Forced Oscillation

[Hesper]

Hi everyone I'm going to make this quick...I hope :)

A little background here: I come from a narcissistic family just like many others. Before them I lived in a foster family for the first 10 months of my life. My adoptive parents essentially tried to kill me with psy-op type stuff when I was 18. This is slightly hyperbolic but it is true. I spent around 3 years on my own and was snatched up by my step-father and my former foster parents when they found out what happened. My foster parents have since been helping me out quite a bit and they're more parents to me than my adoptive parents, but, they never really were able to grasp the amount of pain that I was in so when I talked to them it always seemed like they just wanted me to shut up. So I've since learned not to talk about emotions or anything real like that with them. But they love me in their own way and I know that. And that's where this next part comes in.

I know it's late in the game but I recently applied at a 4 year private college. I've been taking classes at a community college and I wanted to step it up a notch by getting a degree in social work. I want to bring out my talents. I'm completely sick of my job as a server, which is what I've been doing since my parents tried to kill me. (it's so complex that it's hard to describe without hyperbole, sorry) But now with money getting so tight and trying to keep paying for all of my supplements, health food, and trying to finance the removal of my mercury fillings, I'm having 2nd thoughts about college. I wanted to go in the hopes that it would be a sort of forced oscillation in the STO direction. But now I'm seeing that it may be the opposite. I will be more reliant on my foster parents AND my parents (who, after seemingly changing their ways, have since expressed an interest in helping me pay for college) to pay my regular bills. I will be feeding an illusion and will become a parasite to them, or so it seems. We don't have anything in common. Our relationships are built on lies, and though I have put these relationships in a distance this will necessarily bring them closer.

Instead of having the effect of forced oscillation will this choice instead be damping my vibration? It's been a long time since I thought of such things, because before I thought they'd drive me crazy. I was too afraid of the consequences if I made the wrong choice. But I'm feeling braver now, and I know I will be held responsible for the choices I make. This one seems like a big one. Thanks for listening.

 

[Gertrudes]

Hi Hespen

From you post I understand that you have a better relationship with your foster parents then with your parents. However when you say:

We don't have anything in common. Our relationships are built on lies, and though I have put these relationships in a distance this will necessarily bring them closer.

I am not sure to whom you are referring, your parents, foster parents, or both?

On a different note, I think it would be important to find your priorities and then explore different means of achieving it. If going to this particular college, taking this particular course would prove to be a priority, do you think that by for example postponing the removal of your mercury fillings for a while, and even cutting down on a few supplements restricting yourself only to the absolutely necessary, you wouldn't need to be so dependent on outside help?
I really don't know as I have no idea of how much removing fillings costs for example, just exploring possibilities here.

 

[Buddy]

Instead of having the effect of forced oscillation will this choice instead be damping my vibration? It's been a long time since I thought of such things, because before I thought they'd drive me crazy. I was too afraid of the consequences if I made the wrong choice. But I'm feeling braver now, and I know I will be held responsible for the choices I make. This one seems like a big one. Thanks for listening.

Hi Hespen. I'm really not sure how to answer this except maybe to say that my understanding of 'forced oscillation' relates more to the moment-by moment choice to do what is in you to do, or to do what needs to be done (even if "it" doesn't want to do it), etc. It relates to activity intended to raise FRV, with or without regard to occupation, osit.

Of the options you are considering, which choice would seem to harmonize better with the Work on yourself while helping others? You seem to have some reason to believe that social work will bring out your talents, so maybe that's the best route?

For some reason, I'm not confident at all about offering advice on this subject, so maybe others will chime in with more useful input. :)

 

[Turgon]

But now with money getting so tight and trying to keep paying for all of my supplements, health food, and trying to finance the removal of my mercury fillings, I'm having 2nd thoughts about college. I wanted to go in the hopes that it would be a sort of forced oscillation in the STO direction. But now I'm seeing that it may be the opposite.

