Engaging Life and Finding Balance

[Pearce]

Hello all,

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, I feel due in part to this mindset of isolation I got myself in. However, 2015 hadn't even come to an end before the current of 2016 swept me into a fast paced new reality.

My thought process of late is: "how does one find balance when so much in the personal reality is going so well, while the global reality is so dire?"

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

I don't want to not engage again, as since I've been engaging I've had so many chances to make an impact on people, which beats the crap out of stagnating at home.

Has anyone dealt with this and found a healthy remedy?

 

[nicklebleu]

Hi Pearce,

I know where you are coming from - have also had similar thoughts. Overall I have had a lot of luck and help when I needed it and never had to remain in a bad situation for a very long time (until now). So naturally I was asking myself, why I am lucky (most of the time), while others fare a whole lot worse - constantly.

I don't really have an answer to that - I wouldn't be so brazen to suggest that it was my skills, my personality or whatever else that made the difference. Maybe just another lesson to learn?

But I think that the answer to how to balance is more straightforward, and in my opinion it consists of two aspects:

The first aspect is to try to give back as much as we can - to those who truly ask. One aspect of that is to "put others on the step behind us", which I guess is another way of balancing thing - apart from donations etc.

The second aspect is "conscious suffering". We all have aspects of our personality that are underdeveloped, lazy, shying away from things - whatever "IT doesn't want to do". I for one know that there are many things that I can improve in myself. And by doing this I think we are also balancing and giving back energy.

My 2 cents only - others might see this differently!

 

[Ellipse]

You have what Don Juan would have called "personal power". At least, enough to enjoy what you describe.

You don't have to feel guilty about having it, the question is "What do you do with it ?". In which polarization do you choose to use it ?

 

[Ennio]

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

I may be incorrect here but it sounds as though there are seeds of conscience just waiting to germinate in you, Pearce. That the feeling bad while feeling good you are experiencing is no longer enough for you and seems like a step forward. You may be seeing the desire and the potential to do more with what you feel and what you know. I think you already know, in part, that the healthy remedy you seek is sharing more of yourself here, but there's also doing things too that may be of help not only to you but to others who are seeking.

As for balance, it can be a difficult to thing to attain when we try to think of what it means too directly. What would it look like if my life was 100% balanced? Impossible to know. A great start may be to just realize more fully what areas of your life appear out of balance, and recognize and act on those things you can do to address those.

So keep engaging here :) There is certainly a lot to be aware of and a lot of tools available to help make the move forward.

 

[Pearce]

Thank you guys for your input, it all seems most appropriate. Reading your responses brought an even bigger smile to my already smiley day

As I was mulling it over more yesterday, it came to me that at least part of the obvious answer was that I needed to continue to give back, and maybe even to increase my giving back. So nicklebleu I feel you are spot on there.

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

I may be incorrect here but it sounds as though there are seeds of conscience just waiting to germinate in you, Pearce. That the feeling bad while feeling good you are experiencing is no longer enough for you and seems like a step forward. You may be seeing the desire and the potential to do more with what you feel and what you know. I think you already know, in part, that the healthy remedy you seek is sharing more of yourself here, but there's also doing things too that may be of help not only to you but to others who are seeking.

As for balance, it can be a difficult to thing to attain when we try to think of what it means too directly. What would it look like if my life was 100% balanced? Impossible to know. A great start may be to just realize more fully what areas of your life appear out of balance, and recognize and act on those things you can do to address those.

So keep engaging here :) There is certainly a lot to be aware of and a lot of tools available to help make the move forward.

This is an interesting thought, and one it seems that requires a binding/balancing of views, which is neat since my whole qualm is concerning balance. I've got this fear about putting too much of myself out there in case someone wanted to use that against me, while at the same time have no holds barred about being ultra candid and open with people I meet, because I know that real growth comes with sharing deep real moments with people, exposing the little things about ourselves that too many are afraid to share, which only strengthens the bonds we make when we do because we realize "hey, we really ARE alike." Finding balance between those two ideas seems to be part of my next step.

I love this soul searching quest. Every new turn opens up a whole new dimension of ourselves we never knew existed, each room more grandiose than the last. Thanks again for your thoughts, I really do need to engage here more cause I wouldn't get answers like that anywhere else.

 

[whitecoast]

thought process of late is: "how does one find balance when so much in the personal reality is going so well, while the global reality is so dire?"

