House and mine disintegration

[Persej]

In this dream, which I had this morning, I was in my house, but the house was slowly sinking in the ground. I knew what was going on but I wasn't scared, and walked outside in just the right time before the house disappeared before my eyes.

After that, I saw a mine opening just below the house, with the tunnel going downhill. And then things started falling inside that mine shaft and started braking the lumber that was holding the mine structure so the mine also started collapsing. And then I woke up.

Well, the house could represent some part of my personality, and the mine could represent the subconscious part of it that goes deep inside my mind, like a root of a plant.

But I don't feel like anything significant is happening in me. But perhaps that is because I am a splitter, and as the C's said, splitters go trough such phases much more gentle.

September 13th 2009

Q: (L) Well, there are some other people who have suffered certainly much more trauma, or at least equal trauma, who I didn't notice going through any kind of similar really outrageous suffering.

A: They didn't crystallize, they split.

Q: (L) So one difference is that some people crystallize to survive, and some people split to survive. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) And I guess if you split to survive, all you have to do is bring yourself together and merge, and therefore it is somewhat easier than somebody who has crystallized and has to break everything down. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) So that's one of the reasons for some of the different experiences among the people in the forum for example. Is that the case?

A: Yes

Q: (Joe) Maybe people who split, reintegration happens over a longer period of time, where they slowly, slowly, slowly put themselves back together, so the suffering is in little bits at a time. Whereas people who crystallize hold it off until all at once something has to break down... (L) Yeah, people who crystallize resist probably more. I think that was the case with me...

A: Yes

Q: (L) So, okay... And there's some people who are having very mild experiences, and there are some people who aren't having much experience at all. What is going on with people who are not having much in the way of experience?

A: They are fusing smaller segments a little at a time. Tell them to be patient and persistent. At some point they will see their own progress in retrospect. It is like walking up a gentle mountain slope.

Well, this dream did represent a breaking down of things, but I guess it could be a representation of some mild changes in my mind that I will only see in retrospect.

 

[Anamarija]

I'm splitter to, and I didn't know that there is a name for it.

Well, this is good topic to talk about it ;).

Good thing is that I was splitted in four person before, now there is just a two of us. I had a little girl which has cried all the time, and when she came 'outside' she was hilarious and funny. Also, I had this little boy, which thought of himself that he is little richmen. Always bragging but in a cute way. Young woman, what should be my main personality (I presume this only because I'm born like a woman and never wanted to become physically a man) and man which I use the most, because I feel more confrontable.

Change happend when I found someone whom I presume that is complete person. She is the first person in my life that didn't care who I'm. In the beginning of our friendship she was very open, caring and interested who I'm instead of trying to put me in some box. Merging came naturally and it was so time before I realized that I just don't poses need to be little boy or little girl.

I'm very interested in your story, if you will feel confrontable to share.

p.s. trying to merge my self in many ways was my preoccupation for 30 years. I have visited the psychologists but she just said that I was all just pretend. That maybe the truth, but I never could answer on the question: If that is the case, why I'm doing this in the first place. Is this just need for attention?

 

[Persej]

Your case sounds like a classical MPD, like I've read about in Myth of Sanity. In such cases, I presume, the person had both splitted and crystallized, but with several crystals/personalities.

In my case, it is more like the G described, where you have only one person, but many I's inside:

The human machine is not a unified whole. The illusion of unity comes from having one physical planetary body, and usually one name, throughout our life. What we consider to be `I' (`I' am saying, `I' am doing) is actually one `I' or a group of perhaps thousands of I's. Each `I' or group of `I's takes control temporarily to meet a circumstance of life; we have no control over them whatsoever. The illusion of control comes from our identification with whichever `I' happens to be present at the moment. For example, one `I' may make a promise that another `I' has no intention of keeping, or doesn't even know about.

How can this be so? Buffers exist between the I's, walls which enable most to operate without the knowledge of the others. An example of this: make an inventory of your `likes' you will probably find that some are in complete opposition to each other. `I' like getting up early, yet `I' like sleeping in.

These I's form what is called `personality'. These are learned behaviours that fill and surround our essence; essence is that which truly belongs to us, from which our real `I', higher emotional centre and higher intellectual centre, can grow. Through work on oneself it is possible to form a group of Work I's that can have control over the others, to promote the growth of essence, and allow the growth of Real I, to eventually break out of the prison we are in.

http://fourthwayschool.org/manyis1.html

One of man’s important mistakes, one which must be remembered, is his illusion in regard to his I.
Man such as we know him, the "man-machine," the man who cannot "do," and with whom and through whom everything "happens," cannot have a permanent and single I. His I changes as quickly as his thoughts, feelings and moods, and he makes a profound mistake in considering himself always one and the same person; in reality he is always a different person, not the one he was a moment ago.

