Friendship and Energetic Feeding

[ScarletBegonias]

In the last month I have distanced myself from my friends, because I have seen how we are feeding off of each other and I wanted to reflect on this dynamic. There are hundreds of people in my life whom I have considered my friends and I have been the "popular" friend, coworker, teacher, etc. It's as if people like to like me and many times I have secretly held the notion that people view me as a "good time."

I have been looking externally for acceptance, because I couldn't accept myself without knowing first that others accepted me. This has been an ongoing problem since my early childhood when I constantly sought acceptance from my mother.

So then, I offer food to friends and I feed off of them, but the real feeding occurs only with the close friends. I don't unload my problems on them often, but sometimes I have felt I "need to talk" (need to feed) because my energy levels have been so low and I knew they were capable of bringing them up by offering other perspectives and support. I have been there for them too in this way, but this dynamic bothers me now after reading this:

http://www.cassiopedia.org/glossary/Feeding_on_Others

Because feeding naturally forms food chains, the human predators are not the ultimate beneficiaries. Rather, the psychic energy gathered in all the personal dramas of feeding tends to be funneled through to the higher density forces of STS.

How can I be someone's friend without feeding higher density STS forces from time to time? If others need to vent do I reject their requests to do this with me because I know I will be drained? I just don't see how I can do that to a friend. Is it possible to know of the woes of another without getting caught up emotionally? My emotional self tends to react quickly as a result of my thoughts and a song can make me cry in seconds, but I have noticed others are not this way.

If I need to vent do I really need to do things like practice EE, write in a journal and further introvert? I know I can do that in many cases, but sometimes my mind will be stuck in a bind. Sometimes I cannot feel better until other perspectives are obtained and my mind can see the situation more objectively. I don't know what to do regarding this feeding dynamic with my close friends, but I don't want to feed STS forces, so feedback from the members is most appreciated. Thank you!

 

[obyvatel]

[quote author=Scarlet]
I don't know what to do regarding this feeding dynamic with my close friends, but I don't want to feed STS forces, so feedback from the members is most appreciated.
[/quote]

Hi Scarlet,
We are all STS here in 3D earth. So the fact that what we do feeds the STS hierarchy - though shocking - is the reality of our lives. We can aspire to be STO ie STO candidates. For that, in this context, we need to first become aware of how the feeding behavior takes place.

[quote author=Scarlet]
So then, I offer food to friends and I feed off of them, but the real feeding occurs only with the close friends. I don't unload my problems on them often, but sometimes I have felt I "need to talk" (need to feed) because my energy levels have been so low and I knew they were capable of bringing them up by offering other perspectives and support. I have been there for them too in this way
[/quote]

To stop emotional feeding, first we have to recognize what constitutes feeding and what does not. If you honestly discuss your problems with friends - it may not be feeding. Honestly discussing problems is what we strive to do here in this forum. When someone is feeling low or needs to vent, they do so and receive feedback where appropriate. So, when you talk to your friends, you can try to be as aware of yourself as possible and watch out for ways in which either party can resort to subtle emotional manipulation. For yourself, when you catch yourself doing it, try to step back without beating yourself up for it. It is important to have self-compassion especially when you feel you made a mistake as otherwise, we will not survive in the Work for long. When you recognize others doing it, you need not tell the other person what you see but gently sidestep and try not to add to the feeding dynamic.

As you progress with reading, networking, EE, diet, you may find over time that you are able to catch these types of situation quicker but it takes time, effort and practice. We are all learning here if that is of any comfort :)

 

[ScarletBegonias]

[quote author=Scarlet]
So then, I offer food to friends and I feed off of them, but the real feeding occurs only with the close friends. I don't unload my problems on them often, but sometimes I have felt I "need to talk" (need to feed) because my energy levels have been so low and I knew they were capable of bringing them up by offering other perspectives and support. I have been there for them too in this way

To stop emotional feeding, first we have to recognize what constitutes feeding and what does not. If you honestly discuss your problems with friends - it may not be feeding. Honestly discussing problems is what we strive to do here in this forum. When someone is feeling low or needs to vent, they do so and receive feedback where appropriate. So, when you talk to your friends, you can try to be as aware of yourself as possible and watch out for ways in which either party can resort to subtle emotional manipulation. For yourself, when you catch yourself doing it, try to step back without beating yourself up for it. It is important to have self-compassion especially when you feel you made a mistake as otherwise, we will not survive in the Work for long. When you recognize others doing it, you need not tell the other person what you see but gently sidestep and try not to add to the feeding dynamic.

