Feeling overwhelmed

[focus.evans]

I’m feeling overwhelmed and have been for the past few months (if not much longer). The timeline we (or maybe better stated “I”) am in seems to only become more ridiculous and chaotic by the day. I do not watch MSM news nor do I even watch cable (local) news, I do not even have cable. Since finding SOTT 4+ years ago, I’ve used SOTT as my source for news. I’m finding myself becoming anxious and overwhelmed when I dive in to find out what is going on within the main categories at SOTT.net….. I’m also struggling to find employment at this time, I was laid off in July from a company and position that I knew was not right for me because it/they made me sick. It was a sales position for a document filing company that basically helped people, lawyers and law firms create new entities in all of the states. My main clients were law firms, attorneys and paralegals.. From the very first day that I started there something did not sit well or right with me.

I have learned the vipassana meditation technique and attended several 10day sits but lately and currently I have not been able to meditate. My heart appears to be racing, my breath becomes shallow and its hard for me breathe and catch my breath. So at this point, I see that I am rambling and probably not making any sense but I feel as if i need to share this. I’m positing this in the Our Orwellian World and hope someone reads it and “gets” where I’m at and can offer advice and/or provide direction.

 

[T.C.]

I’m positing this in the Our Orwellian World and hope someone reads it and “gets” where I’m at and can offer advice and/or provide direction.

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, focus.

What is your living situation? Do you live alone, with family, with housemates?

Do you have much contact with others or keep yourself to yourself?

Are you still motivated day to day, or finding it hard to do things?

 

[PhoenixToEmber]

I think most people on this forum understand exactly what you're going through. Facing the "terror of history" and the reality of our situation on this planet is extremely stressful. As the old axioms go: "truth hurts; "ignorance is bliss"; "no pain, no gain". Gaining knowledge hurts and is often uncomfortable, but that is part of the process of seeing.

I know you said you've tried a meditation technique already, but have you tried Laura's own technique, Eiriu Eolas? It was designed specifically to deal with the immense stress that comes with living in and facing the reality of our world, as well as the mental and emotional trauma that comes with growing up in such a world.

Also, if you have any creative hobbies, like visual arts (drawing, painting, photography, sculpture), playing music, writing, dancing, theater, etc. - I recommend you use these practices to your advantage. These hobbies/interests are extremely effective and healthy ways of venting our frustrations in a productive and creative way without falling into destructive and unhealthy habits to cope with the pain. Reading good books helps, too - maybe take a break from heavy reading once in a while (meaning about history, politics, psychology, esoterica, and so on) and read some powerful fiction.

 

[A Jay]

Thank you for sharing your feelings focus, and I'm also sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time.

Can I ask if you have an Aim and if so what it is? Are you doing any type of volunteering or 'doing' for others? Are there specific times or situations in which you find your feelings to be most overwhelming? Are there recurring thought loops that are associated with your feeling overwhelmed?

 

[focus.evans]

Thanks for your reply, T.C. My wife and I live in a 2bd garden apartment and are actively seeking a new rental location because of the 3 new neighbors that have moved in (#1 a smoker and cell phone talker outside of our bedroom window, #2 dogs parked inside of their apartment all day long & #3 - parking dogs outside different times day & night). My wife and I sold (short sale) of home in 2012, this was our 3 home we’d purchased together and sadly we bought at the top of the market in 2005 in northern CA, then proceeded to dump the majority of our savings into the home… you live and learn and this was/is a hard lesson to live and learn. So we sold in 2012 and became renters for the 1st time in over 15years. And while this was hard for many reasons it also allowed us to start the process of getting rid of our possessions. We started to shed all of the “things” we had gathered in the 20+years together… and we are continuing on this path of downsizing. Again, this is a good thing for us and we talk about & make plans for the things we still need to get rid of. Even prior to being laid off, I tend to keep to myself. More so today with being laid off. I am not motivated day to day, I have lost or misplaced that spark and feel depressed on a daily basis. I recently started taking L-Theanine 200mg 2 to 3 x's per day as a natural way to reduce the negative feelings. the 1st few days seem a little better...My wife works in the healthcare field and is currently supporting us.

