Do I stay or do I go-on moving alone

supriyanoel

supriyanoel

Jedi
Recently put my house up for sale and it looks like a serious bite from a buyer will go into contract. And I'm still flip-flopping, decision wise. The reason to leave wanting to leave this area, although I have about 50 core students that have been with me a while, some of which I trained to instruct, was due to lack of enough back-up funds to care for a 2 story house. Its tight. I always managed during dire circumstances, but tight. Can't plan a trip anywhere because I'm locked in, feeding the house. Its the ancestral home, and I'm an only child, everyone being gone pretty recently.I understand and am dealing with the emotional attachments, which are always there giving me rationale for staying. I am not getting the price I want, but even that I'm willing to be more flexible about. I've researched places to go,some of which sound good to me for various reasons. The bottom line if I can find one is: where is the place that fits my criteria, and can I honestly go without knowing where the work is, or knowing anyone. I don't want to live off savings. If I can't go somewhere where I can give a service that I know is a beneficial and effective service in something I give well, I get in a standstill. It seems wishful thinking to pick somewhere like Portland Or, Asheville N.C or Palm Springs(where there are a lot of bored people, I only hear) and wish for the best. When I called a man in N.C. who put an ad for a yoga teacher, I called and we connected well, inviting me down. It was almost enough for me. I spend hours researching. I could of won awards juggling these pushy real estate people and I'm tired. I'm signing inspection papers today, and I feel I'm heading for a more peaceful state of surrender.One of the biggest decisions since all my funds are this house, and I am letting go. Conversing spiritually with my 5D family(who are truly helpful without saying much, because its the love connection that gives me the courage, as I was and am very much so by them) Signing papers, buying a car for my 2 dogs and dove, getting an apartment in this borough for now, while I travel w/animals to go to the places I've researched. I'll probably need a bow and arrow. And every tool I use for growth. I am a Libra, Gemini asc, Aquarius Moon. Yes, EEK EEK, OMG, but probably and possibly very OK. Subjectively if feels like I could use a real RESTHOME. I am scared, and writing this is reinforcing the decision to ride this wave of continuous creation.That you if you read this. I know the format is a stinker.
 
That you if you read this. I know the format is a stinker.
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next time you post, could you split your post in to paragraphs? It makes it MUCH easier to read and reply to. :)
 
I had to sell my "ancestral home" almost two years ago and it was hard letting go. Is this the first offer you've had? Is there a chance a better one could come along as you said it was only recently on the market? Perhaps you may want to check some of the relocation threads on the forum, and move closer to people you may be more colinear with?
 
Thank you so much Mrs. Peel. The relocation threads are just what I need to look at. Its been on the market in the last couple of years, 6 mo. total, and this is the best bite with someone who may get good financing. We'll see because 100% financing is iffy (you've probably been through all this). I felt this was the person to buy it, and his credit is good, so are his personal assets. So much to consider, as you know. Again thanks for the time you took to give me this info, as I'm am juggling a lot. You did me a real service. Plus, I've read you posts for years and I'm honored. You've given me much already. A few sentences heard at the right time, like right now, can be priceless, a gift.
 
First, I totally sympathize with your situation. Having to sell my own family home after my parents died was difficult but I was able to invest the equity and improve my quality of life considerably so the trade-off made it easier to accept. I am also in the process of selling my current home of many years and it is also very trying but I know there will be changes for the better in many ways that will come of it--always life changes no matter how hard we try to hang on.
Good luck finding a better situation for you and your dogs.

Second,
That[thank?] you if you read this. I know the format is a stinker.
Click to expand...

Why, if you know your posts are not ready to be read by others do you post them?
This is not externally considerate of your fellow forum members.
Several times I have given up trying to read your writing because of its stream-of-conscientiousness style and no paragraphs.
You will undoubtedly get more/better feedback if you make a little more effort to make your posts more readable.
This forum is not a private journal that would lend itself to such a style of writing.
You sound very sincere in your desire for connection here; I can't help but think it would be to your benefit to make an effort to make your thoughts more accessible to others. Think about it--change here may do good too.
shellycheval
 
Having also just sold my home for 36 years, I empathize with your situation. I also have no specific destination in the near future and will travel a bit until I find it.

