Grief- lettre to Claude, my friend, my husband

[palestine]

Hi @loreta I am sincerely sorry to learn you are going through a difficult phase right now and I wish you can find the strength of going through and stand the difficult moments.

I suggest you don't put too much weight on your shoulders in this regard - so that you do this "as you can". I don'tt think there exist recipes for such situations and the result is that we need to deal with it as we can. I know how much hard this is, so may you receive all my encouragements & support for this aspect which is terribly difficult.

Some consult professional helpers, others take pills. I am happy to learn that you refused to take the pills. This shows you are strong, much stronger than the average. In addition, the fact that you went through a phase (which is a common one I believe) of stopping eating, then went back on track so to speak - shows an additional hint at your strength. I can only salute this and wish to express how difficult this is to go through those two ones. May you keep on trusting yourself and carry on with your own way.

We are not superheros and there are other aspects that you may need help for. I cannot understand what those are, so feel free to express more on what could be of help to you. But, again, I am stunned by your ability of going through. I understand you have to deal with the sadness, grief aspect. I am not skilled to deal with this. I don't even know what to tell you. All I can say are things such as "be strong", "courage". Perhaps, other members who have been through the loss could be of help to you.

I will pray for you and I hope you can find better moments, with time to relax and find some breath.

 

[Joe]

But it's all so painful that, as I said, I can't breathe, and I wonder if I'll be able to bear this situation, or when I think that I'll live like this, in pain, until I die. I don't know.

It's normal to feel this way Lydia, but remind yourself, as many times as possible "this too shall pass", time will ease this pain, although it will never leave you completely. There is traditionally a "period of mourning" for a very good reason: to process the experience and feelings, and come out the other side. During such a time it's usually a good idea for the person mourning to not make any major life decisions, because you are very much NOT yourself. You don't really know who you will be after this experience subsides, so it is very much advised to wait until things settle down a bit.

I'm discovering a man I didn't know, and that hurts too. I need him so much. I feel abandoned, insecure, lost. Well, I know that's what growing up is, evolving to become better, but damn, it's so hard.

Yes, it is hard, perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do. But you WILL survive it. And yes, it's about evolving to become better, more aware, more knowledgeable. It's like a caterpillar in a chrysalis, so it needs time, and patience and processing and becoming. I would advise NOT to rush anything, but just sit with the feelings for now, and also take time out to do something different, to distract yourself from time to time to make things a little easier. The idea is not to "wallow" in the feelings or "encourage" them, but rather to let them arise and recede naturally. Big hugs.