How to deal with a psychopath - Act as a "Gray Rock"

[Xico]

Thank you very much M.T.

this a great article that most definitely will use, because I am dealing with more than one Narcissist at work, and it has been a hell of a ride to be working along these people.
Even though I'm not the type of person that will put up a fight, all I have done is stay away from them, it is very difficult to be in this situation, because most of the time, there is the gossip behind my back that I'm a coward for not responding to any of their comments or done anything, there is no help at work, I can't talk to my Boss about these people, because he does not believe me that they are bulling me to some point.
I will start using this Gray Rock method intermediately hopefully this will help stay away from their predatory radar.

Regards.

 

[Arwenn]

This is a great article, thanks for posting it. I have had to learn to do this with my mother. She is co-dependent on my siblings who are both malignant narcissists, so for them it's a win-win relationship. And for so long, I could not understand why mother could not be happy for me. I released that she could not, would not celebrate any of my successes, because she was jealous. I had provoked her envy, and I stood out. Of course I was gonna be the target.

A psychopath is easily bored. He or she needs constant stimulation to ward off boredom. It isn't the type of boredom that normal people experience; it's more like the French word, ennui, which refers to an oppressive boredom or listlessness. Drama is a psychopath's remedy for boredom. For drama, they need an audience and some players. Once the drama begins, they feel complete and alive again. They are empowered when pulling the strings that elicit our emotions. Any kind of emotions will do, as long as it is a response to their actions.

A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control. He needs to know that we are still eager to do his bidding, make him happy and avoid his wrath. He needs to create drama so he can experience the power of manipulating our emotions. As with any addiction, it is exhilarating to the psychopath when he gets his supply of emotional responses. The more times he experiences a reward for his dramatic behavior, the more addicted he becomes. Conversely, when the reward stops coming, he becomes agitated. He experiences oppressive boredom and he will counter it by creating more drama. If we stay the course and show no emotions, the psychopath will eventually decide that his toy is broken. It doesn't squirt emotions when he squeezes it anymore! Most likely, he will slither away to find a new toy.

One example- my mother does not bother to keep in touch with my kids. She does this primarily because she knows it hurts me and them. So while I have spoken to her about it (this was before my knowledge on the predators), & supplied her with an excuse for drama; now when I speak to her, I keep things low key. I never say if they are going well, or if I am doing well, it's always just OK. And it does hurt but at least its a lesson in dealing with a petty tyrant, one who is supposed to give love but instead seeks to drain and hurt.

 

[naorma]

Thank you for posting this!
Very helpful!

:)

 

[Thaigrr]

This is a great article, thanks for posting it. I have had to learn to do this with my mother. She is co-dependent on my siblings who are both malignant narcissists, so for them it's a win-win relationship. And for so long, I could not understand why mother could not be happy for me. I released that she could not, would not celebrate any of my successes, because she was jealous. I had provoked her envy, and I stood out. Of course I was gonna be the target.

A psychopath is easily bored. He or she needs constant stimulation to ward off boredom. It isn't the type of boredom that normal people experience; it's more like the French word, ennui, which refers to an oppressive boredom or listlessness. Drama is a psychopath's remedy for boredom. For drama, they need an audience and some players. Once the drama begins, they feel complete and alive again. They are empowered when pulling the strings that elicit our emotions. Any kind of emotions will do, as long as it is a response to their actions.

A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control. He needs to know that we are still eager to do his bidding, make him happy and avoid his wrath. He needs to create drama so he can experience the power of manipulating our emotions. As with any addiction, it is exhilarating to the psychopath when he gets his supply of emotional responses. The more times he experiences a reward for his dramatic behavior, the more addicted he becomes. Conversely, when the reward stops coming, he becomes agitated. He experiences oppressive boredom and he will counter it by creating more drama. If we stay the course and show no emotions, the psychopath will eventually decide that his toy is broken. It doesn't squirt emotions when he squeezes it anymore! Most likely, he will slither away to find a new toy.