Man has no permanent and unchangeable I. Every thought, every mood, every desire, every sensation, says "I".

Man has no individual I. But there are, instead, hundreds and thousands of separate small "I"s, very often entirely unknown to one another, never coming into contact, or, on the contrary, hostile to each other, mutually exclusive and incompatible. Each minute, each moment, man is saying or thinking, "I". And each time his I is different. Just now it was a thought, now it is a desire, now a sensation, now another thought, and so on, endlessly. Man is a plurality. Man's name is legion.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/G._I._Gurdjieff#In_Search_of_the_Miraculous_.281949.29

In my case this manifested as never having a strong passion in life. Until I found C's and Laura.

In many instances I used to admire people who have this strong personality inside them (crystals), but in other times I prayed to god to never become like them when I see how much they are unable to let go of their holy cows. At that point I see a robot in front of me, not a living human being who can think rationally.

I would still like to crystallize, but just not to have something that would block me from my essence and having an open view on the world.

In many of my dreams I have secret rooms, corridors, attics, basements, sewers, mines, all kind of underground or hidden places. I believe that they represent the hidden parts of my mind, which are for some reason blocked from me.

p.s. trying to merge my self in many ways was my preoccupation for 30 years. I have visited the psychologists but she just said that I was all just pretend. That maybe the truth, but I never could answer on the question: If that is the case, why I'm doing this in the first place. Is this just need for attention?

I don't know. I like to believe that we will recognize the answer when we find it. That's why we need to read all those recommended books from psychology. ;)

 

[Anamarija]

Your case sounds like a classical MPD, like I've read about in Myth of Sanity. In such cases, I presume, the person had both splitted and crystallized, but with several crystals/personalities.

Yes, I agree, Myth of Sanity described cases with a lot of dissociation with what I have also big problem. When I read The Fourth Way every day, I had great boost to try to avoid dissociation, now when I'm not devoted to observe my self as much as I did when I read TFW, I slip more often then usual in dissociation. Which I don't understand because my condition is much, much better than before when I had a need to dissociate almost all the time.
Also, you made a got point, I always presume that my personalities are not crystallized, but that is the exactly reason why I'm splitted (but not the cause, I guess). I have behaviour for different situation, atmosphere, surrounding and people. It is very unusual when I spoke in this days with some people from my past, because they have accustomed (or I least I think that they are) of one of my personality and now when I'm mixing very often in this condition, I don't who to be with them. Hah! Sound little bit crazy, huh :/?! But, I see this like a good opportunity to practice to be the one in present and observe what is really happening instead of trying to be something what I think that situation or someone expect from me.

In my case, it is more like the G described, where you have only one person, but many I's inside:

The human machine is not a unified whole. The illusion of unity comes from having one physical planetary body, and usually one name, throughout our life. What we consider to be `I' (`I' am saying, `I' am doing) is actually one `I' or a group of perhaps thousands of I's. Each `I' or group of `I's takes control temporarily to meet a circumstance of life; we have no control over them whatsoever. The illusion of control comes from our identification with whichever `I' happens to be present at the moment. For example, one `I' may make a promise that another `I' has no intention of keeping, or doesn't even know about.
How can this be so? Buffers exist between the I's, walls which enable most to operate without the knowledge of the others. An example of this: make an inventory of your `likes' you will probably find that some are in complete opposition to each other. `I' like getting up early, yet `I' like sleeping in.
These I's form what is called `personality'. These are learned behaviours that fill and surround our essence; essence is that which truly belongs to us, from which our real `I', higher emotional centre and higher intellectual centre, can grow. Through work on oneself it is possible to form a group of Work I's that can have control over the others, to promote the growth of essence, and allow the growth of Real I, to eventually break out of the prison we are in.

I still try to understand or my Woman and Man main personality and little I's beneath them or they just a part of my I's?