I did not pick up on much in the way of you second-guessing your decision. You seem to have a path laid out and are proceeding along it just fine. While you may think you are still in dilemma, you are almost done. If you still have qualms, give yourself permission to let them diminish and trust that you and your higher self know exactly what is necessary for the next phase in your life.
 
Just thought I'd mention a tip on how to break up your posts into paragraphs, supriyanoel. Every time you start a new though/idea/theme etc., or take the thought/idea/theme, etc. in a new direction / elaborate / develop it further, hit the "Enter" key twice on your keyboard to start a new paragraph. Hope that helps you on how to break up paragraphs.
 
SeekinTruth, I am in awe that you said the magic words that would turn my mess of chunky-hurt-your-eyes sentences into a somewhat more readable format. I didn't know to double click return. I am not computer literate to any large or small degree, although I spend a lot of time researching and writing. You don't even want to see what I do with WORD. This is one of the most trying times in my life, so I appreciate your input, and you've inspired me to persevere

I also appreciate your input ShellyCheval, and I hope you'll understand my ignorance and my desire to change that. I've tried not to post until I could find the anecdote one way or another for my lack of appropriate presentation. You are correct in its external inconsiderateness. At the time I felt like I was bleeding, but didn't want to find out how to fill out the forms to gain entrance to the critical care unit. I apologize. I will make it my business to learn more. I want to post like the savvy literates also and find out how they set up those formats. And I will learn, and you had a hand in that. So thanks.

Mrs. Peel, because you sent me that post I learned something about real estate in Europe that I was clueless about. If you choose to live in a country like Spain, without spending a inordinate amount of time, thanks largely to a relatively new endeavor on the part of these countries to gain back what they lost in foreclosures, (as they're are many homes in many countries empty of tenants), the country will allow you to live for the fee of 160 Euros. Other countries are more expensive. It is a plan to get the economy back on its feet etc. So you get to live work as any other citizen. I got exited hearing that, since I always wanted to live in Europe. Never really felt like an American, whatever that means. May just be an attachment from lives lived there in the past. I always felt this love for a few places there. Knowing this can be a little easier is something I thank you for giving me the opportunity to find out. You are kind and selfless to post this to me. I am in a much different place since then. I didn't need much, and you started my dot connecting after a standstill. Diet and EE breathing got me asking, as people are number one

.

Everything I'm hearing from all is valuable to me. As I look at this post, I want to cry. Just for a small thing like getting a better format, taking chances, trusting myself, and persevering when I go blank are all things I am more aware of attending to through action.
 
I've been looking at the big and small picture and how it affects my life to see if I'm being rational. The whole idea of moving wasn't Hurricane Sandy in my home town. Or disdain for the organizations and people that work for them that employ me. It was the balancing of my finances with the reality of the upkeep of a 2 family house with a largish property. I looked and saw that I pretty much cut even with the bills paid. No savings for potential wear and tear, or any big issues that came up. I had to drop health insurance because it was taking to much from my pay.

While the Hurricane raged I remembered peeking out the window hoping the big oaks and maples wouldn't crash on the house. I was always worried about this, or the roof and gutters. Last year I raked 82 bags of leaves, saying to myself it was great exercise. Yes, it was. I heard my mind say "this and much more you will continue to carry". And yes it feels like I alone am carrying a house and a tenant on my back. The denial says"But its so beautiful and cozy!, and if you wait the market will change, and you'll make more money, and Santa will come" Except for the traffic 20ft away all day and night its lovely. Yes, 30 yrs ago. Now people are selling drugs out of their cars in front of the houses. Even with the darkness made by the foil on the windows (so I sleep sounder), I still hear the cars and peoples voices. I am in the traffic at least 3hrs a day. I am stressed. With savings eaten up by health problems of my forbears. Otherwise I'd stay. I don't even know if that's crazy, I'm so in it! People telling me how free I'll be when I have financial resources doesn't click. Having to leave students that are benefitting in a progressively beneficial way, feels like I am abandoning them because I didn't just continue, despite this. If this is the case I can always rent an apartment. I don't know that yet. That is the plan while I check possibilities.

