December Named National Awareness Month

[TheSpoon]

Spoof article from The Onion. The American Foundation for Paying Attention to Things has declared December "National Awareness Month."

_http://www.theonion.com/content/news/december_named_national_awareness

Defined as the ability to realize what one is doing, to whom one is doing it, and what the consequences of doing it or not doing it may be, awareness is considered to be a major factor in a number of modern human endeavors, among them: decision-making, prioritizing, and just basically walking around without always bumping into things.

While lack of awareness—or "unawareness," as the foundation calls it—has reached dangerously high levels across the nation, organizers said there are still steps that can be taken by everyone to address the issue.

"A simple self-exam once a month can greatly reduce the chances of becoming unaware," AFPAT founder Michael Poe said. "First, position yourself in front of your bathroom mirror. Second, make eye contact with the reflection in the mirror. Now, while still maintaining eye contact, take three to five minutes to think about the fact that you exist as a human being."

Added Poe, "As long as you can remember to do that and not just completely tune out for an entire year or so, you should be all right."

Also enjoyed "Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be"

_http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_passionate_defender_of

 

[Ottershrew]

Another good piece from The Onion is this from their Top Ten stories of the last 4.5 billion years:

Sumerians Look on in Confusion as God Creates World

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass." [...] According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system. [...] According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings. "These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."