Good-bye and good riddance

[Tracy Anne]

Hi AZ thanks for sharing your adoption story with us. It must have been a hell of a shock to discover this at age 20. I empathise with your situation though I dont know how you feel as Im not adopted. My ex husband was adopted inter - culturally and though he knew at an early age he struggled with it and I believe he still does at the age of 55, though is a little more at peace with it.

I hope you dont mind me suggesting a book called "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier-Newton. It is one of the books that really makes sense on the adoption triangle (Adoptee, Birth Parents & Adopted Parents). It gives everyones perspective though I cant blame you to be concerned with yours primarily. Nancy is an academic and her work is well researched. She adopted her first child and thought there was no difference with bonding etc but then unexpectedly had a biological child and she realised the differences to bonding were profound. She then went on the research this.

I hope you can get a copy of this book and if you do I hope it helps you.

It is a life long quest for many.

Kind wishes. :D

 

[Palinurus]

I've been following this thread and I don't have much to add as others have offered sufficient input IMO.

However as far as the username thing goes:

Oh one quick thing. Someone pointed out that I should do a name change from AZ. I love that name because it was a scary movie from my childhood.

The astrozombies gave the CIA hell literally and this is my way at fighting back at the powers that be. :P

I don't think anybody suggested that you change the name, just that it had "zombie" in it and perhaps that was indicative of a somewhat mindless state? If it means something to you and is just a reference to a movie I don't see any reason to change it.

..................this is my way at fighting back at the powers that be. :P

By potentially undermining your credibility with a name that's out of sorts with the nature of the board?

I don't really think that having the username "astrozombie" would undermine someones credibility? I'm fairly certain that would be a bit of a rash judgement to make on someone (basing things on username) especially for this forum.

Usernames can have an effect on people's perceptions but I wouldn't base too much off of it. Without knowing the intentions behind their choice, they can be misinterpreted easily. Hell, I (and others) misread "Ailén" as "Alien" for a long time, haha. Even the name "MakeEmTalk" could be seen as "out of sorts with the nature of the board" if you consider the possible violation of free-will.

Just a quick note for those who might not know of its existence, there's a separate topic about forum names and avatars here. ;)

 

[MakeEmTalk]

I've been following this thread and I don't have much to add as others have offered sufficient input IMO.

However as far as the username thing goes:

Oh one quick thing. Someone pointed out that I should do a name change from AZ. I love that name because it was a scary movie from my childhood.

The astrozombies gave the CIA hell literally and this is my way at fighting back at the powers that be. :P

I don't think anybody suggested that you change the name, just that it had "zombie" in it and perhaps that was indicative of a somewhat mindless state? If it means something to you and is just a reference to a movie I don't see any reason to change it.

..................this is my way at fighting back at the powers that be. :P

By potentially undermining your credibility with a name that's out of sorts with the nature of the board?

I don't really think that having the username "astrozombie" would undermine someones credibility? I'm fairly certain that would be a bit of a rash judgement to make on someone (basing things on username) especially for this forum.

Usernames can have an effect on people's perceptions but I wouldn't base too much off of it. Without knowing the intentions behind their choice, they can be misinterpreted easily. Hell, I (and others) misread "Ailén" as "Alien" for a long time, haha. Even the name "MakeEmTalk" could be seen as "out of sorts with the nature of the board" if you consider the possible violation of free-will.

Actually it was more the statement "fighting back at the powers that be". It doesn't seem particularly concerning to TPTB, while OTOH, the name sounds like some sort of entity(ies) that we should be guarding against.

Speaking for my own perception, when I encounter a user name that seems counter to what the board is about, I tend to view that user as frivolous or contrarian. Having encountered many of these instances in which such posters *are* contrarian and/or frivolous, when I encounter those sorts of user names, I attach little to no credibility to what they have to say, and often will not even read their posts.

AZ seems to be on a more serious footing now, and I would read his posts, but is the name a potential turn-off to others? I'm all for the right to use the name you want, but think it's useful to consider what perception it creates in the mind of others.

 

[Al Today]

[...]
Speaking for my own perception, when I encounter a user name that seems counter to what the board is about, I tend to view that user as frivolous or contrarian. Having encountered many of these instances in which such posters *are* contrarian and/or frivolous, when I encounter those sorts of user names, I attach little to no credibility to what they have to say, and often will not even read their posts.
[...]

Wow, that appears to be a no ifs, ands or buts, standing firm kind of statement... With such an attitude how would anyone get someone to talk if nobody is listening?