The big pic affects the small in the way I'm able to stay the most balanced and healthiest. I don't feel it's here. I can sequester myself in the house with my animals and books and computer. If that felt like life I would. I think interacting with neighbors in healthy sharing ways and community participation is key. The people in the neighborhood don't respond to that. They have money, don't show their faces and are concerned with self-centered concerns, which I understand and don't judge. It's just how I see it and what I receive. This is not all places and they have the right to be any way they want. The design may just be for me to see this and choose wisely something else.

So these posts that you have offered, seemingly from the time I asked, have shifted my awareness. I'm still scared, but calmer. Using the tools of grater awareness.(diet,ee breathing, gurdjieffian wisdom) Its a slow process, however I see and feel the changes. No visions, great illumination, or nirvana...yet) thank DCM lol

I's the Saint Patricks Days Parade today in a suberb outside of NYC, and I decided to throw out Christams stuff that is very dear to me. So I wept.About 15 min later huge snowflakes started to fall. It's still snowing, and I am lighter. Wherever we go there will be surprises. I'll bet. Just we wait and see.
 
Thanks so much supriyanoel, for putting your posts in paragraphs. I enjoy reading your words, as they are straight from your heart, and now, so much easier!

I am sure it is difficult to let go of your family home, but it sounds like the neighborhood is not what it used to be and it takes everything you've got just to maintain it. OMG, 82 bags of leaves. Love your heart, that is a lot of leaves. My previous home had several maple trees and every year it was such a huge task removing them. It actually became a consideration when looking for a new home - how many leaves I'd have to rake up every Fall. ;D

I think you are very lucky to have an offer at this time, so I wouldn't even consider waiting for a better price. Take it and run. Just my 2 cents. :)
 
Thank you Lilou, I read you're' posts also and your 2 cents are worth more than you may think

There is something that seems a little absurd that I will share. Besides the leaves, there are the rocks. I have to laugh now but yesterday I went out at night to walk around the park, my yard that is, and started clipping and trimming. At 10p.m. And I started bawling my eyes out,( which is cathartic and part of my processing), I realized that all the big beautiful rocks I had gathered from different areas of the nearby Atlantic as a therpeutical exercise after my Mother passed, were part of what I loved and wanted to take along. I had collected a great many that I had designed along the property and around the trees in an arrangement that appealed to my artistic nature. You may chuckle when I say how much I felt and the warmth I received from each individual one, and I cared about their being. I feel this stuff believe it or not, and its hard to describe the vibration and what it does to me, this mineral kingdom. However I decided I would, like furniture take about 20 with me, and leave the rest in their place. What a heavy bag.

My Grandfather and Grandmother set up the foundation of this yard years ago. I never got to show my appreciation for their work and this was my giving back, my part in the evolutionary and familial balance that felt very connected to body and soul.

I am going through with an inspection tomorrow and am calm and willing to stay will the flow of what seems logical. When it started snowing in NY this afternoon I thought it may storm and be cancelled by the divine intervention I asked for a few weeks ago. It was shortlived and turned to rain. LOL. I will externally consider all involved and may even serve tea. What a difference a day makes.

Just Thank you everyone. You have all touched me and stay with me through the day. This is not just about moving as you know. I will share more someday, just know if you keep the heart open you can receive that which moves mountains. Because you moved me. All of you.
 
Hear Ye , Hear me. You have all been an amazing and truthful force that has guided me in a time of serious confusion. In the real scheme of things I know it is just conflict brought on by ego creating resistance and combustion, that results in pain on 3d. It is a learning experience where I feel like swimming through a sea of uncertainty, making it difficult because of projection and complacency.

With the EE breath program, interaction here and asking and listening, I am riding a wave experiencing depths of being that are new. Scary, exiting, joy in the face of my egos adversity, and terror painful sentiment and periods of calm. Life in a series of events unprecedented for me. Unusual also since I've had terrifically oppostional swings and happenings, that could of ended this existence. There are words for it but they are unnecessary now.

