ava
The Force is Strong With This One
Hi everyone,
I’ve recently experienced a strong reality kick that made me think quite a bit.
You see, I thought everything is going just fine. I’ve been doing a lot of (recommended) reading, consulting with this forum on regular basis, and thought, among other things, that I’ve grasped the term external consideration reasonably well. (after strong initial need to share my newly found awakening with almost everyone, I’ve realized that that kind of behavior would be of no good to anyone, so I’ve mostly kept quiet about it.)
But what I did not realize is that I wasn’t doing as good as I imagined.
As it happened, I had a friend that turned out to be a seriously demented person (after finally waking up and doing a careful study, I think she may not be a real psychopath, even though I am not that certain, but fits the profile of NPD perfectly).
So this person has serious issues, ranging from psychiatric problems, various addictions, hypochondria, you name it – drama queen at her best, but pretending that she’s trying to solve her problems and become a normal person again, making it seam like she’s asking for help (not just attention).
So I took the bait and came to the rescue.
And it’s not my point now to talk about how dangerous it was not to recognize, and to socialize with a narcissistic person (nor to explain what sorts of things she did and said, as they can all be found in "The Games Narcissist Play" http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=8838.0).
But it is my point to talk about what a fool I’ve been (and not just about not recognizing the warning signs, even though they were quite obvious).
Not that I was intentionally, nor even consciously, trying to implement my beliefs. But still, when someone spends all of his time thinking and talking about problems he’s not able to solve by himself, and me spending my time reading cassiopaea forum, it is not that hard to slip into a helping/teaching mode. And what a better way to help someone, than to refer him a bit into possibilities for spiritual growth (lol).
She was a friend. Friend that I knew for ages, that was in trouble and I deluded myself into thinking that she is reasonable and normal person, and that her constant whining and complaining means that I’m being asked for assistance and that I’m actually helping.
(Also, I would think that asking the question – do you find it helpful, am I boring you, do you want to hear about it, etc. quite often, and receiving encouragement to proceed, would mean something, well maybe, when dealing with an honest person.)
Anyway, little by little, one word here, the other one there; and after a while, you have ‘my life’s philosophy’ right in the open, trying to implement it into hers.
Imagining she is just like me, so that what can be applied and work for me, can also be applied and work for her, but actually violating her free will (no matter what kind of deceptive free will it was to begin with) by telling her things she didn’t really want to hear.
And it all ended up with me finally hearing what she's saying about me, my advices, and my life in general (with a lot of additional facts that never happened) behind my back. (And it is not just what she was saying around about me, but rather sick things about her life she 'somehow forgot' to mention.)
One thing that rings in my mind now is – sending love and light to someone who is not asking for it is like sending him a box of vomit. (reference from C’s)
The worst part is that I wasn’t even aware I am sending anything, nor that I wasn’t really invited to do the helping (I was only invited to listen and sympathize, helping to keep the drama part rolling, with her as a victim in the leading role).
In a way, it was a really good lesson. It made me see myself from a different perspective (that dangers are not just lurking from the outside, but that the most serious ones are coming from my own reactions).
It is even kind of funny - I was not practicing external consideration with a form of a psychopath.
Actually, I think I was so engaged in teaching and consulting (and I rarely talk about myself anyway, so I never did it with her, which probably by itself was a protection), that I ended up draining more of her energy (boring her while talking about things that I find interesting and helpful) than the other way around. Which is a lot less funny and much more disturbing.
And I can see now that in the most part, I was just making myself feel good by imagining I’m being useful; in the same time seeing and acknowledging only what I wanted to see, closing my eyes to little bells that rang as a warning sign from time to time.
Anyway, it was a really important realization for me, so I felt the need to share.
Also a bit of a drastic example, but it got me thinking about all of the other times normal people (not the lying ones) ask for guidance, but actually just want comfort, not advice. And in that case, whom am I really doing the favor by trying to help.
As for that friend, I don’t plan to see her ever again. I’m doing what I should’ve done in the first place - turn my back and walk away.
