Grandmoms are Precious

[anitasweetie]

Grandmom- that was my special name for my maternal Grandmother. A sweet little lady with white hair, twisted into a bun on the back of her head. She birthed eleven children and raised nine. The babies that died, one was three days old- the other was about a year old. He died from whooping cough.
Grandmom lived out on a mountain in Virginia- In an old schoolhouse that was converted into a home. She had cold running water in the kitchen, one of my Uncles had run a line from a springbox, and of course an outside toilet!
This strong yet gentle lady, lived on that mountain for twenty-two years after her husband passed away in 1968.
Every young child who is traumatized by a dysfuntional family, should have a place like that to go, especially at Christmas. Even if you got snowed in, and had to stay an extra day. You always felt welcomed and loved. There is no way to beat that, the togetherness of families. The only noise was talking about where everyone would sleep, and of course music. Great music, bluegrass, christian, and Christmas carols. My Uncles all played different instruments, and everyone would pitch in and sing. Wonderful memories!

Fast forward about fifteen or twenty years. You get a rude awakening to how this world really is. Go to work in a nursing home. There is no dignity, no togetherness, no home. It is the prison for mainly the elderly, I could look up the numbers, the statistics. But why? Will it somehow give something back to them?
Who are all the Grandmoms going to tell their stories to? In the places where I worked, it was more like an assembly line. The workers don't have time to listen.
If you wait for your Grandmother to text message you, you might wait forever. They did not communicate that way.
Turn off your games, tv's, and cell phones. Go see that special elderly person- And do sing them a Christmas Carol (even if you don't believe), maybe that person will be able to join in the singing!

 

[SeekinTruth]

Very touching, anitasweetie. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

It reminded me of Laura's experiences with her grandmother (and grandfather, as well) in Amazing Grace which I read recently.

Unfortunately, the only grandparent I knew was my maternal grandmother and she was quite the opposite of what you described -- with her own children, her grandchildren, and everybody else. She was extremely narcissistic and tried to impose herself and her whims on everyone. It really touches me to hear about the type of grandmother you and Laura described and when I've witnessed their way of relating myself with their loved ones.

And as far as visiting and interacting with the elderly, a very close friend of my father (who passed away earlier this year) for most of his life fell in the street the other day and banged his head on the pavement really hard. He had surgery to fix his eye which had shifted out of the socket. So we are trying to arrange a way of going to see him in the next few days. He's not staying in the hospital, but has to go back and forth.

The whole family is close family friends. He's also a famous artist, so they're often being visited by many people, etc. and we don't see them more than a couple of time a year.

 

[anitasweetie]

Hi! SeekinTruth, sorry to hear about your family friend. Hopefully he will have a full recovery.

Believe it or not, my Mother was narcissistic to the extreme, my Uncles said she was just like her Grandmother. The extreme seemed to skip a generation. She did everything kinda underhanded, like get my Grandmother's checkbook, and over the timeframe of a year, drained her bank account. The strange thing about my Mother was her theatrics, she would use to get "around" the people she was trying to con, or use to tell her Grandkids amazing ghost stories, and the kids loved it!

A lot of people in Amerika, just ignore or abuse the elderly, forgetting their hard work and contributions, without them we wouldn't be here. :)

 

[mada85]

I loved my maternal grandmother. We used to call her 'granny'. When I was born my mother had some sort of crisis and so my granny looked after me. Later when I was a boy I loved going to stay at her house. We lived a long way from them and so only went there once a year. She smoked prodigiously and I loved the way she smelled – a mixture of perfume and tobacco. Sometimes she would let me have a tiny sip of her afternoon glass of sherry. They had a really large garden which we kids loved to play in and explore. She died in 1990.

A few months ago I was talking to my daughter about how 'granny' was my favourite grandmother. I then went to my bedroom, opened the door, and could immediately smell my granny's unique blend of perfume and tobacco! I couldn't smell it in the hall outside my room. The odour stopped at the door to my room, whether the door was open or not.

I decided that she had come by to say hello, and to say also that things were OK with her, wherever she is now. Later that evening I realised that I had not completely mourned her passing. I shed many tears for her and after that felt that something had been healed.

A lot of people in Amerika, just ignore or abuse the elderly, forgetting their hard work and contributions, without them we wouldn't be here.

Not just in Amerika! It's an epidemic, certainly in the western countries. I work with elderly people. I manage a housing complex where older people can live independently with support. I am often shocked by the way in which some families just abandon their elderly relatives, thinking that any emotional support they need will come from their peers in the housing complex, or from me.

 

[SeekinTruth]

Thanks for the well wishes, anitasweetie. And thanks for sharing your experiences Endymion (that was very interesting) and for further elaborating, anitasweetie. And I agree with you both that it is terrible how the elderly are abandoned and/or abused in modern society. Thankfully, there's very little of that going on in my country. Family bonds are much stronger in general it seems, but the elderly are usually taken care of very well by their family until they pass away.

 

[anitasweetie]

A few months ago I was talking to my daughter about how 'granny' was my favourite grandmother. I then went to my bedroom, opened the door, and could immediately smell my granny's unique blend of perfume and tobacco! I couldn't smell it in the hall outside my room. The odour stopped at the door to my room, whether the door was open or not.

Thanks for sharing Endymion. I do think that the love we have for and show to others, is given back in lots of different ways, and being open to that love, so that we can heal.
I don't think we have those type of experiences if it was a negative experience. Wow, that just made me think of the differences of how negative people verses positive leave their "impressions", and what it means to us after they pass away.


I am glad that there are still countries that care about the elderly. Thanks, SeekinTruth.
It really is a rude awakening in western societies, I think even when people who have been caring and loving all their lives, then they end up in a cruel environment. It is really upsetting to think about, and it makes me wonder, what would be an STO response?