Family interaction and paths chosen

Q

QuantumLogic

Jedi
I would like some outside input on my current family path/choice situation since I'm not sure if I am approaching this correctly.

I have been reading the material here and the books recommended, changed my diet to low carb/high fat, and am working to understand my "machine". But my wife, who was initially enthusiastic about this site and The Wave, promptly stopped reading it and has made no effort to change anything- especially her dangerous diet. I know I cannot change her, as that would abridge free will, but is us being together hurting/draining me? She does not say anything about the path I have chosen, and likewise I don't try to convince her to switch, since she does at least read the same material as I on SOTT.

In my current thought process, I do not see how she could be draining me since she is accepting of my choices. It does scare me to watch her on the path she is on, especially since she knows the effects of much of the food she eats but chooses not to do anything about it. I fear I may have to watch something unpleasant unfold with her due to these choices. The most painful part is watching our child eat nothing but garbage- and that is something I would like some input on. How can I approach this, if at all, without violating free will? I want my daughter to be healthy, and so far she is, but it's only a matter of time before the bad diet begins to manifest itself.

I'm really at a loss as to how to approach this sensitive situation, so any input will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
QuantumLogic said:
I would like some outside input on my current family path/choice situation since I'm not sure if I am approaching this correctly.

I have been reading the material here and the books recommended, changed my diet to low carb/high fat, and am working to understand my "machine". But my wife, who was initially enthusiastic about this site and The Wave, promptly stopped reading it and has made no effort to change anything- especially her dangerous diet. I know I cannot change her, as that would abridge free will, but is us being together hurting/draining me? She does not say anything about the path I have chosen, and likewise I don't try to convince her to switch, since she does at least read the same material as I on SOTT.

In my current thought process, I do not see how she could be draining me since she is accepting of my choices. It does scare me to watch her on the path she is on, especially since she knows the effects of much of the food she eats but chooses not to do anything about it. I fear I may have to watch something unpleasant unfold with her due to these choices. The most painful part is watching our child eat nothing but garbage- and that is something I would like some input on. How can I approach this, if at all, without violating free will? I want my daughter to be healthy, and so far she is, but it's only a matter of time before the bad diet begins to manifest itself.

I'm really at a loss as to how to approach this sensitive situation, so any input will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Click to expand...

Hi,

My husband doesn't follow the diet either, and I know what you mean about watching for "something unpleasant" to unfold down the line. But as you say, she/he is an adult and therefore has the right to make his/her own dietary choices. But as for your daughter, she is not an adult, well, anywhere you look you can find evidence that "garbage" food isn't good for children, that has nothing to do with this forum or SOTT.

Maybe you can point out some mainstream literature that talks about healthy adolescent diets? What about having a family doctor's input? I mean, any parent ought to know a kid shouldn't live on pizza and donuts.
 
I have shown her articles on SOTT, as well as other health forums/sites, but even if she reads them, she will not apply it to herself or our daughter (only a toddler). At least sugar is extremely restricted for our daughter, but unfortunately processed food is not limited. Even when I show my wife ingredient lists with all of the bad chemicals in the foods both of them eat, it is to no avail. Her position is that since she does not have any health issues now, it must not be that bad or detrimental.

I fear that it will take an unfortunate event or series of events before the realization becomes apparent to her- being proactive is not her method of thinking.
 
QuantumLogic said:
I'm really at a loss as to how to approach this sensitive situation, so any input will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Click to expand...

Hi Quantum Logic,

Maybe the best for the moment is to keep showing the example that you can follow another diet with success and enjoying it ?
I guess the importance of a healthy diet hasn't sunk in yet in your wife, I suppose that pressuring her into changing her diet won't help and a softer approach might work better in the long run. Compromises might be a start ?

I understand that it's a difficult situation for you to know that your children are not eating properly.
 
Yes, it is very difficult to watch them eat this way. I had drastically altered my diet before ever finding this forum or reading any of Laura's material. In the beginning, I did try to "convince" my wife to eat healthier, but as others have stated, she is an adult and can decide for herself. I don't want our daughter to end up having health issues down the road, but how to approach this without violating free will is proving to be a hurdle that seems infinitely high. Maybe our daughter will see what I am eating and, over time, simply choose the healthier path. It is amusing somewhat to note that our daughter consistently tells my wife that she should not be drinking soda, and that HFCS is poison and bad for her. So in some ways, it may work out in the end, but for now I will simply have to rely on the example I'm trying to set for our daughter, and explaining why I'm doing it.

It seems those who try to eat healthy travel a road that seems lonely at times.
 
QuantumLogic said:
It seems those who try to eat healthy travel a road that seems lonely at times.
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It certainly can, but don't forget that we're always here :flowers:
 
Hi Quantum Logic,

Is there any possibility you could find time to offer to cook some of the meals? That's assuming you don't already do that of course. Not with the intent to cook a paleo meal, but to try to create some of the meals they eat that aren’t total garbage.
 