 

[focus.evans]

Thank you PhoenixToEmber for your message and words of encouragement. I have tried Laura’s Eiriu Eolas technique (actually bought the cd’s in 2014)…but need to do it daily. Your message is another reminder that I need to DO IT daily, not just think about it but DO IT. Regarding the creative hobbies, I taught myself to weld a few years ago and find metal work to be something that I really enjoy. the downside for me at this point is the space and area to actually do the work. I bought a welder and have all of the necessary tools but have limited space.

It is comforting to know that most people on this forum understand exactly what I'm going through. A reoccurring question I have is…when will I/we get there? We are going through this and at least for me, I started “going through” in approx. 2009… I do understand there is probably not a definitive answer to this question but to me it seems like things are getting worse not better. Is this the timeline we are on? Things are going to just get worse?

 

[focus.evans]

You’re welcome and thank you, A Jay. I appreciate your response. I do not currently have Aim. Yes and no on the volunteering, mainly no on a regular basis but I did start a nonprofit company in 2013 to promote active healthy and balanced lifestyles. We have 3 programs but 1 that is successful which is Kamp4Kids. We send underprivledged kids to camp at no cost to them or their parents. But while i did found the company, I don’t really do anything. I have felt the need to volunteer and researched Steps Forward which helps veterans, I will take action in this area. Yes re: the reoccurring thought loops…and heres one - what will i do at this point to earn a living?
-I walked away from a career in corp america in 2012 thinking i would find something to earn a living where i felt passion and love doing…this didn’t occur exactly..I founded the nonprofit and started working for the document filing company which i was laid off from in July 2016 and while the lay off does hurt financially…I know that working for that company was not healthy for me
-Another reoccurring them is….what is my purpose? I worked for corp america for approx 20years and was successful but never happy…in 2009 while working as a district sales manager, I started to reading and learning about our real history, politics, psychology, esoterica, and so on..I became interested in meditation and learned my 1st technique, the Merkaba 17 breath connected meditation….and the more i learned, the more I wanted to get out of working for and in corp america….selling more products and all of the BS that goes with that/those types of jobs…the more I learned the less I wanted to be in that environment...

 

[loreta]

I am sorry that you feel tired and not motivated and it was an excellent idea to share your situation here! It is normal, I think so, to feel like you feel after what you have passed, with the house and everything. And looking for a job and all the rest, the horror of this planet. You are not alone. I think PhoenixToEmber gave you good advice. Try to do something creative, it helps a lot! For me is doing puzzles. And also reading a good book, something like War and Peace, this book gives energy. We need beauty specially when our situation is sad or difficult. Beauty is therapy. Beauty heals. And we all need to heal and communicate and share. When we do something creative we are in a state of concentration and we can find peace while in this state.

Take care of you and I wish your situation will improve.

 

[Nienna]

Thank you PhoenixToEmber for your message and words of encouragement. I have tried Laura’s Eiriu Eolas technique (actually bought the cd’s in 2014)…but need to do it daily. Your message is another reminder that I need to DO IT daily, not just think about it but DO IT. Regarding the creative hobbies, I taught myself to weld a few years ago and find metal work to be something that I really enjoy. the downside for me at this point is the space and area to actually do the work. I bought a welder and have all of the necessary tools but have limited space.

focus, you don't (and shouldn't) have to do the whole program every day. The breatha (round breathing/Ba-Ha) should only be done twice a week, if that. Doing the 3-stage breathing, or just doing some pipe breaths here and there, along with the Prayer of the Soul at night before going to sleep, is sufficient. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, do some pipe breaths. It really does help. :)

 

[Thebull]

I’m feeling overwhelmed and have been for the past few months (if not much longer). The timeline we (or maybe better stated “I”) am in seems to only become more ridiculous and chaotic by the day. I do not watch MSM news nor do I even watch cable (local) news, I do not even have cable. Since finding SOTT 4+ years ago, I’ve used SOTT as my source for news. I’m finding myself becoming anxious and overwhelmed when I dive in to find out what is going on within the main categories at SOTT.net….. I’m also struggling to find employment at this time, I was laid off in July from a company and position that I knew was not right for me because it/they made me sick. It was a sales position for a document filing company that basically helped people, lawyers and law firms create new entities in all of the states. My main clients were law firms, attorneys and paralegals.. From the very first day that I started there something did not sit well or right with me.

