How do you sleep when you are aware of the horrors of reality?

[FRV]

I've been aware of the horrors of reality since a young age, which is part of the problem. I found out about a lot of this stuff when I was around 12 with no guidance. I had religious parents that thought all this was crazy conspiracies.

I've had insomnia since a young age due to personal trauma THEN finding out about the truth of reality made sleeping even worse.
I've tried mediation, yoga, reading, dancing, talk therapy, somatics etc and have healed a lot of trauma but the lack of proper sleep is so frustrating.
I don't know how to deal with the fact that as I breathe before bed there are literally millions of children, women, and men getting tortured and hurt.
People on the forum how do you not not drown in that? How do I stop it from keeping me up every night?

Some months are better than others but I noticed it flared up intensely lately.

I get such extreme visuals and visceral feelings when the intrusive thoughts about others being harmed so deeply that it takes so much regulation and it's negatively affecting my life. I'm struggling to eat, sleep, and have sex- literally the most basic human functions. The trick my brain does is it tells me if I don't think about it all the time, I'm not aware enough, that to be joyful is selfish because of the collective suffering. Any suggestions or guidance is greatly appreciated.

I want to get to the point where my cognitive abilities are thriving so I can participate on the forum without it always being about me personally, but I know my brain is not working right with all this stress and no sleep. I don't want to be ignorant of reality but my psyche literally cannot handle thinking about the horrors 24/7 and somehow yet seems addicted to it, if that makes any sense.

There is so much good advice on here and yet it feels like nothing is working. How do I get my brain to stop obsessing about the darkness? I know light and good exist, I know you have to face the darkness and not ignore it yet I feel like I'm a steak marinating in it

I'll continue to cultivate inner light

Here is what I'm doing to help me sleep
Less cards, more protein & fats
Reduce caffeine again
Increase exercise
Increase mediation and breathing practices
Somatic Releases
Vitamins

 

[Ina]

Drowsy allergy tablets help but I usually tell myself, now I seep, and I'm gone in 60 seconds.

 

[bozadi]

Is melatonin included in your list of "vitamins", even if it's not one? Maybe you should try it.

I suffer similar problems as yours. I mean the "terror of the situation" and the mental problems that result, including sleep disorders.

Taking "the world" as the sole and eternal stage of existence, yes, it seems almost impossible to keep sane. But this turns out to be "3D thinking", which needs to be overcome, as per the C's. We're not only 3D. We have a part that always remains in 5D, a higher self in 6D, and the root or core being in 7D. Remember or check near-death experience accounts. Remember the Ra-Cassiopaean cosmology.

The astonishment of "how can one be positive or optimistic while witnessing the endless tortures in the world?" is probably not as valid as the astonishment of "how can one be negative while assuming the utter oneness, love, balance, beauty, etc. of eternal being/existence?"

We know that the situation with the world/humanity is not new. It has a history. It's about corruption. It's a disease. We have been witnessing a severe disease for thousands of years. It's so natural in terms of cause and effect. Apparently we're very close to the crossroads now. Some will heal themselves with the opportunities of the rising transformational process, but probably not a majority of people. It's free will.

We as individuals and/or groups are responsible for healing our own disease (of consciousness) first. To the extent we are healed, we will be in better position to help willing others.

 

[Ca.]

I don't know how to deal with the fact that as I breathe before bed there are literally millions of children, women, and men getting tortured and hurt.
People on the forum how do you not not drown in that? How do I stop it from keeping me up every night?

We incarnated into a feeding density that relishes the activity you speak of.

Empathy is healthy, but worrying about something you can't control may be causing you sleepless nights.

It may be better to meditate on your anguish and find a balance while being careful of Canadian news, which is toxic, like MSN in the USA.

 

[axj]

The trick my brain does is it tells me if I don't think about it all the time, I'm not aware enough, that to be joyful is selfish because of the collective suffering.

I think finding a way to let go of this limiting belief or program may be central and it is good that you are already aware of it. Applying logic to it may help, eg. "being aware enough" is first and foremost about yourself, being present in the moment, aware of your feelings, etc. Focusing too much on the outside and too little on the inside is actually detrimental to the Work and raising of one's FRV.