Who does the food shopping? Maybe you can take that role. Your wife will be able to go out and buy whatever she wants but if your child is only a toddler then the child is restricted to eat what is in the house
 
Peam said:
Hi Quantum Logic,

Is there any possibility you could find time to offer to cook some of the meals? That's assuming you don't already do that of course. Not with the intent to cook a paleo meal, but to try to create some of the meals they eat that aren’t total garbage.
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I second that.
I actually live with few friends, I`ve been considered for a long time "the cooker of the house", that for my cooking talent.
Since I`m switching to a paleo diet I don't` have so many chances to cook for them (The food it`s expensive for me and they are strongly attached to pasta and bread).
But anytime I can, I really enjoy cooking some paleostuff and xilitol/glutenfree cakes for them.
That's usually a starting point for them with asking questions about diet, plus they are noticing my improvements in physical health and appearance and sometimes it leads them into some thinking.

Wish you good luck and a healthy family life
 
Also, always good to be aware of your own reactions when say your wife is eating something unhealthy. It's easy in those times to get disappointed and even if we're judging quietly about it, the projection still happens. People on the receiving end of that, often choose to rebel against judgement to gain a sense of personal control, but I'm not saying this is happening in your case for certain. Overall I just reckon it's always good to try our best to examine how we might be a real contributing factor in the situations we find ourselves in.
 
Peam said:
Hi Quantum Logic,

Is there any possibility you could find time to offer to cook some of the meals? That's assuming you don't already do that of course. Not with the intent to cook a paleo meal, but to try to create some of the meals they eat that aren’t total garbage.
Click to expand...

I would suggest that you follow this advice.

Since your daughter is only a toddler, I think it's important for you to start cooking her meals based on the knowledge you've gained about diet. I do not know what your relationship with your wife is like, but you should try and make it clear to her that it is not fair to feed your child garbage when she is so young and not able to make an informed choice on diet. Since you've said that your wife 'knows' about some of the health risks that come with eating junk, she may be understanding. If you are not doing already, it would be wise to take responsibility for yourself and feeding your daughter, and set an example as others have said.

It may be a good practice in external considering to do this without seeming righteous and alienating your wife, just try to focus the issue around your daughter's health and make it clear that you cannot allow her to continue eating evil foods now that you understand how bad they are.
 
Thank you all for the support. Last night I began to explain what gluten is to our daughter, since she does not want to eat anything "bad" for her. I also read one of the new articles on sugar on SOTT and will be explaining why too much sugar is very bad for the body to her. Approach strategy is very important since I don't want to scare her to death, so I must be cautious. One interesting thing over the last couple days- my wife is actually explaining to our daughter why I'm eating this way, so maybe it is possible that all of this information about food is starting to sink in. I will just have to wait and see.

I have always been the cook, since I grew up that way on a 20 acre mini-farm, where we grew and canned everything we ate. Up until about 13 or 14 years in age, we did not buy any boxed or processed food from the store- everything was homemade. Then, for whatever reason, my father chose not to have our 1 acre garden anymore. That was when my family's diet shifted dramatically to store bought foods. My daughter loves coming out with me to care for the garden I have, which was how I felt when I was a child helping my father with gardening. She loves to learn (especially read), and others in our family comment about her intelligence and conceptual abilities seem higher than many children her age. I'm not so sure, but if that is indeed the case, I do not want her to lose/cloud her abilities due to poor diet.

As I was typing this response, my wife brought up that my brother and his wife are gluten free, and post many recipes on Facebook. She then admitted to me that the reason she is reluctant to change is due to seeing the difficulty I am having finding acceptable foods and components of foods to eat. She is sending a message to my brother's wife to inquire about recipes and foods they eat, so it would seem she is slowly but surely realizing that diet must be changed to avoid health problems in the future. She has agreed to let me switch our daughter's diet to gluten free, but I will probably have to do this methodically, since almost everything she eats has gluten in it(which is my doing- I thought all of the fiber and whole grains from wheat products were helping her- how shortsighted I was/am, but live and learn).

I am very excited about receiving the LWB and Primal Body,Primal Mind books I ordered(with a couple others,as well). I will post some thoughts once I am finished reading them in the LWB thread. Are there any specific gluten free/paleo cookbooks that any of you have that you would recommend?
 
Hi QuantumLogic. Mrs. Peel's earlier post is pretty spot-on imho.

FWIW, I was/am in a similar situation, diet-wise, as yourself and how my wife and I worked it out was to basically 'cut a deal'. (our daughter is 5).

In it, I promised not to bother my wife about her dietary choices BUT to allow my investigations into a healthy diet to be reflected in what our daughter eats. If there is a problem with the choices, she is free to show me information she has found that may contradict my understanding. This hasn't happened.

But it has taken time.....lots of it. It seems to be a pretty hefty balancing act. ATM, not only does our daughter share most of the same diet I eat(low carb/high fat/no dairy/no sugar/ hardly any gluten), but my wife has begun to adopt many of these aspects as well. And with very little pressure whatsoever from myself. As others have mentioned, it really helps if you're the shopper and chef(and good at both ;)).

It's not foolproof(daughter still has the occasional rice or tortillas=gluten) but can really help your child without(hopefully) throwing your otherwise good relationship out the window.

There are some good threads dealing with non-colinear relationships that are worth a gander.

Best to you and your family.
 
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