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

Would you be able to explain in greater detail how things in your life are going so well, and why that specifically causes guilt? My main beef with it as an emotion is that it's so often mechanical, and just an introject from our upbringing to manipulate us in neurotic or compulsive ways (just look at Catholicism). That doesn't mean it's bad in itself, but rather that context is needed to determine if it is actually doing useful work in the psyche and leading to growth. Fwiw. :)

Thid thread may provide a little insight for you on guilt vs remorse: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,24389.msg371198.html

 

[Pearce]

thought process of late is: "how does one find balance when so much in the personal reality is going so well, while the global reality is so dire?"

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

Would you be able to explain in greater detail how things in your life are going so well, and why that specifically causes guilt? My main beef with it as an emotion is that it's so often mechanical, and just an introject from our upbringing to manipulate us in neurotic or compulsive ways (just look at Catholicism). That doesn't mean it's bad in itself, but rather that context is needed to determine if it is actually doing useful work in the psyche and leading to growth. Fwiw. :)

Thid thread may provide a little insight for you on guilt vs remorse: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,24389.msg371198.html

Sure, that shouldn't be a problem. The main points that I can highlight are that last year I began training in a new job, which has now grown into a position that allows me financial stability, the job is now also allowing me to travel both in and out of state (I'm in the US) with extra time to see and do things not related to work.

The relationship with my family, namely my parents, has been reaching extraordinary new levels, and I've never been more proud to see how far they've come, more humbled to have been able to witness it, and more grateful to still have a chance to share and grow with them.

I also had the experience of reconnecting with an old friend from the past, but this time with possible romance attached. Regardless of the outcome, the interaction has provided me with three new things: the perception that I've been stagnating, the reminder that only by striving to be your most authentic self will reveal unimaginable pathways, and the courage to face my fears and expand my comfort zone.

These are the biggest areas that have got my world in a whirlwind right now. As to why I feel guilty, and perhaps you are right that 'remorse' is a better word, it's difficult for me to enjoy all these moments and possibilities knowing that if I wasn't in the US, it wouldn't be like this. I could be in a war zone, still may be soon; I could be anything else, you know? A lot comes from knowing how much the US is responsible for the current setting of the world, but yet here my life is with sun shining on it.
Like a battle of "it's not fair, why me" vs "what do I do with it?"

I feel though that at the very least, identifying the positive aspects and how that can uplift me, as well as not ignoring the feelings of remorse, I can perhaps find a bridge between where I can give back some of the energy, cause it's explosive at times and feels like I'm overflowed. Hope that helps. Thanks for your feedback!

 

[Zar]

Hi Pearce, it seems to me like you are ticking off a checklist of things you should have in your life to "have balance". I don't think we should be focusing on a balanced life until we have achieved appropriate knowledge and self work, and i'm not particularly sure what that means to be honest. It's most likely different for each person as we have different lessons to learn and are all in different places. Maybe you should clarify what you mean by "finding balance" and were you got the idea that you need balance?
Before you consider this have you had a chance to look at "the work" section of the forum. Whitecoast mentioned that your emotions/ideas may be mechanical and he was referring to the mechanical nature of man and the many little I's we all have that run our body and mind.
This posts summed it up very well http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,38825.0.html
You should read some of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky and the big five psychology books as well to come to understand your vehicle and work on "waking up" so you can actually do and have a better sense of what to do.

Let me know if this makes sense or correct me if i'm misguiding as i'm still relatively new and there is so much information and knowledge in this forum that it's hard to give appropriate responses. Just my two cents

 

[Pearce]

Hi thinkingfingers, thanks for your input. I don't feel there is any sort of checklist involved in my thinking, I don't see that as a healthy way to to gauge things.

I've read many topics on the forum, as well as Gurdjieff and Oespensky; to the point that the last few years has been just that: reading and ingesting and doing inner work in isolation, and it wasn't that my exterior world was falling apart, there just wasn't much to it and it just wasn't going anywhere. What I'm trying to find balance in now is that my exterior reality is catching up to the inner work that's been going on, providing me with many opportunities to engage in what I know and have been learning, and it's all just a little overwhelming; one of the things it brings up are these feelings of guilt, or remorse.

Not sure if that makes sense but hopefully it helps to clarify more.

 

[Foxx]

I can relate to the feelings you're having Pearce--I think it's hard not to feel at least a little guilty, especially in the US where our comfort is more or less literally built of the suffering of others. For me, I think of what I have in terms of comfort and financial stability as gifts and as I've received, so should I give back and help others, to show my gratitude for the things that I've been afforded in life and balance out what I've received. So perhaps the balance is that, since you're in a good situation financially and emotionally, it's a good time to find a way to give back and help others who are asking. There are lots of ways to give back around here, so maybe there's a project or two that you're interested in and can put some energy into, which will help others as you have been helped.