The other thing is that focusing solely on negativity is much less helpful than being on center (connected to your core) and taking a stoic stance on anything that comes your way. Staying on center and connected no matter what happens.

To raise the FRV we do need to experience the love and joy inside. And we all deserve it since it is a part of our true nature.

 

[Ricardo]

The trick my brain does is it tells me if I don't think about it all the time, I'm not aware enough, that to be joyful is selfish because of the collective suffering.

You are not your brain , and as how you write about it ... reminds me of the tradition's words , on people speaking of their soul... if you found yourself on this forum you should know you don't have a soul ,you are one . Meditation helps as per @Ca. great advise , there's also more explicitly physical exercises that can also help like qi gong , and EE breathing , possibly a more adequate diet as well ( likely something along a paleo diet ) my 2x cents .

 

[Evan]

I’ve suffered from insomnia for years. I simply don’t sleep when left to myself. Believe me, I’ve tried everything. Meditation, breathing, frequency recordings with little soft headphones in absolute darkness…I simply will lie there awake for weeks. Not because of anxiety, or a mind that won’t quiet. I just pass out, have a crazy dream, and wake up 50 minutes later, then repeat.

So how DO I sleep? Well, I have 13 spinal fusions, and compressed lumbar nerves, so my pain management doctor gives me Tizanidine for nerve pain. That stuff makes me drowsy. I also have sleep apnea for which I wear a BiPap mask. I tell my pulmonologist that I can’t sleep with that thing on my face, so he gives me Ambien.

So Tizanidine to make me drowsy, and Ambien to keep me down for the full 8 hours. I don’t recommend it, but that’s how I do it. Sorry, I know that’s not helpful. But after Ina’s post made me chuckle, I had to share.

 

[Ricardo]

( @Evan chiropractic medicine ? electro-acupuncture ? reiki ? just throwing it out in case it can help /you haven't tried )

 

[Evan]

( @Evan chiropractic medicine ? electro-acupuncture ? reiki ? just throwing it out in case it can help /you haven't tried )

I appreciate the suggestions, but yeah, tried them all. Needles, machines, rocks, holistic healing, sounds, scents, sensory deprivation. The biggest problem is pain. Pain keeps me awake, and pain meds act like stimulants to my system. Shoot me full of ketamine and I’ll start doing word puzzles. It’s really strange. Basically giving me anything that is supposed to be relaxing or a sedative and I start reorganizing the kitchen cupboards and sorting my winter clothes…again.

But really, my case belongs in an insomnia thread, not this one. I apologize for the off topic.

 

[lilyalic]

I have similar thoughts to yourself sometimes, and have done obsessively in the past.
One thing I've been working on, definitely since becoming a Mum, is the idea of making peace with things we cannot change.

I used to spend days very upset over seeing/ reading stuff about animal abuse specifically. Then with more knowledge about the world, I'd get obsessive and upset over everything else. I think when I was going through huge changes, that was the peak of being in the darkness of it all.

In reality, it is really dark and really horrible, there are really evil things out there. But we can choose to have hope, to work on the reality we want, to bring light where there is darkness where we are able. There's no Yan without ying, there has to be a balance. How would this all be one huge school and all lessons, without the suffering part? It's just not possible here.

I'm not sure if it's just self sabotage before falling asleep or the increase in melatonin/ emotional processing that causes my mind to think much darker before sleep. My brain will purposefully think of really scary things, or horrible things, or mistakes whatever just before I fall asleep. I choose to try to ignore them, usually recite the prayer of the soul or something like that - do pipe breathing and meditation.

 

[SOTTREADER]

I've been aware of the horrors of reality since a young age, which is part of the problem. I found out about a lot of this stuff when I was around 12 with no guidance. I had religious parents that thought all this was crazy conspiracies.

