Getting mugged

Hi Polonel,

I've been mugged by three hoodlums more than ten years ago and I felt exactly like you do.
I was the only guy with three girls and I would not have been able to fight them off.

I think that my false sense of security and specialness at that time was shook up badly because it took me months to stop being on the look-out if I had to go out at night.
I think that your self-importance took a "beating" there because you could not do something to stop the negative event.
That reminds us how we are not able to defend ourselves (unless you've been tried) faced with something that has no conscience (even if it's symbolic.).

Maybe it's a symbolic warning sign from the universe as well ?

Like the others said, you did right not to react because you never know which way it can go.
The breathing exercises would certainly help.
 
Hi Polonel,

I'm really sorry for you. As most people have said, you actually reacted the proper way.
We were mugged more than ten years ago indeed and I felt so sick by the whole thing that I actually vomitted when we got back home. I was angry at myself and - I'm ashamed to say at Tigersoap as well - for being so weak. I have to say that we were really tired from a night on the town and probably in a dissociative state. With hindsight, in a normal, alert state, we would have fled the metro station just as we saw the gang arriving. But we just stood there, not understanding anything.

But what Tigersoap forgot to say was that a week later, in the same circumstances at the same place, another group of teenagers were mugged as well, probably by the same gang but one of the teenager tried to fight back and was stabbed near the heart and ended up in the hospital in a critical state. I realized then that we had actually been lucky to go along with what they were asking.

You are probably no match for these people and it's actually a good thing. Take care!
 
Hi Polonel,

I do agree with what others have told you, sometimes there is nothing to be done but as I see it, there is allways something to learn, and that is what really matters.

Every interaction is a lesson, no matter with whom, and not only for you also for the one interacting with you (if is not a psycho).


So by dint of seeming heavy and tiresome, let me quote another sufi text wich seems to me appropriate here.

The Lamp said:
-I can see in the dark boasted Nasrudin once in the tea house.
-If so, why some nights we have seen to you carrying a lamp in the streets?
-It's just so that others will not stumble me.
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Hi Polonel

Sorry to hear of your awful experience. I this type of assault can be very shocking.
Instead of "beating yourself up" about what you feel you could have done, it might be an idea to try and focus on what you did well.
Your measured actions ensured that neither you, nor your friend were seriously physically hurt, and for that, I feel you should be congratulated. You absolutely did the right thing, as others have said, try to draw as much learning as you can from this dreadful experience. For what it's worth - I have a friend who has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do - and he reacted in exactly the same way as you describe in a similar situation. Attackers like this have different rules, and you can never predict how far they are prepared to go. I know from experience, that the shock of the situation takes over almost as if one is "watching" the whole event as a spectator. I hope you recover from this quickly, take care
Alphonse
 
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

There's great advice that's being given here. I went through something similar. In my opinion, attacks are never about what's being presented (in your case, the mugging). It's about someone/something attempting to feed off someone by making them afraid and then keeping them in that state so they are perpetually in that cycle by way of their own thoughts. The person can then find themselves feeling helpless and unsure in any situation that occurs afterwards.

There's much to learn here. There's nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It's now what you choose to learn from the experience that can provide you with the tools necessary to continue your path.

You said:
"One was a little back, silent, the other has started to knock of questions: "do you have a smoke? "where are you going? "do you have some credits on your phone ?" and finally "let me see your phone". My answer was "no" to this last question, he began to insult me then."


Remember, you said "no". To me, this signifies something essential. You did speak up for yourself. This speaks volumes. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think we are coming upon times when many of us may have to say no to something whether through word or deed. You may want to consider thinking of this as practice for time ahead.

As long as you need to talk this out, please do so. We're all here.
 
I'm new to the community so my advice may not be appreciated or beneficial for you.

For me, there's two types of muggers. Those who steal for possessions and those who feed off you, trying to make you feel weaker, humiliated, lesser than you are. You said that you feel you've learnt nothing from the experience. From my pov, maybe for you to know that this individual who 'attacked you with the desired result of making you feel weak and humiliated may help you change your perspective on the issue.

