It was this overpowering sudden realization that i had to leave that place, but most of all that i had been in denial ever since writing this post. I felt this driving urge to come straight back on to the forum and order all of the other books. Since that time i have been reading Ouspensky's Fourth Way and have read the Wave series (up to book 6), yet had not built up the confidence to comment on the forum due to feeling rather foolish and looking back - extremely ignorant. This forum is something special, and i decided that i am not willing to let my ego stop me from participating any longer.