ggen
Jedi Master
In reading 'Trapped In The Mirror', I've realized that both of my parents are narcissists. A bit of background before I post my question: I am the oldest of 2 children. My sibling is 3 years younger than myself. Growing up, my father was always very selfcentered and short tempered. It was his way or NO WAY. Fortunately my sibling and I didn't suffer any physical abuse. My mother has been physically ill with some infection, illness, injury etc. since I can remember.
During my preteen and teen years, my father worked 3pm until 11pm so he was unavailable after school and much was left up to my mother (me). My brother was doted on and 'excused' from all sorts of sneaky, disrespectful, and untruthful behavior. I seemed to to take on the 'role' as adult/caregiver as there was no one else present to guide our family. When my father was home, he was mostly 'absent' and always blaming my mother for not disciplining or 'giving structure to' the kids. While my mother did hold several jobs, her health was always an issue that dominated the family's attention. My father eventually left my mother for another woman when I was 14.
As soon as I could drive, I became the errand runner and primary 'source' for my mother to come to when she needed to go to doctors. I have probably accompanied her to over 300 doctor's appointments, tests, surgeries etc. Besides taking her, I became actively involved in her care, including speaking to the 'doctors', picking up prescriptions...you get the idea. As I got older and began questioning certain aspects of the 'relationship' she and I had versus the one she had with my sibling, our arguments intensely grew.
Fortunately I have seen the relationship for what it was (not so painful anymore) and also identified the fact that I genuinely care about the ills of others. Whether it be physical or emotional, I pick up on them and am able to relate or console. In the process of awakening, I realize that for years now I have extended way too much of my'self' without regarding that the 'self' needs to be fulfilled as well. In doing the WORK, I'm learning more how to refuel my mental and physical body.
My problem is this: While I have taken much quiet time for recapitulation, reading, etc. I still have to 'operate' outside my studies. I've felt a shift in my understanding of humans and their pain. Although I know 'external' ways to help and relate to them, I know that ultimately they have to 'find their own way'. The people in my past (including my parents) know the 'old' me and still come to me to 'just talk'. They are used to my relating skills, problem solving, diplomacy, empathetic ear, etc. I find my patience dwindling and even as I try to kindly wrap the conversation up and say 'not right now, they're not getting the message. Any suggestions would be most appreciated...I don't want to completely lose it with the ones I care for, but I just can't be that constant receptacle either...
During my preteen and teen years, my father worked 3pm until 11pm so he was unavailable after school and much was left up to my mother (me). My brother was doted on and 'excused' from all sorts of sneaky, disrespectful, and untruthful behavior. I seemed to to take on the 'role' as adult/caregiver as there was no one else present to guide our family. When my father was home, he was mostly 'absent' and always blaming my mother for not disciplining or 'giving structure to' the kids. While my mother did hold several jobs, her health was always an issue that dominated the family's attention. My father eventually left my mother for another woman when I was 14.
As soon as I could drive, I became the errand runner and primary 'source' for my mother to come to when she needed to go to doctors. I have probably accompanied her to over 300 doctor's appointments, tests, surgeries etc. Besides taking her, I became actively involved in her care, including speaking to the 'doctors', picking up prescriptions...you get the idea. As I got older and began questioning certain aspects of the 'relationship' she and I had versus the one she had with my sibling, our arguments intensely grew.
Fortunately I have seen the relationship for what it was (not so painful anymore) and also identified the fact that I genuinely care about the ills of others. Whether it be physical or emotional, I pick up on them and am able to relate or console. In the process of awakening, I realize that for years now I have extended way too much of my'self' without regarding that the 'self' needs to be fulfilled as well. In doing the WORK, I'm learning more how to refuel my mental and physical body.
My problem is this: While I have taken much quiet time for recapitulation, reading, etc. I still have to 'operate' outside my studies. I've felt a shift in my understanding of humans and their pain. Although I know 'external' ways to help and relate to them, I know that ultimately they have to 'find their own way'. The people in my past (including my parents) know the 'old' me and still come to me to 'just talk'. They are used to my relating skills, problem solving, diplomacy, empathetic ear, etc. I find my patience dwindling and even as I try to kindly wrap the conversation up and say 'not right now, they're not getting the message. Any suggestions would be most appreciated...I don't want to completely lose it with the ones I care for, but I just can't be that constant receptacle either...
