l apprenti de forgeron
The Living Force
Hello.
Well this is my first question to the C's.
I'm not really "new" around here. I found The Cassiopaean Experiment in 2005, 2006 -even I attended the meeting in Buenos Aires in 2007 with the some of the spanish group- what is new is my understanding of the need for networking. Some learn later, and we must clean many self-lies.
Well, I'm having problems with negative emotions from the past, fear of death and all that I can not control it (I mentioned this in the topic "Hemochromatosis and Autoimmune Conditions") So I had to take drugs to be quieter, but this just returns again.
To contextualize this fear I will tell you the following:
My mother raised my brother and me in a hysterical way, very dependent on she. My mother definitely a hysterical woman. And it was from the death of my sister. This tragedy change to all my family, and myself, the great shock and terror of death caused in me (I would have two years or so). I remember in my childhood getting up at night, running in terror thinking about my sister, my family and myself and if we would see again after death. And then I thought that there be a heaven and we would be together (and so I could return to my child everyday life and leave the matter there to live) Well, that terror has returned simultaneously a treatment to lower iron in blood, very recent. (I think it is related to that because I do EE, smoking and paleo diet about 3 years ago, that can not be)
I want to say another thing I thought and maybe they are related (and so you know more about me). I think I'm similar to individual called E___ in the Session 22 July 2012
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28561.0.html
His genetic glitches (maybe I also have that?) have almost zero insight and the need of research and mostly following directions! have told the C's. And my relationship with my ex (duration 5 years) seems to be similar also to the relation of E___ and I___. I need direction in how to progress (and I have many ideas, ringing in the ears and I think a soul in embryo, but still I can not stand the fire of the work). So maybe what is happening to me my can serve to others who do not dare to speak, in a future.
Now this emotions of fear are really getting out of control. Lately I can not even leave the house, and my parents are desperate enough (even my dad told me that I perhaps should be hospitalized and treated by a psychiatrist). But not wanting to get there, because this may be part of the cleanup (or not). Please, I wonder if the C's could tell us if this panic attacks that emerges from deep is due of a brain chemical imbalance or maybe genetic glitches or what?, And what can i do to feel good and lead a normal life again?. Do not really know what is happening and I'm pretty desperate and scared. Thanks for reading this.
Well this is my first question to the C's.
I'm not really "new" around here. I found The Cassiopaean Experiment in 2005, 2006 -even I attended the meeting in Buenos Aires in 2007 with the some of the spanish group- what is new is my understanding of the need for networking. Some learn later, and we must clean many self-lies.
Well, I'm having problems with negative emotions from the past, fear of death and all that I can not control it (I mentioned this in the topic "Hemochromatosis and Autoimmune Conditions") So I had to take drugs to be quieter, but this just returns again.
To contextualize this fear I will tell you the following:
My mother raised my brother and me in a hysterical way, very dependent on she. My mother definitely a hysterical woman. And it was from the death of my sister. This tragedy change to all my family, and myself, the great shock and terror of death caused in me (I would have two years or so). I remember in my childhood getting up at night, running in terror thinking about my sister, my family and myself and if we would see again after death. And then I thought that there be a heaven and we would be together (and so I could return to my child everyday life and leave the matter there to live) Well, that terror has returned simultaneously a treatment to lower iron in blood, very recent. (I think it is related to that because I do EE, smoking and paleo diet about 3 years ago, that can not be)
I want to say another thing I thought and maybe they are related (and so you know more about me). I think I'm similar to individual called E___ in the Session 22 July 2012
http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,28561.0.html
His genetic glitches (maybe I also have that?) have almost zero insight and the need of research and mostly following directions! have told the C's. And my relationship with my ex (duration 5 years) seems to be similar also to the relation of E___ and I___. I need direction in how to progress (and I have many ideas, ringing in the ears and I think a soul in embryo, but still I can not stand the fire of the work). So maybe what is happening to me my can serve to others who do not dare to speak, in a future.
Now this emotions of fear are really getting out of control. Lately I can not even leave the house, and my parents are desperate enough (even my dad told me that I perhaps should be hospitalized and treated by a psychiatrist). But not wanting to get there, because this may be part of the cleanup (or not). Please, I wonder if the C's could tell us if this panic attacks that emerges from deep is due of a brain chemical imbalance or maybe genetic glitches or what?, And what can i do to feel good and lead a normal life again?. Do not really know what is happening and I'm pretty desperate and scared. Thanks for reading this.
