ella
Jedi
For almost 2 years I have been here with you, although you do not know about it. I have been reading a lot and working hard on myself. I have been making progress, I can see myself now being a different person, and I will persist.
Before I come to my question I need to explain something about myself. I now know that I have been abducted right from my childhood. I know now that I have been controlled and manipulated by STS all my life, but also all my life I was in touch with STO side. I was a very bright child (early school education seemed trivial to me), compassionate towards people (other children) and animals. And I had a kind of inborn ability to see what other people seemed to not see. I could naturally see (to some extend) others playing games all the time, I could see them lying to others and to themselves, I could see that they did not know what they were doing and why. When I was older I tried to talk to people about that, show them what I see, and I did not understand why they could not see anything, so after some time I mostly stopped trying. Now I know I was born with a spiritual potential, and it drew an attention to me, you know whose attention I mean.
My parents were very abusive in the psychological/emotional terms, military – like father, criticizing every little thing I ever did, and dominant (although loving) mother, who always wanted to decide for me, saying, that my little mind was too short to think. I blamed them for a long time, till I got to Cs and realized that it was not them to be blamed.
For example I remember few times when I was a little child, I woke up in the morning in some strange places, like in my brother's bed, lying beside him, or on the floor, or in the bathroom. Looking back now through all my life there were many incidents, suggesting interferences form the STS forces.
And I grew up being very shy, scared of people, lacking assertiveness, not believing I could achieve anything at all. Always without money, just enough to survive, and oftentimes not even that.
But right from my childhood I always felt there were two of us, not mixed together, one scared girl/woman, good for nothing, and second, independent minded, strong and understanding/seeing, although with time she was also becoming weaker.
In public, especially in new environment, the first one was dominating, I just wanted not to be seen. I would panic. Only some close friends could get to know the real me, as I thought of myself. Or more precisely, that part of the real me, that they let mi show.
No need to mention, that my family (parent and brother) view me as a family idiot.
When I finally arrived here, attacks on me started to be very strong, strange things were happening at nights. I would got up in morning with bruises on my legs. I would wake up at night seeing strange things in the room, big variety. I could feel somebody touching me. I become so week I could hardly walk. I will not bore you with details. Thanks god at that time I did not realize what it was, I thought I was possessed by demons, though it may also be true. Well, the demons stuff stop about a year ago.
Up to not long ago I believed myself to be too unimportant for them to be bothered with me, I thought, that maybe just general HAARP or some beaming, the usual stuff. But now I received more personal attention.
At some point I went through a period of so called higher awareness, as for myself, nothing really big, but I could feel the connection, my mind was very clear, the ideas were flowing down to my head, the answers to my questions were coming from above, I was very happy and full of energy, I was dancing. Then I had a threatening dream, which did not seem to be dream at all, it was so real, like somebody came to visit me I told me things, ending with: see you tomorrow. I felt threatened a bit, but told myself not to be scared, I tried mental blocking before sleep, I am not sure if it worked, but they did not visit me again. And then small things started happening, but they looked like somebody was reacting to my thoughts. For example I was downloading something on my PC at night and before I finished, the electricity went off, just for on second. It never happened before, but it could be a coincidence. But the second night happened exactly the same, at the same time, at 2 am. So the next day I started during the day, and about 3 pm I thought, that just in case, I will stop downloading myself, and before I did it, the electricity went off again, like somebody heard it and sent some kind of impulse.
And soon after I received a kind of insight, it told me who I am, I do not want to share it with you, because I myself am not sure of it. But the very next day in the morning my IP was blocked for all Cassiopaea sites. I can normally use my Internet, but I do not have an access to any Cassiopaea sites, including this forum. And it looks like they did not want me to know what I came to me, maybe.
And this time I got scared, I tried to fight it, because the worst thing I could do was to fear, I knew it. Still I did not manage, because now it was obvious, that some human was behind it. Like somebody in a psychic way knew what happened and passed the information to some human to take action. Anyway I went down. I think because of fear I lost my protection. And the next day there was a very heavy attack on me. Something below my jaw was strongly vibrating, I guess it must be an implant, and a strong energy was vigorously moving in my body, mostly in my head, extremely unpleasant . Like a storm in my head. It did not help, that I moved from home. It lasted all day and stopped, but I went down the hill. My connection was lost, it happened 19 January. I went into depression, during the night my back started hurting that much that I could not sleep. But mostly I was sorry I lost what I had. I guess I lost the battle, and so I also lost the castle. I am much better now, but do not feel the connection. And I never feel alone, I feel like somebody is watching me. :)
This is a funny feeling, I hope it will pass.
