Elevator Dream/Thoughts on Job Situation

[Cyre2067]

Hey All, had a pretty interesting dream last night/this morning which I thought I'd bring here to see if anyone has additional thoughts on it. Brief backstory - I've been asking myself for suggestions when I goto bed at night. Sort of like trying to ask my subconscious to use the time wisely while I sleep, anyway the last few nights I've been getting varying impressions.

Last week I had a dream in which I was told I had a brain tumor. From that I garnered I was still keeping in a lot of anger that I didn't express after my best friend/roommate moved out and our friendship basically died. I took an afternoon to write out everything he had did that pissed me off, then burned it. I also took the opportunity to jot down some choice words for other folks in my life who had stirred my anger and not seen it because I repressed it. I let it all out, really felt it and sat with it while I smoked a cig on my roof. Felt much better afterward.

Then Friday my other roommate, Ill call him D, was upset over this Airbnb venture and some of the guests having been rude to him in various contexts. Of course, he didn't really do much to deal with it in the situation and put on a happy face so that it wouldn't reflect poorly on me. He then sent me an angry email, to which I replied in a curt, relatively cutting manner, and that morning I had dreamt of handling an iguana, simple image, very vivid. From that I gathered I was being a little too 'cold hearted' and when I came home that afternoon I let D vent it all out. Afterward he felt much better and even apologized for some of the things he had said during his vent.

Last night/this morning I had an odd dream I still haven't quite put together, though i do have a sneaking suspicion about it's relevance. In this dream I was going to work, and there was an elevator bank with 3 elevators. The first one I got on only took me to the 2nd floor, I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to go, so I went back down, got off and got onto the second. I hit the button for the floor I needed, which was pretty high up though I don't recall the specific number and off we went. It stopped a few times to let people off, but then, before getting to my floor, it exited the building and started traveling down streets through a city. It reminded me of Washington DC for some reason, and as we coasted the walls started to fade-out until it was just a platform and I rolled a cigarette. It stopped in the middle of the street and I remember feeling confused about where to go.

I think this has to do with my feelings toward my job. I've been having thoughts of quitting, just doing the Airbnb for income, and using my time to really focus on my writing. It's been tough to find the time lately, since the Airbnbing started, my grandmother passed last month, and I had the drama of excising my ex-Best friend from my apartment. Part of me thinks it would be a great use of my time, another part is skeptical. I have a decent job in which I don't have to exert myself too much, get paid a moderate salary and have excellent benefits. The plus side to quitting is that there's 30k in a retirement fund which I'll have access to only once I've quit, ergo until I leave their employ I can't touch it. The feds will also take 20% off the top and expect another 10% when tax-time rolls around.

Given the state of things globally I can't imagine the house of cards maintaining itself for much longer, a few months, maybe a year at most? If that's so then jumping into writing would be the most prudent use of my time. I could also use the lack of a full-time job to acquire medic training which is something I've wanted to do and would be increasingly useful in a collapse scenario.

Anyway I wasn't expecting to write this big post, but lastly I do have some faith in my stories and my abilities to make it without the safety-net of the full time job. I want to aim to quit asap, but think that it would be prudent to at least wait until the end of the summer which gives me more time to get my novel finished and perhaps published, and/or to publish a short story or two. Perhaps others can see something in the dream that I'm missing or offer an alternative read. I also think my current course is the best one, given the circumstance, but a part of me just wants to bail on the job and get to work on things that matter. That feels like a difficult and somewhat scary choice however.

Feedback welcome, apologies for length.

 

[Archaea]

Hey Puck,

One thought I had when reading your post was that maybe if you do quit your job, the walls that keep you locked in will dissolve away. That's probably not a very clear way to say it... :) What I mean to say is that if you quit your job you'll have a lot more freedom to do what you like and there'll be many different pathways and avenues you can take, hence the streets in your dream.

