Do You Bite Your Nails? It Might Mean You're A Perfectionist

[HowToBe]

Maybe a Science of the Spirit candidate? Admittedly not that "deep" (I get a little self-conscious posting this amongst the political topics that seem to make up most of the suggestions), but perhaps useful to someone.
_http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/13/nail-biting-nervous-habits_n_6854152.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

People who are generally impatient, or who get bored or frustrated easily, are more likely to engage in repetitive body-focused behaviors such as skin-picking, nail-biting or eyelash-pulling, the researchers found.

The study, published in the March issue of the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, points to perfectionism -- a trait that can be more damaging than many people realize -- as an underlying cause.

“We believe that individuals with these repetitive behaviors may be perfectionistic, meaning that they are unable to relax and to perform task at a ‘normal’ pace," Dr. Kieron O'Connor, professor of psychiatry at the university and the study's lead author, said in a press release Tuesday. "They are therefore prone to frustration, impatience, and dissatisfaction when they do not reach their goals. They also experience greater levels of boredom.”

[...]

If you do bite your nails from time to time, there's no need to worry -- you're probably not doing much harm. In fact, the researchers say that such behaviors serve a temporary purpose when we're not able to channel our energy more productively.

"The positive effects of the habits are stimulation and a (maladaptive) way of regulating emotion," O'Connor said in an email to The Huffington Post. "What triggers the habit is largely frustration and impatience so the action substitutes for more constructive action."

But when the habits are difficult to stop and they interfere with daily life, they can become habit disorders.

[...]

So how could these behaviors be treated? Currently, there are two possible avenues -- a behavioral treatment that involves replacing the habit with a competing action, and a separate approach that focuses on the underlying factors that create tension, such as perfectionism and other negative beliefs, according to O'Connor.

"We look at all the thoughts and behaviors present in situations at high risk for the habit and change them through cognitive therapy to more resemble the thoughts and behaviors in low risk situations," O'Connor told HuffPost. "We do not address the habit directly so the person does not need to learn a competing response to replace the habit."

So, the gist; compulsive or habitual nail-biting, eyelash-pulling, skin or sore-picking, cheek-biting, and other body-centric habits may have roots in perfectionism, which we know has roots in narcissistic family dynamics, as laid out in the Big 5 narcissism books (I haven't read all of them yet, though) as well as Fear of The Abyss. I have actually engaged in all of the behaviors I listed to relatively minor, but probably still indicative, degrees, and I know I have perfectionism and control issues.

The most revealing line for me was, "...they are unable to relax and to perform task at a ‘normal’ pace." This applies to me quite a bit. Feedback since I was young (and observation that I didn't keep up with others) has led me to often feel that I'm not working fast enough. When the perfectionism kicks in, though, I get "sucked in" and tend to proceed slowly because I over-focus on the quality or detail of what I am doing and forget the big picture or overall goal suffers, because I don't get around to everything. That and I may naturally have a slower pace at which I can process a task, I'm not sure. But enough about me.

For what it's worth.

 

[Magpie]

Thanks for posting HowToBe. We are currently dealing with this nail biting business with our 12 year old daughter. She is De-stroy-ing her poor fingers. We've spoken to her teacher. She's not upset, so it seems that her problem is in the bored arena. She has trouble pacing herself in school as well. When she was 4-5-6, her teachers suggested she might even be ADHD. But subsequently, as we've transitioned her to keto, her attention span has improved, though we still struggle getting her to slow down/speed up/pace herself appropriately.
I don't want to make a big deal about her hands but she is giving herself open sores. What are some of the things you are trying to retrain your brain and help with focusing issues? Any brainstorming, etc...is appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Lilou]

I have been a nail biter since I was a toddler. I can at times, with sheer will power, overcome the nail biting and grow out nails. Once they are grown out, I tend to leave them alone, as long as I keep them polished. Then for no apparent reason, I eventually re-acquire the habit and gnaw them down to the quick!

Currently I have no nails and have been steady biting for about 9 months! I have vowed to kick the habit again, however it does take some effort. {Usually upcoming important events give me the impetus to succeed}.

