..:)
 
chaps23 said:
Looks like its been interesting to say the least! I believe we bring these experiences into our life deliberatly so we can learn from them,

In reply to your last line, That is the reason we are here for. Am I right in thinking a problem shared is a problem halfed?



A problem shared is a problem halfed? Like: A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. -- Latin Proverb

A problem shared is a problem foreseen
 
Response to Scarlet:

Certainly have learn from them. The movie was a mirror for me to see an aspect of my self that I could not see when in the skin of the character. And it was a choice made there at the moment of seeing that which effects the common viewer of such movies. And as a viewer I deciced that this is not healthy nor good. Ofcourse at the time it was more of a uncomfortable truth to myself that I seen and which reminded me why I left the military in first place. If in disagreement, at the least in supporting an organization that destroys life in one way or the other.



Question: how do I quote a part of someones post ?
 
Roland JP said:
Question: how do I quote a part of someones post ?

copy and past the part of the text you want to quote into your message, highlight it and then click the little speech bubble above the smiley with the sunglasses.

Sounds like it was a good experience for you Roland because you realised some important things about yourself and the world.
 
Perceval said:
Roland JP said:
Question: how do I quote a part of someones post ?

copy and past the part of the text you want to quote into your message, highlight it and then click the little speech bubble above the smiley with the sunglasses.

And you can have a look at that thread :

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,5643.0.html
 
chaps23 said:
Looks like its been interesting to say the least! I believe we bring these experiences into our life deliberatly so we can learn from them,

In reply to your last line, That is the reason we are here for. Am I right in thinking a problem shared is a problem halfed?

I suppose it comes down to perspective.
 
I'm glad you found the post helpful, chaps23. It's something I have to remind myself of an awful lot.

Glad you are feeling better Roland JP. See, you are learning already from the experience you were so upset about. That's the way it works. :)
 
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