I'm going to be an uncle...maybe

[fabric]

I got a phone call last week from my sister where she tells me that she is pregnant! Now, they weren't planning it and she isn't sure what to do, whether to have it or an abortion. I told her I can't tell her what is the best thing to do since whatever choice she makes she is going to have to live with it. We talked through the options, one of which was adoption, but she made the very good point that anyone can fake being 'good people' and she does not want her child being raised by psychopaths! I agree.

Her 2 main concerns are: 1) knowing how bad the situation is on Earth and that it most likely is not going to get any better (she's read the Wave and SoTT from time to time, so she's got a pretty good idea of what's going on), can she bring a child into this world? 2)If she does, how are they going to support him/her with their salary? (They both work but only make enough to get by). I told her that if you go through with it, we will all help you if you need it, so don't worry about money. We're behind you whatever you decide, but we can't decide for you. I think she is about 6 weeks in now, so she still has time to think about it.

Her boyfriend is also supportive. He is a good guy and I think willing to be there and do the hard work needed. I think they know that if she goes through with it, EVERYTHING is about their child, and that will be their main focus. They are both responsible people, and I think will do the best they can. If they don't have the baby, then I can understand that too... it is hard to bring life to this crazy world once you've swallowed the red pill. Then again, it is one of the best 'schools' to incarnate on.... so how to determine what is the best choice?? I wish I could help her more but it's such a personal decision that there's not much more I feel I can say without infringing on free will and all.

As you can see, it's not an easy subject to give advice on, especially to your little sister! I'll update once she's made her decision...

 

[knowledge_of_self]

Hey Fabric,

I don't have any advice to give, because my thoughts are pretty much the same as your own. I think that you gave her good advice, and the offer of your support in whatever decision she makes, which is what anyone in her shoes would want. It is really a personal choice and whatever she decides- it's all lessons in the end.

I wish her well in this difficult time

 

[Buddy]

I would recommend just trying to keep conversations of this nature sort of balanced so that deep down she will feel your support no matter what. :) But that's probably just my preference.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Hi Fabric,

I agree with Deedlet and Bud's comments, but want to add some thoughts for consideration regarding adoption.

We talked through the options, one of which was adoption, but she made the very good point that anyone can fake being 'good people' and she does not want her child being raised by psychopaths! I agree.

I think it might be a bit hasty to rule out adoption based off of the fact that a small percentage of the population are psychopathic, though I do understand the apprehensions here. Maybe if she spends some time with prospective parents, questioning them, learning about their lives, etc, that could help her decide for or against the adoption route? Just my thoughts on it, FWIW.

 

[Nawd]

I think you've done your part in this already, fabric. You seem to be there for your sister and discussed options. It appears as though you will support them in whatever they will decide.

Don't be surprised however if you have a personal preference, however perhaps leave it open to them in a balanced way.

They will make up their mind and that will be it. As it should be.

I don't think anyone here would tell you how to advise her exactly, except as a support which you are doing fine at.

Thanks for sharing. :)

 

[HiThere]

Some practical information might be useful; what is the age of your sister and her boyfriend, do they have a stable economy, do they live in a place suited for a child, do they have a strong relationship between them, can they get help and support (financial, babysitting) from their families?

 

[fabric]

Well, she is 25 and her bf is 26. They both work, so finding someone to care for the baby will be hard, unless one of them quits their job. Then money will be an issue, but we are ok to help them financially. They live about 40km away from my mom and I, so in terms of childcare it won't be easy to accomplish all the time. They've been together a few years (at least 4 or 5) and though they've had their ups and downs, they do ok. I'm not sure about her bf's family, but from what I heard they are willing to help.

 

[HiThere]

Well, she is 25 and her bf is 26. They both work, so finding someone to care for the baby will be hard, unless one of them quits their job. Then money will be an issue, but we are ok to help them financially. They live about 40km away from my mom and I, so in terms of childcare it won't be easy to accomplish all the time. They've been together a few years (at least 4 or 5) and though they've had their ups and downs, they do ok. I'm not sure about her bf's family, but from what I heard they are willing to help.