My intention was to mainly ask about my son, but I ended up telling you my story. I think I just wanted to share with you, because I am alone here.
But still I will ask your advice about my 21 years old son. We live together, the two of us. As you can guess, having blocked mother like myself resulted with him being block as well, fortunately not as much as I was, but he is also emotionally inhibited. He has not interest whatsoever in anything I do, or rather he is running away from it, which I understand. Before I came to Cs I was wasting my time “practicing spiritually”, I was vegetarian, now I eat meat and I do something different. He does not know what I do, but he believes something as stupid as before. And if I myself admitted I made a mistake then, how do I know I am not doing it again, that’s what he thinks. Also the influence of my family, my father and my brother. He is a bright kid, studies at University, but all he does is going to parties, playing games on PC, etc. But what I see is that he senses something, I did manage to tell him bits and pieces, and he is afraid of it, he just do not want to know anything and have nothing to do with it. Pretending it does not exist. Denial. When I try to say something about what is going on in the world, he starts yelling at me, or ridiculing me. But when our IP was cut off from Cs, he joked: “O yes, Illuminati”, but I could see, he was afraid and covering it. He couldn't not to notice, that something happened.
So now, I understand about free will, the choice and the stuff, but how about he is my son. And he is blocked because of me. And it is also possible, that they were working on him as well, possibly abducting him. I kept waiting, hoping I will grow wise enough to know what to do. We live together in one place, he is my son and he knows almost nothing, he is not prepared, and there is not much time left, even if there is no time, and I am doing nothing. It seems like a kind of absurd to me.
As Cs said, there is usually a strong soul connection between a mother and a son. Could that mean, that if I grow in awareness, it will influence his soul to maybe make a different choice?
And in a funny way I am not sure, that he is not asking, like maybe subconsciously he would expect me to push him. Or am I cheating myself.
The strange thing is that I have always been the least clear with everything concerning my son. I guess this is because I was trying my best not to be to him like my parents were to me, but I did not have the right pattern (imprints) to know, how to do it right.
And now still I am most confused about my son. It is so difficult for me to be objective in this matter.
It is very late at night at my place now and I am going to sleep, so if somebody writes something to me, which I hope, it will take some time before I respond.
Before I come to my question I need to explain something about myself. I now know that I have been abducted right from my childhood. I know now that I have been controlled and manipulated by STS all my life, but also all my life I was in touch with STO side. I was a very bright child (early school education seemed trivial to me), compassionate towards people (other children) and animals. And I had a kind of inborn ability to see what other people seemed to not see. I could naturally see (to some extend) others playing games all the time, I could see them lying to others and to themselves, I could see that they did not know what they were doing and why. When I was older I tried to talk to people about that, show them what I see, and I did not understand why they could not see anything, so after some time I mostly stopped trying. Now I know I was born with a spiritual potential, and it drew an attention to me, you know whose attention I mean.
My parents were very abusive in the psychological/emotional terms, military – like father, criticizing every little thing I ever did, and dominant (although loving) mother, who always wanted to decide for me, saying, that my little mind was too short to think. I blamed them for a long time, till I got to Cs and realized that it was not them to be blamed.
For example I remember few times when I was a little child, I woke up in the morning in some strange places, like in my brother's bed, lying beside him, or on the floor, or in the bathroom. Looking back now through all my life there were many incidents, suggesting interferences form the STS forces.
And I grew up being very shy, scared of people, lacking assertiveness, not believing I could achieve anything at all. Always without money, just enough to survive, and oftentimes not even that.
But right from my childhood I always felt there were two of us, not mixed together, one scared girl/woman, good for nothing, and second, independent minded, strong and understanding/seeing, although with time she was also becoming weaker.
In public, especially in new environment, the first one was dominating, I just wanted not to be seen. I would panic. Only some close friends could get to know the real me, as I thought of myself. Or more precisely, that part of the real me, that they let mi show.
No need to mention, that my family (parent and brother) view me as a family idiot.
When I finally arrived here, attacks on me started to be very strong, strange things were happening at nights. I would got up in morning with bruises on my legs. I would wake up at night seeing strange things in the room, big variety. I could feel somebody touching me. I become so week I could hardly walk. I will not bore you with details. Thanks god at that time I did not realize what it was, I thought I was possessed by demons, though it may also be true. Well, the demons stuff stop about a year ago.
