How to tell the difference between a narcissist and one with high self-esteem

Laura

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Since we frequently encounter people on this forum who really can't handle criticism, I thought this little item was interesting. And, particularly from the Gurdjieffian point of view where he talks about people who "turn against the work." I guess the bottom line is that when you disagree with a person and criticize their position, and they "turn against" you, it's probably a pretty good indicator that they are a real narcissist (and maybe more).

_http://www.spring.org.uk/2017/06/the-one-simple-thing-that-identifies-a-narcissist.php

Criticism makes narcissists aggressive, research finds.

But people with high self-esteem are not particularly bothered by criticism.

This is because, at heart, narcissists often have a strange relationship with their self-esteem, so they hate to be criticised.

Any criticism will usually make them aggressive in response.

Psychologists measured the self-esteem, narcissism and aggressive behaviour of 540 undergraduate students.

They found that the more narcissistic students tended to verbally lash out more when they were criticised.

The study’s authors write:

“Narcissists mainly want to punish or defeat someone who has threatened their highly favorable views of themselves.

People who are preoccupied with validating a grandiose self-image apparently find criticism highly upsetting and lash out against the source of it.”

People who had high self-esteem did not become more aggressive towards those who criticised them.

Narcissists, meanwhile, find the threat to their ego too great.

The seeds of narcissism can be sown at a young age, said Professor Brad J. Bushman, the study’s first author:

“…if kids begin to develop unrealistically optimistic opinions of themselves and those beliefs are constantly rejected by others, their feelings of self-love could make these kids potentially dangerous to those around them.”

If provoking the narcissist sounds dangerous, then another method of identifying the narcissist is simply to ask them.

Professor Bushman, speaking about a previous study, explained:

“People who are willing to admit they are more narcissistic than others probably actually are more narcissistic.

People who are narcissists are almost proud of the fact.

You can ask them directly because they don’t see narcissism as a negative quality — they believe they are superior to other people and are fine with saying that publicly.”
 
I'm currently reading M. Scott Peck's "People of the Lie", which is a fascinating read.

He says aggressiveness is characteristic for the narcissist - he needs to destroy others to keep his grandiose self-image alive. Peck defines evilness (of which narcissism is a hallmark, according to him) as "the imposition of one's will upon others by overt or covert means to avoid spiritual growth".

In other words, the narcissist reacts to the onslaught of objective reality, of the universe telling him he's completely wrong and must change, by desperately trying to 'form' reality via dominance/aggression so that it suits him. He wishes total standstill, complete avoidance of growth - thus becoming more and more like a rock, like primal matter. He can keep up this illusion by forcing others to accept his games and dominance.

Seen in this light, it is no wonder that the narcissist gets aggressive once criticized, as opposed to someone with a high self-esteem who is aligned with reality and growth and thus doesn't fear it.

Fwiw
 
I think this guy describes the narcissist really well, in pretty simple terms that most can understand. While listening to it, I could see how it is not only pervasive in individuals, but it is a component of pretty well everything in our society, including the media, and most of our leaders. It is a basic component of control, IMO.

 
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