Getting married and doorbell ringing

[Oxajil]

Hey Gertrudes, a big for what it's worth here, but do you have any doubts in the back of your mind about the place you're moving to? Maybe a part of you is unsure about the commitment to moving (not necessarily the moving out, but the place you're going?) and is trying to get your attention by way of symbolism?

I.e. marrying could be the commitment you've made to leave the 'old' behind so to speak and start anew, which could be a good thing, but the fact that you're marrying another person, not the person you'd want to marry to, could point to the location, i.e. place where you'd spend your life in (person you'd spend your life with). Just a thought!

 

[Gertrudes]

Thank you for the feedback Oxajil!

Hey Gertrudes, a big for what it's worth here, but do you have any doubts in the back of your mind about the place you're moving to? Maybe a part of you is unsure about the commitment to moving (not necessarily the moving out, but the place you're going?) and is trying to get your attention by way of symbolism?

No, not really. That doesn't ring true. I went through many doubts, fears, and it did hurt to make the decision to leave behind what I am now leaving behind which isn't confined to my life here, but also includes many of my previous long term beliefs. I felt that I was in the middle of a hurricane for a while, but it all gradually vanished. Right now my decisions feel right.
If anything, it rings true in relation to my past and how I wedded a life that I didn't want, further feeling entrapped by it. I thought I wanted that life at the time and did a great job at actually achieving it, but there was so much I had to clean up inside me that I could have never seen what I really needed and wanted before… I had to do it anyway, I had to know what it is and how it feels to delude oneself in order to really comprehend the difference.

I.e. marrying could be the commitment you've made to leave the 'old' behind so to speak and start anew, which could be a good thing, but the fact that you're marrying another person, not the person you'd want to marry to, could point to the location, i.e. place where you'd spend your life in (person you'd spend your life with). Just a thought!

Yep, that's my thinking as well. However, and as I mentioned above, this doesn't ring true for the present.
Also, we (me and my husband) are not seeing this step as our final destination, instead we're leaving it opened. It wouldn't feel right nor realistic to do it otherwise, we'd be doing a futile attempt at "closing the future".
In that sense I am committing to something to a degree, but that something includes a wide range of possibilities, some of which I can't even begin to foresee.
At the moment this seems to be the best choice for our next step and we're both happy with it, as time passes we'll see how it goes and choose accordingly, at least that's the plan.

 

[Oxajil]

Also, we (me and my husband) are not seeing this step as our final destination, instead we're leaving it opened. It wouldn't feel right nor realistic to do it otherwise, we'd be doing a futile attempt at "closing the future".
In that sense I am committing to something to a degree, but that something includes a wide range of possibilities, some of which I can't even begin to foresee.
At the moment this seems to be the best choice for our next step and we're both happy with it, as time passes we'll see how it goes and choose accordingly, at least that's the plan.

That seems the right way of going about it! Perhaps you're right and the ''alarm bells'' are due to lots of energy that you've been putting into making new changes in your life. :) Wish you all the best with the move!

 

[Windmill knight]

Thank you for the feedback Oxajil!

Hey Gertrudes, a big for what it's worth here, but do you have any doubts in the back of your mind about the place you're moving to? Maybe a part of you is unsure about the commitment to moving (not necessarily the moving out, but the place you're going?) and is trying to get your attention by way of symbolism?

No, not really. That doesn't ring true. I went through many doubts, fears, and it did hurt to make the decision to leave behind what I am now leaving behind which isn't confined to my life here, but also includes many of my previous long term beliefs. I felt that I was in the middle of a hurricane for a while, but it all gradually vanished. Right now my decisions feel right.

I think that what Oxajil is pointing to is not leaving your life in the UK, but committing to that particular plan in Madeira. That perhaps going out is good, but going there is not. I must say that I sort of suspected the same as Oxajil, but in my case, that is simply because an island in the middle of the ocean doesn't feel like the best idea to me at this point in time. Even if we don't have big climate or cosmic changes, I don't know how a serious economic crisis or social collapse would affect an island. Anyway, I don't mean to scare you or anything, but if you are getting this dreams and strangeness that seem to be an alarm about a long term commitment, perhaps it's worth considering this angle.

