Court testimony

Rhansen

Rhansen

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Just got this via email, thought I'd share.


These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>
>>
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> ______________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>> WITNESS: Every year.
>> _____________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does IT affect your memory?
>> WITNESS: I forget.
>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>> forgot?
>> _____________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>> _____________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>> morning?
>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in Voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We both do.
>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We do.
>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>> ___________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
>> ________________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> WITNESS: Uh....
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> WITNESS: None.
>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> WITNESS: By death.
>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a Deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>> WITNESS: Oral.
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> WITNESS: Huh?
>> ______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 
I am sorry-this will not add any "useful" content-but I think we have just found the perfect vocation for Paris Hilton...
 
Disorder in the American Courts

This one was circulated around at my job today. Tragic if you see it from another perspective really.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Click to expand...
 
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'


;
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITN ESS: My name is Susan!

___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes . ;
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twentyyearold, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

____________________________ ______ ________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

___________________________________ ______ __

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by who se death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

_____ _______________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

_____________________________________

And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

--
A dear friend sent me these, and I had to share. :lol:
 
Re: These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'

I thought they were pretty good too.
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=2420.msg14945#msg14945
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Click to expand...
that still makes me smile. :lol:
 
Re: These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts'

Thanks Rhansen. I remembered reading this somewhere before not realising that it was right here in the Tickle me section. I've merged the topics. :)
 
7.gif
 
Hi Myrddin Awyr,

You may need to change your image tag above. Seems like the link to the website in your image tag is not correct. :)
 
Vulcan59 said:
You may need to change your image tag above. Seems like the link to the website in your image tag is not correct. :)
Click to expand...

Really? It was working fine - an image of smiley face laughing hard on the floor - on my end, at least.
 
Myrddin Awyr said:
Vulcan59 said:
You may need to change your image tag above. Seems like the link to the website in your image tag is not correct. :)
Click to expand...

Really? It was working fine - an image of smiley face laughing hard on the floor - on my end, at least.
Click to expand...

Works for me.
 
Okay. Your reply number #6 shows up blank at my end. When I copied and pasted the image url in my browser, it comes up with page not found. I then did a Google search for the website and again clicking on the url _http://www.getsmileyface.com brings up a "Page not found" message. And for some reason, this page takes a long time to load, basically just hangs at your post (post #6.) :huh:

I'll try clear my browsers cache and see if the problem persists. If it still doesn't work, I'll let you know.
 
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