If this is the case, then could your parent's offering to help financially be a means to help you with supplementation and dieting, in which case, it may not be a parasitic relationship, as you put it, as long as you don't lose yourself in it and always be mindful of any feeding mechanisms or narcissism taking control. There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Or in this case, you need help and an offer has come.

I will be feeding an illusion and will become a parasite to them, or so it seems. We don't have anything in common. Our relationships are built on lies, and though I have put these relationships in a distance this will necessarily bring them closer.

Not to say that their motives are all that honourable, there probably not, but maybe they really do want to make up for the past? And plus, it'll may help you in your aims of diet and supplements, which is a necessity. I'm just speculating, you know them best and have read the material and probably have a good head on your shoulders. But I think as long as your true to your aims, remember yourself, and don't get lost in programs (I know, harder said than done), this could be an opportunity for growth because you'll still be steering yourself in the 'right' direction. These are all lessons, and maybe you'll learn some valuable ones, one of which is a better understanding of your parents, which can either validate your current beliefs or cause you to question them. My 2 cents.

 

[Hesper]

Hi Hespen. I'm really not sure how to answer this except maybe to say that my understanding of 'forced oscillation' relates more to the moment-by moment choice to do what is in you to do, or to do what needs to be done (even if "it" doesn't want to do it), etc. It relates to activity intended to raise FRV, with or without regard to occupation, osit.

Of the options you are considering, which choice would seem to harmonize better with the Work on yourself while helping others? You seem to have some reason to believe that social work will bring out your talents, so maybe that's the best route?

For some reason, I'm not confident at all about offering advice on this subject, so maybe others will chime in with more useful input.

Thanks Bud.

Yes I know, it's difficult to offer advice on something that isn't really based in reality. I think that might be the problem. I'm just getting anxious about trying to attend the FOTCM meeting and continuing detox, and all the while money keeps getting harder to come by. So I didn't think with a hammer and really examine the details of the situation. So thank-you for adjusting my thinking on what forced oscillation means, that's what I originally thought but I believe another "I" got in control when posting this. No I'm sure that another "I" got in control. Things are just happening so fast, college and work, some family issues, the oil spill and dire warnings, EE program, all good mixed with bad, and I'm getting really confused. I'm just functioning in that hypnotic state right now, but thanks for responding.

Social work has always been kind of a forte of mine. But I don't know if it's just a program, you know, raised in a narcissistic family and growing up to try and take care of others. I think there might be a vampire in there, wanting recognition for being a "hero" to someone. But what the hay, I can't just sit on the fence forever. I guess this is me kind of trying to really force myself into getting off the fence for good. I know that the social work program at the college is really hands on, and I think that it might have great opportunities to learn about the programs for the needy in my area. I'm hoping to find one interested in using the EE program to help people. But that's still to come, I gotta get in first :) All for one and one for all!

If this is the case, then could your parent's offering to help financially be a means to help you with supplementation and dieting, in which case, it may not be a parasitic relationship, as you put it, as long as you don't lose yourself in it and always be mindful of any feeding mechanisms or narcissism taking control. There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Or in this case, you need help and an offer has come.

Yes, to clear up some of the confusion I spoke of above I should say that my father has come around in a dramatic fashion. I only said "seemingly changed their ways" because the "I" that was in charge at the time must still be stuck in the past, where I still feel extremely hurt by my parent's actions. But he has come around and I think that his asking to help me is actually an asking for forgiveness. If I say no then maybe I'm interrupting a lesson of his, and a lesson of mine. I know he had a really tough childhood and he's kind of a hermit, but he's trying to trust people now, and so helping me is helping him. And I'm just scared of stretching myself too thin with college and work, and not having enough time to read and learn what this forum has to offer. But this is just the next step, I think, and to stop now and lock myself in my apartment might not be wise.