As I see it, you went with the predators programming, I've done this myself more than once, as does everybody. Leaving with you, the after effects of doubt, resentment, fear and a thousand possible ways it could of been different. It happend the way it happend because you needed it. Now you need to understand why.

The very same situation happend to a friend of mine once. He was walking home alone. Three lads stopped him, asked for a cigarette. He gave them one. Then they told him to give them his pack. So my friend reached into his pocket, then turned and punched the lad who said that in the head. He dropped and the other two men backed off from what was slowly growing into a situation. My friend then went home and he wasn't the one to learn the lesson that night.
 
deja said:
I'm new to the community....
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Hello Deja, welcome to the forum.

Seeing as you are new to the forum, perhaps you could post a brief intro about yourself in the Newbies section. No need to share personal information, just give us a general sense of what led you to this forum, how long you've been reading it and/or the SOTT page, whether or not you've read any of Laura's books yet, etc.

:)
 
[quote author=Polonel]as a guy who intends to unveil the secrets of the universe and the matrix even though he's not able to face an assault of two poor -bad people- who, in the end, stole a 3 years old phone that they probably gonna sell for 10€ to an idiot. [/quote]

Do you consider yourself some kind of hero? Has that hero imagine of yourself now been broken? Also by judging them, the object that was stolen and the possible buyer in a negative way. Does that make the shame less?

[quote author=Polonel]I feel terribly guilty for what happened. I feel weak, I am angry against myself. I feel like I'm the last crap of the Earth[/quote]

[quote author=Polonel]I feel ugly, dirty and helpless.[/quote]

Feeling WEAK? GUILTY, UGLY, DIRTY, HELPLESS? What do you consider the opposite of that. Are you emotionally attached to it? Why do you think that makes you special.

It seems to me you got a shock. Quite a few things you though that makes you great has taken an beating.

Are you now trying to correct that imagine. Telling yourself you couldn’t do anything so I am not a coward. Instead of doing this see it as an opportunity to figure out the pain, the why, the programs you have told yourself and get ride of it.

Also did you take in account that you consider the possibility that your life was at stake, did it effect you?


As of mine I think you reacted the best it could. People are being killed for less.
 
Quote from: Polonel
I feel terribly guilty for what happened. I feel weak, I am angry against myself. I feel like I'm the last crap of the Earth,
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We can be intellectually aware of crime and have an idea of how we might react if it happens to us, but when we become the victims of assault the overwhelming most common reaction of all victims is exactly as you describe--you did everything right given the situation and yet you feel guilty and angry at yourself.

Polonel, you have had a terrible shock. Until you are able to feel the emotions generated from this experience and let them pass through you and away--let them go, then it is common to remain in the emotional state of guilt and anger that you are in.
Thinking/analyzing the experience is important but can only go so far to relieve trauma—negative emotions are trapped in the body until released.

A technique for discharging strong negative emotions that may be helpful to you goes like this:
In a safe environment have a person you trust/respect sit facing you, close but no touching.
Allow your self to feel your emotions--search for them in your body as you verbalize them out loud--"I feel _____________."
Do not analyze or judge your responses--focus on what you feel--let it flow--a jumble of words is OK.
Your listener should be watching your face and offering minimal, nonverbal encouragers like head nodding, and "mm ha" noises; they should not respond to you verbally--no minimizing by telling you “everything will be OK”--no countering your distress--they should listen with unconditional positive regard and nonverbally encourage you to feel your distress.
You may experience crying, shaking, stuttering--holding your arms out and shaking them around seems to help discharge negative energy until you reach a point where you feel calm and tired--more peaceful.
Stay quiet for several minutes afterward--doing some of the SOTT recommended Eiriu-Eolas breathing techniques BEFORE and after will surely help the process.
Depending on the strength of the trauma, this method of releasing stressful emotions may have to be repeated several times over the course of many days/weeks. This technique is good for past trauma and repressed emotions from way back in our history’s--large and small.