One example- my mother does not bother to keep in touch with my kids. She does this primarily because she knows it hurts me and them. So while I have spoken to her about it (this was before my knowledge on the predators), & supplied her with an excuse for drama; now when I speak to her, I keep things low key. I never say if they are going well, or if I am doing well, it's always just OK. And it does hurt but at least its a lesson in dealing with a petty tyrant, one who is supposed to give love but instead seeks to drain and hurt.

That is off the chart sad, Arwenn, especially so for your kids. Such a tough scenario at any age, I don't know how I would deal with that. You have my sympathies.

 

[Arwenn]

This is a great article, thanks for posting it. I have had to learn to do this with my mother. She is co-dependent on my siblings who are both malignant narcissists, so for them it's a win-win relationship. And for so long, I could not understand why mother could not be happy for me. I released that she could not, would not celebrate any of my successes, because she was jealous. I had provoked her envy, and I stood out. Of course I was gonna be the target.

A psychopath is easily bored. He or she needs constant stimulation to ward off boredom. It isn't the type of boredom that normal people experience; it's more like the French word, ennui, which refers to an oppressive boredom or listlessness. Drama is a psychopath's remedy for boredom. For drama, they need an audience and some players. Once the drama begins, they feel complete and alive again. They are empowered when pulling the strings that elicit our emotions. Any kind of emotions will do, as long as it is a response to their actions.

A psychopath is an addict. He is addicted to power. His power is acquired by gaining access to our emotions. He is keenly aware of this and needs to constantly test to make sure we are still under his control. He needs to know that we are still eager to do his bidding, make him happy and avoid his wrath. He needs to create drama so he can experience the power of manipulating our emotions. As with any addiction, it is exhilarating to the psychopath when he gets his supply of emotional responses. The more times he experiences a reward for his dramatic behavior, the more addicted he becomes. Conversely, when the reward stops coming, he becomes agitated. He experiences oppressive boredom and he will counter it by creating more drama. If we stay the course and show no emotions, the psychopath will eventually decide that his toy is broken. It doesn't squirt emotions when he squeezes it anymore! Most likely, he will slither away to find a new toy.

One example- my mother does not bother to keep in touch with my kids. She does this primarily because she knows it hurts me and them. So while I have spoken to her about it (this was before my knowledge on the predators), & supplied her with an excuse for drama; now when I speak to her, I keep things low key. I never say if they are going well, or if I am doing well, it's always just OK. And it does hurt but at least its a lesson in dealing with a petty tyrant, one who is supposed to give love but instead seeks to drain and hurt.

That is off the chart sad, Arwenn, especially so for your kids. Such a tough scenario at any age, I don't know how I would deal with that. You have my sympathies.

Yes it is so sad. In various other threads, it has been mentioned that sometimes the family we are born is not our spiritual family, and maybe we take 'best fit' options when it comes to re-incarnating. I also remember reading that the more one awakens, the more Agents of the Matrix are inserted into our lives, or become activated. Mum wasn't always like this, she changed after Dad passed. The information above is invaluable in dealing with people who are so self-absorbed and entropic, that they can't/don't/won't care about you no matter how what you do. The best thing that I have learned to do is not react anymore, and feed her the drama she so desperately wants.

 

[PopHistorian]

I thought this was good, and easy to understand and remember. Thanks, MT. Has anyone here actually tried this and seen an effect?

 

[luc]

I thought this was good, and easy to understand and remember. Thanks, MT. Has anyone here actually tried this and seen an effect?

Yes, I have done this on several occasions (especially on business events and the like), and I think it really does work. It's also not easy - pathological people can be very magnetic and I often feel a strong urge to impress them, cater to them etc., which of course is just what narcissists need, one of the ways they 'steal our energy'. But it really is true: when I managed to remember myself and play boring, such types usually turn away. They probably think I'm a lowly idiot (and behave that way), but enduring this is part of the challenge. The good thing is that you avoid becoming a target of their games and preserve your energy, in a spiritual and direct sense - osit.

I think it's even more tricky when dealing with pathology in people close to you (friends, family etc.).