I’ve done some research into the cause and read it could be Maternal Separation Anxiety. This made some sense to me, as my mother was hospitalized when I was around age 2 with pneumonia. I was distraught and bawled almost continuously while awake. It became such a problem that the hospital bent the rules and allowed me to visit her. {I think my father begged them or maybe even bribed them :P}

Whatever the root cause of this tensional outlet, it has never left me. I can fight it, but yet it remains. Of all the tensional outlets (thumb sucking, bedwetting), the research says nail biting is rarely grown out of and often persists into adulthood. So I cannot relate to the boredom/perfectionism theory, since I’ve done so since my earliest memories. I suppose it would depend on when the habit was acquired and the circumstances surrounding the start of it, as there may well be more than one cause for this habit.

Did your daughter always bite her nails, Magpie? Or is it something she just started doing? I do not think you should make a huge deal out of it. You can try to understand it and help to educate her on it and maybe, she can garner the will power to overcome it. For myself, I would have been totally appalled if my mother had gone to the school over my nail biting. Whatever the cause, believe me, the school system will not fix it, in fact they may even make it worse!

In the meantime, antibiotic ointment on the fingertips before bed will really help the soreness. If it is a new habit, maybe some exploration can pinpoint the cause and help eliminate it. Best of Luck!! :)

 

[Horseofadifferentcolor]

Could this be a nutritional need? Sulfur perhaps? I can only imagine that would be the case why anyone would feel the need to eat themselves. Thanks for sharing. I have a family member with this nail biting. I also grew up with some class mates that did this. I have always found an extreme want to help feeling without knowing how or understanding why it happens. Would be a good experiment maybe to up the amount of MSM to diet and see if that helps. It tastes bitter so maybe putting it under the nails might be a deterrent?

 

[s-kur]

Thanks, HowToBe!
I also had had this habit befor got rid it a year ago. I had as nail biting as cheek biting. When I decided to give up my little "nervous" manifestation nail biting was the first of them. I used to bite myself while was pondering, though, it was more like imagination\deversing of my words\behavior\acting for future situations. That, as far as I know, or personally for me it is a perfectionism's manifestations, so, yeah, I can connect it in perfo-biting.
Frankly, sometime I go back to self-eating despite my eager to get it rid ( honestly, I have no loning to stop to do it, it's just like competition). And similar to Lilou I started nail bating in my childhood and that was the reason of my fingers was beaten by mother just I approached them to mouth :D

 

[3DStudent]

I always would bite my nails as a child, and it eventually turned into just picking them with my fingers. I thought it was a manifestation of my OCD. I also like to pick skin and pull eyelashes, etc. Today I clip my nails with clippers, but I will still pick at my fingers and make "hangnails".

I do these things when I'm nervous, under pressure (which can be self-created), or doing something I shouldn't be doing like wasting time. I've always had some form of perfectionism so that is fitting for me too. And I'm quite the "Momma's boy" too; I remember kindergarten being stressful for me, being the first real time I had to leave my mom. And once she was late in picking me up, and I got really nervous, like she'd never come.

I think it does come down to perfectionism, removing things in order to make things the way you like. It takes some effort to just let it be.

 

[Jacques]

Instead of biting my nails, I'm biting my skin around my nails.

Up to the age of 8 years old, I did not have that bad habit.

However, I have been hit by a car at 8 years old where I have been thrown away more than 30 feet and since that time, I have that bad unit.
I have noticed that when I am more nervous or feel a tension, it is worse.

Still working on that and hoping to be free of that one day.

 

[Iron]

Instead of biting my nails, I'm biting my skin around my nails.

Up to the age of 8 years old, I did not have that bad habit.

However, I have been hit by a car at 8 years old where I have been thrown away more than 30 feet and since that time, I have that bad unit.
I have noticed that when I am more nervous or feel a tension, it is worse.

Still working on that and hoping to be free of that one day.

Whenever I'm tense or very agitated, I bite the skin around my nails too.
It started around the beggining of my teenage years. Maybe around the time that my father was commited for a brief time in a psychiatric institution.

 

[A Jay]

Thanks for posting HowToBe. We are currently dealing with this nail biting business with our 12 year old daughter. She is De-stroy-ing her poor fingers. We've spoken to her teacher. She's not upset, so it seems that her problem is in the bored arena. She has trouble pacing herself in school as well. When she was 4-5-6, her teachers suggested she might even be ADHD. But subsequently, as we've transitioned her to keto, her attention span has improved, though we still struggle getting her to slow down/speed up/pace herself appropriately.
I don't want to make a big deal about her hands but she is giving herself open sores. What are some of the things you are trying to retrain your brain and help with focusing issues? Any brainstorming, etc...is appreciated. Thank you.