One of man’s important mistakes, one which must be remembered, is his illusion in regard to his I.
Man such as we know him, the "man-machine," the man who cannot "do," and with whom and through whom everything "happens," cannot have a permanent and single I. His I changes as quickly as his thoughts, feelings and moods, and he makes a profound mistake in considering himself always one and the same person; in reality he is always a different person, not the one he was a moment ago.
Man has no permanent and unchangeable I. Every thought, every mood, every desire, every sensation, says "I".
Man has no individual I. But there are, instead, hundreds and thousands of separate small "I"s, very often entirely unknown to one another, never coming into contact, or, on the contrary, hostile to each other, mutually exclusive and incompatible. Each minute, each moment, man is saying or thinking, "I". And each time his I is different. Just now it was a thought, now it is a desire, now a sensation, now another thought, and so on, endlessly. Man is a plurality. Man's name is legion.
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/G._I._Gurdjieff#In_Search_of_the_Miraculous_.281949.29

In my case this manifested as never having a strong passion in life. Until I found C's and Laura.

I can totally understand passion related to Laura and C's, even for me that present structure of my life and being. Like I was floating all over and finally find perfect platform to land on. Hole my life become meaningful.

In many instances I used to admire people who have this strong personality inside them (crystals), but in other times I prayed to god to never become like them when I see how much they are unable to let go of their holy cows. At that point I see a robot in front of me, not a living human being who can think rationally.

I have witnessed this many times, from my experience strong personalities often shows what you just said, admiration to holy cows. And that was always very disappointing feeling for me. But isn't that because of our expectation from them. There is also question what strong personality it means to you? Is that someone that act like strong one or someone that you like to 'dressed up' like strong one? How can you objectively distinguish that?

I would still like to crystallize, but just not to have something that would block me from my essence and having an open view on the world.

What is your more often feeling being in your skin? I'm asking because when I'm in those days when I read a lot and thinking I feel like my inwards tremble inside. On other days when I'm kind of lazy and don't do something constructive (IMO) I'm easily drown to some program, behaviour or dissociated thinking. It feels like I'm on one side of my self and stuck.

In many of my dreams I have secret rooms, corridors, attics, basements, sewers, mines, all kind of underground or hidden places. I believe that they represent the hidden parts of my mind, which are for some reason blocked from me.

Even C's said that dreams are usually just blab la of the mind, and that the one has to find his own meaning of particularly symbol, for me house represent the same as you do, ME.
In those days when I write down every my dream every morning book "Govor snova", Branke Jakelić has helped me the most. I know, this is not from recommended books but you can try find some helpful tips. Also, she wrote about symbols and archetypes and as I remember said the same thing about house and part of the house they we see.
Here is just a parts of her book, I couldn't find the book to download free:
GOVOR SNOVA – BRANKA JAKELIĆ
O ČEMU GOVORE NAŠI SNOVI

I have the book but it is hidden somewhere and I need to search a lot to find it but if you find it interesting parts above I will search for it.

I don't know. I like to believe that we will recognize the answer when we find it. That's why we need to read all those recommended books from psychology. ;)

You are right, there is still many books to read, I often said to my self, oh why don't you read the whole recommended list of books and then try to say something, but in that case I wouldn't have a chance to express my self and see how I made a progress in those years of reading, learning and improving.

 

[Kisito]

In this dream, which I had this morning, I was in my house, but the house was slowly sinking in the ground. I knew what was going on but I wasn't scared, and walked outside in just the right time before the house disappeared before my eyes.

After that, I saw a mine opening just below the house, with the tunnel going downhill. And then things started falling inside that mine shaft and started braking the lumber that was holding the mine structure so the mine also started collapsing. And then I woke up.

Well, the house could represent some part of my personality, and the mine could represent the subconscious part of it that goes deep inside my mind, like a root of a plant.

But I don't feel like anything significant is happening in me. But perhaps that is because I am a splitter, and as the C's said, splitters go trough such phases much more gentle.

September 13th 2009

Q: (L) Well, there are some other people who have suffered certainly much more trauma, or at least equal trauma, who I didn't notice going through any kind of similar really outrageous suffering.

A: They didn't crystallize, they split.

Q: (L) So one difference is that some people crystallize to survive, and some people split to survive. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) And I guess if you split to survive, all you have to do is bring yourself together and merge, and therefore it is somewhat easier than somebody who has crystallized and has to break everything down. Is that it?

A: Yes

Q: (L) So that's one of the reasons for some of the different experiences among the people in the forum for example. Is that the case?

A: Yes

Q: (Joe) Maybe people who split, reintegration happens over a longer period of time, where they slowly, slowly, slowly put themselves back together, so the suffering is in little bits at a time. Whereas people who crystallize hold it off until all at once something has to break down... (L) Yeah, people who crystallize resist probably more. I think that was the case with me...

