Consensus opinion on Doing and taking 'time out'?

[T.C.]

I don't really go out very often and I don't do much in the way of dissociation, like watching movies or listening to music. I think the fact that I was away from the forum for so long gave me a sense of needing to make up for wasted time, and that's what this year has been all about.

I have enough spare time to keep up with the forum, sott, transcribe, detox etc. etc. but I'm starting to feel, I don't know, a bit flat? As much as I disliked having to work away every weekend, since that finished in November I've just gone to the school where I teach, come home and gotten on the computer. On the one hand, I feel like I should just be able work constantly - I want to work constantly. I don't want to have to take time out, like 'me time' or something: I figure I've had enough 'me time' in my life and picking up a guitar or watching a movie or going away somewhere for the day is just wasting time.

But, I think I'm starting to feel it? I know that being alone is bad for one's health - emotionally, physically and psychologically. But where's the compromise? I have some good friends that have been there for me and we've shared good times together - but their primary social activity is going to the pub and drinking. I can't be bothered standing around in a bar listening to people talk about stuff I have no interest in. I want to be able to get up, go to work, come home and Work on stuff: learning, reading, etc.

I know I need to do something because for the first time since March, thoughts of gaming, drinking alcohol, etc. have been popping into my head. I want to do neither of these things, but I see them as markers - red flags; there's something lacking in my life or my routine.

So what's the consensus on 'me time' or down time? I don't want to have to need it, if that makes sense. Is it a possibility to just keep doing what one does every day and when these things come up, to acknowledge them and then forget them and continue on with the routine, or should I be taking time out? I just don't feel like there's enough time in a day to do the things I'm already doing and I want to maximise my work output. When I go to work or go to do a gig, all I can think about is getting home so I can be reading or transcribing, and those are things I actually have to do to materially stay afloat, so painting or writing songs are pretty much at the bottom of my list of priorities now.

 

[Ruth]

I don't really go out very often and I don't do much in the way of dissociation, like watching movies or listening to music. I think the fact that I was away from the forum for so long gave me a sense of needing to make up for wasted time, and that's what this year has been all about.

Is there such a thing as positive dissociation?

I know that doing things like daydreaming, reading fiction, playing games, going to the movies or listening to music and/or engaging in escapist activities, aren't all about wasting time and avoiding reality.

They're certainly a necessary part of my mental health! Especially if we have our heads so firmly shoved in the garbage bin of life - otherwise known as truth and reality (sott, lol). It's not pretty. Reality isn't. I think it's all about balance, or at least that's how I justify doing the disassociative escape from reality myself.

It's how I 'deal' with work and it's issues, as well as being so interested in what goes on in the world via sott. Too much of a supposedly "good" thing will harm you, too. Oh, and not enough 'play' with make TC a very dull person, not to mention unhealthy (depressed). Time to source some cat videos or some silly 'time wasting' stuff on the internet and simply enjoy them by having a good laugh? Sometimes this is just a method to deal with reality instead of avoiding it.

Ask yourself what are you avoiding? It could be something as boringly common and frequent as hubris or self importance, lol. Oh, look an oxymoron. :P

 

[mkrnhr]

There is a lengthy discussion on positive dissociation here: https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,14103.0.html
Like any activity, one has to be able to control it, to know the when, the how, the for what end, and not being controlled by it.

 

[T.C.]

Is there such a thing as positive dissociation?

There is a lengthy discussion on positive dissociation here: https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,14103.0.html
Like any activity, one has to be able to control it, to know the when, the how, the for what end, and not being controlled by it.

Thanks guys. I'll read the thread.

 

[Solie123]

I would love to hear what other have to say to this - I too sometimes isolate my self for DAYS, trying to stay 'on top' of things.

When I come home from being 'out,' sometimes I feel like it was such a waste of time! Like it was so unimportant, and that all that time I could have used to accomplish something actually important!

I've been wondering if perhaps I'm just afraid. Or that perhaps I'm not able to take the work with me. You know, the work doesn't solely depend on what you do, the work can be done anywhere, all it takes is being conscious. Lately I've been thinking that that's the trick. If I take the work with me, I shouldn't feel that I wasted time, because it wasn't wasted.

