Around a year ago, I was in a gigantic shop called ‘media markt’ Suddenly being totally of guard I walked between the pornography. To be more specific the gay porn section. I really felt like, what the -flick- am I doing here. Being so embarrassed.
I knew roughly why I was embarrassed. Those people around me would find me disgusting. So I set a goal for myself. I won’t walk away until I overcome this. So there I was. Thinking to myself, why do I feel so embarrassed. Why exactly. Why am I not able to be myself in a sense that I do not need somehow, there approval.
Standing there trying to pay attention to myself. I noticed some programs. After some time I decided to pick up a few of those DVD’s. Reading them. Well doing this provoking even more programs. Noticing them. I became to feel quite calm. What to do next I though of myself. Well what about buying one. Walking with one of those movies in my hand showing to all and the cashier what I wanted to buy. That to me would sound like a very good test.
So I did exactly that, I did buy the damn DVD.
Being oneself in a sense one is not challenged what others may think about him I think is an excellent goal, trying to archive.
[quote author=Buddy]About computer games - I'm sure you know the enemy's actions are all controlled by mathematical algorithms, so the parameters of engagement are already defined. Not so in life - at least not to that extent.[/quote]
Well when I play it’s never against ‘bots’ Meaning it’s online. So I play against real players. But I am not sure I know what you where trying to say with this.
What about well, not doing your hair for a days work. A easy one perhaps? If that would provoke some programs?
I knew roughly why I was embarrassed. Those people around me would find me disgusting. So I set a goal for myself. I won’t walk away until I overcome this. So there I was. Thinking to myself, why do I feel so embarrassed. Why exactly. Why am I not able to be myself in a sense that I do not need somehow, there approval.
Standing there trying to pay attention to myself. I noticed some programs. After some time I decided to pick up a few of those DVD’s. Reading them. Well doing this provoking even more programs. Noticing them. I became to feel quite calm. What to do next I though of myself. Well what about buying one. Walking with one of those movies in my hand showing to all and the cashier what I wanted to buy. That to me would sound like a very good test.
So I did exactly that, I did buy the damn DVD.
Being oneself in a sense one is not challenged what others may think about him I think is an excellent goal, trying to archive.
[quote author=Buddy]About computer games - I'm sure you know the enemy's actions are all controlled by mathematical algorithms, so the parameters of engagement are already defined. Not so in life - at least not to that extent.[/quote]
Well when I play it’s never against ‘bots’ Meaning it’s online. So I play against real players. But I am not sure I know what you where trying to say with this.
What about well, not doing your hair for a days work. A easy one perhaps? If that would provoke some programs?