I have learned the vipassana meditation technique and attended several 10day sits but lately and currently I have not been able to meditate. My heart appears to be racing, my breath becomes shallow and its hard for me breathe and catch my breath. So at this point, I see that I am rambling and probably not making any sense but I feel as if i need to share this. I’m positing this in the Our Orwellian World and hope someone reads it and “gets” where I’m at and can offer advice and/or provide direction.

Hi Focus,
I'm glad you've shared as it should help you talking out how you feel and I can relate to where your coming from as I feel im in a similar position to yourself. Pipe breathing definitely will help you so try to incorporate some every day into your routine.

I've been out of work since June but doing some part time work. I'm thinking about volunteering to help out in my sons school and I think doing something positive with your time could help you. I will have to look for work after Christmas seriously and I really don't want to go back in to a corporate sales office. I feel I flounder when I try and think whAt I want to do and it can be easy to fall into disassociation or depression. I have just started writing out some small aims this week. I'm trying to focus on exercise and improve my mental attitude. Just trying to do a little bit better each day. Maybe write out a daily routine and incorporate new goals or tasks each day. Did you say you did any exercise?

My thoughts are with you and the family and I hope your wife is okay with been the main bread winner. Can you discuss your feelings with her? Sometimes my wife has found it difficult so I thought I'd mention that. I hope you can keep us updated on your situation. Take care.

 

[PhoenixToEmber]

I think PhoenixToEmber gave you good advice. Try to do something creative, it helps a lot! For me is doing puzzles. And also reading a good book, something like War and Peace, this book gives energy. We need beauty specially when our situation is sad or difficult. Beauty is therapy. Beauty heals. And we all need to heal and communicate and share. When we do something creative we are in a state of concentration and we can find peace while in this state.

I finished War and Peace in May (took me about two months) and I also recommend it. It's a daunting task to finish it, and intimidating at first, but well worth the effort. It's also a great one to read regarding focus's situation because it deals with the grand scheme of the human condition, from the larger picture of war and politics, to the struggle of the individual to find meaning, love, happiness, and understanding through it all. I think that struggle is especially well-portrayed through the character of Pierre (my favorite character). Also, Tolstoy intersperses the story with various philosophical essays and insights about the meaning of history, historiography, and the role each of us plays in shaping it. It also serves as a great history lesson about the Napoleanic War in Russia and gives a vivid picture of the time period. War and Peace really is a masterpiece of literature.

 

[T.C.]

I really don't want to go back in to a corporate sales office. I feel I flounder when I try and think whAt I want to do and it can be easy to fall into disassociation or depression.

Just want to give some thoughts on this, since it applies to focus as well as you, Thebull.

I recently read a saying, "When you're in your own head, you're in enemy territory."

I've learned there are some things that it's just not natural for men and humans in general to go through or situations to end up in.

I think it's unnatural for us to be separated from others. We're just not built biologically to be on our own. If we're on our own, our biology assumes that we've become separated from our tribe and so we're in grave danger and our stress levels need to be elevated to hopefully balance out the danger we're in. That can take away meaning and focus from our lives, whether it's in the greater scheme of our existence, or just being able to put time and energy into a single thread, or a book or a hobby or our jobs - because if we were out on the plains, exposed to the elements and to predators, then we don't need to be focusing on just one thing - we need to be switching from one thing to another constantly, and our life expectancy being shorter means there doesn't have to be much thought about long-term goals or a long-term meaning to life.