A: Yes

Q: (L) So, okay... And there's some people who are having very mild experiences, and there are some people who aren't having much experience at all. What is going on with people who are not having much in the way of experience?

A: They are fusing smaller segments a little at a time. Tell them to be patient and persistent. At some point they will see their own progress in retrospect. It is like walking up a gentle mountain slope.

Well, this dream did represent a breaking down of things, but I guess it could be a representation of some mild changes in my mind that I will only see in retrospect.

Very interesting analogy and interpretation. The house would seem that the ego would destroy out of you. And the earth would collapse on you, would seem to confuse you, and crystallize with the earth and nature, to form one. Last year I dreamed that I was in the basement of the subway, and the ground is shifted beneath our feet. I knew there was no turning back and that I would be busting into the ground with the other passengers. I was quite concerned about dying well. With your interpretation, maybe next time I would approach this act more calmly, "because born from dust, dust you will return (energy!)."

 

[Keit]

In many instances I used to admire people who have this strong personality inside them (crystals), but in other times I prayed to god to never become like them when I see how much they are unable to let go of their holy cows. At that point I see a robot in front of me, not a living human being who can think rationally.

I would still like to crystallize, but just not to have something that would block me from my essence and having an open view on the world.

Since I can relate to not having a "drive for life" for most of my life (a bit of tautology here ;)), here's an idea. Is it possible that you don't want to "crystallize" but to have a "maturity of character"?

In many cases really "driven" people are being motivated by things they are not aware of. And sometimes it carries a heavy price for their health. I have a friend like this, who wants to work as a doctor at the top veterinary clinic in post Soviet Union area. She works as an assistant there right now. Sure, she is super dedicated and works incredibly hard for that chance. She takes 16 hours shifts one after another, and that's why she definitely deserves it.

On the other hand, she suffers from a serious case of parasomnia (and I had a chance to experience it when came for a short visit). During a day she is an epitome of tranquility, but during sleep she moves, fights, makes noises as if in pain, even says things like "I am afraid". She also says that sometimes she sleepwalks. Sure, apparently she has it from childhood, but it probably means that she always has been a "driven" person. And I really worry for her, because this isn't going to end well. But obviously she doesn't want to hear any of it.

But there is another type of "strong personality", that has to do with "strength of character". In this case "strong" doesn't mean "crystallized". This kind of people can "bend" and adapt if needed, but they also have enough will to face inner turmoils and prevent them from interfering with their aim.

That could be a good alternative to "crystallization". :)

In many of my dreams I have secret rooms, corridors, attics, basements, sewers, mines, all kind of underground or hidden places. I believe that they represent the hidden parts of my mind, which are for some reason blocked from me.

Yeah, I have those too from time to time. This imagery probably represent the unconscious. Sometimes the mere fact that you dream about them is already a message from the subconscious mind, and sometimes you can try and decipher the image by paying attention to the dynamic and actions that you are doing there. Something like that.

I have behaviour for different situation, atmosphere, surrounding and people. It is very unusual when I spoke in this days with some people from my past, because they have accustomed (or I least I think that they are) of one of my personality and now when I'm mixing very often in this condition, I don't who to be with them. Hah! Sound little bit crazy, huh :/?! But, I see this like a good opportunity to practice to be the one in present and observe what is really happening instead of trying to be something what I think that situation or someone expect from me.

This reminded me the following: In the past I had a lot of dreams where I was shuffling through clothes, either at home or at some store, choosing what to wear. And I am definitely not a shopping person, believe me. ;) After doing a bit of research the following explanation made the most sense. That it was my unconscious choosing what kind of personality trait or "persona" to wear. And since clothes are what others see, I was basically choosing how to appear to others.

At the time this made sense because I was plagued with a feeling of inner fakery. That here I was, making an effort to present to various people an image they expected of me, while knowing that in reality the picture was quite different. The realization was that I had no real sense of self, and that it changed according to "external requirements".

It took many years and couple of really traumatic events to help me become really sick of this state of affairs and start gradually working on building and strengthening my inner self. Doing that allowed me to understand what traits were genuinely mine, and what I "adopted" for "perception management". What's for sure, it was really life changing.

 

[Persej]

I still try to understand or my Woman and Man main personality and little I's beneath them or they just a part of my I's?

They could be some big chunks of your overall ego, with many other little I's around (or beneath) them.

I can totally understand passion related to Laura and C's, even for me that present structure of my life and being. Like I was floating all over and finally find perfect platform to land on. Hole my life become meaningful.