It may also help you sometime in the recovery process to research what Laura, the Cs, and the SOTT teams have written about using negative emotions and the shocks we experience as stepping stones for growth.

Good luck to you and remember—you did everything right—nothing wrong, and you can “clean your machine” of those seemingly uncontrollable bad feelings in which the predator mind wants you to stay stuck—break out!
shellycheval
 
Well, first of all, thank you all for your responses. They have been very useful to cross this difficult time. Sorry for not having responded earlier, I felt very "low on energy" after the incident : I just wanted to sleep all the day. It looked like depression, although I did not feel particularly "sad" or depressed. I was just exhausted.

Regarding negative emotions, I think as usual, I've buried in my heart. And I feel that it begins to make a lot of negative emotions buried in my heart ... I practice regularly pipe breathing, and certainly I feel much less stressed after a few minutes of breathing exercises. However, the full course (three stage breathing, warrior's breath, bio-energetic breathing and meditation / prayer) is not always relaxing or "liberating", as some forum members related the experience. I feel unable to "let it go", my head is constantly filled with murmurs and incessant chatter about the banalities of everyday life. I even heard that "this is not for me" or "I will never be able to release these negative emotions". What Al Today wrote about his state of mind at the time in this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=13090.0 is substantially identical to what I feel right now ... I feel I don’t « deserve » to belong to this group that we are in this forum. While the full cycle of breathing exercises is about to relax, to release negative emotions and do not anticipate, I can not get rid of a form of frustration due to the fact that I anticipated, despite my will, the likely effects of these breathing exercises. And I think the anticipation is blocking the beneficial effects of these exercises.

I will continue these exercises. Again, thank you for your attentions. Again, I feel a little ashamed because of all this ... I feel I don’t contribute as positively to the forum as I should. I have the impression that this forum and the group give me many more things I can bring him in return. It's strange, this feeling of shame and not worthy of "beautiful things" is something quite recurring.
 
Polonel said:
I will continue these exercises. Again, thank you for your attentions. Again, I feel a little ashamed because of all this ... I feel I don’t contribute as positively to the forum as I should. I have the impression that this forum and the group give me many more things I can bring him in return. It's strange, this feeling of shame and not worthy of "beautiful things" is something quite recurring.
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Hello Polonel,

Judging by the number and content of the replies on your post, i would say that you have provided for a lot of people the opportunity to put themselves in your shoes, practice external consideration, and ponder on the consequences of such an experience. An experience that outlines the physical hardships and challenges that come with being a 3rd density being. The input of your sincere self-observation after this event has also great learning potential for all of us. In my opinion, in a network of people that seek to gain knowledge, and understand reality and the human psyche, your sharing of this experience can indeed qualify as a service. So maybe there is no real need for you to feel like you do as it concerns your contribution to this forum. Maybe, your experience and the feedback you received will serve as a forewarning and help you and other members to deal with a similar circumstance in a more knowledgeable and consciously sober way. Who knows? Nothing is bad on itself (unless it is fatal) if we manage to internally transmute it from a bad experience to a lesson. Because all lessons are good even if painful sometimes.

So maybe it is better to spend that greater sum of your energy on healing yourself than worrying about anything else at the moment. ;)

Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and emotions with all of us Polonel.
:)
 
[quote author=spyraal]Thank you for bravely sharing your experience and emotions with all of us Polonel.
[/quote]

I would like to thank you as well Polonel.
 
Quote from Polonel
I feel I don’t contribute as positively to the forum as I should. I have the impression that this forum and the group give me many more things I can bring him in return. It's strange, this feeling of shame and not worthy of "beautiful things" is something quite recurring.
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But the very fact of sharing this experience offered me an opportunity to look back to my own reactions to this kind of situations and this brought up some new lessons I didn't think before. So this can already contradict what you wrote in the above quote.
Such thoughts stopped me, and still continue to do so sometimes, to participate actively in this forum for months, even not to access it. I often think my knowledge is so poor that I cannot add anything to what people in this forum knows already. But since you expressed the same limiting feelings while you helped me increase my knowledge gives to me an opportunity to look at this differently. Thank you for being in this forum.