 

[astrozombie]

MakeEmTalk, So "you're a judge a book by it's cover" kind of guy/gal?

 

[HiThere]

I agree with the others, MakeEmTalk. You come across as dogmatic and condescending to me as well - surely that wasn't the intention?

 

[MakeEmTalk]

[...]
Speaking for my own perception, when I encounter a user name that seems counter to what the board is about, I tend to view that user as frivolous or contrarian. Having encountered many of these instances in which such posters *are* contrarian and/or frivolous, when I encounter those sorts of user names, I attach little to no credibility to what they have to say, and often will not even read their posts.
[...]

Wow, that appears to be a no ifs, ands or buts, standing firm kind of statement... With such an attitude how would anyone get someone to talk if nobody is listening?

MakeEmTalk, So "you're a judge a book by it's cover" kind of guy/gal?

My experience with forums has been mainly the 'wild, wild west' versions, and so lots of 'noise'; My "attitude" is actually a process of distilling down to reading the most credible posters. Though this forum is a much more serious venue, I think you can understand my point when you see all the threads here that have 20, 30, or more, pages of posts. If those threads were populated by noisemakers, (as in other forums), a large part of my time would be wasted trying to sift out the noise, rather than learning what I came to learn. So, it's a learned response to assess a "book by it's cover".

If I'm looking for 'War and Peace', then 'Idiot's Guide to Facebook' ain't gonna cut it.

 

[astrozombie]

Thank you French Marigold for the suggestion. I have read a few books in regards to adoption but none so far that have been helpful so your recommendation sounds hopeful.

There are many issues that I struggle with on this issue.

I received an excellent education but OTOH, my behavior in school was overlooked because I was "speshul" and I developed some bad character traits. Traits that I wrestled with even when I was consciously displaying them like bullying and such. This led one poor soul to commit suicide.

God, there is so much to say but where to begin?

Thanks again though.

 

[Joe]

Usernames can have an effect on people's perceptions but I wouldn't base too much off of it. Without knowing the intentions behind their choice, they can be misinterpreted easily. Hell, I (and others) misread "Ailén" as "Alien" for a long time, haha. Even the name "MakeEmTalk" could be seen as "out of sorts with the nature of the board" if you consider the possible violation of free-will.

All the more reason for members to think carefully about the username they choose. Ideally they would focus on the impression they give to others by their username, or pick something that is relevant to them in terms of what they aspire to and is ALSO understandable to others, rather than indulge themselves in some personal 'in-joke' kind of thing that others are likely to not understand. It's a simple and easy thing to do and can be seen as a little exercise in external consideration.

 

[Carl]

My experience with forums has been mainly the 'wild, wild west' versions, and so lots of 'noise'; My "attitude" is actually a process of distilling down to reading the most credible posters. Though this forum is a much more serious venue, I think you can understand my point when you see all the threads here that have 20, 30, or more, pages of posts. If those threads were populated by noisemakers, (as in other forums), a large part of my time would be wasted trying to sift out the noise, rather than learning what I came to learn. So, it's a learned response to assess a "book by it's cover".

If I'm looking for 'War and Peace', then 'Idiot's Guide to Facebook' ain't gonna cut it.

It is a learned response, which is understandable, and one that I employed when I first started reading here. But as you probably know, this forum is a little different, and a lot of effort is put into avoiding noise. You only really get an idea of a person by reading many of his/her posts over time, and sometimes people come out with very good 'gems' that conflict with their general posting history. Also, there are people who's usernames are incomprehensible to me, but they consistently make really helpful and insightful posts. In other words, it's probably a good idea to read through as much people's input as possible, and not be turned off by immediately by just a username.

 

[Tracy Anne]

Usernames can have an effect on people's perceptions but I wouldn't base too much off of it. Without knowing the intentions behind their choice, they can be misinterpreted easily. Hell, I (and others) misread "Ailén" as "Alien" for a long time, haha. Even the name "MakeEmTalk" could be seen as "out of sorts with the nature of the board" if you consider the possible violation of free-will.

All the more reason for members to think carefully about the username they choose. Ideally they would focus on the impression they give to others by their username, or pick something that is relevant to them in terms of what they aspire to and is ALSO understandable to others, rather than indulge themselves in some personal 'in-joke' kind of thing that others are likely to not understand. It's a simple and easy thing to do and can be seen as a little exercise in external consideration.

Perceval you have made a good point about external consideration. Our name is a "vibration" and also sends a message to the universe about who we are and what we stand for. I have studied numerology for years and it is very interesting to observe this is action.

AZ.......I had to call you that as the full name does not resonate with me.