How do you deal with anger?

[Joe]

Thanks for all the helpful resources, Chu. The section on shame really resonates for me.

Congratulations on your progress, DreamGod. I'm sure your wife is proud of you. What are the AMSR videos you found helpful? Do you have a link for them?

I think AMSR is Autonomous sensory meridian response:

"ASMR" is a neologism for a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or cognitive stimuli. The nature and classification of the ASMR phenomenon is controversial,[1] with strong anecdotal evidence to support the phenomenon but little or no scientific explanation or verified data.

Here's one video that appears to be very popular

_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVpfHgC3ye0

 

[Alana]

Kisito, I still have a hard time understanding what you are trying to say. Since language is a barrier, can you write it in a couple of sentences in simple words? Regarding this part where you wrote

For me the emotions control us and transform us into robots. The emotions it is dictated to the ego and imprisonment of our mind. Anger is the struggle between our mind and ego.

I think I understand what you are trying to say, though I am not sure I agree with you. Are you familiar with Gurdjieff's "hackney carriage" analogy?

In it the horses are our emotions as you will see, and it is on the horses that I'll focus for now. It is possible to kill the horses (suppress and deny till the day we die our emotions, many people "live" this way) but then, the carriage, driver, master, go nowhere! It is true that in ordinary life our emotions control us and that being controlled by them turn us into robots, but suppressing and denying them can turn us equally into robots. Now the good thing is that those are not the only options available! We have the ability to chose to learn how to control our emotions, and guide them to where we want to go in the journey of inner/outer life. Chu's post here is a good example of ways that we can use to learn to control our emotions/horses.

And I don't understand the idea about anger being the struggle between mind and ego. Again, it might be the language issue, so it will help understand each other if you try to be short and simple in your explanation.

 

[Kisito]

Kisito, I still have a hard time understanding what you are trying to say. Since language is a barrier, can you write it in a couple of sentences in simple words? Regarding this part where you wrote

For me the emotions control us and transform us into robots. The emotions it is dictated to the ego and imprisonment of our mind. Anger is the struggle between our mind and ego.

I think I understand what you are trying to say, though I am not sure I agree with you. Are you familiar with Gurdjieff's "hackney carriage" analogy?

In it the horses are our emotions as you will see, and it is on the horses that I'll focus for now. It is possible to kill the horses (suppress and deny till the day we die our emotions, many people "live" this way) but then, the carriage, driver, master, go nowhere! It is true that in ordinary life our emotions control us and that being controlled by them turn us into robots, but suppressing and denying them can turn us equally into robots. Now the good thing is that those are not the only options available! We have the ability to chose to learn how to control our emotions, and guide them to where we want to go in the journey of inner/outer life. Chu's post here is a good example of ways that we can use to learn to control our emotions/horses.

And I don't understand the idea about anger being the struggle between mind and ego. Again, it might be the language issue, so it will help understand each other if you try to be short and simple in your explanation.

Alana thank you for making the effort to understand me. I will make the effort to explain. I am a French copy below.
Yes I know the beautiful analogy of Gurdjieff.

Ok take the example of horses. We can assume that horses are an energy force. Horses die and the driver / driver can not move forward.
In "reality" emotions do not die, they transfer (transform).
"Nothing is created, nothing is lost, everything is transformed (transfers)."

What I am trying to explain is that there are two paths of transformation for our emotions.
1. emotions (horses) we are stolen by predators (psychopaths, PO, 4D STS).
2.The emotions must integrate the human soul (driver).

I don't say that we should kill the emotions, but convert the emotion, to change our karma.
I think this is part of the work Chu explained.

That's how I say that emotions help us and paralyze us.
But to grow this support, we must integrate emotions (horse power) in our soul. But emotions are the horse is not our soul. Horses or energy that is divorced from our soul is unstable, is not ours. Like our genetic and biological body does not belong to us. Our job is to integrate energy (emotion) in our soul.
To continue with the horses, it is true that the driver / driver controls the cab. But what emotion is horses? Do we drive F1 cars? Do we drive spaceships? And what would we do if we woke up in that spacecraft is controlled by other entities?