I think that the feeling of confusion about which way to go stems from this freedom you'll have. I'd suggest maybe having a good think about what exactly you would do if you quit your job. Having said that though, now I think if you do quit your job you should just embrace the feeling of freedom without worrying to much about what to do... Hmmm...

I want to quit my job. So I think you should quit yours...

FWIW, Archaea,

 

[edgitarra]

Last week I had a dream in which I was told I had a brain tumor. From that I garnered I was still keeping in a lot of anger that I didn't express after my best friend/roommate moved out and our friendship basically died. I took an afternoon to write out everything he had did that pissed me off, then burned it. I also took the opportunity to jot down some choice words for other folks in my life who had stirred my anger and not seen it because I repressed it. I let it all out, really felt it and sat with it while I smoked a cig on my roof. Felt much better afterward.

The tumor and the brain definetly related to some thoughts you are having. Do you know if your tumor was spreading? Or it was just benign(sorry for this quoestion but it helps to give more insight to find out whether it is something that you can work with, something that you put a halt on it, or it spreads as the toughts get more and more over yourself)?

Last night/this morning I had an odd dream I still haven't quite put together, though i do have a sneaking suspicion about it's relevance. In this dream I was going to work, and there was an elevator bank with 3 elevators. The first one I got on only took me to the 2nd floor, I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to go, so I went back down, got off and got onto the second. I hit the button for the floor I needed, which was pretty high up though I don't recall the specific number and off we went. It stopped a few times to let people off, but then, before getting to my floor, it exited the building and started traveling down streets through a city. It reminded me of Washington DC for some reason, and as we coasted the walls started to fade-out until it was just a platform and I rolled a cigarette. It stopped in the middle of the street and I remember feeling confused about where to go.

Three elevators sounds very nice. Apparently you accessed only 2. The first elevator shows a way which will not get you too far - rememeber the scene in the matrix when neo entered the car with trinity; she wanted to get the bug out of his stomach, but he didn't want to. So trinity tells him, as he wants to go out of the car on the street: "you know where that road goes. You have been there already", something like this. The other elevator is an opening for new experiences, hence the big number of floors, the obstacles that may appear(the floor stops and people coming in). It can be related to a new set of choices, and this is why you were confused.

 

[Cyre2067]

Hey Puck,

One thought I had when reading your post was that maybe if you do quit your job, the walls that keep you locked in will dissolve away. That's probably not a very clear way to say it... :) What I mean to say is that if you quit your job you'll have a lot more freedom to do what you like and there'll be many different pathways and avenues you can take, hence the streets in your dream.

Heh, that's how I feel. Like the job kinda eats most of my productivity and I felt trapped there for awhile. Now that I have this alternative source of income, it makes me much less apprehensive about quitting. I'm still hesitant to quit though for a few different reasons that I listed above.

The tumor and the brain definetly related to some thoughts you are having. Do you know if your tumor was spreading? Or it was just benign(sorry for this quoestion but it helps to give more insight to find out whether it is something that you can work with, something that you put a halt on it, or it spreads as the toughts get more and more over yourself)?

Three elevators sounds very nice. Apparently you accessed only 2. The first elevator shows a way which will not get you too far - rememeber the scene in the matrix when neo entered the car with trinity; she wanted to get the bug out of his stomach, but he didn't want to. So trinity tells him, as he wants to go out of the car on the street: "you know where that road goes. You have been there already", something like this. The other elevator is an opening for new experiences, hence the big number of floors, the obstacles that may appear(the floor stops and people coming in). It can be related to a new set of choices, and this is why you were confused.

The tumor was cancerous and I remember the shock that I felt when I was told, but that was all I got from it. Given I was almost finished reading Gabor Mate's When the Body Says No, I took the dream to mean I was holding onto some anger, which I was, and took the appropriate steps to release it. I think I got that one locked down, but maybe I missed something?