I will tell you that during a part that was nightmarish, my agent broke and entered my tenants apartment and hit him in the face. It was the icing on the cake, the denouement that resulted into many harsh words, denial on her part that it happened. I was dealing with a narcissist, and had I been listening really well from the start, I would of heard it. I heard the opposite of what was being said, because I wanted to. I have to be honest, its never about blame and I want to learn and understand.

Just as I was about to squash the deal, the Work made me stand back, look see and decide what it was I wanted to accomplish. As a group prayer between my tenant and I , keeping my loved ones in mind and the guidance we receive when we ask and are willing to see, I changed my tune.

Now I sensed when I met this woman/agent, that she was definitely the one to sell the house. I recognized her, and that is usually the case with Karma and me. So we were in for a opportunity to balance and grow. I had my cosmic seat belt buckled most of the time. The times i didn't felt like I was being burned. However metaphorically I was being burned has nothing to do with objective thinking. I was being manipulated, just didn't expect it. It means I and her are not getting what we want and friction follows. Happens all the time on smaller scales. Smaller in my ego's mind that is. Had my ego had its way, and it certainly was justified, the deal would be off. I asked myself how free did I want to be of known attachments, and the burden that is known. That was my answer. I sold. Rather we sold the house. My mind and body feel the way a rubber band that keeps threatening to break, and finally does, feels. Light, present. I choose more of this. Yikes, and double-yikes! I'm so glad to smile genuinely right now.

Thank you all again for your care and participation. I will celebrate and toast with bone broth, and who knows, maybe there are others on my physical path that are clinger, enjoying the broth also.
 
What a difference a day makes! In this 2 day period, all has seemed to change again to the opposite of what I was told. Now the people do not want the house. I realize I am probably being lied to, however I must remind myself what my goal is, selling it.

I renegotiated the price that was asked and was told they agreed and then reneged. It seems this agent is not working for me, and the best thing would be to fire her. I wonder how much better anyone else is going to do regardless of the bad business behavior.

I am back to square one and one of the lessons is listening. The other paying attention to the signs when narcissism and greed is involved, which was displayed. No other way to explain the behavior. The difference between greed and good business behavior is difficult to discern by behavior alone, nor is it my business. Good business and clever manipulation can look the same. You make the client happy by respectful behavior and patience, knowing people and how to respond carefully to each individual. Or you can just be honest authentic, and listen well. And produce close to the same, without lying. They re motives aren't my business. That's only what I think. Yes, she did hurt my tenant and me. I can put it behind me. I haven't decided yet to let her go, being it is the best window of sales in the next coming months.

Under pressure people either decide to lie or change employers, or suck a lot of it up without taking it personally. I chose #3. So I have more research to do, making the decision to wait a bit. I don't have to like her, or get chummy with her again because she doesn't like women. I was working double time to make her change her mind. BOOM! It certainly blew up, and I will shut up! I'm trying to live in truth and any feedback is of coarse appreciated and welcome. I'm listening.

I am a little more knowledgeable and little humbler. I am paying attention better, aware of my reactions and responses and learning by my mistakes. They're are more I'm not seeing yet I feel. No mistakes, rather imbalanced thinking due to ignorance. This is learning allright. I am grateful to be able to be open to changes that are scary and uncomfortable. Letting go of these fears are feeling much more in tune with my inner life, even if I can't control the immediate or any outcome, I see and feel how learning can be fun in the most dire-seeming and confusing circumstances. Especially the unexpected behaviors and happenings that come in the midst of these events that are surprises! Never imagined saying this in times like these.

I think the C's humour about learning being fun, when your in tears, the you-know -what hitting the fan and laughing in the same hour, have more than a clue. Waiting and seeing till I leave this density! There will be no end.

This is the strangest life I've ever seen-Jim Morrison, The Doors
 
supriyanoel said:
What a difference a day makes! In this 2 day period, all has seemed to change again to the opposite of what I was told. Now the people do not want the house. I realize I am probably being lied to, however I must remind myself what my goal is, selling it.

