Dark doings in the U.K

[Skipling]

A few little missives from a struggler. My order for c of z by Douglas Reed was mysteriously "damaged" in postage, I have just been informed. The company concerned, The Book Community, are now sending me another copy. I have had "postage" problems before, when I sent off a few of my more contentious poems for publication in an anthology in London, only for the package to be returned to sender from Bradford (!), clearly opened and read, before being sent back to me. I was in a terrible state of mind at the time, but ought to have investigated the situation further. It was July 2007.

Also, I have been having trouble with a company regarding the shipment of a quantity of melatonin. Vitasunn.co.uk accepted payment of 360mg from me, yet shipped only 120mg. I was merely buying in bulk to save money, and it seems they are attempting to rip me off. As a chronic insomnia sufferer, this is dismaying to say the least.

Clearly, the British "Establishment" are cracking down even on a little figure like me these days.

By the way, SoTT.net has now been filtered by Haverfordwest Library, where I now communicate from, as I no longer have a computer. It deems you "unfit content". Things just seem to be getting worse and worse...Pembrokeshire county council have a wretched reputation with those in the know around here anyway.

On a more positive note, sincere thanks to the QFS team for their compiled reading list. Gary Allen and Lobaczewski are edifying to say the least. both are tremendous books which i am now reading in tandem.

 

[Rich]

Hi Steven,

with all these things are going against you it means you are definitely on the right track ;)

Have you read the Wave and adventures series? There are some relevant examples in there about the level of attacks that Laura suffered as she forged her path.

"all these things are sent to try us"

A few little missives from a struggler. My order for c of z by Douglas Reed was mysteriously "damaged" in postage, I have just been informed. The company concerned, The Book Community, are now sending me another copy. I have had "postage" problems before, when I sent off a few of my more contentious poems for publication in an anthology in London, only for the package to be returned to sender from Bradford (!), clearly opened and read, before being sent back to me. I was in a terrible state of mind at the time, but ought to have investigated the situation further. It was July 2007.

Also, I have been having trouble with a company regarding the shipment of a quantity of melatonin. Vitasunn.co.uk accepted payment of 360mg from me, yet shipped only 120mg. I was merely buying in bulk to save money, and it seems they are attempting to rip me off. As a chronic insomnia sufferer, this is dismaying to say the least.

Clearly, the British "Establishment" are cracking down even on a little figure like me these days.

By the way, SoTT.net has now been filtered by Haverfordwest Library, where I now communicate from, as I no longer have a computer. It deems you "unfit content". Things just seem to be getting worse and worse...Pembrokeshire county council have a wretched reputation with those in the know around here anyway.

On a more positive note, sincere thanks to the QFS team for their compiled reading list. Gary Allen and Lobaczewski are edifying to say the least. both are tremendous books which i am now reading in tandem.

 

[Craig]

Clearly, the British "Establishment" are cracking down even on a little figure like me these days.

Not so clearly, actually. I'm sure there are thousands of people per year who have to re-order because of book damage... what's so dangerous about Jackie Collins? Then again, that's a whole other story...

 

[Skipling]

Granted, Pob and Leonpher; you are both getting me far closer to aspects of my own paranoid fears, which are negative thought processes, which no doubt have cost me much energy and concentration over the years. Somewhere between the two lyeth the truth, methinks. Awareness is one thing, but perspective is essential. One look at the state of the world, particularly Africa and the Middle East, has shown me the VANITY of getting bogged down in my own personal problems. Esoterically, I am beginning to get it.

On a much lighter note, both elements have now been swiftly rectified, with a new copy of C of Z on the way (which I read on the web but struggled with. Screen text is fine for articles but a WHOLE BOOK? My eyesight is poor enough as it is.) As I am getting to grips with Ponerology, which is highly technical as a read but with a dictionary at hand easier to understand, I have been looking at the nature of history with a far broader perspective. The bulk order of melatonin has been sorted too. Sorry Vitasunn. Paranoia and a guilt complex has been at the root of a LOT of my struggles.

Yes, Pob, I read large sections of the Wave material online, but again I will purchase the books so I can intertextualise. Annotations are a man's best friend! Whilst the web is an awesome invention, nothing can compare to a good book and a decent pen.

These things ARE sent to try us, but sometimes the most trying aspects are those within. Seek and ye shall find, I guess. Shine a light on the darker recesses of one's mind in order to improve self understanding.

 

[Craig]

You've said in previous threads about noticing strange occurrences and synchronicities, and no doubt these have had a significant influence upon your personality and world-view. I'd recommend Eve Lorgen's "Alien Love Bite" - in addition to the recommended narcissism literature - just to give you a fuller idea about what is possible here; in essence, if these weren't just paranoid connections you were making, either way they served only one purpose: they made you into a tastier food source. Nothing to do with being special, or having some hidden potential, or being a danger to the system; just simply an incredibly mechanical individual who was placed further up the menu and manipulated to produce more supplies.