It seems to me that emotions are many, they are not just horses. This analogy of the cab is a representation of the 19th century. Today instead of the cab, we could take the analogy of a quantum force. What I am trying to say is that to control the hate, the passion of love, depression or fanaticism, it is very difficult. It is they who control us. These strong emotions are experiences. Controlled the cab is like controlling his shyness. Controlled sexuality, depression and fanaticism, it is like a quantum control vessel. It is in this way that I say that the high emotions robotisent us.

So for me, to be master of yourself, and control emotions, do not go into the high emotions. Must be converted as soon as possible, the emotion towards our soul. We must not let it grow emotion.
I explained that the emotion was created by two opposing beliefs. An old information (belief) and a new belief in opposition. This meeting creates emotion.

So if I start from this axiom, not to be caught in the torment of emotions, do believe in anything. Take each thing as information. Begin to not underestimate or overestimate. This prevents the ego and emotions to develop.

That's what I try to do, but alas emotions in the past have created, they are more difficult to convert. Even more difficult to convert, are the emotions of past lives.

This is what I say, what I think I know, not what I believe ...

I hope this was clearer :).

French

Merci Alana de faire l'effort de me comprendre. Je vais faire l'effort de m'expliquer. Je fais une copie en français ci-dessous.
Oui je connais la très jolie analogie de Gurdjieff.

Ok prenons l'exemple des chevaux. Nous pouvons supposer que les chevaux sont une force d'énergie. Les chevaux meurent et le cocher /conducteur ne peut plus avancer.
Dans la « réalité » les émotions ne meurent pas, elles se transfèrent (transforment).
« Rien ne se créer, rien ne se perd, tout se transforme (transfère) ».

Ce que j'essaye d'expliquer, c'est qu'il y a deux chemins de transformation pour notre émotions.
1. Les émotions (chevaux) nous sont subtilisées par des prédateurs (psychopathes, P.O, 4D STS).
2. Les émotions intègrent l'être humain (cocher/conducteur/âme).

Je ne dit pas qu'il faille tuer les émotions, mais les convertir, pour faire évoluer notre karma.
Je pense que cela fait parti du travail que Chu a exposé.

C'est pour cette façon que je dis que les émotions nous aident et nous paralysent.
Mais pour faire fructifier cette aide, il faut intégrer les émotions (énergie des chevaux) dans notre âme (esprit). Mais les émotions ne sont pas notre âme. Les chevaux ou toute énergie qui est dissociée de notre esprit est instable, et ne nous appartient pas. Tout comme nos corps génétique et biologique ne nous appartiennent pas. Notre travail est d'intégrer l'énergie (émotion) en notre âme.
Pour continuer avec les chevaux, il est vrai que le cocher/conducteur, contrôle le fiacre. Mais quel type d'émotion représente les chevaux ? Savons nous conduire des voitures de F1 ? Savons nous conduire des vaisseaux spatiaux ? Et que ferions-nous, si on se réveillait dans engin spatial qui est commandé (télécommandé / auto-commandé) par d'autres entités ?

Il me semble que les émotions sont multiples, elles ne sont pas simplement des chevaux. Cette analogie du fiacre est une représentation du 19 ème siècle. Aujourd'hui à la place du fiacre, on pourrait prendre l'analogie d'une force quantique. Ce que j'essaye de dire, c'est que pour contrôler la haine, la passion amoureuse, la déprime ou le fanatisme, c'est très difficile. Ce sont elles qui nous contrôlent. Ces fortes émotions sont des expériences. Contrôler le fiacre, c'est comme contrôler sa timidité. Contrôler la sexualité, la déprime et le fanatisme, c'est comme contrôler un vaisseau quantique. C'est de cette façon que je dis que les hautes émotions nous robotisent.