I did think about there being 3 elevators, of which I rode 2. Not terribly sure what to make of it, other than there might be another option that I'm consciously unaware of that could increase my income. Right now I'm renting out my guest rooms and that's working out very well. I'm also full-timing it at my job, which as I said, isn't too demanding and has good benefits. I'm developing a writing career starting with some fiction, I wrote a short story about a zombie apocalypse that I just started sending around to sci-fi magazines to see if there's any interest there and I am working on a longer novel that's a young-adult-action-adventure-fantasy type story. I guess that's three sources of income, 3 elevators, two of them are actually generating income and the third's potential remains to be seen.

 

[anothermagyar]

[quote author=Puck]Given the state of things globally I can't imagine the house of cards maintaining itself for much longer, a few months, maybe a year at most? If that's so then jumping into writing would be the most prudent use of my time. I could also use the lack of a full-time job to acquire medic training which is something I've wanted to do and would be increasingly useful in a collapse scenario.
[/quote]

Sounds great!
How would you acquire fund for medical training?
How long would it take to get a medical training?
You have already years of training, you are a scientist.
So I guess it wouldn't take the regular 4-5 years.
Just some thoughts.

 

[Lilou]

Since jobs are in short supply these days, I wouldn't make a decision to quit yours in haste. I don't know what Airbnd is. Is this your alternative income source?

You may want to put some sort of plan together first. If you think you can manage everyday expenses on your alternative income, then do that, but keep the current job and apply all that income to paying off student loans? If you could live off the alternative income, use the current job to eliminate all other debt, then when you do quit - you'll have your retirement (minus Uncle Sam's share) for possible relocation expenses and there will be no debt chipping away at this lump sum. But to up and quit without a firm plan seems like a bad idea.

Just my 02 cents worth.

 

[Cyre2067]

Since jobs are in short supply these days, I wouldn't make a decision to quit yours in haste. I don't know what Airbnd is. Is this your alternative income source?

Yes, basically I have a 4BR apartment, with 2 guest rooms that I use as short-term stay places for folks via Airbnb.

You may want to put some sort of plan together first. If you think you can manage everyday expenses on your alternative income, then do that, but keep the current job and apply all that income to paying off student loans? If you could live off the alternative income, use the current job to eliminate all other debt, then when you do quit - you'll have your retirement (minus Uncle Sam's share) for possible relocation expenses and there will be no debt chipping away at this lump sum. But to up and quit without a firm plan seems like a bad idea.

A plan is a good idea, paying off the student loans is also a good idea, however the amount of student debt I have is somewhat discouraging. Roughly 93k between undergrad and my master's program. Even if I took all the extra money I was making and throwing it at the debt it'd take me 3-5 years to pay it all off. Granted, I can still chip away at it.

Interestingly I just discovered I may qualify for student loan forgiveness on the basis of working in a 'public service institution' - however, I have to make 120 payments (of which I've made 0) while employed in public service, which will take 10 years. Although, if I became an EMT I'm willing to be that would qualify as public service as well. Options.

 

[Lilou]

Are your loans currently deferred? May be a good idea to start chipping away at them and check into the loan forgiveness program and see if you'd qualify as an EMT. I was just talking to a couple of people yesterday who recently graduated optometry school, their loans are over 100K as well. The one fellow was upwards of 250K, he was thinking he should just forge a death certificate and mail to them.

What a way to start life, eh? In debt to the government. (insert curse word) We couldn't be so lucky as the students in Chile, whose student loan records were burned, wiping out $500 million worth of debt. I've found myself fantasizing that a hacker would go in and wipe everything out, but that's just wishful thinking. Back to reality....

 

[whitecoast]

Hi Puck, is there a way for you to switch to working only part-time at your current job? If so, it could be a good way to test the "free time" waters and see how much more productive in terms of your other aims it makes you. It also maintains your relationship with your employer so you can either return to full time or simply quit altogether if you see it fit. :)

 

[obyvatel]

Hi Puck,
Why do you want to go for a EMT position? Do you have any prior experience in that general area? Are you aware of the stress levels associated with a EMT job, the work hours and pay? How would it compare with the job you have at present? Would being a EMT give you more time for your writing than what your current job allows?