I’ve recently experienced a strong reality kick that made me think quite a bit.
You see, I thought everything is going just fine. I’ve been doing a lot of (recommended) reading, consulting with this forum on regular basis, and thought, among other things, that I’ve grasped the term external consideration reasonably well. (after strong initial need to share my newly found awakening with almost everyone, I’ve realized that that kind of behavior would be of no good to anyone, so I’ve mostly kept quiet about it.)
But what I did not realize is that I wasn’t doing as good as I imagined.
As it happened, I had a friend that turned out to be a seriously demented person (after finally waking up and doing a careful study, I think she may not be a real psychopath, even though I am not that certain, but fits the profile of NPD perfectly).
So this person has serious issues, ranging from psychiatric problems, various addictions, hypochondria, you name it – drama queen at her best, but pretending that she’s trying to solve her problems and become a normal person again, making it seam like she’s asking for help (not just attention).
So I took the bait and came to the rescue.
And it’s not my point now to talk about how dangerous it was not to recognize, and to socialize with a narcissistic person (nor to explain what sorts of things she did and said, as they can all be found in "The Games Narcissist Play" http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=8838.0).
But it is my point to talk about what a fool I’ve been (and not just about not recognizing the warning signs, even though they were quite obvious).
Not that I was intentionally, nor even consciously, trying to implement my beliefs. But still, when someone spends all of his time thinking and talking about problems he’s not able to solve by himself, and me spending my time reading cassiopaea forum, it is not that hard to slip into a helping/teaching mode. And what a better way to help someone, than to refer him a bit into possibilities for spiritual growth (lol).
She was a friend. Friend that I knew for ages, that was in trouble and I deluded myself into thinking that she is reasonable and normal person, and that her constant whining and complaining means that I’m being asked for assistance and that I’m actually helping.
(Also, I would think that asking the question – do you find it helpful, am I boring you, do you want to hear about it, etc. quite often, and receiving encouragement to proceed, would mean something, well maybe, when dealing with an honest person.)
Anyway, little by little, one word here, the other one there; and after a while, you have ‘my life’s philosophy’ right in the open, trying to implement it into hers.
Imagining she is just like me, so that what can be applied and work for me, can also be applied and work for her, but actually violating her free will (no matter what kind of deceptive free will it was to begin with) by telling her things she didn’t really want to hear.
And it all ended up with me finally hearing what she's saying about me, my advices, and my life in general (with a lot of additional facts that never happened) behind my back. (And it is not just what she was saying around about me, but rather sick things about her life she 'somehow forgot' to mention.)
One thing that rings in my mind now is – sending love and light to someone who is not asking for it is like sending him a box of vomit. (reference from C’s)
The worst part is that I wasn’t even aware I am sending anything, nor that I wasn’t really invited to do the helping (I was only invited to listen and sympathize, helping to keep the drama part rolling, with her as a victim in the leading role).
In a way, it was a really good lesson. It made me see myself from a different perspective (that dangers are not just lurking from the outside, but that the most serious ones are coming from my own reactions).
It is even kind of funny - I was not practicing external consideration with a form of a psychopath.
Actually, I think I was so engaged in teaching and consulting (and I rarely talk about myself anyway, so I never did it with her, which probably by itself was a protection), that I ended up draining more of her energy (boring her while talking about things that I find interesting and helpful) than the other way around. Which is a lot less funny and much more disturbing.
And I can see now that in the most part, I was just making myself feel good by imagining I’m being useful; in the same time seeing and acknowledging only what I wanted to see, closing my eyes to little bells that rang as a warning sign from time to time.
Anyway, it was a really important realization for me, so I felt the need to share.
Also a bit of a drastic example, but it got me thinking about all of the other times normal people (not the lying ones) ask for guidance, but actually just want comfort, not advice. And in that case, whom am I really doing the favor by trying to help.
As for that friend, I don’t plan to see her ever again. I’m doing what I should’ve done in the first place - turn my back and walk away.