And it's not natural for us to not have a job to do, a place to go. That might be getting up and doing a 9-5, or it might mean we have enough resources and self-discipline to work at home, or from home, or in the home. But the first order of achieving anything as an adult is being self-sufficient and earning a living. I totally understand what you guys mean about not wanting to do the types of work you've done before, from an ethical standpoint - I'm trained to work in pharmacy, and there's a million other jobs now that I'd rather do than hand poison out to people. But I believe having a job to do is vital to ones mental health and if you don't have the get-up-and-go to find meaningful things to do with your time - work towards an inextinguishable aim that you've come to through your own experience and realisations - then "handing your will over to another" to paraphrase Gurdjieff and putting yourself into a position where you're forced to follow the orders of another on their time might be a better situation to be in than feeling like you have no purpose and not being able to come up with one.

After all, if you're stuck in a job you hate, you can still be trying to come up with an idea for something you do want to be doing, while at the same time bringing money home and getting out and interacting with the world every day. And there is a huge amount of gratitude to be found in having a job: Anyone with work to do is very fortunate, and gratitude is also something I think is sorely lacking by people who are stuck in a rut.

From looking over your past posts, focus, there's something that jumps out at me. It's just a blink, and I could be way off, but my gut shows me that you seemed to have become despondent career-wise when you started down the spiritual/meditation road; as if the mundane life of work lost its value to you and you wanted things to be easier and more spiritual. You speak with fondness and gratitude of having found these practices, but could it be that they had a negative effect on you, practically speaking?

I'm not saying that's the case, only that it does jump out at me and I'd rather bring it up and be wrong, than not mention it and risk you losing out on a potential insight.

 

[msante]

I’m feeling overwhelmed and have been for the past few months (if not much longer). The timeline we (or maybe better stated “I”) am in seems to only become more ridiculous and chaotic by the day. I do not watch MSM news nor do I even watch cable (local) news, I do not even have cable. Since finding SOTT 4+ years ago, I’ve used SOTT as my source for news. I’m finding myself becoming anxious and overwhelmed when I dive in to find out what is going on within the main categories at SOTT.net….. I’m also struggling to find employment at this time, I was laid off in July from a company and position that I knew was not right for me because it/they made me sick. It was a sales position for a document filing company that basically helped people, lawyers and law firms create new entities in all of the states. My main clients were law firms, attorneys and paralegals.. From the very first day that I started there something did not sit well or right with me.

I have learned the vipassana meditation technique and attended several 10day sits but lately and currently I have not been able to meditate. My heart appears to be racing, my breath becomes shallow and its hard for me breathe and catch my breath. So at this point, I see that I am rambling and probably not making any sense but I feel as if i need to share this. I’m positing this in the Our Orwellian World and hope someone reads it and “gets” where I’m at and can offer advice and/or provide direction.

Hi focus, I am sorry to hear the situation you are passing for. I was reading your story and it seem that you have a hard time. But some details of your post caught my attention.

First, you said that you were laid off of a job that as you describe it it seems good enough. You said "It was a sales position for a document filing company that basically helped people". Well, I can be wrong but many here (and out there) have horribles jobs. Why you feel in that way working there?. Also you said that you had others jobs and that you "worked for corp america for approx 20 years and was successful but never happy". Well, working there (I can guess why was so nasty) maybe you should appreciate much more others jobs like the job that you lost. Also you said that you started many projects but they in someway failed or they were not concluded.

It seems to me (I can be wrong here and apologize if it is so) that you, even unaware of that, maybe are boycotting yourself in someway. Can be this the case? If it is so, why?

Regarding the creative hobbies, I taught myself to weld a few years ago and find metal work to be something that I really enjoy. the downside for me at this point is the space and area to actually do the work. I bought a welder and have all of the necessary tools but have limited space.

Also I feel that some of your explanations sounds like a kind of justification to DO NOT DO IT (whatever will be IT). But this is just my impression, and I say it again, I can be wrong here. I am not saying that what you do it is purposely, many times we can do many things without be aware of our covert reasons to to it.

Thanks for your reply, T.C. My wife and I live in a 2bd garden apartment and are actively seeking a new rental location because of the 3 new neighbors that have moved in (#1 a smoker and cell phone talker outside of our bedroom window, #2 dogs parked inside of their apartment all day long & #3 - parking dogs outside different times day & night).

