hopelessness

[Mr.Anderson]

I have not been posting much lately. Tending to everyday life... looking for work and a place to live. SolarMother and I went to court today and had our protection order made permanent against the person who's land we built a house on. Now we have a very expensive storage unit. Glad I decided not to take a chainsaw to it. This psyco still may end up in jail for what he did.

I just finished reading (I do read a lot) all the responses to Tigersoap's posts about "Depression, It's My Turn" as well as the hopelessness thread.

It's difficult to express my gratitude to all the member who offered such thoughtful, helpful and compassionate replies. And thanks to Tigersoap as well for posting to begin with. Otherwise I would not have heard just what I needed to hear.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

My wife, SolarMother shared these swamp postings with me because they were very helpful to her and she knew they would help as well. I guess I am not supposed to be reading this section until I get 50 posts.

 

[anart]

My wife, SolarMother shared these swamp postings with me because they were very helpful to her and she knew they would help as well. I guess I am not supposed to be reading this section until I get 50 posts.

That's true - so get to posting!

 

[Mr.Anderson]

- so get to posting!

Yes, but I'm such a chicken.

Some days I feel attacked. As if some force from outside myself is after me. Particularly, trying to drive a wedge between me and my wife, SolarMother. A force that makes me feel out of control. Only recently have I been able to "get back to myself" a little more quickly, but it still happens and I hate myself when it does. Granted, we are both a little stressed right now, looking for a place to live and finding work. It's difficult staying with friends and going from temp situation to another temp situation. (Where's my toothbrush!?) I wonder if withdrawals from giving up gluten is also a factor?

I would love to use my talents but I will take anything I can find now. I am fighting with that feeling of not fitting in. Dealing with being mid-50's and out of the job market for 4 years and having any faith that something will happen at the last second. Feels like a really long "last second."

So here's a joke.
Perspective employer: "What's this big, 4year hole in your resume?"
Me: Hey, anyone can get a job, but living without one... that takes talent.


Mod's note: Edited to fix the quotation marks

 

[Mark]

So here's a joke.
Perspective employer: "What's this big, 4year hole in your resume?"
Me: Hey, anyone can get a job, but living without one... that takes talent.

I saw a story yesterday about a guy that was out of work for 27 months. He went to loads of interviews but didn't get hired, mostly likely because he had that gap in his resume while looking for a job - and many companies don't want to hire people that other people wouldn't hire, odd that they wouldn't measure people on their individual merits but that's the way it is.

A job consultant gave him some advice to fill that gap with activities like 'updating jobs skills' (you don't have to explain that you might have been training yourself), 'doing volunteer work' (you don't have to say that such work was unpaid), etc. Stuff that made him look more productive. So he did that sort of thing, and as result he got hired by a company fairly quick.

The gist is to not put any focus on your history that can be perceived as negative by job recruiters who spend some time digging for the negative side.

 

[Ca.]

- so get to posting!

Yes, but I'm such a chicken.

Some days I feel attacked. As if some force from outside myself is after me. Particularly, trying to drive a wedge between me and my wife, SolarMother. A force that makes me feel out of control. Only recently have I been able to "get back to myself" a little more quickly, but it still happens and I hate myself when it does. Granted, we are both a little stressed right now, looking for a place to live and finding work. It's difficult staying with friends and going from temp situation to another temp situation. (Where's my toothbrush!?) I wonder if withdrawals from giving up gluten is also a factor?

I would love to use my talents but I will take anything I can find now. I am fighting with that feeling of not fitting in. Dealing with being mid-50's and out of the job market for 4 years and having any faith that something will happen at the last second. Feels like a really long "last second."

Hi Mr.Anderson, your feelings are quite understandable, and it is perhaps a thought that many here, have experienced in the past as well. But as you gain control of your inner and outer struggles, through insight and self reflection, (maybe casting aside the fear factor), you will see that we all human here, and mistakes are part of the learning process for growth. What you may have to offer as ideas, thoughts, perceptive, and experience's, is what helps make the network stronger, by the coming of the gathering of minds, with the STO perspective as the guiding star.