So perhaps it's just a one of those bumps we need to go through... We have a buffer: as long as we're alone, following our routine to the T, there's nothing challenging our capacity to do the work. Perhaps we should be removing it...

 

[Marina9]

I've been wondering if perhaps I'm just afraid. Or that perhaps I'm not able to take the work with me. You know, the work doesn't solely depend on what you do, the work can be done anywhere, all it takes is being conscious. Lately I've been thinking that that's the trick. If I take the work with me, I shouldn't feel that I wasted time, because it wasn't wasted.

I was thinking about that in the past days since we've been having lots of people around the house and I get very desperate sometimes, I used to be very extrovert but now I do enjoy more of the quiet times and tranquility hehe, as for my old habits to go out with my "friends" i've ditched that cause I know they are just in another channel and we just don't get along well anymore, last times I saw them I just got mad or frustrated, but as you say Solie I think this type of things are other challenges to work on that patience with others and consideration.

 

[Seppo Ilmarinen]

But, I think I'm starting to feel it? I know that being alone is bad for one's health - emotionally, physically and psychologically. But where's the compromise? I have some good friends that have been there for me and we've shared good times together - but their primary social activity is going to the pub and drinking. I can't be bothered standing around in a bar listening to people talk about stuff I have no interest in. I want to be able to get up, go to work, come home and Work on stuff: learning, reading, etc.

Can you see your friends when they're not at the pub drinking beer? Like taking a visit to a friends place, drink a cup of tea and have a small chat? Can you do something productive with your friends? For example taking walk together, doing workout, playing chess. Any social activity that nurtures and improves social bonds in a healthy way.

So what's the consensus on 'me time' or down time? I don't want to have to need it, if that makes sense. Is it a possibility to just keep doing what one does every day and when these things come up, to acknowledge them and then forget them and continue on with the routine, or should I be taking time out? I just don't feel like there's enough time in a day to do the things I'm already doing and I want to maximise my work output. When I go to work or go to do a gig, all I can think about is getting home so I can be reading or transcribing, and those are things I actually have to do to materially stay afloat, so painting or writing songs are pretty much at the bottom of my list of priorities now.

It's extremely important to have discipline, but there can be danger of becoming too obsessive with things. Imo positive dissociation is useful and necessary tool to keep your machine in balance. Just like in physical acticity, it's not healthy to exercise 5 times a day and neglecting the importance of rest. Watching an inspiring movie or listening a beatiful music can have energizing effect, which can inspire you later to do something productive. Like mkrnhr said, the key thing is to be conscious about these choises, because we often use dissociation as an addictive coping mechanism. I too recommend reading the thread about positive dissociation.

I know I need to do something because for the first time since March, thoughts of gaming, drinking alcohol, etc. have been popping into my head. I want to do neither of these things, but I see them as markers - red flags; there's something lacking in my life or my routine.

Have you been doing EE? Maybe it could help to give insight about these feelings, when they next time occur?

 

[lilyalic]

But, I think I'm starting to feel it? I know that being alone is bad for one's health - emotionally, physically and psychologically. But where's the compromise? I have some good friends that have been there for me and we've shared good times together - but their primary social activity is going to the pub and drinking. I can't be bothered standing around in a bar listening to people talk about stuff I have no interest in. I want to be able to get up, go to work, come home and Work on stuff: learning, reading, etc.

I feel pretty much the same, the majority of the time, I've linked it to lack of social connection with like minded folks. Although I do allow myself to watch an episode of a preferred program, have a bath, do yoga etc (if you've not tried yoga, give it a go! it gives you a calm, happy feeling whilst at the same time participating with others doing the same thing)... I have a constant feeling of dullness, like there's something lacking. I'm lucky to have Carl and the others around, but still, this feeling persists.

It's real hard getting through this stuff, when you know 99% of the people real close by, do use up their time drinking, doing drugs etc. It's quite hard not to go monk mode and stay in and hardly see anyone! I usually feel quite isolated, but try and push myself to go and see Carl or something, play a board game or w/e.

I guess you can do EE, read books, learn and transcribe all you want, but if I feel anything the same, then that loneliness doesn't seem to go away regardless of positive dissociation, or at least, that feeling seems to be around most of the time.

 

[T.C.]

