End of journey, new beginning?

[SHNAGFNAY]

I don't know how to begin this post.

Basically I feel like not focusing on the material, recommended reading or the work. I have no spark for this. I understand the material here is important, yet I don't feel important with it. I don't identify with it to the degree where I feel the need to keep reading.

I suppose I have a problem being annoyed not having read and comprehended fully, yet I know I probably won't read, not at-least for the foreseeable future. It has come to the point where I am not willing to read anything that I have deemed a boredom.

So, I know I won't read any books recommended. Yet I am kind of annoyed of what I have missed about what the work is about/Gurdjieff teachings.

Reading longer texts isn't my thing it seems. I try, then I quickly loose interest. I know people on this forum are totally different in that regard, you are book worms, but I ain't. Reading is harder for me then going to work doing physical labor just to compare, dare I say 5 times harder. It is totally different things really. For instance reading a novel is something I never would do. I don't read for pleasure.

Yet I do feel a little urge to read about things entirely different, yet it is a process that hasn't started. I would like to read books basically on things I can do with my hands. How to lock pick, building cottages/houses, about cars, and many other things. Lock picking is something I wanted to learn since I was 7 years old, but I never learned it.

If I am to read something it better be straight to the point and short and clear. It really is that bad. And I want to clear my mind before I proceed with anything else. I don't know what kind of responses I will get. I am not sure what I want to get reflecting on with this.

Perhaps I am not the right person for this work. I have Asperger/Autism, have monthly injections for a psychotic syndrome. While I haven't had any episodes for years, I am to have this medication for the rest of my life - is what one doctor told me. I also wrote about memory in a thread about sleep paralysis that I only seem to remember what "sticks" to my mind when it comes to data.

 

[Alejo]

Hi R-ME,

well, believe it or not it takes a lot to come out and say that openly, I don’t think it diminishes your efforts or capacity, it just shows clearly where it’s at currently.

If I had to venture a guess I’d say that the material you are inclined and interested in reading, has a utility in your eyes, something tangible that you can transform into a skill, and I think the same applies to all sorts of reading. It’s one thing to tell someone to read about how to navigate emotional traumas when they’re stable in their lives, as opposed to suggesting the same thing to someone who might’ve experienced a crisis or is in the middle of one.

The former might find the information interesting and maybe crucial but the second one would find it life saving and useful.

In the interest of keeping the text short, I’d summarize it by saying that maybe you won’t find an interest in reading certain material until it’s utility comes knocking on your door. And I think in that moment this forum will have an entirely different value, as will some of the books suggested.

 

[Alana]

R-ME, I am curious about the title of this thread you started, as it is confusing to me. You gave it the name "End of journey, new beginning?" but when reading your post, I don't see the connection with the title. You talk mostly about how much you dislike reading. To which subject, Alejo gave you a very good reply. Yet I don't see anything about endings or beginnings.

So I still wonder, what do you mean with this title?

 

[SlipNet]

Perhaps I am not the right person for this work. I have Asperger/Autism, have monthly injections for a psychotic syndrome. While I haven't had any episodes for years, I am to have this medication for the rest of my life - is what one doctor told me.

This interests me too. I'm a schizophrenic, but most of the themes explored on the forum are of interest to me I've found. It sounds a little drastic to call it the end of the journey I think. You can dip into whatever you like in the months and years to come. I wouldn't close the door entirely if I was you. You never know how or when something will change within you, or in your environment, and then you may want to have this place as a sounding board and a platform to communicate. All I'd say is don't close your account, you never know what's around the corner. Good luck with all that you do.

 

[Matthew]

I don't know how to begin this post.{...}

Well, one of the things the C's have often advised is to do what comes naturally i.e. not to force something because one feels one should do something. Why don't you be guided by what you are actually drawn to and have an interest in? We are all unique and have our own path in life. You can still get a lot from being a member here even if you don't read every single thing on the recommended reading list. After all, it is recommended not obligatory. Just sharing what you shared above is a good start. I wish you well with it all and hope that you find a way that works for you.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

@Alana

The title is the last thing I wrote after writing the post. It means that I will shift focus away from my habits, which isn't working out, and hopefully start reading something that interests me, successfully.

 

[axj]

It is actually a good idea to focus on the practical, what you can actually apply and what helps you. In this respect, the practical Work on ourselves or the "internal work" is the most important part.

If you are practicing meditation, try focusing on what brought you here in the first place. That drive or deep inner urge or heart desire. By focusing on it you can get more motivation, which seems to be what is partly missing right now.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

If I had to venture a guess I’d say that the material you are inclined and interested in reading, has a utility in your eyes, something tangible that you can transform into a skill, and I think the same applies to all sorts of reading.

Yes

All I'd say is don't close your account, you never know what's around the corner. Good luck with all that you do.

Thanks! No I won't close it.

Why don't you be guided by what you are actually drawn to and have an interest in?

That is a good question which I have a hard time answering. Time just has just flied by even when I haven't done much of anything, and I never really pursued practical things that I wanted to learn. Hopefully this will be a turning point.