As you progress with reading, networking, EE, diet, you may find over time that you are able to catch these types of situation quicker but it takes time, effort and practice. We are all learning here if that is of any comfort :)

It is my theory that people who are more emotionally sensitive are more prone to feeding higher density STS, because things that get to me don't get to others as much.

I also wonder if I can feed them when I am by myself feeding off of myself at the expense of myself. For example, last night I was reflecting on a traumatic experience in my life and I began to cry. My mind was excited that I was able to remember something really bad that happened to me and I wanted to remember as much as possible, regardless of the pain. I allowed my mind to trigger my emotions that caused my body to respond with tears and then some repetitive flashbacks in my mind. I allowed my mind to weaken my life force by reliving some very painful memories.

I also like to joke with family and friends sometimes, but all in good fun. I noticed yesterday when I was driving my mother and joking with her that she began to get a little upset and defend her ground. We were driving by some bikers that had Mongol jackets on and she claimed that they could be murderers. I got excited, laughed and criticized her a little once I found out her reasoning behind that. Then when she became a little frustrated, I realized that it was time to tone it down and let the "jokes" go, because I was the only one laughing. Then last night I began to wonder if that was an act of energetic feeding.

And what if both of us are fed and nobody's life force is depleted? It's a tough call with relationships, because one can set out form a symbiotic one, but then serve to create one based on energetic feeding instead.

 

[Buddy]

It is my theory that people who are more emotionally sensitive are more prone to feeding higher density STS, because things that get to me don't get to others as much.

Maybe the fact of emotional sensitivity is good, but the manner this sensitivity is expressed
determines whether or not your emotions can be food? There are the ideas of conserving energy and transmuting/transforming emotions that may have a place in this picture somewhere.

I also wonder if I can feed them when I am by myself feeding off of myself at the expense of myself. For example, last night I was reflecting on a traumatic experience in my life and I began to cry. My mind was excited that I was able to remember something really bad that happened to me and I wanted to remember as much as possible, regardless of the pain. I allowed my mind to trigger my emotions that caused my body to respond with tears and then some repetitive flashbacks in my mind. I allowed my mind to weaken my life force by reliving some very painful memories.

What was the purpose for the reflecting? Did you bring a valuable lesson or some useful knowledge back from this experience? If not, then maybe next time you may notice that most of your 'life force' is restored afterward.

I also like to joke with family and friends sometimes, but all in good fun. I noticed yesterday when I was driving my mother and joking with her that she began to get a little upset and defend her ground. We were driving by some bikers that had Mongol jackets on and she claimed that they could be murderers. I got excited, laughed and criticized her a little once I found out her reasoning behind that. Then when she became a little frustrated, I realized that it was time to tone it down and let the "jokes" go, because I was the only one laughing. Then last night I began to wonder if that was an act of energetic feeding.

This I'm not sure of but I think this kind of exchange can turn into feeding rather easily. Since she lost some 'life force' by identifying with an inner self whose 'claim' was being subject to an unasked-for challenge, your mother might well consider it so. OTOH, I don't think so, because to me the phenomena of 'feeding' is manifested by one person getting pumped up as the other person becomes deflated. It's a two-way thing with observable properties, OSIT.

From this perspective, if your 'feel-good' occurred as a consequence of your mother's feeling a bit worse, then I would see it as feeding.

Between good friends, attention-exchange would probably be hard to be judged as detrimental feeding unless there was some kind of measurable imbalance on net. IOW, one person may have to be ears and shoulders on one occasion and on another occasion a friend might be ears and shoulders for you.

So, at my current level of understanding, I'd say that the issue of 'feeding' (or perhaps, feeding that is a net loss to the feeder) should be considered in a wider context due to the natural delays that occur in life before payback happens.

Just my thoughts.

 

[cubbex]

Thanks for bringing this topic to the table. I've seen this with the only close friend I have, the problem is that he has a lot of really wrong ideas/concepts, and we discuss about his ideas and mine, the thing is that he sees it as a debate, when I see it as beating himself again and again, when you point out someone's errors when they ask for it (and when not) sss... you feel their pain and shame, the real problem is that sometimes we kind of just start to compete with each other.