If she's not avoiding acknowledging any feelings that leads her to biting her nails, it very well could be from boredom. Especially if her teachers suggest she has ADHD. I remember being bored out of my mind a lot at that age having to go through the motions of life like school, errands, etc. Does she have any particular hobbies or areas of interest that she could channel some of her extra energy into?

 

[Lilou]

http://www.science20.com/small_world/onychphagia_and_the_neurology_of_nail_biting

I've often wondered if there is a way to de-program ourselves from the trauma or stress or whatever caused the nail biting habit to take hold. The above article is a quick read. It states that nearly 45% of adolescents have the habit! So we are certainly not alone by any means.

I will sometimes start gnawing away if I'm simply watching an action movie! I guess the biting regulates the brain in some fashion - calming over-excitation or stimulating if bored. Two for one! ;D

Whatever stressed me to start this awful habit, it happened before the age of 2. I do have distinct memories of spending one winter in a kitchen cupboard! Pictures show I am about 18 months old. It must have been my safe spot. The house was crowded. My mother's father died, followed by her step mother a couple of years later - so mom moved us all back to the family farm and she raised her FIVE younger sisters, plus the four of us. I must of been hiding from one of them and chose the kitchen, where mom spent most of her time to feed that tribe!

 

[A Jay]

I guess the biting regulates the brain in some fashion - calming over-excitation or stimulating if bored. Two for one! ;D

So like acting as an outlet for the fight-or-flight response to be expressed when over-stimulated, and an outlet for the desire to do when under-stimulated.

 

[trendsetter37]

Thanks for posting HowToBe. We are currently dealing with this nail biting business with our 12 year old daughter. She is De-stroy-ing her poor fingers. We've spoken to her teacher. She's not upset, so it seems that her problem is in the bored arena. She has trouble pacing herself in school as well. When she was 4-5-6, her teachers suggested she might even be ADHD. But subsequently, as we've transitioned her to keto, her attention span has improved, though we still struggle getting her to slow down/speed up/pace herself appropriately.
I don't want to make a big deal about her hands but she is giving herself open sores. What are some of the things you are trying to retrain your brain and help with focusing issues? Any brainstorming, etc...is appreciated. Thank you.

If she's not avoiding acknowledging any feelings that leads her to biting her nails, it very well could be from boredom. Especially if her teachers suggest she has ADHD. I remember being bored out of my mind a lot at that age having to go through the motions of life like school, errands, etc. Does she have any particular hobbies or areas of interest that she could channel some of her extra energy into?

Well she does like to read. A lot! Also she has recently become interested in and participating in things like robotics and fencing and I'd have to say that I haven't noticed her nail biting while doing any of those activities but rather during a period of downtime. So maybe in the car during a long drive or if she has writer's block while doing some form of trivial school work. I can't really blame her for the school work though, after having a peek through her assignments I thought that some of them were completely mind-numbing and totally irrelevant to the world at large. With all of that being said it does appear that her habit is linked to boredom rather than nervousness or perfectionism.

I am not so sure on the emotional aspect. I tend to get the impression that she is pretty forthcoming with how she feels about any given situation and between Magpie and I she will usually tell one or the other about something that is bothering her. However, I guess there could always be something else that bothers her on other levels, maybe there are some subconscious things there as well.

Anyways we have come up with a few things we can do to help her engage herself in creative ways rather than just biting or picking at her fingers and nails. Hopefully, we will see some form of progress.

 

[Magpie]

Did your daughter always bite her nails, Magpie? Or is it something she just started doing? I do not think you should make a huge deal out of it. You can try to understand it and help to educate her on it and maybe, she can garner the will power to overcome it. For myself, I would have been totally appalled if my mother had gone to the school over my nail biting. Whatever the cause, believe me, the school system will not fix it, in fact they may even make it worse!

In the meantime, antibiotic ointment on the fingertips before bed will really help the soreness. If it is a new habit, maybe some exploration can pinpoint the cause and help eliminate it. Best of Luck!! :)

No, Lilou, it's been a recent development. The last year or so. Which is odd, because this has been the most positive school year she's had since we moved three years ago.
And just to clarify, her school teacher and I are close. And I did not call attention to her habit with her teacher in a negative way, or in front of my daughter or her classmates. I just meant that her teacher would let me know if she was being bullied or mistreated or something of that nature. And her teacher is a kind supportive person and I know she wouldn't call her out and embarrass her. I do agree with you though-in some cases, teachers can Definitely make it worse. We are very fortunate that her teacher is loving and supportive.