 

[Anamarija]

I thought this was good, and easy to understand and remember. Thanks, MT. Has anyone here actually tried this and seen an effect?

I think it's even more tricky when dealing with pathology in people close to you (friends, family etc.).

You are right luc regarding the close people. I'm using gray rock strategy for a year and my experience is that is very helpfull. Also, give you position to step outside and see the situation from objective point of view. Subjectivity always makes me feel like I'm in the center of situation what is almost always false.

This strategy works also in many occasion, not just with psychopaths, with vampires too (and sometime vampires are people that we love or we have a family connections with them). For example, my father is perfect example how I manage to deal situation where he try to take my energy and trigger some guilty programs. When he calls me and if I don't answer immediately, he calls me on another phone and he don't want to stop till I call him back. If I call him back immediately he accuse me why I don't call him. So, I leave mobile to ring and I call him next day saying some 'white lie' what makes him unpleasantly. He always say that he was scared that something didn't happen to me. Because I now know how he is functioning (it is always the same, like he is a robot), I know what should I say and what shouldn't say. It is easy because I don't live anymore next to him, but I remember that for years I felt like I'm going to go crazy living next to him. Usually I don't like to talk bad about my father because we living in society when people think that we should respect our parents no matter of what, but my father is not good person. Good thing is that his nature gave me a lot of opportunities to learn a lot of human nature.

Also, gray rock strategy helped me a lot previous year on my job. And what Laura published today on Facebook it is very good advice, especially when is related to work: No matter how many times a snake sheds its skin, it will always be a SNAKE. Remember that before allowing people back into your life.

It is not easy to implement 'gray rock' strategy because every new situation requires adjustment but with experience one get confidence in using this method.

 

[PopHistorian]

Thanks very much for the responses, luc and Dakota.

 

[shellycheval]

This method really works--but like it says--if you are with a hardcore psychopath, who you suspect will physically harm or murder you, you must be extremely careful and get outside help--but do so quietly so the psychopath will not be warned. That being said, this method worked well for me as a teenager dealing with my alcoholic bully father. I watched him taunt my sister, who is easily emotionally aroused, and decided that until I was old enough to get out of this family system, I would "lie low" and do everything I could not to give him the satisfaction of an emotional reaction for him to feed on.

In my late forties I came under the charms of a man, who I found out too late, was diagnosed with an anti-personality disorder, and lived with him for ten years as if we were married. By the end he had me supporting him completely and his biggest sport in life was creating drama that would get a reaction from me. Towards the end he became physically abusive (I found out too late that he was once arrested and charged with attempted murder of his former girlfriend) and it took about a year and a half to get him willing to move out without me forcing the issue by calling the law--which would have escalated his abuse towards me. It was a tricky balancing act, but once I remembered how I manipulated my situation with my father in the past, and then one day realized that no matter how good I behaved, this man would find some irrational reason to explode on me and try to intimidate me and get his addictive fix from my emotional energy--then I was able to put on my own mask and act as if nothing mattered to me anymore.

I could go on but you get the picture. This Grey Rock Theory on how to remove yourself from the attention of a predator can be a lifesaver, but like Hindsight Man posted earlier you MUST be believable and:

put on a ''mask'' and feigned absolute indifference.Any and all words that came out of his mouth were reduced to noise and met with apathy not indifferent from his own.Eventually he got bored and let me go to my room and after a little while my mother came in and said ''I'm proud of you''.Many people don't realize just how careful you have to be when using this technique.They read you like a book and you eyes are the windows to your soul,so every action,every word and every look must display the calmness of a quiet pond.One ripple and you're done.Inside I was shaking with fear and anxiety,but I did my best to control my hands,my breath and my voice.I cannot stress enough that you have to emulate the eyes of the predator,for if he sees his own reflection,he will not see prey and will lose interest.So this mask became my barricade between the people of the town (my emotions) and the marauders at the gates (him).

The good news is it also works for lessor bullies and the more petty of tyrants in our lives too. :)
Good luck to all of you who employ the Grey Rock survival strategies.