 

[stellar]

Thanks for bringing this topic to the table. I've seen this with the only close friend I have, the problem is that he has a lot of really wrong ideas/concepts, and we discuss about his ideas and mine, the thing is that he sees it as a debate, when I see it as beating himself again and again, when you point out someone's errors when they ask for it (and when not) sss... you feel their pain and shame, the real problem is that sometimes we kind of just start to compete with each other.

I may be missing something, but when one gives a lie what it asks for - truth- I don't see it as competing: UNLESS the opinion wasn't really asked for then, I think, it may be seen (by me) as somewhat externally inconsiderate in the sense that one is trying to 'convert' the second party of the discussion.

I actually think that once one calls it a debate it maybe already viewed as a battle of wright and wrong. I think there may be a fine line between correcting peoples opinions/concepts and forcing one's own opinion through experience. We all have different lessons to learn and at our own pace.

Just my thoughts on your post, Brunauld, FWIW

 

[cubbex]

;) It is fun because you learn from each other, what's interesting is that when we became friends he tells me that his new objective is to become "perfect" so he needs to "work" on his mistakes and errors like some of his narcissit traits or misantropy, and sometimes he ask me and things are hard to say but he's at the end thankful, so its kind of amazing someone may be able to be more open than I am in some aspects and working on them without even having read the gnosis or Gurdjieff. The problem is that sometimes it becomes tired.

Thank you stellar.

 

[stellar]

;) It is fun because you learn from each other, what's interesting is that when we became friends he tells me that his new objective is to become "perfect" so he needs to "work" on his mistakes and errors like some of his narcissit traits or misantropy, and sometimes he ask me and things are hard to say but he's at the end thankful, so its kind of amazing someone may be able to be more open than I am in some aspects and working on them without even having read the gnosis or Gurdjieff. The problem is that sometimes it becomes tired.

Thank you stellar.

Yes, hard Work can be tiring ;)

 

[ScarletBegonias]

It is my theory that people who are more emotionally sensitive are more prone to feeding higher density STS, because things that get to me don't get to others as much.

Maybe the fact of emotional sensitivity is good, but the manner this sensitivity is expressed
determines whether or not your emotions can be food? There are the ideas of conserving energy and transmuting/transforming emotions that may have a place in this picture somewhere.

Thank you for offering your thoughts here, Bud! They help me to understand this dynamic more. I think you're right that it's good to be emotionally sensitive, because it helps when determining the emotions of others. I can also see how conserving energy and transforming emotions are areas that can help prevent me from being overly-sensitive sometimes.

I also wonder if I can feed them when I am by myself feeding off of myself at the expense of myself. For example, last night I was reflecting on a traumatic experience in my life and I began to cry. My mind was excited that I was able to remember something really bad that happened to me and I wanted to remember as much as possible, regardless of the pain. I allowed my mind to trigger my emotions that caused my body to respond with tears and then some repetitive flashbacks in my mind. I allowed my mind to weaken my life force by reliving some very painful memories.

What was the purpose for the reflecting? Did you bring a valuable lesson or some useful knowledge back from this experience? If not, then maybe next time you may notice that most of your 'life force' is restored afterward.
Just my thoughts.

I wanted to remember a trauma that helps to explain why I act the way I do when dating men. Unfortunately, I don't feel my life force much restored over it when I think about it, because it just makes me very angry. At least I am able to see that it was a psychopath that damaged me. It's good...I just feel sick over it and wonder if STS are just sucking all this up. :(

I also like to joke with family and friends sometimes, but all in good fun. I noticed yesterday when I was driving my mother and joking with her that she began to get a little upset and defend her ground. We were driving by some bikers that had Mongol jackets on and she claimed that they could be murderers. I got excited, laughed and criticized her a little once I found out her reasoning behind that. Then when she became a little frustrated, I realized that it was time to tone it down and let the "jokes" go, because I was the only one laughing. Then last night I began to wonder if that was an act of energetic feeding.

This I'm not sure of but I think this kind of exchange can turn into feeding rather easily. Since she lost some 'life force' by identifying with an inner self whose 'claim' was being subject to an unasked-for challenge, your mother might well consider it so. OTOH, I don't think so, because to me the phenomena of 'feeding' is manifested by one person getting pumped up as the other person becomes deflated. It's a two-way thing with observable properties, OSIT.

From this perspective, if your 'feel-good' occurred as a consequence of your mother's feeling a bit worse, then I would see it as feeding.

Between good friends, attention-exchange would probably be hard to be judged as detrimental feeding unless there was some kind of measurable imbalance on net. IOW, one person may have to be ears and shoulders on one occasion and on another occasion a friend might be ears and shoulders for you.