I've had insomnia since a young age due to personal trauma THEN finding out about the truth of reality made sleeping even worse.
I've tried mediation, yoga, reading, dancing, talk therapy, somatics etc and have healed a lot of trauma but the lack of proper sleep is so frustrating.
I don't know how to deal with the fact that as I breathe before bed there are literally millions of children, women, and men getting tortured and hurt.
People on the forum how do you not not drown in that? How do I stop it from keeping me up every night?

You sleeping or not sleeping doesn't do anything to resolve the suffering of everyone on the planet if that is what your mind is worried about. ;)

I'll repost these podcasts here in case useful to you:

 

[Jenn]

Hang in there FRV. Although everything seems black right now have faith that there is more than that. There's love, beauty, connection, and hope- not for a utopia where no suffering exists, but at least a level playing field!

The trick my brain does is it tells me if I don't think about it all the time, I'm not aware enough, that to be joyful is selfish because of the collective suffering. Any suggestions or guidance is greatly appreciated.

At the end of the day, we are all human and we live in an STS reality so we are inherently selfish (although we're striving to be less so). Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, I think you know it already but this includes the positive and the negative.

There are so many terrible things going on all the time we could torture ourselves every minute of the day, but does it actually change anything? Does it improve our lives or the lives of those around us?

Taken to the extreme, we could go on a hunger strike because people in Gaza are starving but would we be valuing the fortunate position we find ourselves in? How can we be of use to the universe if we don't nourish ourselves? I guess it's one thing to see what is going on around us but it's another thing to bear it, accept it and have some healthy emotional distance from it, especially if one is more susceptible to depression or anxiety.

For a long time I was so angry and upset that the world was so unfair and that there was so much evil. I even had the quote below from Lord of the Rings as my forum signature because it resonated with me at the time:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - J.R.R. Tolkien​

I still have my moments but it became easier with time, experience and faith that things are the way they are for a reason. All I can do is try to be better and do better because it's the right thing to do. I realised the world was never going to be what I thought it should be, who am I to know after all!

I get such extreme visuals and visceral feelings when the intrusive thoughts about others being harmed so deeply that it takes so much regulation and it's negatively affecting my life. I'm struggling to eat, sleep, and have sex- literally the most basic human functions.

While a change of outlook, stress management and lifestyle changes might work wonders, I do wonder if there is some kind of imbalance somewhere which is manifesting as anxiety/ obsessive thinking. Could you get any blood/ hormone tests done to see if there is something else going on?

 

[Alejo]

I still have my moments but it became easier with time, experience and faith that things are the way they are for a reason. All I can do is try to be better and do better because it's the right thing to do. I realised the world was never going to be what I thought it should be, who am I to know after all!

And then there's this other appropriate quote to meditate about

FRODO: I can’t do this, Sam.

SAM: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

FRODO: What are we holding on to, Sam?

SAM: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

And if you can't find the good because the darkness is overwhelming, then ignite the rebel in you and be that good worth protecting.

 

[Alejo]

I get such extreme visuals and visceral feelings when the intrusive thoughts about others being harmed so deeply that it takes so much regulation and it's negatively affecting my life. I'm struggling to eat, sleep, and have sex- literally the most basic human functions. The trick my brain does is it tells me if I don't think about it all the time, I'm not aware enough, that to be joyful is selfish because of the collective suffering. Any suggestions or guidance is greatly appreciated.

I want to get to the point where my cognitive abilities are thriving so I can participate on the forum without it always being about me personally, but I know my brain is not working right with all this stress and no sleep. I don't want to be ignorant of reality but my psyche literally cannot handle thinking about the horrors 24/7 and somehow yet seems addicted to it, if that makes any sense.

I think the language you used is probably very telling, and might hold a clue. Being addicted to something means you're hooked on a sensation produced by consumption, in whatever form it comes.

So, perhaps look at it from a different point of view and ask yourself, what do you get from being hooked on paying attention to it all, all the time? Maybe there's a chemical need for intense experiences because they're more stimulating? maybe there's an ego boost you enjoy? Maybe there's a "morbid" need for darkness consumption? if it's a stimulant, then your brain may be hooked on it as it would be on sugar.