I renegotiated the price that was asked and was told they agreed and then reneged. It seems this agent is not working for me, and the best thing would be to fire her. I wonder how much better anyone else is going to do regardless of the bad business behavior.

I am back to square one and one of the lessons is listening. The other paying attention to the signs when narcissism and greed is involved, which was displayed. No other way to explain the behavior. The difference between greed and good business behavior is difficult to discern by behavior alone, nor is it my business. Good business and clever manipulation can look the same. You make the client happy by respectful behavior and patience, knowing people and how to respond carefully to each individual. Or you can just be honest authentic, and listen well. And produce close to the same, without lying. They re motives aren't my business. That's only what I think. Yes, she did hurt my tenant and me. I can put it behind me. I haven't decided yet to let her go, being it is the best window of sales in the next coming months.

Under pressure people either decide to lie or change employers, or suck a lot of it up without taking it personally. I chose #3. So I have more research to do, making the decision to wait a bit. I don't have to like her, or get chummy with her again because she doesn't like women. I was working double time to make her change her mind. BOOM! It certainly blew up, and I will shut up! I'm trying to live in truth and any feedback is of coarse appreciated and welcome. I'm listening.

I am a little more knowledgeable and little humbler. I am paying attention better, aware of my reactions and responses and learning by my mistakes. They're are more I'm not seeing yet I feel. No mistakes, rather imbalanced thinking due to ignorance. This is learning allright. I am grateful to be able to be open to changes that are scary and uncomfortable. Letting go of these fears are feeling much more in tune with my inner life, even if I can't control the immediate or any outcome, I see and feel how learning can be fun in the most dire-seeming and confusing circumstances. Especially the unexpected behaviors and happenings that come in the midst of these events that are surprises! Never imagined saying this in times like these.

I think the C's humour about learning being fun, when your in tears, the you-know -what hitting the fan and laughing in the same hour, have more than a clue. Waiting and seeing till I leave this density! There will be no end.

This is the strangest life I've ever seen-Jim Morrison, The Doors
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I'm not sure I understand. You were told someone agreed to buy your house? Didn't you get a signed contract when the price was finalized, and did not the supposed buyer have to put down "hand money" (sometimes called "earnest money") up front?

Here, real estate agents are falling all over each other to get a house to sell, you can take your pick. Do you have a contract with the agent for X number of months that they will try and sell your house? If that time is up, you are free to find another agent. The agent is supposed to be representing YOU. I definitely would not stick with an agent I didn't like or didn't do their job.
 
I hear what you are saying Mrs. Peel, I think. When I signed the contract for the agent and comp. to represent me I signed for 3 mo. I can get out of that at any time, although they try to tell you that you are bound. You are not. I got out of the last one by signing a release. People do not always know that you can ALWAYS get out of it, at least in NY.

The buyer put down a binder, but that is so he gets first dibs and can go into contract. Others can still look at it until he is in contract, which means he got the inspection, negotiated a price with seller and is waiting for bank approval.Before the inspection we, the agent and I, discussed that there would be things wrong and that the buyer knows that, and the price which had come down even more would be the price. This is when she barged into the tenants house and hit him in the head causing the inspection only half done. He wouldn't let her in after that. She said it didn't matter, that it was the roof that was turning them off and they wanted more off. So I renegotiated, and she said they changed their minds.

Why would a binder even be put down if the buyer knew all this? I am so mixed up, that I'm not making contact til I find out about this.

Just tonight I was told that if someone put a binder down, and had the house inspected and then reneged they would lose it. The inspection was incomplete anyway. I need to find the truth out and then proceed.

My lawyer doesn't think I should deal with anyone asking for 100% financing at the beginning of the window of opportunity, even if he has good credit and union job. The agent assured me his bank would give it. Its a special bank for foreigners in U.S and said that others could also opt for the house during this window. Really/ Even with the binder? She said yes. Its a reputable agency that many professional longtime Islanders recommend, including my lawyer.

This is one learning experience I need to get real clear on Quickly no matter the outcome. I am doing that now. If you know anything or see things that I don't I welcome the input. This is what happens when you are uninformed. So I am getting informed no matter how ling this slow learner takes. Thank you much.
 
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