 

[Sol Logos]

For me particularly the elevator dream was very telling. There's 3 elevators, which like you mention is 3 choices and there's so far 2 you've considered but there's a 3rd choice you've not considered yet. The first elevator was the obviously choice, the choice was in a way external to you, and you got in because it just came first and like everyone else you got in as it's expected you would. That talks a bit of a life path of external expectation, that most follow with little input from yourself. Perhaps you've taken the road your parents or significant others wanted of you and it just came about?

This choice reached only to the 2nd floor, and it's not where you needed to go. There's actually 3 levels, when you include ground floor. For me there's a significance in that number as its repeated (3 doors and 3 levels), perhaps here it might relate to a 3rd density (3rd level), as its a motivation that is firmly materially based.

The thing is, you want to go higher but couldn't and had to go back down to the ground again (be grounded). This speaks of a you hitting a ceiling in your perhaps current life decisions, knowing its not where you want to be and having to go back (to your base motivations, to the cause). It's an indication to you that starting from the basics, getting to the root of why you want what you do will get you closer to where you need to go.

So you get into elevator 2, there's somewhat more of your will involved as you're choosing to try again and this time its less as a result of "going with the crowd" so to speak. So it goes up, some get off and get to where they're needing to go before you. You don't get out because you are seeking a level much higher ("pretty high").

The room then flies out of the building, nothing's propelling it so it's floating and gliding on its own accord. What's significant here is that the elevator (with just you in it) goes off its support (goes off the rails) and hovers down the street. The elevator (you or we could say your soul) loses its direction and loses its firm grip, perhaps it's based on a lofty appeal for being at a level higher than everyone else who find their place successfully (at their level).

The walls of your elevator (your protection) suddenly dissolve. This leaves you vulnerable. You feel confused, left floating (without direction). There's also an ambivalence about all this, as you just roll a cigarette in defiance to the feelings of confusion. There's an arrogance in that and that connects a lot to the unexpressed anger you also talk about. There may be a feeling you are meant to be higher or beyond all these trivial problems, above the anger and confusion.

Also considering there's a lot of people around in a crowded city like Washington DC (a control center of the world = your control center) and you still find yourself floating on a platform (very visible for all to see), you "protect" and distract yourself as ultimately you don't want your own inner feelings known to others (and to yourself). You want instead to control it.

Again this state of inner confusion also connects also to you not being able to remember the number of the floor you striving to get to in the dream - even what you forget in dreams has meaning.

For me, this points to the importance of knowing where you are going (knowing yourself and what motivates you), and doing the ground work again to get to where you need to be (like you did before as this helped you reach higher or closer to where you wanted to be before the diversion). I would say that its a dream that tells you both that what you're doing now and what you're planning (2 options), won't take you where you need to go.

The 3rd option is perhaps a synthesis of the 2. I say that because 2 as well as 3 is also a significant repeated symbol (2nd floor, second door). The first door stifles you too early and the second you aim too high (high relates to head / brain tumour are also relevant here). The 3rd door is likely a synthesis, maybe not to aim too high but at your level so you can find your place (as others did in the dream at their level). Its interesting too that in this thread others are suggesting likewise.

Hope that interpretation is relevant to you and makes sense.

 

[Cyre2067]

Are your loans currently deferred? May be a good idea to start chipping away at them and check into the loan forgiveness program and see if you'd qualify as an EMT. I was just talking to a couple of people yesterday who recently graduated optometry school, their loans are over 100K as well. The one fellow was upwards of 250K, he was thinking he should just forge a death certificate and mail to them.