Ainsi pour ma part, pour être maître de sois-même, et de contrôler ses émotions, il ne faut pas aller dans les hautes émotions. Il faut convertir le plus tôt possible, l'émotion vers notre âme. Il ne faut pas laisser grandir l'émotion.
J'ai expliqué que l'émotion était crée par deux croyances opposées. Une information ancienne (croyance) et une nouvelle croyance en opposition. Cette rencontre crée l'émotion.

Ainsi, si je pars de cette axiome, pour ne pas être pris dans les tourments des émotions, il ne faut croire en rien. Prendre chaque chose comme des informations. Commencer à ne pas se sous-estimer, ni se surestimer. Cela empêche l'ego et les émotions de se développer.

C'est ce que j'essaye de faire, mais hélas des émotions dans le passé se sont crées, elles sont plus difficiles à convertir. Encore plus difficile à convertir, sont les émotions des vies passées.

Cela est ce que je dis, de ce que je pense savoir, et non de ce que je crois...

J'espère que cela était plus clair:)

 

[Anamarija]

Yesterday when I saw this post started to write momentarily how I overcomed this problem. I really think that to be angry is kind of boring. Over and over the same feeling, seperate me from people I love. And always end in the same way, if you really love and care for someone you can overcome most of the problems, bad words or actions but if you with someone that you not sure what are you feeling there is always reason to fight and separate.

So, I decide that I will observe my self yesterday to check out how much anger I still have in my system. Oh boy, I was cooking, playing, reading, bla, bla, but every couple of minutes I felt anger because someone in my household did something or said, didn't react the way "he should". But I realized that most of my anger comes from my feeling that I couldn't change much, that I'm helpless. Working on my last job with vampires trigger some really nasty programs.

But, I must admit, before I had little trigger. Some things in life makes me really mad, like very men's with chauvinist attitude against women. Or if someone is silent when I'm yealing, oh, that is like he hurt me and then don't want to recognize and accept that he hurt me. Once I was eating a pancakes and someone really make me mad and then stop talking. I take the pancake, throw on the flow and when this person didn't react on that I take the pancake from the floor and throw on the floor for second time. Pretty silly!
When I lived with my father I was angry all the time, so I become bored with that. So I let my self to be angry to see what is happening. I remember how I was mad at my father and I was yealing, he didn't look at me, just watching television like nothing is happening. In one moment I was so mad that my saliva came on my mouth and then my father take a look at me. In that moment I have realize that I have saliva and we look it each other and start to laugh. I said:"Can you believe dad that I was so yealing at you that saliva come on my mouth?!!" And we laugh a lot and make peace obviously, no point to be angry if you laughing ;).

Now, like I conclude from yesterday, I'm angry lot of times of some stupid things if someone leaves the hair on toilet or do something that shows that he is really unconscious. If I don't see that someone can change or doesn't want what I have asked him to do sometime helps persuasion that he doesn't have to do nice thing towards me or that is his choice but when I'm low on my energy I become very irritated.

Obviously I have lot the work to do.

 

[Chu]

Here's another one that some of you may like, based on posts in this thread:

Layers and Layers of Denial of Anger

Why are people so unlikely to know and act on their own problems? To get to the root of denial and resistance, we must look at fear. Resistance is about fear of change, fear of failure and fear of success. In any event, the biggest "F Word" of all is FEAR! Fear of the unknown is pretty spooky stuff. It manifests as the belief of "The rut I am in is more comfortable than the rut I might jump into next. It is accompanied with the fear of knowing what is dark and rank about me."

Resistance often uses the defense of denial with accompanying beliefs to accomplish the task of keeping things hidden away under wraps. Denial and resistance are multifaceted and may move back and forth as belief systems shift to protect the fragile state of the self. The refusal to know the truth about ones self functions in a person's life to keep the person's shame balloon from being punctured.

People never cease to amaze me. Over the years I've puzzled over why with all the good information we have more people don't live lives that are mentally healthy. More specific, why people don't address their anger problems when it so obvious that it is in their best interests to do so. To decrease my confusion, I've become a life long student about the problem of resistance. The story I heard years ago that helped the most was about staying in the status quo.