If you are practicing meditation, try focusing on what brought you here in the first place. That drive or deep inner urge or heart desire. By focusing on it you can get more motivation, which seems to be what is partly missing right now

Thanks for the advice but meditation is not really my cup of tea. I first found the C's Transcripts online when searching, that's how I came here.

 

[Michael B-C]

Hi R-Me. Your honesty does you great credit. Thank you for sharing. As you know this is fundamentally a research forum and hence reading comes with the territory. But having said that there are many people here at different stages (its not a competition by the way!) and with many different reasons of their own and that's also absolutely fine as it should be. So I would suggest that you continue to follow your instincts, be yourself and as you have done here, network about it. The rest will follow. And yes, practical application of practical skills is good I would say. Whatever grounds you in reality whilst keeping you open to possible changes and growth as it comes. You shared that - as you put it - you have Asperger/Autism - and that is a challenge. But something brought you here so something inside you wants the learning that is available. But it must come within and from you at the right time and in the right way for what you/we are all ready for at any given time - as well as via feedback from others. So good luck.

 

[PerfectCircle]

Maybe you just need a short break. There come some days in row where I do not have energy or focus to read/analyze as well.
Maybe you have some private life obligations which you must finish and that is distracting you too.
As Michael said, there is a reason you came here. Take a break and come back

 

[Miracle]

I know people on this forum are totally different in that regard, you are book worms, but I ain't.

I too wouldn't identify as a book worm however I have gleaned immense support from this forum nonetheless. Have you?

I have no spark for this. I understand the material here is important, yet I don't feel important with it

I also have lost the 'spark' on many many many occasions mostly due to life circumstance and terrible health issues and stopped posting for months on end. In fact, considering how few posts I've written I don't think I've really had the spark! Yet, the forum continues on, I poke around, read a few things here and there and, little by little I improve and become a little more up to speed with what is going on here. So don't lose faith! I'm sure there are many individuals here who have felt the same way and continued on and benefited from doing so.

 

[Palinurus]

To just give some practical advice, when you're not much into reading long articles or books even, why not start with watching videos about the material. There's a YT-page full of them with plenty to choose from.

Would you encounter concepts or phrases that need clarification, you could use the CassWiki PDF-file . It's chockfull of short articles about almost anything we talk and think about here. It comes with an ingenious reference system that takes you effortlessly from one subject to all related other items worthwhile. You could even download it on a tablet and take it with you, as to be able to have a peek on something anywhere just when you feel like it, or have some time left idling while in a waiting room or something.

Hope this helps you out a bit.

 

[SHNAGFNAY]

@Michael B-C @PerfectCircle @Doug @Palinurus

Thanks for the feedback, appreciate it.

I have had plenty of time that I could have used to read the material and books over the years. But it hasn't proved to work out. As soon I start reading it's like a tube being squeezed out of energy and I don't really learn much.

Learning something practical I would like to learn about, would, perhaps "sparkle me" with excitement with the reading.

I have had good support from and also feedback on this forum. Read it every day, most of the time, to keep up to date mostly, though I only read some of it.

Also watched all the YouTube videos on that YT channel over the years and am also familiar with the CassWiki and have the PDF too. I don't have anything distracting me in my personal life.

 

[KTC]

Hi R-Me have you tried watching or listening to some of the YouTube discussions?

Mind matters Has conversations on esoteric subjects including Gurdjieff
Objective Health has some great discussions on all things health In the current climate
Cassiopaea.org includes some videos from Laura on the books she has written, some recipes and Q&A’s
Sometimes I listen to the YouTube on my walks or have them playing when I’m cooking.

Just a thought - there are many ways to learn and receive information and sometimes finding your way will lead to another path of exploring :)

Edit: I just realised u said u have watched YT.
How about joining the reading group and/or EE group?

learning can be hard - that’s the point.

One page at a time.

 

[seek10]

Hi R-ME, I am glad you wrote about it and that itself is a good indication. Alejo and others have given you good feedback. It looks, your mind is NOT feeling like reading, so you are questioning the value of participating in the forum itself. Generally, there will be some associated thought processes that lead you to your questionings, which you may want to think. you seem to have disappointed that nothing is sticking. We can train our brain step by step like 15 min a day for a week and increase it to 30 min etc. Experiment it. Maybe you need some diet change or need to take some vitamins etc. Experiment with them.

I too have a program that every sentence I read should stick to the brain. But, that is not practicable, but my mind tend to remember crux of it. But, when I am in hurry of 'do this or do that', that too fades away, though it seems to come back when I think about it. Once Laura said, one needs to read twice to remember and think about it to solidify.

The forum covers so many broad subjects about the reality of human condition and possible future. It is not easy to cover everything by everybody to the depth of the writer who writes the post. For example, I find the medical stuff hard to remember, so I take it to slow in reading. Though our science tries to categorize our experiences into the predefined subjects, our experiences ( thoughts, emotions, associative thinking, etc.) don't follow those criteria. we will never know which one is useful and when.

COVID hysteria is a good example of the case. People who are good at critical thinking in one area, fell for it as they were privy to their cognitive biases, Media manipulations and believed authorities whom they don't even believe when they elect them. Start with the topics you like or resonate and keep learning. It doesn't need to exact reading alone. As C's said, the whole effort is about simple karmic lessons.