What a way to start life, eh? In debt to the government. (insert curse word) We couldn't be so lucky as the students in Chile, whose student loan records were burned, wiping out $500 million worth of debt. I've found myself fantasizing that a hacker would go in and wipe everything out, but that's just wishful thinking. Back to reality....

It's a joke. The sad reality was that I went into my master's program thinking that I'd get a raise at my current job when the program was completed. When it came down to only needing to complete 8 more credits and a thesis I went in to discuss a raise with my PI (head of our lab). He basically gave me the run around, said he'd 'see what he can do' and then blamed HR and corporate, when I spoke with HR they told me that the decision was his and his alone. I got really dejected after that, and basically that was when I started writing my novel and working on short-stories. Ideally I'd love to transition into writing as a full-time career, but that takes 'time' and thousands of hours poured into writing.

Currently my loans are deferred, but they still accrue interest. They're up for payment starting in July.

Hi Puck, is there a way for you to switch to working only part-time at your current job?

It's not possibility, at least I haven't tried to broker it seriously. I have a feeling if they have to choose between part-time Puck and no-Puck they'll take no-Puck and hire someone else for 10k less per year. The only reason they haven't done that is because I'm good at what I do, and executing complex protocols in a clean way is a very technical skill that not a lot of folks seem to have. More than a few post-docs don't have the expertice or even the interest in being the hands that execute the experiments. They just like to plan, sit back, and have other people do it for them. Easy scapegoat, one of the guys I used to work with loved to scapegoat me when his experiments didn't work.

Hi Puck,
Why do you want to go for a EMT position? Do you have any prior experience in that general area? Are you aware of the stress levels associated with a EMT job, the work hours and pay? How would it compare with the job you have at present? Would being a EMT give you more time for your writing than what your current job allows?

I mostly just want the training, there's some good stuff in the EMT-Basic course, dealing with trauma wounds, delivering babies in rough situations, stabilizing someone who has a spinal injury, it's like first aid level 2. Once I have the training, I could use it to get a job. No experience, although I'm fairly handy with the sick and injured. I've had to repair myself many times over the years. Higher stress definitely, less pay, and likely longer hours and fewer benefits. It would not likely yield more free time for writing. Good questions.

For me, this points to the importance of knowing where you are going (knowing yourself and what motivates you), and doing the ground work again to get to where you need to be (like you did before as this helped you reach higher or closer to where you wanted to be before the diversion). I would say that its a dream that tells you both that what you're doing now and what you're planning (2 options), won't take you where you need to go.

The 3rd option is perhaps a synthesis of the 2. I say that because 2 as well as 3 is also a significant repeated symbol (2nd floor, second door). The first door stifles you too early and the second you aim too high (high relates to head / brain tumour are also relevant here). The 3rd door is likely a synthesis, maybe not to aim too high but at your level so you can find your place (as others did in the dream at their level). Its interesting too that in this thread others are suggesting likewise.

Well the first option is my full-time job, which I ended up in just by coasting through life doing what was expected of me by those around me. So that makes sense. The 2nd option is less clear, is it referring to my overall plan? Basically continuing my day job, knowing my heart's not in it, until I get a solid 'sign' that 'okay, now is the time' and quit. Until then I'm still bringing in good income, benefits, and loading up my retirement fund (which I'll cash out when I leave). I'm also bringing in decent money airbnb'ing my guestrooms, so that's good. I'm waiting for someone to publish my short-story and then if/when that happens I'll be able to more firmly push my novel, which I'm just about finished with. The last 3 chapters have been the hardest to write and the last 6 weeks have been pretty turbulent, not affording much time for it. Ideally I would like to have it published by the end of the summer, assuming that 1.) I've written something worth a damn and 2.) someone wants to give me a lucrative book deal.

It's a lot to think about.