There is a lovely story going around about George, an ogre who was caught in a rut. No ordinary rut this. It was lined with prickly pear cactus and filled with cow dung. But George didn't see that he was in a rut. It looked just like any other place to him although he was pretty miserable sitting there. Of course he did holler and scream a lot and cuss others out.

Yet it was familiar so he didn't worry about his anger and his assigned place in life. He didn't get it that there might be a better way to live. As the saying goes, "It is important not to mistake the edge of a rut for a horizon.'

His friend, Albert came by, scoped the situation out and tried to help. He stretched his front leg down to the George to try to pull him out. George lost his temper and hollered at Albert. He shook his head and said. " You are doing it all wrong. How many times do I have to tell you? I don't have a problem."

Albert tried again. He extended his hind leg down. George just yelled and screamed and blamed Albert. "I still can't reach you. You stupid nitwit. It is too hard. Why don't you jump down here and I'll climb on your back and jump out?"

"Well, I may be co-dependent, but I'm not stupid!" said the Albert and he went merrily on his way.

Suddenly Albert heard "Hey, wait a minute," behind him. He turned around and there hopping furiously was George. "What happened? Albert said. "How did you get out? I thought you liked it where you were in cow dung city."

George replied, "Well, it was pretty familiar. But then there I was feeling sorry for myself and all of a sudden I heard a truck coming!"

Life sometimes imitates this story. Some ruts are sticky, smelly and stinky but people continue to stay in them. Sometimes it does take a big truck a coming, for a person to change. Then, hopefully he can find an emotional process that helps him see himself differently so that he can jump out of his rut! Some ruts are pretty deep. And they can be comfortable places, even more so than looking at the possibility of what made caused the getting in the rut in the first place.

Resistance and Staying In Ruts

So what is resistance? The famous psychologist Rollo May said, "Therapists best aid their patients by evoking their resistances." Resistance keeps the person from knowing their pain. Some therapists feel impatient when it comes up in therapy. Resistance is" I am afraid to try. I am frightened to know that I am angry because it is so bad and dark. I must protect myself from knowing about the deepest hidden part of me." As Pogo said, "We have met the enemy and he is us." In truth, the more we allow clients and ourselves to discover the enemy which is fear and the related behavior of the resistance and denial, the better mental health we can help others achieve.

Most resistant people avoid psychotherapy like the plague. However, a few do come for help with the hidden agenda of "Help me/ don't help me." Resistant people who present themselves for therapy yet dodge the help offered are no more worse off than other people. They may just have deeper shame about not measuring up to what they think they should be. And deeper terror of what they might find out. Yet their pain is so great that they do come to the sessions, at least part of the time. The dance of resistant clients is "I want to get better but I'm afraid to know...." Some part of the person wants the help but their other parts that are in charge are frightened to look at the deep shame about their anger, which hides inside.

Resistance is about shame and not wanting to be exposed. The balloon of shame inside is like a big lead ball, an ogre, which cannot even, be known about. Yet it does have purpose. Virginia Satir often said, "All behavior has purpose." What are some of the payoffs for remaining stuck in the rut of not knowing about the pain? Welt and Herron give some ideas about typical reasons for resistance.

l. Resistance due to ignorant bliss, which actually hurts a lot. (Huh? There is no problem here. I had a happy childhood. No matter that my life is continually in ruins.)

2. Resistance due to secondary gains (I'll have to stop doing something that gives me what I want or helps me avoid something I don't want to do.)

3. Resistance because acting out the undesired symptom is safer than remembering upsetting events. (I'll keep running my symptom so fast that I won't have time to remember why I feel bad.)

4. Resistance due to feeling guilty and the need to be punished. (I need to keep on punishing myself because at a deep level, I know I'm bad. I don't deserve to feel better.)

