Feeling out of place

Celena Johnson

Celena Johnson

Padawan Learner
For a long time in my life I've felt lost. There isn't really anything to add to that other than its become obvious that I'm pretending. I just feel like a huge wall is surrounding me and keeping me in some sort of pseudo-life. As I read and try to gain knowledge I've noticed that this feeling just keeps getting worse. Don't get me wrong I don't mean getting worse in a negative sense...I mean feeling out of place is just becoming more and more obvious. Almost like constant disassociation. Anyone else have this feeling? I am reading on my own and just started Active Side of Infinity; if anyone can help I am willing to do my own research, just need some suggestions on where to start...or continue. Oddly enough when I focus on remembering myself or meditate the feeling isn't as bad, its when I'm just living... like while I'm at work and even in the middle of conversations I end up feeling like I'm TRYING to BE. Thank you
 
We usually feel lost because, as usual, we have NO sense of direction. It makes sense with how messed up the world is... the more knowledge you attire the more you realize how fake everything is, the extent to which things are messed up, the more miserable you become with what you once knew...

Anyway, here's the book suggestions thread

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,33092.0.html

Hope you find some guidance there!
 
celenajohnson23 said:
For a long time in my life I've felt lost. There isn't really anything to add to that other than its become obvious that I'm pretending. I just feel like a huge wall is surrounding me and keeping me in some sort of pseudo-life. As I read and try to gain knowledge I've noticed that this feeling just keeps getting worse. Don't get me wrong I don't mean getting worse in a negative sense...I mean feeling out of place is just becoming more and more obvious. Almost like constant disassociation. Anyone else have this feeling? I am reading on my own and just started Active Side of Infinity; if anyone can help I am willing to do my own research, just need some suggestions on where to start...or continue. Oddly enough when I focus on remembering myself or meditate the feeling isn't as bad, its when I'm just living... like while I'm at work and even in the middle of conversations I end up feeling like I'm TRYING to BE. Thank you
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Learning about the distinction between personality and essence could help.

http://glossary.cassiopaea.com/glossary.php?id=30&lsel=P

In 4th Way psychology, personality comprises all acquired aspects of man's thinking and emotions. Little I's are the building blocks of personality, programs are what the little I's run, singly and in groups. Buffers are separate groups of little I's, so that man can without being troubled or suffering cognitive dissonance behave in completely opposite ways in different circumstances.

All these things constitute personality. Personality is however necessary for esoteric progress but is not alone sufficient for it. In modern man, personality is generally developed at the cost of essence.

Essence is the set of capabilities or tendencies man is born with. Having one's center of gravity in the moving, feeling or thinking center is for example a part of essence. When man grows, essence guides the formation of personality but is generally left undeveloped.

The Work begins by shaping personality with the tools of self-observation, self-remembering and other methods. Essence as such is not readily accessible, hence work on personality is more practical and possible.

Sometimes the word false personality is used for personality when emphasizing its synthetic or anti-Work nature. Lying to self, pretentiousness, self-importance, subjectivity are for example attributes of 'false personality.'
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In Search of the Miraculous and Gnosis series deal with this in more extent.
Books on narcissism also help when trying to separate the true from the false - that is they
help with self-observation. They could be of great help to you.

https://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,33092.0.html
 
celenajohnson23​ It is perfectly normal to feel lost at times. Especially with the world in which we live, and the people whom we live it with. We can feel as if we dont fit in... Creating separation and the thought of being alone.
I agree that in work it is hard to 'remember' when you have to somewhat fit into the social norms and get along with your colleges to make life easier. Personally, ive found it alot easier to be abit more self preserved and quiet while in work now. This allows others to talk about what they are interested in alot more - keeping me from running my mouth on all the so called 'weird' interests i have. Trying to be as 'normal' as possible is quite difficult to begin with, but it gets easier with time and effort.

As already mentioned, it would be really beneficial to check the recommended reading material to either learn more about yourself, or maybe on a topic that interests you at the moment, giving you some direction of sorts :).
Keep going, and good luck :cheer: :cheer:
 
Thank you for the reading material list I'm still new to posting replies; I am happy you all were able to understand what I meant as I have difficulty explaining how I feel. "Learning about the distinction between personality and essence could help." That's actually something I needed to hear :D Going over materials that I have read will definitely be of some use. Thank you for that sometimes I forget that just because I've read doesn't mean I understand or at least can make connections between material and whats going on in around me. Deff will take the 4th way and In search back out for another spin. Time to get reading :)
 
Hi celenajohnson23,

When you get a chance, would you write an introduction thread in our Newbies board and share with us a bit about you, how you came across our forum, things like that? That way, you will give us a chance to welcome you aboard properly. You click on "NEW TOPIC" to start a new thread.