Yeah. It's the best platform that we could land on. :)

I have witnessed this many times, from my experience strong personalities often shows what you just said, admiration to holy cows. And that was always very disappointing feeling for me. But isn't that because of our expectation from them.

Well, I certainly expected from normal people to be much more normal than what they actually are. :)

There is also question what strong personality it means to you? Is that someone that act like strong one or someone that you like to 'dressed up' like strong one? How can you objectively distinguish that?

Well, I can't be sure about strangers, but I think I can have fairly accurate picture of the people that I know for a long time. And they have some characteristics that I like, but unfortunately, they are not very aligned with the objective view on the world so their strength is not always beneficial in the long term.

What is your more often feeling being in your skin? I'm asking because when I'm in those days when I read a lot and thinking I feel like my inwards tremble inside. On other days when I'm kind of lazy and don't do something constructive (IMO) I'm easily drown to some program, behaviour or dissociated thinking. It feels like I'm on one side of my self and stuck.

Well, in the beginning it was painful to read about how bad this world is and things like that, but now I feel sad because I cannot read as fast as some other people, so I cannot gain in knowledge as fast as I would like. In my skin I feel like there are numerous brakes being put in me to slow me down, and I have to find out how to remove them.

Even C's said that dreams are usually just blab la of the mind, and that the one has to find his own meaning of particularly symbol, for me house represent the same as you do, ME.

Yes, that's why I don't write down every silly dream that I have, only those that I think are important. I could be wrong about them though.

In those days when I write down every my dream every morning book "Govor snova", Branke Jakelić has helped me the most. I know, this is not from recommended books but you can try find some helpful tips. Also, she wrote about symbols and archetypes and as I remember said the same thing about house and part of the house they we see.

Thank you. I will also have to read something from Jung about that. I didn't want to study dreams before because I always felt that I needed some help from my intuition about that, which I didn't have before. But now I feel like something is changing slowly. Maybe now my dreams are having more meaning, or maybe I can just see more meaning in them then before.

You are right, there is still many books to read, I often said to my self, oh why don't you read the whole recommended list of books and then try to say something, but in that case I wouldn't have a chance to express my self and see how I made a progress in those years of reading, learning and improving.

Yeah. And with that action others can also see what kind of questions you have and maybe help you with better understanding of those books.

 

[Persej]

In many cases really "driven" people are being motivated by things they are not aware of. And sometimes it carries a heavy price for their health. I have a friend like this, who wants to work as a doctor at the top veterinary clinic in post Soviet Union area. She works as an assistant there right now. Sure, she is super dedicated and works incredibly hard for that chance. She takes 16 hours shifts one after another, and that's why she definitely deserves it.

On the other hand, she suffers from a serious case of parasomnia (and I had a chance to experience it when came for a short visit). During a day she is an epitome of tranquility, but during sleep she moves, fights, makes noises as if in pain, even says things like "I am afraid". She also says that sometimes she sleepwalks. Sure, apparently she has it from childhood, but it probably means that she always has been a "driven" person. And I really worry for her, because this isn't going to end well. But obviously she doesn't want to hear any of it.

That surely doesn't sound good. And unfortunately such "driven" people usually don't want help. :/

Since I can relate to not having a "drive for life" for most of my life (a bit of tautology here ;)), here's an idea. Is it possible that you don't want to "crystallize" but to have a "maturity of character"?

Yes. I just thought that some kind of crystallization is also what's happening when you have a "maturity of character". But in that case it would be a positive crystallization, or on a "right foundation".

But there is another type of "strong personality", that has to do with "strength of character". In this case "strong" doesn't mean "crystallized". This kind of people can "bend" and adapt if needed, but they also have enough will to face inner turmoils and prevent them from interfering with their aim.

That could be a good alternative to "crystallization". :)

Yes, that's it. :)
I just don't know how is that described in Fourth way or alchemy.

Yeah, I have those too from time to time. This imagery probably represent the unconscious. Sometimes the mere fact that you dream about them is already a message from the subconscious mind, and sometimes you can try and decipher the image by paying attention to the dynamic and actions that you are doing there. Something like that.

I don't do anything special. I just feel so happy when I stumble upon them in my dreams. It feels like a treasure hunt. :)

Maybe it's a message from my unconscious to not be afraid of this process of transformation because many interesting things are awaiting for me if I manage to "pierce the veil".