Glad to hear that things are going well for you! :)

 

[whitecoast]

thought process of late is: "how does one find balance when so much in the personal reality is going so well, while the global reality is so dire?"

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place. I seem to not have trouble seeing a beauty in the process of transformation the world is going through, but I struggle fully letting the truly beautiful moments engulf me. I take them in, but not without a little pain too.

Would you be able to explain in greater detail how things in your life are going so well, and why that specifically causes guilt? My main beef with it as an emotion is that it's so often mechanical, and just an introject from our upbringing to manipulate us in neurotic or compulsive ways (just look at Catholicism). That doesn't mean it's bad in itself, but rather that context is needed to determine if it is actually doing useful work in the psyche and leading to growth. Fwiw. :)

Thid thread may provide a little insight for you on guilt vs remorse: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,24389.msg371198.html

Sure, that shouldn't be a problem. The main points that I can highlight are that last year I began training in a new job, which has now grown into a position that allows me financial stability, the job is now also allowing me to travel both in and out of state (I'm in the US) with extra time to see and do things not related to work.... The relationship with my family, namely my parents, has been reaching extraordinary new levels, and I've never been more proud to see how far they've come, more humbled to have been able to witness it, and more grateful to still have a chance to share and grow with them.

I also had the experience of reconnecting with an old friend from the past, but this time with possible romance attached. Regardless of the outcome, the interaction has provided me with three new things: the perception that I've been stagnating, the reminder that only by striving to be your most authentic self will reveal unimaginable pathways, and the courage to face my fears and expand my comfort zone.

With the exception of the bolded part (which imo can be grounds for objective remorse), it sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for. That's not a bad thing in itself at all. In fact I think the notion of balance between personal and worldly suffering is kind of bunk, since realistically, nobody benefits from a random person (i.e. you) having it worse off. I may be wrong, but it seems to me that you think that because a more difficult life would give you more shocks and opportunities to wake up. Mechanical suffering has a greater chance of transforming into conscious suffering than mechanical hedonism, true. BUT, we are not talking about statistical probabilities; we are talking about you - and the root of all consciousness is choice.

These are the biggest areas that have got my world in a whirlwind right now. As to why I feel guilty, and perhaps you are right that 'remorse' is a better word, it's difficult for me to enjoy all these moments and possibilities knowing that if I wasn't in the US, it wouldn't be like this. I could be in a war zone, still may be soon; I could be anything else, you know? A lot comes from knowing how much the US is responsible for the current setting of the world, but yet here my life is with sun shining on it.
Like a battle of "it's not fair, why me" vs "what do I do with it?"

I don't understand the bolded part. Are you saying you ask yourself questions like "why me" and "what do I do with it?" If so, the latter is a good question but the former is almost always purely internal considering. The world is filled with chaos due to the mechanicalness of people and reality. Everything is just "astrology," so to speak. Due to luck/karma/whatever you were granted more resources than others, and because of this you have more opportunities to serve others. That you have suffered mechanically less in life means that shocks in your native mechanical environment are few and far between. But that doesn't really matter anymore because guess what? You're here :) and you have the choice to create your own conscious suffering in striving toward an Aim, which will help you grow as a person and lift everyone you help around you.

I feel though that at the very least, identifying the positive aspects and how that can uplift me, as well as not ignoring the feelings of remorse, I can perhaps find a bridge between where I can give back some of the energy, cause it's explosive at times and feels like I'm overflowed. Hope that helps. Thanks for your feedback!

I think the best place to start is to think of a concrete Aim, like Foxx suggested, and work towards it. Aims like "finding balance" or "become STO" can be quite nebulous and so are less useful than, say, "volunteer at a soup kitchen once a month/week" or "share book reviews on the forum" or "contribute to a community project online or irl". These are more beneficial because their results are much more easily evaluated. This provides more feedback for you to see if there are any attitudes, beliefs, programs, or little i's (dealt with in the thread Thinkinfingers linked to) that are getting in the way of your Aim. Then you start practicing self-remembering, controlled exposure to the trigger, etc etc. to gain conscious control and nullify its effects. Keeping a journal is very helpful for this process.

 

[Menna]

It's this guilty feeling of enjoying what life is throwing at me while so much suffering is taking place.

Its not your burden to carry through personal experience. You have your own lessons perhaps the lessons to be learned are better learned without being subject to the suffering in a direct way and you can learn through your more positive experiences and your indirect suffering/knowing of suffering else where without having it in your direct experience.