Thanks. :)
 
"When you get a chance, would you write an introduction thread in our Newbies board and share with us a bit about you, how you came across our forum, things like that? That way, you will give us a chance to welcome you aboard properly. You click on "NEW TOPIC" to start a new thread."
Done and Done and again thank you :D
 
Hey celenajohnson23 :)

celenajohnson23 said:
For a long time in my life I've felt lost. There isn't really anything to add to that other than its become obvious that I'm pretending. I just feel like a huge wall is surrounding me and keeping me in some sort of pseudo-life. As I read and try to gain knowledge I've noticed that this feeling just keeps getting worse. Don't get me wrong I don't mean getting worse in a negative sense...I mean feeling out of place is just becoming more and more obvious.
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IMO this is a natural progression of the awakening process. The more knowledge and awareness that is gained, the more one begins to feel progressively isolated from the world and most of the people that inhabit it. You are not alone in feeling like this and I think many others on this forum have had similar experiences. The more you see the world as it is objectively, the further you move away from the "reality" that is thrust upon you - the one that most people around you occupy. I mean, why wouldn't you feel out of place? The general people are living in a complete illusion, and appear to be happy to do so. Because of this, I think it is only healthy to feel out of place to a certain degree. In the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti - "It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society". If one felt comfortable in the world that we live, what incentive would there be to change? The chances are we might never feel "in place" in this world, all that we can try to do pay attention to reality and to gain knowledge and apply it to our lives the best that we can.

Like Huxley said, sometimes it can be beneficial just to stay quiet and it gives you the chance to observe others. I find this is especially hard because it plays on many of my "speak out" programmes and self importance - which means it can be really useful for the Work. For recommendation I agree with Anthony, the books by Gurdjieff, Ouspensky and Mouravieff are a good basis for self work, although there are so many genres on the recommended reading list and lots to choose from! Just remember, you are not alone :D

good luck!
 
I feel like the best advice has already been given. But to reiterate, western society is basically like a ken and Barbie nightmare at this point, and it's now "the norm" to feel that immense isolation. I've always had it, but heeding the words found here on the forum or in any of the recommended reading will assist the breakthrough. While reading the active side of infinity, or any Castaneda for that matter, pay more attention to don juan's demeanor. Consider that he found his "ground" and keeps it under his feet always. Just stay genuine, always. If you feel it slipping, shut your mouth ;) also, look into the pipe breathing, which with practice can be used to bring you "home." Once you've found your "essence" you can power through that wall without a hitch. I read an article on SOTT awhile back about how quiet time in nature can enhance a sense of connection to the world, and in my experience that does wonders too. If you catch yourself living the dream, remind yourself to keep it real. I know you can do it!
 
Thank you all for the advice and again getting what i meant lol. I am reading Castaneda now CM so a very big ty for that. Again i tend to read and not really think on what was read; Less talk and more observation. Forgive I'm still shocked and new to this forum...the support is unreal to the point of bringing me to tears and I haven't said that much. One feeling for sure is lessening (I dont feel alone). Happy learning everyone and thank you for the tips. A reread of materials is going to have to happen :D
 
Celena - the dissociation you feel is the result of your shifting paradigm. It is not shifting for those around you yet. It's like you're living in a different part of the universe from those around you. It is hard to find people who are awakening... there is a hard pull to keep people in line with the dominant paradigm or people will notice it's shifting. So people are kept mesmerized by TV, sports, 'news' so that they won't notice. Those of us who are trying to wake up separate ourselves just by the focus of our energy.
You are in good company here - many of us have had this same experience. It seems to be what we have to go through to get a clear shot at the truth. It may be more comfortable to run with the herd but once you pass a certain threshold of information, there is no going back.
Hope you have read Ouspensky's The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution - it addresses this and is a short read.
Welcome to the club.
 
eyesoftheworld said:
Celena - the dissociation you feel is the result of your shifting paradigm. It is not shifting for those around you yet. It's like you're living in a different part of the universe from those around you. It is hard to find people who are awakening... there is a hard pull to keep people in line with the dominant paradigm or people will notice it's shifting. So people are kept mesmerized by TV, sports, 'news' so that they won't notice. Those of us who are trying to wake up separate ourselves just by the focus of our energy.
You are in good company here - many of us have had this same experience. It seems to be what we have to go through to get a clear shot at the truth. It may be more comfortable to run with the herd but once you pass a certain threshold of information, there is no going back.
Hope you have read Ouspensky's The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution - it addresses this and is a short read.
Welcome to the club.
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Hello EoTW! and thank you for the welcome...can the book you mentioned above be read online...like a pdf? If not I will go and find that one. A lot of the books a pricey, but I don't want that to stop me :lol:
 
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