So, at my current level of understanding, I'd say that the issue of 'feeding' (or perhaps, feeding that is a net loss to the feeder) should be considered in a wider context due to the natural delays that occur in life before payback happens.

Just my thoughts.

I found what my mother was saying absolutely hilarious, but my mom got upset so I stopped, but AFTER laughing. I was making fun of my mother and criticizing her, but at the same time I was trying to teach her to be careful when generalizing populations. I think I could've done this in another way, by listening to her more and not just brushing her thoughts off.

She just caught me for leaving my car door unlocked again, for not getting into the lane she wanted me to (after it was too late when she had told me) and for temporarily going slightly over the speed limit. I noticed I became anxious and that shortened my response time. I tend to become very energized when my heart and mind are racing with anxiety.

Hmm. I think I was laughing at my mother's expense, but it didn't register until after the fact and so I do think I fed higher density STS, though maybe just a tiny bite. I must work on being more humble.

;) It is fun because you learn from each other, what's interesting is that when we became friends he tells me that his new objective is to become "perfect" so he needs to "work" on his mistakes and errors like some of his narcissit traits or misantropy, and sometimes he ask me and things are hard to say but he's at the end thankful, so its kind of amazing someone may be able to be more open than I am in some aspects and working on them without even having read the gnosis or Gurdjieff. The problem is that sometimes it becomes tired.

Thank you stellar.

I like to mentally spar, but only when disagreements arise and also with the intentions of learning and/or teaching to resolve the issue. I think it's okay to engage in this dialogue so long as both parties are able to calmly explain their side and then listen to the other side without interrupting. I've found it's also important to not take things personally, which is why it's a good idea to just stick to the subject(s) and remain as objective as possible.

I know I can become hurt easily when sparring though, but it's when I feel little stabs are taken at me. Sometimes they may be my projections, but other times I know the person is trying to get at me on an emotional level with a "low blow," so to speak. Well, these are just my thoughts on it. :)

 

[cubbex]

And its impressive, it all started with him wanting to know why I didn't believe in god so badly that I become talk about lot of topics until he kind of evolved.

 

[beetlemaniac]

I also like to joke with family and friends sometimes, but all in good fun. I noticed yesterday when I was driving my mother and joking with her that she began to get a little upset and defend her ground. We were driving by some bikers that had Mongol jackets on and she claimed that they could be murderers. I got excited, laughed and criticized her a little once I found out her reasoning behind that. Then when she became a little frustrated, I realized that it was time to tone it down and let the "jokes" go, because I was the only one laughing. Then last night I began to wonder if that was an act of energetic feeding.

Sorry if I'm going way out of topic here, but your mom's reaction seems to have struck a funny connection with a byte from the following C's transcript:

Q: (L) I was reading some of the transcripts earlier today. One of the things I read was about the Nephilim and their interactions with human beings and about other planets and molecularization, etc. Then, I was reading about the planet Kantek. Are there any human beings, on Earth, at the present time, who carry in them the Nephilim genes?

A: Yes.

Q: (L) MM has a six foot tall daughter. I have a kid who is pretty tall. Could this be a manifestation of Nephilim genes?

A: Maybe, maybe not.

Q: (L) Is there any way one can tell?

A: Would you want to?

Q: (L) Yes.

A: No you wouldn't!

Q: (L) Would these Nephilim genetics be passed down in the natural way, or would they be the result of genetic manipulation by genetically altering a fetus and then putting it back?

A: No to latter. One clue: double Y chromosomes.

Q: (W) That's male...

A: Nephalim were.

Q: (L) They, were male. Women are a double X, men are XY.

A: Prisons are filled with double Y's with monstrous personality disorders, almost always Caucasian and over- sized. Also, "bikers" often carry the gene. We suggest you not share this in a general way on the net!!!

Q: (L) On tv they interviewed a serial killer. He was HUGE! He described killing. The shrink who was analyzing said he did it because he wanted to get caught. I did NOT get that feeling. I think he did it just because it was what he did. Bikers often carry the gene... and this is why they form 'gangs.' Nephalim. Bikers. Big. Caucasian. My, my, my. Is there any other clue you can give?

A: Nephalim are not currently on your world, just trace residuals.

Q: (L) Trace residuals in people. And there are supposed to be 36 million of them coming...

A: With the wave.

:D