This morning I had a dream where Pete02 and I were driving back from somewhere and traffic suddenly piled up. There was a bunch of water, maybe knee deep on the road, and in the water I caught the glimmer of gold. Since we were already stopped I hopped out and started scooping it up, there were big bars, little bars, cogs, keys, and misc chunks of varying size, and there was a ton of it. I was trying to be discrete gathering it because I didn't want anyone in their cars to see what I was doing. After getting a pretty hefty haul I told Pete we should just take what we had and go before someone noticed us and tried to take our haul.

Not sure what that means either, but Keys and Cogs seem significant, the water probably has some meaning too. I'll have to think about it some more.

 

[Sol Logos]

This morning I had a dream where Pete02 and I were driving back from somewhere and traffic suddenly piled up. There was a bunch of water, maybe knee deep on the road, and in the water I caught the glimmer of gold. Since we were already stopped I hopped out and started scooping it up, there were big bars, little bars, cogs, keys, and misc chunks of varying size, and there was a ton of it. I was trying to be discrete gathering it because I didn't want anyone in their cars to see what I was doing. After getting a pretty hefty haul I told Pete we should just take what we had and go before someone noticed us and tried to take our haul.

Not sure what that means either, but Keys and Cogs seem significant, the water probably has some meaning too. I'll have to think about it some more.

I'd say that dream's telling you what the option is you've not really considered. You're off going somewhere but the traffic stops, it's the same as you being blocked from getting to your destination like the elevator dream. So there's a block, you can't go any further, then you see the opportunity - the gold. Water and inundation is an common archetype, Jung often talks about it as the creative material of our unconscious coming to the fore (it's opportunity for this material to become conscious). Gold is also another significant archetype - it's the treasure of your unconscious, again keys and cogs. Keys are about opening doors, cogs are wheels / circle a symbol of completion, wholeness etc.

It sounds like the dream is creating emphasis for you, basically saying by staying put doing what you are doing, doing your personal work, being patient etc. - that the treasure is right in front of you, that you might feel blocked (or limited) in your present circumstances but it's this attitude itself that's likely the block. I would say it's about finding out where that feeling comes from, what's in the dissatisfaction for you, given this dream is saying that where you are is where you need to be. Does that makes sense?

The gold cogs besides a wholeness symbol are also there to tell you that this is a part of a greater plan for you, you gathering necessary elements, that you're not yet fully aware of what purpose they serve yet, but are important aspects of a larger function (an orchestration), and that you're preparing your "treasures" for. In other words "treasures" are your unique soul (wholeness) qualities. Cogs are also precise (like clockwork). For some reason it reminded me of this quote:
“Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small; Though with patience He stands waiting, with exactness grinds He all.”

(NB think of "grind" as in the milling process, transforming seed that's has no nourishing value into flour that does. I know bread isn't greatly nourishing, but bread in terms more of "our daily bread" = sustenance etc.)

I reckon the overall message is stay on course, find patience, humbleness and doing the work is where you're treasures lie.

 

[Cyre2067]

Heh, you're good at dream interpretation Alk. Why my subconcious couldn't just conjure an image of Dory singing, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." I'll never understand. ;D

For folks who haven't seen Finding Nemo:
_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hkn-LSh7es

 

[Sol Logos]

Heh, you're good at dream interpretation Alk. Why my subconcious couldn't just conjure an image of Dory singing, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..." I'll never understand. ;D

For folks who haven't seen Finding Nemo:
_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hkn-LSh7es

Yeah one of my mostly unused treasures :) Why don't dreams just tell us directly? I sometimes get amazed at just how much is said in the most efficient and exact way that has both universal and personal meaning, unearths deep feeling and come to us like tiny packets of immense information. Sort of like we get emailed a zip file that's easy to deliver, it looks small but it's just very compressed and it's up to us to unzip and then it opens up an encyclopaedia - something like that. So there's a fair bit more than just keep swimming, that's probably just the beginning. There's a bunch of dreams I remember having years back that seem to make more and more sense as I get older, as yet though a lot still to figure out in them for me.