 

[Gertrudes]

I think that what Oxajil is pointing to is not leaving your life in the UK, but committing to that particular plan in Madeira. That perhaps going out is good, but going there is not. I must say that I sort of suspected the same as Oxajil, but in my case, that is simply because an island in the middle of the ocean doesn't feel like the best idea to me at this point in time. Even if we don't have big climate or cosmic changes, I don't know how a serious economic crisis or social collapse would affect an island. Anyway, I don't mean to scare you or anything, but if you are getting this dreams and strangeness that seem to be an alarm about a long term commitment, perhaps it's worth considering this angle.

Thing is, hard as I try, it just doesn't seem to ring true. I know what you're saying (or I think I do) and that is how I also interpreted Oxajil's remarks. From an intellectual perspective, if you will, the obvious would seem to be what you're both suggesting although it doesn't feel that way, does that make sense?

I remember that last year just before I got married I became ill. I also went through my wedding ill. The obvious seemed to be that some part of me didn't want to get married, as was also mentioned, however, everything in me was saying yes and I just couldn't get my head around it. I still look back and find my getting married to have been one of my best decisions.

This doesn't mean that the same applies to me moving to Madeira, but rather that symbols may not manifest as obviously as we first see them.

To be completely honest, as far as I'm aware, I don't really feel worried nor fearful about moving there, it feels to me to be the right decision. My only drawback is that I will be further away from any fellowship members. That hurts.
I do consider, however, that the Universe may tell me something about it, but if it does tell me something with a message in a dream that involves my feelings, they should resonate somehow, in some way, with my real life feelings, and it isn't feeling that way regarding Madeira.

To be more specific about the move itself, we're not buying a property, not yet, and I am investing heavily on my online business which will enable us to be "portable". In other words, we're not seeing this as a final destination, it may be, who knows, or it may only last a few months. For now we're just going to "try it out".

Now, I've thinking about this throughout the day and here is what I came up with: I have, as I mentioned, recently enrolled in a nutrition course. I did a fair bit of research beforehand and chose this course for several reasons. I knew that I would have to put up with some falsehoods such as all of the information about carbs but I decided to play the game, at least I will get a diploma in the end and a comprehensive online business course along with it.
Anyway, two days ago I submitted my first homework in which I wrote a few things I don't necessarily agree with. I did what I had to in order to pass my first module, or so I thought.

I don't regret one bit having signed up for this course, but what has been eating at me is some doubt about how much I should speak regarding various diet issues that I know will go against the standard course guidelines, and most regular guidelines for that matter. How much "nice" should I play? I know how to play nice and agreeable when needed, too much unfortunately, and to may own detriment as the link I added in my previous post exemplifies. I have problems with drawing the line in certain circumstances, and with simply sharing information that I think will cause some turmoil. It's as if I have to shut up and play quiet, too much, too often, as if I weren't entitled to speak out. I've been staring at this trait of mine right in the face lately and I don't like it. Not one bit.

I don't know if the above is related to my dreams, but it strikes a chord in me and causes serious discomfort, while my move to Madeira, so far, doesn't. That is, except for making me sad that I won't be closer to other FOTCM members for the time being.

Still, I will think about it Oxajil and WK, I really will.

 

[Weller]

Sounds to me like there is something pretty important to you that you need to figure out, and that it is related to your current life changes somehow. Something unresolved is no longer at the door but vibrating right next to you, but you just can't quite recognize it yet.

In my case recurring dreams are usually big-picture conceptual: there is a need for a shift in how I am looking at something, and I keep having them until I figure it out or the trigger goes away (those are the frustrating ones). In my case they are usually related to resolving family issues, or resolving behaviors that are detrimental (like procrastinating, still working on that one ;)). A dream journal can really help with weaving some of the themes together in seemingly unrelated dreams or even wacky patterns that suddenly stand out in daily life (like song lyrics or titles of artwork or Google searches...it can be bizarre, but I think your brain picks them out of the crowd for the same reason).

Just pulling at the threads of some of the symbology in your dream, the groom does not seem the feature as much as your emotional reaction to how you found yourself in such a situation, you are reacting to a commitment publically made but not yet fulfilled. What stuck out for me in your most recent dream was that you saw people from photos of those your mother knew when she was younger; what is their significance, did she wax nostalgic about them, or what was going on in her life, or her family, at that time? What about at the time that the deceased guests were alive?