I think it would be important to find your priorities and then explore different means of achieving it. If going to this particular college, taking this particular course would prove to be a priority, do you think that by for example postponing the removal of your mercury fillings for a while, and even cutting down on a few supplements restricting yourself only to the absolutely necessary, you wouldn't need to be so dependent on outside help?
I really don't know as I have no idea of how much removing fillings costs for example, just exploring possibilities here.

Yeah I checked on the fillings and they cost between 500-1500 PER tooth! :O
Yes, my priorities really rest in this group. To describe the situation I was in after my parents "tried to kill me", it was right after I'd read a large chunk of the Wave and realized I was 17 years old, and this was talking about something that would happen REALLY soon. So I tried to warn everyone, got a good beat-down from the General Law, had to run, and 2 years later found a spot on a bridge to jump. But instead of doing that I laid in my bed and made a choice that no matter what I did I would get out of that mess and do something, anything, to help. And now I'm here and I'm still worrying about graduating now and then, but I'm taking up social work because that's what I vowed to do. I need to help people and that's it. So I don't really know for sure how to do that but I'm going to college and learning bit by bit. You see, I think I'm still stuck in the "I don't have anything else to live for" state. Has anyone else felt this, and, since I'm trying to focus on the forced oscillation, does this actually have a damping effect on your polarity? It seems that it's based on fear, but I can't be 100% certain. I also get the impression that it's got a "I need to be a hero" vibe to it too. Wow I think I'm still in that hypnotized state but in re-reading this it seems to be more based in reality than the first post. Please let me know if this is just too noisy. Thanks for your time.

 

[Buddy]

Hespen, if you have a little bit of time, I recommend re-reading this:

http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/wave12a.htm

The Quest for the Holy Grail of No Anticipation!

Paul von Ward writes in The Solarian Legacy...

...there seems to be a real principle behind the idea "you create your own reality." [Although, as Laura points out: it's not what people think] So, let's keep going here:
...
Desire is anticipation. Anticipation is read by the Right brain as "in the future, therefore not right now," and the Right brain can only create NOW.
...
When we desire, we have a "future object" in mind. The Right brain only knows Now.
...
What is the Wasteland? That we cannot accept the world and all within it, including ourselves, as being perfectly natural and perfect just the way it is - with all the good and evil it contains as part of the natural and necessary balance - the whole of existence is natural and as it should be at every moment. When you accept that all IS perfect, when you cease holding God hostage by usurping the power of the Right brain Feminine principle with the images in your Left brain, then the world will BE perfect and fertile and you will heal the wound of the Wasteland in your own heart.

If only we can act spontaneously, without being programmed into someone else's belief system, we can ask the real question of ourselves; ask with no preconceived notion of what the answer will be; ask with no anticipation...

Then, miraculously, for one moment the vessel of the Grail is empty... and in the next it is filled with the wonder and glory of ALL AND EVERYTHING!

If NONanticipation opens the door to the creativity of the universe, what closes the door to NEGATIVE occurrences? Can it be that we have a clue here as well?

Cassiopaeans: Just remember that anticipation is the "mother of preparation," and defense.
Lesson number 1: Always expect attack.
Lesson number 2: Know the modes of same.
Lesson number 3: Know how to counteract same.
When you are under attack, expect the unexpected, if it is going to cause problems... But, if you expect it, you learn how to "head it off," thus neutralizing it. This is called vigilance, which is rooted in knowledge. Knowledge protects.

So, it seems that the answer to this part of the problem is that when we are "connected" to the Cosmos via the Right brain, and are not blocking the ability of our Cosmic Connection by limiting the forces with boundary forming imagination or images or illusory concepts, we allow the perfect manifestation of our own frequency resonance to occur. By the same token, when necessary, we can "close the door" to manipulation of our minds by constantly running a sort of "computer scan" of possible breaches of our security system in the Left brain. We must marry the Left Brain Kingship of the MATERIAL world to the Right Brain Queen of the Inner Realm.