5. Grandiose resistance to allowing someone else to help. (I don't need to be in therapy. I can work it out myself.)

To get to the root of resistance, we must look at fear. Resistance is about fear of change, fear of failure and fear of success. In any event, the biggest "F Word" of all is FEAR! Fear of the unknown is pretty spooky stuff. It manifests as the belief of "The rut I am in is more comfortable than the rut I might jump into next if I know what is dark and rank about me." Resistance often uses the defense of denial with accompanying beliefs to accomplish the task of keeping things hidden away under wraps.

I learned the most about the refusal to know about the destructive elements of one's self years ago in a workshop by Psychologist, Ken Moses. Denial is not a single concept; it is multifaceted and may move back and forth as belief systems shift to protect the fragile state of the self. Resistance and the refusal to know about one's anger functions in a person's life to keep the person's shame balloon from being punctured.

Layers of Knowing -- The Interplay Between the Shameful Reality and Soothing Denial

1. Denial of the Facts

I do not have a problem. I AM NOT ANGRY.

Don't tell me about.... I don't want to hear about this. NO PROBLEM!

I AM NOT YELLING!!!!!


2. Denial of the Significance of the Facts

So I yell a lot. The situation is not bad enough to warrant my making any changes.

Yes, I've got a temper but it's not important. My getting mad doesn't mean anything.

My anger does not hurt my kids or my spouse.

I've never hit anyone. My temper doesn't matter as long as I don't hit anyone.


3. Denial of Emotions Of the Importance of the Facts

Yes, I know it is important but I just don't feel anything.

I'm immobilized. I can't seem to deal with this. It is hopeless. Why try to change it?


4. Denial Regarding Public Knowledge

This is too terrible. I can't let anyone know. I know it but the shame is so great.

I can't admit my anger to anyone else. I can't get help. I'm too embarrassed.


5. Denial of the Duration of the Problem

My anger is temporary.

I'll get better soon on my own.

Even thought I'm xxx years old and haven't figured it out yet, I'll do better.


6. Denial Due to Omnipotent Beliefs (I am God and I can make my anger go away)

I can work it out myself. I don't need help from anyone.

I'll try harder and I won't be angry anymore. I can change.

Don't tell me I need to get an anger coach or therapist.

I don't need help with this; I can take care of this myself.


7. Denial Due to Lack of Personal Resources Necessary for Change

Yes, there's a significant problem. I'm angry about it, but I can't pay the price for change.

I can't change how I am. I am helpless in changing how I feel.

I'm an angry person. I can't change it.

Get used to it. I don't have the ability to change.


8. Denial Due to Not Wanting to Give Up Control

I'm right when I get angry. Why should I change?

If I stop getting angry, I won't get what I want.

It is okay for me to tell others what to do. And it is okay to get mad if they don't do it.


9. Denial Due to Blaming Someone Else

Well, it is her fault. If she didn't go xxxx, I wouldn't get angry.

I'm mad because he/she did xxxx.

If he/she/they would change, I would not be so angry.

Being Human We Are, After All, Sometimes Irrational People

One of my favorite teaching tools is a monkey with a bottle stuck on its hand sitting on a chair in my office. Of course everyone wonders about it asking why the monkey has e a bottle on its hand. It is the old monkey trap story of how hunters in Africa trapped monkeys by putting bananas in a bottle. The money keeps his hand doubled up in the bottle holding on to the banana. Because he refuses to open his hand and let go, he can't go get the good stuff out there like bananas.

We all have stuff we are holding onto that keeps us from getting the bananas and making us happy. So I ask, "And what are you holding on to today to prevent your happiness?" If it is anger, then you are sure to have an unhappy life.

Ah, denial and resistance, lovely coping mechanisms to avoid change! But remember the old saying, "What you resist, persists!" Or the bumper sticker, which says, "If you keep on doing the same old thing, you will end up with the same old stuff!" Much better to put the bumper sticker, "Shift Happens" on your personal vehicle.