What phases or realms of your life (emotional, financial, familial) do the different grooms correspond to? Interesting too that in waking life you were motivated enough to try to rid yourself of attachments asap - perhaps related to some trauma that originated in the distant past that these dreams are driving at...since this is apparently triggered by life changes now, what happened with other major moves in your life, like your first time leaving home. Could these marriages, and the associated ambivalence, have something to do with reluctance in confronting some regretted commitment from the past.

I wonder if you pay careful attention to the characters/setting of the dream and your--or your family's--emotional connection to specific components that stand out, rather than focusing on the emotional response to the dream generally, it will help you to decode it.

 

[Ollie]

I agree with the advice that Weller is giving in terms of:

What phases or realms of your life (emotional, financial, familial) do the different grooms correspond to? Interesting too that in waking life you were motivated enough to try to rid yourself of attachments asap - perhaps related to some trauma that originated in the distant past that these dreams are driving at...since this is apparently triggered by life changes now, what happened with other major moves in your life, like your first time leaving home. Could these marriages, and the associated ambivalence, have something to do with reluctance in confronting some regretted commitment from the past.

I wonder if you pay careful attention to the characters/setting of the dream and your--or your family's--emotional connection to specific components that stand out ...

And, like Oxajil and Windmill Knight, I've held similar thoughts, that it is connected to your immanent move to Madeira, and that is what the bell is drawing your attention to, rather than staying in London/UK and learning the lessons prepared for you in London/UK. It appears that a lot of your emotional reactions, responses, are very subjective, rather than objectively putting them under your control and, objectively, looking at what is actually happening in London/UK - of following your Life and work there through fully - rather than 'moving away' from it. Reading back through the posts, it appears to me that your 'gut' wants to stay in London/UK and follow through for the learnings, and that the Predator's Mind is wanting to escape the consequences of that, and find new distractions to keep you occupied.

 

[Gertrudes]

Thank you Weller and Prodigal Son.

I will be away for a week, so in case you reply and I take longer to come back to you, you will know why.

And, like Oxajil and Windmill Knight, I've held similar thoughts, that it is connected to your immanent move to Madeira, and that is what the bell is drawing your attention to, rather than staying in London/UK and learning the lessons prepared for you in London/UK. It appears that a lot of your emotional reactions, responses, are very subjective, rather than objectively putting them under your control and, objectively, looking at what is actually happening in London/UK - of following your Life and work there through fully - rather than 'moving away' from it. Reading back through the posts, it appears to me that your 'gut' wants to stay in London/UK and follow through for the learnings, and that the Predator's Mind is wanting to escape the consequences of that, and find new distractions to keep you occupied.

I know it appears that way, but I just don't see it. I have spent the last 6 months going over the last 15 years of my life and plenty of realisations hit home for me. One of which was that I had, and wanted to leave. My husband wants it as much as I do. Running away would be staying here and, speaking of gut, that's what my very gut tells me. The last thing I want is to stay in London, and so does he. More about this in this thread: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,31552.0.html

Guys, I appreciate your concern and sincerely thank you for that. In a way I wish I could say yes, that resonates and that's it, problem solved. But that would be lying to myself, and to you. What can I say… whatever it is that this is telling me, I just don't see nor feel what you are saying and telling you otherwise would be lying to you, at least as far as my conscious awareness goes. Does it look like I am running away? Perhaps it looks that way, but I truly, in all of my honesty and from the heart, don't believe, nor feel it to be so.
The last thing I want is lie to myself and not see it. I don't want to move here, or there, it's not about that. It is about not lying to myself, that is, to me, the very reason behind my decision.

The day before I had the dream was my birthday and my husband took me out for dinner. It was a wonderful night where we talked extensively about things that we have both pursued and have been pursuing, which no longer make sense to us and that reveal a lack of valuing what is important, such as our health and time together. This, to me, which concerns letting go of old commitments, if you will, relates better to the dreams than what I am moving into.

Does the above thinking look faulty? Let me know if, and where it does.
Also, being away for a week may shed a different light for me into what you are saying or simply give me new insights.

What phases or realms of your life (emotional, financial, familial) do the different grooms correspond to?

Well, the first groom relates to a phase of my life shortly after I left my parents' home and came out of a long term childhood and adolescence depression. It was a time of finishing a chapter of my life, as well as of new beginnings. The second groom is part of my childhood.

I will address your other questions after my return.

Thank you!