Think in terms of getting the 'King' and 'Queen' on the same page. Sometimes we have to "play with" certain concepts and ways of looking at things in order to relieve some pressure and get the "King" and "Queen" back in harmony! It's just a bit of detachment that, together with some pipe-breaths, diminishes stress and improves mood. ;)

Edit: clarity of meaning.

 

[Hesper]

Hespen, if you have a little bit of time, I recommend re-reading this:

Bud, I think I'm going to be re-reading that for some time to come. It's hard to find the words to describe the influence that post had on me. Maybe because I am ignorant and I wish I had the right words this time. Thank-you Bud, Gertrudes, DanielS.

 

[Nawd]

Thanks Bud, wow, that was a great post!

 

[Pierre]

made a choice that no matter what I did I would get out of that mess and do something, anything, to help

I'm hoping to find one interested in using the EE program to help people. But that's still to come, I gotta get in first Smiley All for one and one for all!

Hi Hespen,

If it was me, seeing that we might not have much time left and deeply wanting to help, I would try to become a EE teacher:

1/ Meeting the FOTCM requirements (readings, diet application, psychology, EE practise) to reach the minimum level (companion journeyman) to become a EE teacher
2/ Train to become a teacher: practise daily, made the EE/psychology/diet recommendation my own way of life, find training students (partner, friend, family), polish presentation, prepare for any kind of questions.
3/ Get certified
3/ Start teaching: promoting, advertising, networking, finding a classroom

 

[Hesper]

Hi Hespen,

If it was me, seeing that we might not have much time left and deeply wanting to help, I would try to become a EE teacher:

1/ Meeting the FOTCM requirements (readings, diet application, psychology, EE practise) to reach the minimum level (companion journeyman) to become a EE teacher
2/ Train to become a teacher: practise daily, made the EE/psychology/diet recommendation my own way of life, find training students (partner, friend, family), polish presentation, prepare for any kind of questions.
3/ Get certified
3/ Start teaching: promoting, advertising, networking, finding a classroom

Thank you Belibaste

I'd say I'm 80% accomplished in the first step, the other 20% being finishing up Trapped in the Mirror and the last 2 installments in the Wave series, and removing these darned mercury fillings. As for the diet I've made it a way of my life, even taking all of my supplements, food, and a blender on my company softball trip. Haha there were a ton of questions but I think I fielded them pretty well. But I'm still struggling with eliminating caffeine from my diet.

But I know this is all up to those in charge, and I've made some really dumb mistakes along the way that I've shared in the Swamp, but if I am able to make the trip to the FOTCM meeting this fall I wonder if I could make a better impression and attain the companion journeyman level? As I said before this group is my priority, but I understand that I am not its. Whatever I can do to help I will find the ability to do so.

And again to Bud thank-you. The relief your reply brought was indescribable, and it has yielded a lot of insights that I hesitate to describe here simply because they're personal and, well, subjective. And also because the state I was in when I had them is not open to recall right now, and describing it might just be "wise-acring", according to how I understand that word. It kind of stinks, being hypnotized. Understatement! But again, thank you!

 

[Buddy]

And again to Bud thank-you. The relief your reply brought was indescribable, and it has yielded a lot of insights that I hesitate to describe here simply because they're personal and, well, subjective. And also because the state I was in when I had them is not open to recall right now, and describing it might just be "wise-acring", according to how I understand that word. It kind of stinks, being hypnotized. Understatement! But again, thank you!

If it helped you that much, give the thanks and support to Laura's Work. All I did was make a guess and copy and paste. You did the rest. A bridge is just a bridge, but judging by the feedback, it's something I can DO on occasion.

 

[Hesper]

If it helped you that much, give the thanks and support to Laura's Work. All I did was make a guess and copy and paste. You did the rest. A bridge is just a bridge, but judging by the feedback, it's something I can DO on occasion.

Oh definitely, thanks to Laura we have a lot of material to work with around here. But I just wanted to stress my thanks to you, because you answered all of my questions with that post. And you shut me up too. I needed that lol.