Resistance as Friend

But wait! Modern psychology says that here is a silver lining behind those dark clouds of resistance. Resistance can be seen as the avenue for learning! Virginia Satir called symptoms "the access to the reframing of the disorder." Resistance is classified by therapists Welt and Herron as ".... the obstacle, symbol, vehicle for change, and indispensable tool to move the therapy forward." Exploration of the resistance becomes a goal in itself for understanding the deeper hidden agendas of the psyche.

Denial is to be examined to find the truth behind it. Resistance is to be explored, not dodged if a person want to feel better about them self. Even Freud called resistance a handy tool to the unconscious mind to allow learning about the patient's inner life.

No easy task, especially if several of the above stated reasons for avoiding looking at resistance are operating in a life, but there it is folks. Anger can be transformed into assertiveness and learning to see things from the other person's point of view. In understanding resistance in looking at one's faults and character flaws, we can learn how to mine the gold hidden in all the rubbish!

We Are As Healthy As We Are Ready To Take Responsibility For Our Own Thoughts And Behaviors!

 

[Chu]

And:

http://www.angriesout.com/grown1.htm
Who Is The Only Person In the World Who Can Make You Angry?
There Is Only One Person On The Face Of This Earth That Has The Power To Make You Angry. That Person Is Yourself!

If the same mean thing happened to ten people, they all would react differently. Some of the ten people would get mad, some would get afraid, some would feel sad and some would blow it off.

What makes the difference? Why do different people react differently to the same event?

The difference is the personal history of the person and how they have learned to deal with threat, stressors or loss. As the early philosophers said, It s not what happens to you, but how you deal with it that counts.

Anger is one emotion that people use to respond to threat, stressors or loss. It can be a real threat, stressor or loss or one that we make up in our mind. To be human is to be angry some of the time. It is important not to make anger bad. Anger like a hammer can be a tool for destruction or to build something. Anger is a necessary part of being a human being. It has helped us survive as a species.


It Is What We Do With Our Anger That Is Important.

We can use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them.
We can turn it inward and beat ourselves up.
We can use it to speak out with firmness increase our self esteem.
We can use it to correct a situation that is wrong.

All great social movements had their beginning in someone feeling angry. Anger is a powerful tool for social change on a personal and societal level. We can use our anger as a tool for change. When we use anger in a positive way, self esteem increases.

Anger is a coping mechanism for dealing with some event that threatens our body, property, self esteem, values of what we hold near and dear or when we don t get our way.

So you are the only one who can make yourself angry. You choose how you respond to events that upset you. What you think about the event can determine whether you become angry or not. Your thoughts and beliefs can make you angry. Your negative self talk helps you hold onto your anger. Your positive self talk can talk your own anger down.


The Formula Is As Easy As A B C.



A B C

The Event ---> Thoughts of the Event ---> Consequent Emotion
The Meaning You Gave What Happened
Your Beliefs Based on Your Past History
Your Self Talk--Hot Thoughts or Cool Down

Your Key to Anger Control

Recognize:
Thoughts = anger

Accept:
You control the thinking

Choose:
To pause and cool down
To take down your inflammatory hot thoughts
To breathe deeply and be in control of the situation
To choose a higher level of anger response

Monitor:
Your level of arousal
Other emotions that accompany or substitute for anger
What you tell yourself to keep yourself caught in anger

Learn:
About how you react to when there are...
Stressors to your body
Risks to your property
Threats to your self esteem (Being discounted, put down, teased, rumors spread about you, things not going the way you think they should etc.)
Your values, what is important being trashed

So watch your thoughts. Learn what angers you. What do you tell yourself to make yourself angry? What do you say to keep yourself angry? You turn your anger up or down by your thoughts. What calming statements do you say to let go of inflaming thoughts? Make a list of your calming thoughts and carry them with you.


It's All In Your Thoughts.

The Only Person Who Can Make You Angry Is Yourself!

And Likewise, You Are the Only Person Who Can Create Peace of Mind!

It is OK to feel angry. It is not OK to hurt yourself or others with your anger.

You can learn to separate the Big Deals from the Little Deals.