Sorry for this, but it do not seem as bad. I had have very difficult neighbors in the past, and I asure you that what you describe seems a picnic compared with them. So, I insist, maybe you are feeling worse what you really are. This can be because you need Work on you and your issues instead of think too much about what bad it is the world and how it affect you. Many times we see the life horrible and it is difficult to see the "beauty" because we feel sad and have deep inside sorrow and pain, and this dye all it is around us.

My wife and I sold (short sale) of home in 2012, this was our 3 home we’d purchased together and sadly we bought at the top of the market in 2005 in northern CA, then proceeded to dump the majority of our savings into the home… you live and learn and this was/is a hard lesson to live and learn. So we sold in 2012 and became renters for the 1st time in over 15years. And while this was hard for many reasons it also allowed us to start the process of getting rid of our possessions. We started to shed all of the “things” we had gathered in the 20+years together… and we are continuing on this path of downsizing. Again, this is a good thing for us and we talk about & make plans for the things we still need to get rid of. Even prior to being laid off, I tend to keep to myself. More so today with being laid off. I am not motivated day to day, I have lost or misplaced that spark and feel depressed on a daily basis. I recently started taking L-Theanine 200mg 2 to 3 x's per day as a natural way to reduce the negative feelings. the 1st few days seem a little better...My wife works in the healthcare field and is currently supporting us.

Well, without turn us greedy beings, we can have "things" that are useful to life. You can have a car, a house, even a TV, a computer, etc. I think that you do not need dogmatically get rid of all your possessions. Maybe you have rationalized that hard event because it was very painful? Just a thought...

It is comforting to know that most people on this forum understand exactly what I'm going through. A reoccurring question I have is…when will I/we get there? We are going through this and at least for me, I started “going through” in approx. 2009… I do understand there is probably not a definitive answer to this question but to me it seems like things are getting worse not better. Is this the timeline we are on? Things are going to just get worse?

It is likely that things will get worse, but I think what it is important is what we do about that. We can complain and find a good excuse to justify our depression, our lack of energy, our inaction, ... or we can try to do the best: do the Work and give to the Universe what we have to give, help others, and work hard aligned with the STO forces as much as we can.

Finally, when I started to read your post my first thought was "why here?" (Our Orwellian World). I thought that maybe a better place would be "What's in your mind" or "The swamp". But a couple of lines after, I began to feel that maybe you choosed "Our Orwellian World" because you tend to make responsable of your suffering to the "world" and not to take the bull by the horns.

Sorry if I sound too hard, but I think that many times can be more useful a sincere comment than nice words complacent.

 

[Aliana]

Focus, am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time right now. One of the most trying things about not having a job is that it gives us too much time to think about all the things that are wrong in the world – and there are plenty, but while we can’t change these things, what we can do is change our response. I get it - as I have been struggling with similar issues. I recently finished reading Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, and can say it decidedly shifted my perspective. I also highly recommend reading Joe Dispenza’s book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself because it helps address the ongoing negative thought loops that just exacerbate worry. I often pick it up and re-read chapters when I need encouragement

I am in a similar situation to yours in that I have been looking for a full-time job, and also went through a time when I felt completely indifferent to many of the positions I saw posted. One thing that helped was accepting some part time positions. They can help us keep our skills current and also keep us in touch with other colleagues. Have you considered taking a temporary / contract position? Not only could it lead to something permanent but making a short-term commitment doesn’t feel as overwhelming and might help you begin to feel more empowered. Also, it’s good to remind ourselves that every job can contain the potential for work on the self and that the money earned can be used in positive ways, i.e. donating to worthy causes.

Am glad you posted here – we all need reminders that we are not alone in this and that there are so many here who have been through similar experiences and that they CAN be worked through.

 

[obyvatel]

Hi focus,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. Layoffs are hard. One way to look at a job is as a means to pay bills. It does not have to be a place where one seeks happiness. It is a big privilege if the workplace and work makes us happy and pays the bills, but that is not something most people on this earth can relate to as far as I know.

A reoccurring question I have is…when will I/we get there?

Where? Maybe you can try to describe in your personal journal what you imagine this place to be like and see what comes out?