How any sane person would be vain about that is beyond belief. Been there, done that...

 

[Skipling]

Leonpher, when you say "Been there done that", could you elaborate? Have you been through this, or do you just think I am going nuts? I would greatly appreciate an honest reply.
I have been paranoid, but what I intended to mean by the vanity was to not become self obsessed if I was having any particular difficulties, just to lighten myself up. Plus, and a big one at that, I do think that my upbringing in a catholic school has haunted me with regards to guilt complexes of various forms. The "sin" thing got me. Programming as so many of the team's core texts say.

I can assure you I am no narcissist, as my limitations are fully self evident. However, the tangibility of some of the strange experiences and sightings has scared me. Big time. They have had negative impacts upon me, left me feeling very isolated, as so few friends (most I have lost), family and work colleagues take me seriously these days. The isolation has been at the root of the paranoia, and being mistrustful of others, and I see that.

When you say "incredibly mechanical" individual, what do you mean? This interests me, because if you are correct then I have an awful lot of self-ob to do!!!

Please, clarify your points. I will look into that book, because clearly I am missing something here, or I was not expressing myself correctly; your honesty will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Craig]

I don't know whether you're nuts or not, but all of us are narcissistically wounded to varying degrees, that's why I recommended the books mentioned here and the one by Eve Lorgen. They certainly helped me to get more of a clue about such strange phenomena, it's wider context and how it relates to our emotional life. Considering it's such a broad and deep topic - and has been covered extensively from all sorts of directions here and on the website - my best suggestion is that you keep exploring and reading.

 

[Skipling]

I've been reflecting on that last post further; Are you, Leonpher, trying to provoke a certain response? Like rile me? I went back to work earlier today after checking in on the web, and thus posted earlier. later on, I felt really angry at basically being labelled by someone who only knows me through a number of posts on a forum. I don't really think that's fair, now do you?

I think my words have been taken out of context, and to presuppose someone to either be nuts or a narcissist based upon posts from what I can only define from my own perspective, remembering back to '06 when I was going through some terrible stuff in my life, to be arrogant in the extreme. I admitted my addiction problems on this site because I genuinely thought someone was after me. a bloke I knew in Southampton in 2006, a freemason, told me, and I quote "You're life is over". Now, a few days later all hell broke loose and i had a breakdown. I think a little paranoia would be felt by anyone who was effectively issued a death threat. he also made some veiled allusions to parapsychology, but I'll get to that when I have more time.

Leo, I don't know you, what makes you think you know me? Help me out here.

 

[anart]

I've been reflecting on that last post further; Are you, Leonpher, trying to provoke a certain response? Like rile me?

For what it's worth, Steven, I don't think there is any evidence that Leonpher was doing anything other than explaining that he has experienced similar things and that it is often, if not always, an indication of self-importance and self-referencing - of not seeing things as they really are.

I went back to work earlier today after checking in on the web, and thus posted earlier. later on, I felt really angry at basically being labelled by someone who only knows me through a number of posts on a forum. I don't really think that's fair, now do you?

This is an example of not seeing things how they really are - and of emotional thinking - and of self-referencing. Basically, you are 'offended' - which is self-importance and you're offended at something that didn't even happen, which indicates that you are not seeing things clearly - your reading instrument is off.

Usually such a thing does not happen in a vacuum - if it happens here, then it is happening in the other areas of your life as well.

I think my words have been taken out of context, and to presuppose someone to either be nuts or a narcissist based upon posts from what I can only define from my own perspective, remembering back to '06 when I was going through some terrible stuff in my life, to be arrogant in the extreme. I admitted my addiction problems on this site because I genuinely thought someone was after me. a bloke I knew in Southampton in 2006, a freemason, told me, and I quote "You're life is over". Now, a few days later all hell broke loose and i had a breakdown. I think a little paranoia would be felt by anyone who was effectively issued a death threat. he also made some veiled allusions to parapsychology, but I'll get to that when I have more time.

Leo, I don't know you, what makes you think you know me? Help me out here.

First of all, it is clear that you need to do more reading because you do not understand what is being said about narcissism and self-referencing. I don't think he has to 'know you' in any way other than through your words, which indicate a high level of self-importance, emotional thinking, paranoia and self-involvement (this is quite common, by the way). It is also clear that Leonpher stated that he has experienced the similar things until he learned that he was feeding into it and until he learned to start to see things more objectively and less as if he is the center of the Universe (correct me if I'm mistaken, Leonpher).

The fact, Steven, that this upset you so much indicates that you are inner-considering and not seeing things in general, or about yourself, clearly - please take the time to read the informaiton linked by Leonpher, that is if you are interested in actually working on this.

 

[Tigersoap]

Jeez I just spent ten minutes writting my post and Anart beat me to the punch

I think a little paranoia would be felt by anyone who was effectively issued a death threat. he also made some veiled allusions to parapsychology, but I'll get to that when I have more time.