I would suggest to take a break, detox for 48 hours and see how you feel afterwards. I bet you notice some interesting things about yourself.

If you have become adept at discovering darkness, then it means you're just as adept at discovering beauty, make it an exercise, find one beautiful thing a day perhaps, and build up from there. As much darkness as I have found and discovered over the years, I have discovered just as much beauty, so allow that balance to enter the picture, it should allow you to be at peace with it the universe.

Another thing is, sometimes the symptoms (insomnia in this case) shouldn't be studied as why are they wrong, but why are they right? Perhaps what your subconscious is telling you is that by your constant exposure to darkness, you're torturing yourself, and so it's reflecting this back to you. So it tortures you as a way to reflect what you're consciously doing to yourself.

As far as habits, which are probably related, maybe shut off computers and screens for an hour before you go to bed, read some fiction, something romantic perhaps, allow yourself some breathing room. Another really interesting idea is Paradoxical Intent.

I have suffered from insomnia before and do whenever I'm in emotional turmoil and it's awful, but I've noticed that it's my subconscious' way to highlight a habit of mine, sometimes I use busywork to distract myself from painful admissions, and so.. it's as if my mind tells me, "nope.. you're not going to sleep until you take a look at yourself, you could've done it hours ago, but you chose to ignore yourself, and this is the only time when you're out of activities, so it's my turn."

So, what I do with those very vivid images that my mind presents me with, is to finish the story shown. That is, instead of ignoring it or shuttering at it, I watch the images and I ask myself, what would I do if this happened? and finish the horror stories, that has brought me peace before.

My two humble cents.

 

[iamthatis]

While a change of outlook, stress management and lifestyle changes might work wonders, I do wonder if there is some kind of imbalance somewhere which is manifesting as anxiety/ obsessive thinking. Could you get any blood/ hormone tests done to see if there is something else going on?

Yes, +1 to this. When I was having insomnia, I got a lot of blood tests done, and it was helpful. I also was referred to a sleep clinic and sleep doctor, and that was also really very helpful, and gave me good techniques for proper sleep. It's sort of like turning a vicious cycle into a 'virtuous' one.

The Vicious Cycle of Sleep Deprivation and Chronic Conditions: A Closer Look

Sleep deprivation is a pervasive issue in modern society, affecting millions of people worldwide. It’s well-known that a lack of sleep can leave us feeling groggy and irritable, but the impacts run much deeper. Chronic sleep deprivation can have severe consequences on both our brains and bodies...

www.fndhealth.com

One thing about melatonin is that the body may end up using up the substance quickly, all at once, and then when your level drops, you wake up in the middle of the night. Getting the slow-release form of the capsule helps with that. Also FYI can take time to get used to the groggy feeling in the morning.

There are also gentler medicinal herbs that are good for sleep - passionflower, skullcap, valerian, and others. Taking adaptogens before bed can be worthwhile, too - ashwagandha, tulsi, reishi, rhodiola. Burning essential oils can help to change the FRV of the atmosphere in your space - chamomile, lavendar and lemon balm.

@FRV, sorry to hear that the impact is bothering you so. Reviewing threads about battling negative thought loops and toning the vagus nerve to ventral vagal state would help, I think. The pain and horror of the world won't go away, but it does get easier to bear. To do so means taking back sovereignty of our own minds, and our own Being. There are many tools for that:

- standing up inside yourself and saying a firm NO to the mental bombardment aka mental blocking as mentioned as mentioned by Samenow in Inside the Criminal Mind
- doing yoga or Tai Chi, or somatic experiencing techniques, to practice shifting the focus away the mental frame to the physical body in the present moment
- grounding visualizations
- meditation, though of a specific kind... following Laura's example, you can repeat POTS in your head in time with your breath until you fall asleep - I used to try to do it 33 times without getting distracted, picturing the words in golden handwriting in my mind's eye, and started to drift off more easily when I was having insomnia
- doing the IFS meditations
- etc.

So yeah, it may take a whole lot of experimentation to find what works.