Hello everyone!
I've not been active for the past couple of months, since im going through a lot of changes and stuff going on. Right now im in therapy for bulimia nervosa, a disease i found out has nothing to do with my body but with all the feelings and problems i had with an absent dad when i was a child. This problem has been going on and off, but if i wasn't throwing up, I exercised a lot or party or drank, or any other thing that made me absent in the real world.
Thankfuly i found this therapy and group of girls that have the same problems so we all share them, talk about it and learn from the other ones. Right now i have been one month doing the right thing, eating well and not purging, but my self esteem and other problems like decision taking and not thinking everyhting in black and white are still there. This is happening with my actual job, that it seems as if i can't leave it no matter what. My therapist recommended me to take care of myself and my school, and put the job thing aside for now, but all this guilt feeling arise and i don't know how to handle them. A couple of hours ago i talked to my boss since she noticed that i've been quite off, but it is was also because im an intern, and have to work just for 4 hours, and i started working more and more leaving school behind the past semester, so they realized that i was overdoing stuff and had to get paid more, but they didn't do anything about it, and for now, they're still keeping me as an intern. The trouble i have is to tell them i don't find it fare for them to be this way, but it also makes me feel bad since i was taught from my dad that the most important thing is to work and be "succesful"....
On the other hand i study journalism and now im thinking its a waste of time not putting the attention to school, reading, and nurturing myself, for this work i really don't like that much.. but that thing of guilt keeps buzzing in my head. My boss was saying that all the great things i had done in the past were now shattered by my absent behaviour, and that also made me feel bad. I'm struggling in taking the decision, i certainly know i would rather take care of my health, my school and to learn more about what i really like than staying in this job.. but find it very difficult not to think about the guilt or feeling as if i failed in something and what they will think of me.
I've not been active for the past couple of months, since im going through a lot of changes and stuff going on. Right now im in therapy for bulimia nervosa, a disease i found out has nothing to do with my body but with all the feelings and problems i had with an absent dad when i was a child. This problem has been going on and off, but if i wasn't throwing up, I exercised a lot or party or drank, or any other thing that made me absent in the real world.
Thankfuly i found this therapy and group of girls that have the same problems so we all share them, talk about it and learn from the other ones. Right now i have been one month doing the right thing, eating well and not purging, but my self esteem and other problems like decision taking and not thinking everyhting in black and white are still there. This is happening with my actual job, that it seems as if i can't leave it no matter what. My therapist recommended me to take care of myself and my school, and put the job thing aside for now, but all this guilt feeling arise and i don't know how to handle them. A couple of hours ago i talked to my boss since she noticed that i've been quite off, but it is was also because im an intern, and have to work just for 4 hours, and i started working more and more leaving school behind the past semester, so they realized that i was overdoing stuff and had to get paid more, but they didn't do anything about it, and for now, they're still keeping me as an intern. The trouble i have is to tell them i don't find it fare for them to be this way, but it also makes me feel bad since i was taught from my dad that the most important thing is to work and be "succesful"....
On the other hand i study journalism and now im thinking its a waste of time not putting the attention to school, reading, and nurturing myself, for this work i really don't like that much.. but that thing of guilt keeps buzzing in my head. My boss was saying that all the great things i had done in the past were now shattered by my absent behaviour, and that also made me feel bad. I'm struggling in taking the decision, i certainly know i would rather take care of my health, my school and to learn more about what i really like than staying in this job.. but find it very difficult not to think about the guilt or feeling as if i failed in something and what they will think of me.