And I think, in this situation, you had the right reaction which is the more profitable to you without being detrimental to anyone else. I think that if you review the scene more objectively making sure to put all programs aside, you should come to this conclusion and free yourself of all these negative thoughts.
 
Polonel said:
Regarding negative emotions, I think as usual, I've buried in my heart. And I feel that it begins to make a lot of negative emotions buried in my heart ... I practice regularly pipe breathing, and certainly I feel much less stressed after a few minutes of breathing exercises. However, the full course (three stage breathing, warrior's breath, bio-energetic breathing and meditation / prayer) is not always relaxing or "liberating", as some forum members related the experience. I feel unable to "let it go", my head is constantly filled with murmurs and incessant chatter about the banalities of everyday life. I even heard that "this is not for me" or "I will never be able to release these negative emotions". What Al Today wrote about his state of mind at the time in this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=13090.0 is substantially identical to what I feel right now ... I feel I don’t « deserve » to belong to this group that we are in this forum. While the full cycle of breathing exercises is about to relax, to release negative emotions and do not anticipate, I can not get rid of a form of frustration due to the fact that I anticipated, despite my will, the likely effects of these breathing exercises. And I think the anticipation is blocking the beneficial effects of these exercises.
...I feel a little ashamed because of all this ... I feel I don’t contribute as positively to the forum as I should. I have the impression that this forum and the group give me many more things I can bring him in return. It's strange, this feeling of shame and not worthy of "beautiful things" is something quite recurring.
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Polonel, I would like to point out something that may help explain why it is so important to be a member of a network like this. Polonel, I don't see anything unnatural about what you are feeling, but there is something unnatural in all of us and it's the predator's mind. Try and remember yourself right now if you can.

Do you notice that when you are looking over your condition and trying to put your feelings in words, that you are showing yourself and us that you are NOT these feelings? You look at your feelings so that you can describe them and you notice that YOU are looking at your feelings. You are looking at something inside you. That fact, alone, tells you that there is YOU and there is emotion - the two are not the same thing as you can 'see'.

"You" "have" "feelings" period. You are NOT any of your feelings. Own them, put them on like a shirt and experience them and let them go because they only serve you for a short time.

The predator's mind is morose and contradictory. If you really look, you can see the contradictions in saying: "I am unhappy, I am unworthy, I am unable to...". It doesn't matter that you say "I feel..." instead of "I am...", because when your sense of BEing is involved, it is still an identification.

Try to understand that these are the predator's thoughts and that this is how how the predator's mind works. What the predator is saying is true - but only for him - not you!


Just reading these words may not be very helpful, so I have a suggestion that I use sometimes, myself: If you don't have someone to talk with as shellycheval explains, then find someplace where you can be alone. Direct your attention to the Universe or an imaginary friend. Start expressing yourself out loud (that part is important because it is the way the emotions leave you). Talk it out, starting with the mugging if that seems like a good point to start with. Explain what happened and everything you saw, imagined and felt.

Explain everything all the way up to now. When you think you are through talking about your experiences and feelings, start over from the beginning just to make sure you didn't miss anything. If you do this long enough, you might have all kinds of different reactions. You may get bored, you may realize something important, you may start laughing, you may even feel like making fun of the predator and laughing until you cry.


Either way, you are practically guaranteed to feel much better and then you could do some pipe-breathing to further eliminate some stress. And don't forget to thank (whoever) for listening!


I hope something here can be helpful to you.
 
Hi Polonel, it sounds like you're going through a pretty rough time, which is completely understandable with what you've gone through. You were targeted and it's not your fault. It must be painful to feel unworthy, like you don't deserve to to belong to the group... to feel outside of things. You've been sharing some pretty vulnerable feelings, and I think that's courageous.
 
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