Feeling overwhelmed

[Thebull]

I really don't want to go back in to a corporate sales office. I feel I flounder when I try and think whAt I want to do and it can be easy to fall into disassociation or depression.

Just want to give some thoughts on this, since it applies to focus as well as you, Thebull.

I recently read a saying, "When you're in your own head, you're in enemy territory."

I've learned there are some things that it's just not natural for men and humans in general to go through or situations to end up in.

I think it's unnatural for us to be separated from others. We're just not built biologically to be on our own. If we're on our own, our biology assumes that we've become separated from our tribe and so we're in grave danger and our stress levels need to be elevated to hopefully balance out the danger we're in. That can take away meaning and focus from our lives, whether it's in the greater scheme of our existence, or just being able to put time and energy into a single thread, or a book or a hobby or our jobs - because if we were out on the plains, exposed to the elements and to predators, then we don't need to be focusing on just one thing - we need to be switching from one thing to another constantly, and our life expectancy being shorter means there doesn't have to be much thought about long-term goals or a long-term meaning to life.

And it's not natural for us to not have a job to do, a place to go. That might be getting up and doing a 9-5, or it might mean we have enough resources and self-discipline to work at home, or from home, or in the home. But the first order of achieving anything as an adult is being self-sufficient and earning a living. I totally understand what you guys mean about not wanting to do the types of work you've done before, from an ethical standpoint - I'm trained to work in pharmacy, and there's a million other jobs now that I'd rather do than hand poison out to people. But I believe having a job to do is vital to ones mental health and if you don't have the get-up-and-go to find meaningful things to do with your time - work towards an inextinguishable aim that you've come to through your own experience and realisations - then "handing your will over to another" to paraphrase Gurdjieff and putting yourself into a position where you're forced to follow the orders of another on their time might be a better situation to be in than feeling like you have no purpose and not being able to come up with one.

After all, if you're stuck in a job you hate, you can still be trying to come up with an idea for something you do want to be doing, while at the same time bringing money home and getting out and interacting with the world every day. And there is a huge amount of gratitude to be found in having a job: Anyone with work to do is very fortunate, and gratitude is also something I think is sorely lacking by people who are stuck in a rut.

From looking over your past posts, focus, there's something that jumps out at me. It's just a blink, and I could be way off, but my gut shows me that you seemed to have become despondent career-wise when you started down the spiritual/meditation road; as if the mundane life of work lost its value to you and you wanted things to be easier and more spiritual. You speak with fondness and gratitude of having found these practices, but could it be that they had a negative effect on you, practically speaking?

I'm not saying that's the case, only that it does jump out at me and I'd rather bring it up and be wrong, than not mention it and risk you losing out on a potential insight.

Thank you for your thoughts TC it's food for thought for me as well for sure. I won't comment here as don't want to hijack Focus's thread.

 

[Gawan]

I'm also sorry to hear about your situation focus.

Hi focus,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. Layoffs are hard. One way to look at a job is as a means to pay bills. It does not have to be a place where one seeks happiness. It is a big privilege if the workplace and work makes us happy and pays the bills, but that is not something most people on this earth can relate to as far as I know.

Something similar was going through my mind when reading your post focus, that at least for me a job is just a job to earn money and in my free time I support as much as possible the network. Of course it doesn't mean you need to do any job and it should still be something that suits you and fits your abilities, though it can be helpful to have a practical approach: to earn money, to support the family for example.

 

[focus.evans]

Thank you all for the formative and motivational feedback/advice. I am not giving up nor am I looking for the easy way out, I will continue to work through the quagmire and appreciate everyone here.

 

[hlat]

If news is making you anxious, then I think taking a break from it is a good idea. You can always come back to the news, when you are more stable and ready for it.

What have you been doing since you were laid off? What do you do with your time? Most people can be super useful to others. A lot of working people need a babysitter for their children while they work. Maybe you could babysit for free for a while. If you did, the parents would probably be so happy and grateful. Some people don't like free, so for them you can tell them to pay what they think is the right amount.

Did you apply for unemployment insurance benefits? You probably would be eligible due to layoff. You might want to check if you qualify for foodstamps, EBT, or other government assistance. Do you need more money than what is coming in? Credit union credit cards and other low interest loans are out there. Credit card debt and other unsecured debt can always be wiped out with bankruptcy as a last resort.

Sometimes owning a home costs less than renting a home. If rent would be $2,500 and a mortgage would be $2,000, maybe the mortgage makes more sense. Since it has been more than 4 years since your short sale, you probably would qualify for all sorts of home loan programs. There's at least one nonprofit program that offers in California a 0% down payment, 100% financed, 30 year below market fixed interest rate mortgage with a maximum mortgage of $417,000 for a single family home or one unit condo. These types of programs exist because when the big banks get a slap on the wrist for doing illegal activites, part of the settlement is donating to nonprofits. Also, if you file for bankruptcy after you buy a home with one of these nonprofit programs, the bankruptcy would not affect your home ownership in this scenario because you would not have enough equity in your home for the bankruptcy trustee to go after your home.