Up to not long ago I believed myself to be too unimportant for them to be bothered with me, I thought, that maybe just general HAARP or some beaming, the usual stuff. But now I received more personal attention.
At some point I went through a period of so called higher awareness, as for myself, nothing really big, but I could feel the connection, my mind was very clear, the ideas were flowing down to my head, the answers to my questions were coming from above, I was very happy and full of energy, I was dancing. Then I had a threatening dream, which did not seem to be dream at all, it was so real, like somebody came to visit me I told me things, ending with: see you tomorrow. I felt threatened a bit, but told myself not to be scared, I tried mental blocking before sleep, I am not sure if it worked, but they did not visit me again. And then small things started happening, but they looked like somebody was reacting to my thoughts. For example I was downloading something on my PC at night and before I finished, the electricity went off, just for on second. It never happened before, but it could be a coincidence. But the second night happened exactly the same, at the same time, at 2 am. So the next day I started during the day, and about 3 pm I thought, that just in case, I will stop downloading myself, and before I did it, the electricity went off again, like somebody heard it and sent some kind of impulse.
And soon after I received a kind of insight, it told me who I am, I do not want to share it with you, because I myself am not sure of it. But the very next day in the morning my IP was blocked for all Cassiopaea sites. I can normally use my Internet, but I do not have an access to any Cassiopaea sites, including this forum. And it looks like they did not want me to know what I came to me, maybe.
And this time I got scared, I tried to fight it, because the worst thing I could do was to fear, I knew it. Still I did not manage, because now it was obvious, that some human was behind it. Like somebody in a psychic way knew what happened and passed the information to some human to take action. Anyway I went down. I think because of fear I lost my protection. And the next day there was a very heavy attack on me. Something below my jaw was strongly vibrating, I guess it must be an implant, and a strong energy was vigorously moving in my body, mostly in my head, extremely unpleasant . Like a storm in my head. It did not help, that I moved from home. It lasted all day and stopped, but I went down the hill. My connection was lost, it happened 19 January. I went into depression, during the night my back started hurting that much that I could not sleep. But mostly I was sorry I lost what I had. I guess I lost the battle, and so I also lost the castle. I am much better now, but do not feel the connection. And I never feel alone, I feel like somebody is watching me. :)
This is a funny feeling, I hope it will pass.
My intention was to mainly ask about my son, but I ended up telling you my story. I think I just wanted to share with you, because I am alone here.
But still I will ask your advice about my 21 years old son. We live together, the two of us. As you can guess, having blocked mother like myself resulted with him being block as well, fortunately not as much as I was, but he is also emotionally inhibited. He has not interest whatsoever in anything I do, or rather he is running away from it, which I understand. Before I came to Cs I was wasting my time “practicing spiritually”, I was vegetarian, now I eat meat and I do something different. He does not know what I do, but he believes something as stupid as before. And if I myself admitted I made a mistake then, how do I know I am not doing it again, that’s what he thinks. Also the influence of my family, my father and my brother. He is a bright kid, studies at University, but all he does is going to parties, playing games on PC, etc. But what I see is that he senses something, I did manage to tell him bits and pieces, and he is afraid of it, he just do not want to know anything and have nothing to do with it. Pretending it does not exist. Denial. When I try to say something about what is going on in the world, he starts yelling at me, or ridiculing me. But when our IP was cut off from Cs, he joked: “O yes, Illuminati”, but I could see, he was afraid and covering it. He couldn't not to notice, that something happened.
So now, I understand about free will, the choice and the stuff, but how about he is my son. And he is blocked because of me. And it is also possible, that they were working on him as well, possibly abducting him. I kept waiting, hoping I will grow wise enough to know what to do. We live together in one place, he is my son and he knows almost nothing, he is not prepared, and there is not much time left, even if there is no time, and I am doing nothing. It seems like a kind of absurd to me.
As Cs said, there is usually a strong soul connection between a mother and a son. Could that mean, that if I grow in awareness, it will influence his soul to maybe make a different choice?
And in a funny way I am not sure, that he is not asking, like maybe subconsciously he would expect me to push him. Or am I cheating myself.
The strange thing is that I have always been the least clear with everything concerning my son. I guess this is because I was trying my best not to be to him like my parents were to me, but I did not have the right pattern (imprints) to know, how to do it right.
And now still I am most confused about my son. It is so difficult for me to be objective in this matter.
It is very late at night at my place now and I am going to sleep, so if somebody writes something to me, which I hope, it will take some time before I respond.
