Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self- Mutilation???

[Renaissance]

Make sure you can do so anonymously, because this kind of thing can have a nasty backlash, not just for you, for the girl in question too.

School counselors are mandated reporters so they're legally responsible to report suspected child abuse or neglect to the state. I think it's highly likely that social services will become involved, if only to see that the proper services are put in place. It's often a lousy system, but if it's left up to the parents, who knows if they would try and sweep it under the rug or go into denial like has been mentioned. If Shijing contacts the counselor, I would guess that the counselor would try to see the young girl and go from there. I doubt Shijing would need to be named by the counselor if/when the report was actually made, and perhaps the call to the counselor could be anonymous as well.

 

[shijing]

Thanks everyone for your advice about this situation, and also to EmeraldHope and Drea for sharing part of your own stories -- I'm sorry to hear that both of you went through something similar, especially with what I've been learning about cutting. I talked this over with my daughter some more today, and also talked to a couple of people who have experience in the public school system, and I think we've worked out roughly what we are going to do for now.

My daughter did some research this afternoon and printed out some material about cutting -- she wants to try to make her other friends aware of what the issues really are, because they aren't taking it very seriously and even feel a bit annoyed by the girl doing the cutting because they think, since she has the "perfect" family, she must just be doing it to get attention. Well, that may or may not be true in a way, but not in the way they are thinking (she never purposefully told any of her friends about it, she just didn't deny it when they noticed and asked about it). So for her part, she is going to try to have them read the material and explain what is going on, in the hope that they will be more supportive, which is what this girl really needs, I think, but hasn't been getting. She's also going to try to just talk with her in general and try to make her feel like she's not being seen as an outcast -- after some of the other girls found fresh cuts yesterday, she spent the rest of the day crying in class and didn't come to school today, so my daughter is worried about her.

As for my part, I'm going to try communicate with the counselor (who I hope is well-trained -- I know he's new), and make sure that I remain anonymous, because I agree things like this can get ugly. I'm not at all sure about what will happen if and when the parents become involved.

Also, you may want to ask your daughter if it is Ok to do this since she put trust in you by telling you this.

I agree, Drea -- I've discussed it with her, and she thinks that given the potential dangers involved with cutting, it's worth the risk. I want to be as careful as I can, because the other girls all have a pact with each other not to tell any adults because they don't want their friend to be mad at them, and they have all known about this for the past month, whereas my daughter just learned of it yesterday -- so if it comes out that someone told the counselor about this, it might not be hard to guess who it was that talked. It's a complicated and messy situation, but we both feel that the first priority should be trying to get this girl help -- not only because of the underlying issues that are leading to the cutting in the first place, but also because she could do herself unintentional damage, whether through getting an infection, accidentally cutting deeper than she intends to, etc. She's described herself as feeling addicted to it, which I understand is pretty normal, so it's very unlikely that she will stop by herself, especially not without talking with someone and addressing the underlying issues.