It's extremely important to have discipline, but there can be danger of becoming too obsessive with things. Imo positive dissociation is useful and necessary tool to keep your machine in balance. Just like in physical acticity, it's not healthy to exercise 5 times a day and neglecting the importance of rest. Watching an inspiring movie or listening a beatiful music can have energizing effect, which can inspire you later to do something productive. Like mkrnhr said, the key thing is to be conscious about these choises, because we often use dissociation as an addictive coping mechanism. I too recommend reading the thread about positive dissociation.

I've spent the afternoon colouring in a colour therapy book whist listening to a couple of favourite albums. I feel a little more 'grounded', more relaxed, and don't actually feel guilty about it.

Plus...

Can you see your friends when they're not at the pub drinking beer? Like taking a visit to a friends place, drink a cup of tea and have a small chat? Can you do something productive with your friends? For example taking walk together, doing workout, playing chess. Any social activity that nurtures and improves social bonds in a healthy way.

It's real hard getting through this stuff, when you know 99% of the people real close by, do use up their time drinking, doing drugs etc. It's quite hard not to go monk mode and stay in and hardly see anyone! I usually feel quite isolated, but try and push myself to go and see Carl or something, play a board game or w/e.

I got a message about an hour ago from some friends who are having some of our other friends round to their house to play the game, "Family Fortunes". I guess they got it for Caesarmas. So I'm heading down to theirs soon.

Isn't it funny how the Universe gives us what we ask for? Always humbles me.

Have you been doing EE? Maybe it could help to give insight about these feelings, when they next time occur?

Well, I usually do it every Monday and Thursday, but due to the Holidays messing up my routine a bit, the last time I managed to do the full program was Monday 21st Dec, so I've been supplementing with POTS when I go to bed. I'm going to do the full program when I get home tonight.

Thanks for everyone's contributions.

 

[bjorb]

[quote author= Solie]I've been wondering if perhaps I'm just afraid. Or that perhaps I'm not able to take the work with me. You know, the work doesn't solely depend on what you do, the work can be done anywhere, all it takes is being conscious. Lately I've been thinking that that's the trick. If I take the work with me, I shouldn't feel that I wasted time, because it wasn't wasted.[/quote]

Especially when we are around other people, programs pop up. Practicing self-remembering during such moments and to reflect on it later is essential. Being book smart is important but practicing it out into the open is the real test. Like you said, it isn’t wasted at all.



[quote author= Padme90]as for my old habits to go out with my "friends" i've ditched that cause I know they are just in another channel and we just don't get along well anymore, last times I saw them I just got mad or frustrated[/quote]

Most frustrations we have with others are of our own making. It doesn’t have anything to do with them. Only ourselves. At least, that what I discovered in my case.

I don’t feel obliged to stick with people. That doesn’t say that I ignore them. But I think that we shouldn’t act against or with them. We should act to follow our own destiny.



[quote author= Lilyalic]do use up their time drinking, doing drugs etc.[/quote]

Drinking and doing drugs with other people make many feel like they do belong. People really want to be part of something. To experience something ‘extreme’ together seems to be desirable. Drinking especially is a part of bonding.

In reality, if people think that this is means to be connected with others they are gravely mistaken. Compassion is what connects us with each other. Not some self-destructive ritual of drinking and doing drugs each weekend.



[quote author=Lilyalic]then that loneliness doesn't seem to go away regardless of positive dissociation, or at least, that feeling seems to be around most of the time.[/quote]

If you are working on yourself. You are actually never alone I think. You work on yourself so that you can help others. That’s the most truthful connection there is.

 

[Beau]

I would love to hear what other have to say to this - I too sometimes isolate my self for DAYS, trying to stay 'on top' of things.

When I come home from being 'out,' sometimes I feel like it was such a waste of time! Like it was so unimportant, and that all that time I could have used to accomplish something actually important!

I've been wondering if perhaps I'm just afraid. Or that perhaps I'm not able to take the work with me. You know, the work doesn't solely depend on what you do, the work can be done anywhere, all it takes is being conscious. Lately I've been thinking that that's the trick. If I take the work with me, I shouldn't feel that I wasted time, because it wasn't wasted.