Though it is very important as when making a post, to consider thoroughly to research the material, as you would your own options that you tackle in life, for the best out come, for you and all.

There is no fail here, just lessons, and through the mistakes, we all become stronger, by sharing the downs, and the ups of life, that it has to offer. What you may consider trivial may have tremendous insight for some one else that helps the unlock the blocks.

The video has some good points, that may help in your thoughts of posting.

TEDxHouston - Brené Brown
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0


Note to self: if talk the walk, i should walk the talk. ;)

 

[Mr.Anderson]

TEDxHouston - Brené Brown
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

Amazing video. Much gratitude for this! Truly inspiring, this will definitely help me. Not just to post more but to feel more happiness in general. Something I have already shared and I know has helped others too.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

....And tank you M. Good advice.

Now I have to explain that I will not be posting for a while. I will be organizing our move this weekend and will be traveling on Tuesday or Wed, then unpacking, getting settled in a new location but will be back asap.

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

It's good that you decided to post despite your fear of posting, Mr. Anderson. Only this way can we help and support you.

Granted, we are both a little stressed right now, looking for a place to live and finding work. It's difficult staying with friends and going from temp situation to another temp situation. (Where's my toothbrush!?) I wonder if withdrawals from giving up gluten is also a factor?

You are in a very stressful situation indeed. It is very commendable that despite all that stress and living in other people's homes, you hang on in your decision to give up gluten. And yes, giving up gluten can also be a factor of stress. It was for me at least. I was the worst company for two weeks when I quit!

You and SolarMother are both lucky to have each other. You both know what the other is going through (as far as diet or the Work are concerned, for example). This is a great asset!

to you and SolarMother

 

[Mr.Anderson]

MrsTigersoap

You and SolarMother are both lucky to have each other. You both know what the other is going through (as far as diet or the Work are concerned, for example). This is a great asset!

SolarMother and I thank you very much. You likely realize, we can't imagine doing all this alone.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

So we have not been able to get a truck to move yet. Which has given me more time to consider small claims court against Mr Ed. I feel like I have no mind of my own however. All I seem to do is barrow the predator's mind. I feel shame even for just not knowing what I am doing.

Is my desire to recover anything from this psychopath my predator's mind? Am I acting just like him?

I just found out that he has somehow figured out the combination to the lock I have on my house. I spent most of the day Friday getting legal advice, tracking down info and filing papers. Tuesday, if I do not stop the process, Ed will be served and we will end up in court over compensating me for my improvements made to his property and my house, tools etc.

I think, I fear, the difficulty I am having walking away means I'm just like him. The most I could be awarded is $7,500, but collecting anything is another matter.

 

[Bobo08]

Is my desire to recover anything from this psychopath my predator's mind? Am I acting just like him?
...

I think, I fear, the difficulty I am having walking away means I'm just like him. The most I could be awarded is $7,500, but collecting anything is another matter.

I think the fear that you are acting just like him is the predator's mind.

By fighting against him in court, you are sending out a signal to the universe that you are no longer willing to lie down after being bullied by pathologicals. Even if you can collect nothing, that symbolic act is important in itself, OSIT.

Keep up the fight, both against him in court and against your predator's mind. We are rooting for you.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

I think, I fear, the difficulty I am having walking away means I'm just like him. The most I could be awarded is $7,500, but collecting anything is another matter.

I think the fear that you are acting just like him is the predator's mind.

Thanks Bobo08, didn't consider that.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

Well, I have thrown away all the papers I was ready to file against the person who has caused so much loss and suffering. I just decided that walking away was best, even though it has been very difficult. I still feel anxiety about it but I'm sure time will help me forget. Especially if or when I find something somewhat meaningful to do with myself. It has taken a few days to get settled in our new place and I should feel more energy in a few more days. Still struggling with sugar/carb cravings but I am determined to maintain my high fat diet.