If she's not avoiding acknowledging any feelings that leads her to biting her nails, it very well could be from boredom. Especially if her teachers suggest she has ADHD. I remember being bored out of my mind a lot at that age having to go through the motions of life like school, errands, etc. Does she have any particular hobbies or areas of interest that she could channel some of her extra energy into?

Ah yes. The "b" word. I think she could indeed have a lot of that going on. We are taking steps to counter that. She always has books to read, music, etc. She is short on social interactions outside of school, but we are taking steps to improve that. I think sometimes, it must be very difficult being an only child with parents that work full time. She doesn't really have any other kids her age to interact with, other than when she is at school. My husband and I were discussing it the other night, and we realized how much of our childhood downtime was spent interacting with our siblings. She doesn't have that. She was just accepted to a great middle school though. We are very excited for her because the school has a lot of opportunities for activities. She will be on the robotics team there and in the drama club. Financially, it can be tough to put her in a lot of activities, and logistically, because her dad and I both work all day-it gets hectic figuring out when to do these things. We are working on it though!

...and trendsetter beat me to the post...it's okay though...because I've typed all this up anyway. Might as well post.
Glad we're on the same page honey

 

[davey72]

Very interesting. I used to and still do to a lesser extent bite the skin around my nails and my cheeks. When i was in grade school i would make my fingers bleed all the way up. My mom started putting stuff on them to make them taste horrible which was supposed to stop nail biting but i soon became accustomed to the taste. A couple years ago it was brought to my attention that i am a perfectionist. I was surprised as i thought this meant more like a clean freak or ocd type behaviors but i realize now it has more to do with needing to do things right. Or how i see them as right. I often take over tasks so they are done to my satisfaction and i also recognize the not being able to relax in me. Thanks for the post.

 

[A Jay]

Well she does like to read. A lot! Also she has recently become interested in and participating in things like robotics and fencing and I'd have to say that I haven't noticed her nail biting while doing any of those activities but rather during a period of downtime. So maybe in the car during a long drive or if she has writer's block while doing some form of trivial school work. I can't really blame her for the school work though, after having a peek through her assignments I thought that some of them were completely mind-numbing and totally irrelevant to the world at large. With all of that being said it does appear that her habit is linked to boredom rather than nervousness or perfectionism.

I am not so sure on the emotional aspect. I tend to get the impression that she is pretty forthcoming with how she feels about any given situation and between Magpie and I she will usually tell one or the other about something that is bothering her. However, I guess there could always be something else that bothers her on other levels, maybe there are some subconscious things there as well.

Ah yes. The "b" word. I think she could indeed have a lot of that going on. We are taking steps to counter that. She always has books to read, music, etc. She is short on social interactions outside of school, but we are taking steps to improve that. I think sometimes, it must be very difficult being an only child with parents that work full time. She doesn't really have any other kids her age to interact with, other than when she is at school. My husband and I were discussing it the other night, and we realized how much of our childhood downtime was spent interacting with our siblings. She doesn't have that. She was just accepted to a great middle school though. We are very excited for her because the school has a lot of opportunities for activities. She will be on the robotics team there and in the drama club. Financially, it can be tough to put her in a lot of activities, and logistically, because her dad and I both work all day-it gets hectic figuring out when to do these things. We are working on it though!

If she's been forthcoming about things that are bothering her, then even if there is something subconscious going on the fact that she's able to talk to y'all about her feelings means that if and when she's ready to talk about it the channel is already grooved for her to acknowledge and express it and get whatever help she might need. OSIT.

I also grew up with siblings, so I can't really understand what it's like to be an only child. But the lack of meaningful social interactions with children her own age could be contributing to the habit and it's good that y'all have recognized this possibility and are taking steps towards getting her more social outlets to express and be herself outside the house.

If she likes to read, has she tried writing her own stories? What about using a sketch book to draw important parts of what she's reading? At her age I was reading LOTR and had a blast coming up with my story variations, even came up with my own form of Elvish. :P