That's a good perspective to have. I guess it depends on why you are going out. If you have to, or it suits your aim or helps with maintaining social connections, then using that as an opportunity to not act mechanically and use Work concepts like external consideration, then the time will not be a waste. If you go out and essentially dissociate and act mechanically, then yeah, you didn't really accomplish anything important. There's nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself, as long as it doesn't get out of control or become a narrative used to avoid life, but it should be regulated and done consciously otherwise next thing you know, that's all you are doing and the Work becomes a 'dream of the past'.

 

[Solie123]

Exactly what I was thinking guys. Although, I can't speak on behave of T.C. but I find it hard to connect with my old friends. I'm just not interested in talking about celebrities and video game and that superficial stuff.

It's tough to find someone to really share your thoughts with at times. Although it doesn't hinder me much - I've learned to accept that fact and just take advantage and appreciate what I do have... Like the forum.

 

[Marina9]

[quote author= Padme90]as for my old habits to go out with my "friends" i've ditched that cause I know they are just in another channel and we just don't get along well anymore, last times I saw them I just got mad or frustrated

Most frustrations we have with others are of our own making. It doesn’t have anything to do with them. Only ourselves. At least, that what I discovered in my case.

I don’t feel obliged to stick with people. That doesn’t say that I ignore them. But I think that we shouldn’t act against or with them. We should act to follow our own destiny.

[/quote]

In my case i ditched this environment cause it was surrounded by drugs and alcohol, as most have mentioned, IMO it's like 90% of the time people get together to do just this, or friends that knew ur old habits that u've changed but don't realize it, and in my case they were sometimes really pushy as why i didn't drink anymore, or ate whatever they ate, so that was what got me desperate hanging around with them. But then again, it's a matter of respect from both ways, mine cause they drink and do things i don't do anymore, and them for respecting who im now.

Although I can still talk to them once in a while, i made up my mind that we are just in different paths and that's ok, we grow apart, we don't have to be the same 17 year olds we where.

 

[obyvatel]

[quote author= Solie]I've been wondering if perhaps I'm just afraid. Or that perhaps I'm not able to take the work with me. You know, the work doesn't solely depend on what you do, the work can be done anywhere, all it takes is being conscious. Lately I've been thinking that that's the trick. If I take the work with me, I shouldn't feel that I wasted time, because it wasn't wasted.

Especially when we are around other people, programs pop up. Practicing self-remembering during such moments and to reflect on it later is essential. Being book smart is important but practicing it out into the open is the real test. Like you said, it isn’t wasted at all.
[/quote]

Practicing self-remembering in the midst of daily activities takes a lot of effort and energy. Unless one is very far advanced in this path or has extraordinary amounts of energy, it is not practical to consider self-remembering all the time. Besides, "taking time out", which is what TC was asking about in the first post, is not "working". It is a time for relaxation and/or social interaction.

What is more practical in case of social interactions is to focus as much as possible on external consideration. Ideas about the Work can and does feed self-importance and sometimes it comes out clearly when talking to other people, where we are left seeking validation or showing off how much we know. That is internal considering, the opposite of external considering.

To me, external considering means making an effort to understand where the other person is coming from, what he/she is looking for from the interaction, acknowledging it and giving it if possible. It means making an effort to not get identified in trying to get something from the interaction for myself.

Good listeners are able to make others comfortable around them. And often, it is about making the choice to be helpful rather than being right, when the two are in conflict.

 

[bjorb]

- Hi Padme

I recently had a dinner with friends where most fell quickly to old or still ongoing routines of heavily drinking, which always quickly follows with substance use. I never stay till the end. Because frankly, it just gets retarded.

I am comfortable with being the ''odd one out.’’ But this wasn’t always the case. Had all kinds of different episodes.

But like you said :

‘’Although I can still talk to them once in a while, i made up my mind that we are just in different paths and that's ok’’

We have our own path to follow.



- Hi obyvatel.

To react appropriate in any social interactions is to be external considerate. Before I say anything I try question my intent. Surely with most people I speak to our interests are a world apart. So there isn’t really much to say frankly. I just try to be sincerely interested in them. And I mean try.

To much self-remembering may turn you into a ‘monk’ I think.

With that I mean, unable to enjoy anything. It’s stressful.