I can't help but to notice that as paranoid as you say you are you are using your "real" name on a public forum ;) :P

 

[Craig]

Anart said it all so clearly... if you read my posts carefully, I never once called you a narcissist or "nuts". I said we're all narcissistic - there's a difference - to varying degrees, and when you see it in yourself you can see it in other people, by what they do and don't do, say and don't say.

 

[Skipling]

Just read your post. I apologise. Obviously a bit of tension there as i have been getting the "steve is nuts" attitude from some people recently. I wasn't trying to start an argument, but your post did rile me, with about an hour delay, ha ha.

Just want to clarify WHY I was paranoid. This man, with whom I worked, took great offence at me talking to our mutual friends about matrixy themes and ufos and the like. he made out he was my friend, but on reflection, he obviously hated me. We had been enjoying a whisky when the threat was made, but there is no excuse and I have perfect recall of events in my life. It's a grim movie, but one day I'll get to see it The man, who called himself Ali, but how am I to know that was his real name, seemed really annoyed by me simply talking to folks about what I consider interesting. Now, here's the spooky part. he made the aforementioned threat after I alluded to a hidden force behind the moon. Now, I hadn't read hedsel at that point, and am only a few chapters into it now. I honest to God don't know where I got that idea from, but it sure peeved my Iraqi work colleague. Yup, an Iraqi, and a Freemason. I am sure he would deny it if asked now. He also looked deep into my eyes and unnerved me at the time. I crashed out at his pad that night. the following week, all hell broke loose. Weird voices in my head, obscene sexual thoughts, and hallucinations.

Then I saw that bloody "spider" thing, and I now know about window fallers and the like, but at the time I took it as it looked, and ran out of my (soon to be ex) girlfriends house. I suffered a total breakdown, and it has taken me until now, these very moments counting on, to put my head back together. I have never been so scared in my entire life. The thing was massive, and there were smaller ones in trees around the neighbouring streets. I saw one bloke in the street fall flat on his back and not get up. He was just walking home. This was June 2004, earls Rd, Southampton. The police picked me up a in a boat in the harbour that morning, and i was too afraid to tell anyone at the time what i had experienced.

I have no reason to lie, man. I gain nothing from this. You make your own minds up. Pardon the language, but I deposited excrement, so to say. This is why I have been paranoid, just wondering if there would be any chance of me putting my back together, after an experience like that. Just had to clarify; I hope no-one ever experiences what I went through.

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

Pardon the language, but I deposited excrement, so to say.

English is not my mother tongue, so maybe it's a british thing I cannot understand. May I ask you what you meant exactly by that, Steven?
Thanks!

 

[Skipling]

Apologies. My thinking is all over the place at the moment. Whilst I stand by my explanation for my perceived paranoia, which may actually be a form of neurosis brought on by the trauma of the experience, I know that I was living a dual life during the years leading up to the incident. There was the seeker within me, studying, reading, trying to make sense of my own lack of self control and the madness of the Iraq war and 9-11, and the sleazy element which was what I would perceive to be a counterstrike against me; 'A' influences; egotism, sex, alcohol and soft drugs.

Maybe the threat wasn't to my innate sense of being, more a warning that some element within me had to be identified and slayed, burned away, so to speak. my life isn't over, but no progress will be possible without the life of those influences being over, or ended.

Anart, your perception of the situation reveals my lack of self knowledge. I will read the Eve Longren book, and it should aid my reading of Lobaczewski. I read a passage about trauma and regression the other day which truly struck a chord, and how it can precipitate a mental retreat of sorts.

Also, I cannot for the life of me understand why I put my real name on the forum in the first place; I may change it to something else, but yeah, Tigersoap, it is my real name. I must have been looking for some way of distancing myself from the skystalker handle, which I loathe.

Suffice to say, a lesson has been learned here, and thank you to you all who have commented. You have helped to awaken a recognition of my state as it is, objectively, rather than what I erroneously perceive it to be. The lesson is that I will not view world events and society around me correctly until I have an objective view of my own state. i will look into the links pronto.

Basically, Mrs Tigersoap, what i meant was that I was scared to the point of tauma. S### myself. Terrified.

Apologies Leonpher if I caused offence. E-motional reaction, to being truly seen. I have much work to do.

 

[bedower]

Hi Steven,

I'd just like to encourage you to stay reading these Cassiopaean threads. The people here have helped me to see my own problem areas that need working on, even though their replies and insights have not been addressed to me specifically.

I can empathise with your feeling of paranoia, having a massive great dollop of it myself; i.e it is not the world that is out to get me, it is the whole universe (yeah, I know, self-importance, too!).

Thanks to the selfless posters here, I am wrestling these traits into submission, because I can perceive and recognise them for what they are; the Predator's mind. And I want no part of it.

Now that I've bared my soul to the forum, I'm off to cringe in a corner somewhere. (The Predator's mind, again!)

Don't give up the fight!