 

[PerfectCircle]

Interesting dream, might be the reconstruction of your consciousness and subconsciousness.
I had a dream about following the road that eventually led me to the front of an archaic megalithic building. It wouldn't have been so strange if it hadn't occurred 3 nights in a row, but it did. :) Guess something big in terms of learning or happening is ahead of me, but anyway, I like those special dreams.

 

[Persej]

I had a dream about following the road that eventually led me to the front of an archaic megalithic building. It wouldn't have been so strange if it hadn't occurred 3 nights in a row, but it did. :) Guess something big in terms of learning or happening is ahead of me, but anyway, I like those special dreams.

Keep walking PC, who knows what kind of interesting experiences are in front of you. :)

 

[Persej]

Speaking about "maturity of character", last night I had a same type of dream that I have from time to time. I dream about being in high school (sometimes in faculty) because somebody found out that I haven't finished some subjects and now I have to go to school again. And every time after I wake up I have to tell myself that I don't have to worry about that because I have diploma and that I finished all that I had to finish.

But now I think that maybe those dreams weren't about the school itself but about general life lessons. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me that in my life I missed to pass some basic life lessons and that I cannot skip them if I want to graduate.

I hope that in the future my subconscious manages to tell my what are those lessons and how to pass them.

 

[Anamarija]

Or your dreams try to tell you that YOU think that you didn't pass some of lessons.

How about some simple questions, I hope that my questions are not to intimate, it is ok if you don't feel desire to answer me:
1. What is that you miss in your life the most?
2. If you can see yourself like a hole person, what areas in you it is needed to be filled?
3. Are you brave or 'chicken' in your life?
4. How good you are in expressing emotions?

 

[Persej]

Or your dreams try to tell you that YOU think that you didn't pass some of lessons.

Yes, I do think that. But I hope that some part of me knows exactly what I missed.

But I think that now I understand the basics of my dreams. I dream about the things that my centers would like like to be filled with. So sometimes I dream about the things with my emotional, sometimes with my motoric, and sometimes with my intellectual center. And they are all telling me that they are missing some life experiences.

1. What is that you miss in your life the most?

Broader scope of emotions, mostly.

2. If you can see yourself like a hole person, what areas in you it is needed to be filled?

I would say, mostly things for my emotional center, then motoric, then intellect.

3. Are you brave or 'chicken' in your life?

For some things I think I'm quite brave, for others more of a 'chicken'. It's probably the same for everybody else, I guess.

4. How good you are in expressing emotions?

Not very good.

 

[Anamarija]

Dear Persej,
did you read book "Emotional Intelligence" from Daniel Goleman? It is on the recommended list of books even it is on section 'optional'.

"Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ is a book by psychologist Daniel Goleman, first published in 1995. It is the precursor to the author's 2006 book Social Intelligence and conveys the "big picture" of the importance of emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (or E.I.) is a term used to describe the ability or a skill of a person to recognize their own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. In this book, Goleman developed an argument that emotional intelligence, or non-cognitive skills, is as important as I.Q. for success, including in academic, professional, social, and interpersonal aspects of one's life."

I think, from my humble opinion that is totally logical and normal that now you seek for studying your emotions. You are very smart and educated guy which indicates that you spend most of your years to achieve and develop that area in your life. Personally, I have develop (to the point where I'm now) more emotional area then intellectual, mostly because I was interested in it. Also, most of my relationships help me to learn so much about my self and others. I'm very thankful every person in my life because of that.

Maybe, this is the good time for you to explore your emotional part.

 

[Persej]

Dear Persej,
did you read book "Emotional Intelligence" from Daniel Goleman? It is on the recommended list of books even it is on section 'optional'.

No, but he sounds like an interesting author. Luckily, his books are translated to my language. :)

I think, from my humble opinion that is totally logical and normal that now you seek for studying your emotions. You are very smart and educated guy which indicates that you spend most of your years to achieve and develop that area in your life.

I worked on developing that which I could. You don't develop that to which you don't have access to.

Personally, I have develop (to the point where I'm now) more emotional area then intellectual, mostly because I was interested in it. Also, most of my relationships help me to learn so much about my self and others. I'm very thankful every person in my life because of that.

Maybe, this is the good time for you to explore your emotional part.

Maybe. I have the desire to explore that part of me (I love psychology in general), but the problem is that I have the feeling that some forces also have the desire to stop me in doing that.

But who knows why is that good, maybe that also helps me to not be unidimensional. Maybe the study of (official) psychology, too early in my life, would have closed me for other things. Personally, I'm getting to like this jumping from micro to macro world. It helps you to learn many different things.