George Bush Jokes

[Laura]

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist church
outside Washington, DC as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager
made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of
bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell
research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of
$100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is
in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug today and as the sermon
progresses the Bishop begins his homily:

"George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a
liar, a cheat, a bully, and a low-intelligence weasel. He was a drunken
cokehead for most of his adult life, and he had Rove scrub his cocaine
arrest story by setting up and destroying the journalist who reported it,
the late Jim Hatfield. He has lied about his military record and had the
gall to dress up in a flight suit landing on a carrier posing before a
banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' Worst of all, he let his cabinet
neocons and covert operators murder almost 3,000 Americans on 9/11 so he
could invade two countries for oil and money-and he's been lying about it
ever since. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally
known. But compared to Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz,
Richard Pearle, Doug Faith, Scooter Libby, and the other neocons, George
Bush is a saint."

 

[Bert Thurston]

Hey Laura,

This is no joke and it's not funny. It's the bald faced truth and I'm not amused.... Now come on, admit it. What was the name of the Bishop that redeemed the name of Methodism? Please tell me that this is a true story and somebody had the guts to speak the truth?! (besides you guys and a few others) Or that it's not a true story and George is really the great hero that the false propaganda press makes him out to be--and that this reality really is just a bad bad bad nightmare.

In all fairness to the Methodist Bishops, over 100 of them signed a letter saying that they repented for supporting the invasion of Iraq calling for an end to the war now and basically admitting that they were duped and were wrong about supporting this war. Admittedly, I think they should do much much more to oppose this war--like call George forward and strip off his flight suit and call him the bald faced liar that he is in public (like in your joke)--or at least buy ad paper space in all the major newspapers and publish that letter.

Unfortunately, like most Christians, they embrace some non-sense called "just war theory." The problem as you have made clear is that there hasn't been such a thing as a "just war" and they all have been preventable--all being the product of the same evil power elite that controls: 1.money, 2.politics, 3. information 4. etc. 5. etc. Those Bishops are just the blind leading the blind . . . ?

Remove the power of the power elite and suddenly there's no need for war. I guess a place to start would be getting rid of secret societies.....or at least banning them from politics. Another would be a REAL constitution that provided for a REAL democracy, true checks and balances, and made the excess accumulation of power by any one person or group impossible. Absolutley no secret government or keeper of the secrets can be allowed in this utopian democracy . . .

No, it really is funny, but the truth hurts. . .

 

[rs]

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushquiz.htm

I managed to "win the prize":

The George W. Bush Loyalty Quiz

10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to President Bush

Your score is 0 on a scale of 1 to 10. You hate Bush with a writhing passion. You think he is an idiot, a liar, and a warmonger who has been a miserable failure as president. Nothing would give you greater pleasure than seeing him run out of the White House, except maybe seeing him dragged away in handcuffs.

 

[Darren]

Someone showed me this... In the fictional book Lethal Intent by Quintin Jardine, the US President is on the author's list of thanks.

The author's thanks go to:

...

President George Walker Bush. If I had invented Camp Delta or Camp X-Ray, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and then attempted to pass them off as fiction, I'd have been condemned for breaking the bounds of credibility, and probably for insulting the entire American nation by suggesting such an outrage: but he did it for real, so I'm okay.

 

[Laura]

George W. Bush Resume: Too True to be Funny

Would be funnier if everybody would print out 100 copies of this and send it to all friends, relatives, newspapers, radio and TV stations, school principles, teachers, and so on... It would also be funny if 100 million people or more printed it out and sent it to Dubya himself...


Resume:

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam

COLLEGE

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas .

The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union .

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.

More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I am a member of the Republican Party.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

***********************

So, what are you waiting for? Take it down to Kinko's, get 'em to run off a hundred or so... pick up a package of envelopes and invest in stamps for your future, and start stuffing envelopes for fun and profit!!!

 

[j0da]

George W. Bush Resume: Too True to be Funny

It begs to be translated and sent to all contacts!

 

[Laura]

George W. Bush Resume: Too True to be Funny

lol It begs to be translated and sent to all contacts!

Doesn't it? It just says everything, short and sweet...

 

[paulnotbilly]

George W. Bush Resume: Too True to be Funny

As a word of warning, spam filters pick up "Why vote for Dubya in '08" (as subject) as 'medium' and subsequently block. I usually forward such 'funny things' under "Something From The Weekend"

 

[Laura]

George W. Bush Resume: Too True to be Funny

I think it's better to NOT send it via email... hardcopy is a lot more fun...