Learn to contain your unnecessary anger. Let the small stuff go.

Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.

Understand your anger and use it in ways that are helpful to you and others.

You don t have to hold onto your anger. You can learn ways to let it go.

Change Your Angry Thoughts and You Change Your Life!

Make your life a study of yourself and learn to release negativity that does not fit who you are or who you want to be. Our ideas on this web page can help you learn to empower yourself and release unnecessary anger.

Take Notes! This is Your Life We Are Talking About!
Your Learning To Balance Your Negative Emotions
Leads To A Happier, More Productive Life!

 

[casper]

Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.

Sometimes what is safe for one person, it is not safe for the other.

 

[Ðekel]

Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.

Sometimes what is safe for one person, it is not safe for the other.

I'm pretty sure Chu means a safe way for you AND others..

For instance, if your physical state allows it you can do exercise; Channeling anger and releasing it via walking, hitting a punching bag, biking or running if you've got the knees for it. Climbing, Bouncing on a trampoline etc'..

Probably pretty safe for everyone, no ?

 

[Chu]

Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.

Sometimes what is safe for one person, it is not safe for the other.

I'm pretty sure Chu means a safe way for you AND others..

For instance, if your physical state allows it you can do exercise; Channeling anger and releasing it via walking, hitting a punching bag, biking or running if you've got the knees for it. Climbing, Bouncing on a trampoline etc'..

Probably pretty safe for everyone, no ?

Yes. It was in the quote, but I think that's what it means. Also, venting in a safe way, like the examples given in the thread about Splitting, that was quoted twice here. If you haven't read it yet, casper, I recommend it. Lots of good tips there too.

 

[casper]

Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.

Sometimes what is safe for one person, it is not safe for the other.

I'm pretty sure Chu means a safe way for you AND others..

For instance, if your physical state allows it you can do exercise; Channeling anger and releasing it via walking, hitting a punching bag, biking or running if you've got the knees for it. Climbing, Bouncing on a trampoline etc'..

Probably pretty safe for everyone, no ?

Of course, I just wanted to clarify things, but often the person who is angry is not aware of what kind of a physical state thay are :(

 

[DreamGod]

Thanks for all the helpful resources, Chu. The section on shame really resonates for me.

Congratulations on your progress, DreamGod. I'm sure your wife is proud of you. What are the AMSR videos you found helpful? Do you have a link for them?

I think AMSR is Autonomous sensory meridian response:

"ASMR" is a neologism for a perceptual phenomenon characterized as a distinct, pleasurable tingling sensation in the head, scalp, back, or peripheral regions of the body in response to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, or cognitive stimuli. The nature and classification of the ASMR phenomenon is controversial,[1] with strong anecdotal evidence to support the phenomenon but little or no scientific explanation or verified data.

Here's one video that appears to be very popular

_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVpfHgC3ye0

Thanks for the link, that clarify the concept of ASMR, the thing that not everybody have this experience made me think about the reason of this, I really would like to know what the C´s can say about this.

:D

 

[Al Today]

How do I deal with anger? Not as well as I want. If I can retain composure, my major ONE(1) rule of thumb is to THINK... Think before I speak, dammit. Becoming aware of where the attack is coming from. The purpose of the attack. Understanding the whys and hows. And most of all, retaining composure and not shooting off the loose cannon (my mouth).

When ever and every time I allow my emotions to rule, I do lose the battle. Mostly with myself.

Anger seems to come from a multitude of sources. I can pretty much control anger that is pointed towards the world outside of this vehicle of flesh, water and bones that I (somewhere in there), somewhere that I inhabit... The battle I speak of is the anger that comes from being scratched. Those little "i's" that reside within. Those other inhabitants within that seem to be the hardest to control. I must remember to think before speaking. No matter who the opponent is, the battle is with me, myself...

 

[lilyalic]

Thank you for posting this Chu, it is very helpful.

How do I deal with anger? Not as well as I want. If I can retain composure, my major ONE(1) rule of thumb is to THINK... Think before I speak, dammit. Becoming aware of where the attack is coming from. The purpose of the attack. Understanding the whys and hows. And most of all, retaining composure and not shooting off the loose cannon (my mouth).

When ever and every time I allow my emotions to rule, I do lose the battle. Mostly with myself.

Anger seems to come from a multitude of sources. I can pretty much control anger that is pointed towards the world outside of this vehicle of flesh, water and bones that I (somewhere in there), somewhere that I inhabit... The battle I speak of is the anger that comes from being scratched. Those little "i's" that reside within. Those other inhabitants within that seem to be the hardest to control. I must remember to think before speaking. No matter who the opponent is, the battle is with me, myself...

If my emotions overrule every other aspect, the stepping back and observing seems impossible.
I can still hear the thoughts, the thoughts of observation and actually seeing the situation, I can hear them but they are too far behind the emotional out pour. Rather than dealing with the internal conflict, I'll make it an external conflict and it's very difficult to stop that. Anger feels like it's rushing through your body too fast, with all those chemicals pumping around it's difficult to not release them in the way I have for so many years.

I think from reading this thread, the thing that stood out to me most was "The right to be heard" - the things I think I'm entitled to as a person and the shame parts, especially when I've made mistakes and feel wrapped in guilt about them. It's helpful to remember that progression through these things includes those mistakes.

 

[petite femme]

I have had a problem with anger my entire life. My father was and still is a rageaholic. (I think I just made that word up). So, I had a lot of examples of how to rage. My mother, in contrast, is one of the sweetest people on the planet! This taught me that it is a choice, even if it is some nye impossible. I decided at a very young age, to not be like my father. My mother once told me that if I hated my father and his anger, like I said I did, then I should work to not become like him! Which started with realizing that running with the whole "I hate him" rant was a step in the wrong direction. Understanding was key! Understanding my anger, where it comes from and why, was essential. I want to thank Chu for this thread, it is awesome to read through this stuff and see so much that I have learned and applied in my life, on my own!! Feels good, like a second witnessing. I can't be too proud, though, because it was all out of necessity! I did not like myself, I also did not like how I treated the ones that I loved!! It was a humanitarian act, in my eyes, to do something about it!
I have to say, that it wasn't until I came across the material on this site, that I really made progress. Self-Observation, and study and self-remembering were things I had not been able to realize on my own, and have been pivotal!! Understanding my own programs and seeing them in others, having compassion for people around me, recognizing how much of the fault that I see in others I also see in myself! All these things are essential, imo, to making headway with my anger issues! Thanks again, to Chu and everyone that added their own experiences to make this a very helpful thread! I want to check out the link to the "splitting" thread, I think that will be helpful in expanding my self-observation and self-remembering. IMO, those two things are absolutely essential for doing the work on oneself!!!

 

[Kisito]

I do not know if this is correct, but it can evolve our vision of anger. Here's what Barbara Marciniak and Pléadiens say about anger and laughter. Seminar Sedona again and again in 2015 (possibly March). Barbara, I think this is his conference of March 2015: What is the importance of laughter? Pléadiens: Essential for your spiritual advancement. If you can laugh at yourself and your puzzles, it prevents you from getting angry. The antithesis of laughter is the inability to laugh at situations is to feel victims and angry and then move into revenge. Anger is an endless loop that goes nowhere. But people go to him, because there is energy in anger. But laughter is a sweet juice. He never hurt anyone! Cosmic laugh at the irony of things. It is a healing for you. You may laugh in healing. Cancer comes from anger, pollutants, toxins, etc. But none of these poisons can land on you unless there is emotional trauma to shelter. Cancer is a place of anger, "I have been injured," the trauma of betrayal. Everything happens at this level of deep feeling. Sometimes they do not even realize because it is buried. You can fool you, but you can not fool your body !! He always knows how you feel, even when you do not. So laughter is a sign of a high spirit. It heals the body. Help the chakras to open and take the healthy energy.