From what you write it seems they are as prepared as they can realistically expect to be concerning raising a child. No obstacles to going ahead with it other than the usual ones, in my opinion.

 

[cassandra]

I had similar issues when I became pregnant at age 23. I decided to keep the baby, as I could not have brought myself to have an abortion. However, I believe everyone has a right to decide this for themselves, especially since the world today is so toxic! Our individual futures are uncertain, to say the least.
Luckily my husband had a steady job, and I was able to become stay-at-home mother. We also had a supportive family.
It wasn't easy. I was quite immature, and didn't have very much knowledge of the world. Your sister and her bf sound a lot more grounded and sensible than I was.
I really did my best, but it must have been hard for my daughter to have such young parents, who still had so much to learn, and still had to grow up and find themselves. She is also a tricky character to deal with anyway! We are still paying the price for some bad parenting decisions. She knows she is loved, but has many insecurities, as her boundaries were often not set clearly enough.
I don't know what I would do today as my knowledge has expanded. Your sister and her bf know how bad things are, but as I said they sound admirably grounded and responsible. It must be the hardest decision in the world to make, and my heart goes out to them.
The trouble is, the longer the issue is discussed, which of course it must be, the harder it would be to decide on an abortion, as the longer you are pregnant, the more the baby becomes a real person.
Somehow, I don't think your sister will give her baby up for adoption either.
I have confidence that whatever they decide, they will do whatever is best for the baby.
Best wishes!

 

[Hildegarda]

I think it might be a bit hasty to rule out adoption based off of the fact that a small percentage of the population are psychopathic, though I do understand the apprehensions here. Maybe if she spends some time with prospective parents, questioning them, learning about their lives, etc, that could help her decide for or against the adoption route?

Please keep in mind that abandonment and adoption in and of themselves confer trauma, often tremendous, to both the child and the natural parents, regardless of the adoptive parents' personalities.

Putting the baby for adoption does nothing to alleviate the general stress of being born on Earth at this time, only adds to that. It could be a solution for the young family if they don't have financial means or family support in raising the baby, but even in that situation it is the very last resort.

Fabric, I too think that your sister and her boyfriend sound well-grounded and responsible. I agree that the best course of action would be to offer them support no matter what they choose to do, all there is is lessons

 

[fabric]

Thanks for the comments guys. My sister has grown a lot since her younger days, and I'm quite proud of her actually. She has a very strong emotional centre though, and sometimes I worry a bit. My mom was telling me the other day that she said she doesn't care what anyone says, she is going to listen to her doctor's advice and give her baby lots of milk! I'll ask her about that next time I see her... my mom sometimes misinterprets what she says so I hope she wasn't serious about that. We've talked about gluten and dairy before, she is aware of the dangers, especially to children, so it's kinda strange she would say that.

 

[Al-ith]

Getting a bit confused here.....She will give her baby lots of milk......Seems the decision has been made to keep the baby.
Lots of milk could be breast feeding may be?

 

[Mr.Anderson]

Lots of good advice here. Sound like you are giving them what they need, lots of support. ...and they will continue to need all the support they can get from you. ;)

 

[fabric]

Getting a bit confused here.....She will give her baby lots of milk......Seems the decision has been made to keep the baby.
Lots of milk could be breast feeding may be?

I wasn't there to hear the conversation so I don't know if that is what she actually said. I was something my mom mentioned. I haven't talked to her again about it so I think she is still thinking about it. I'm pretty sure she'll call and tell me when she decides for sure. And you are right, she could have been talking about that instead. I'll find out from her what's on her mind next time we meet. Sorry about the confusion!

 

[fabric]

Good news! We met on the weekend and she is going to keep the baby. She feels that is the right thing to do and is okay with it. We're all very excited and if all goes well, there'll be a new member of the family!

She had an ultrasound done last week and the fetus already his little arms forming. I've read that ultrasound can be dangerous for the baby so I'll need look into it some more, as I don't think she is aware of that.

We also started talking about circumcision and she's not sure about that yet. She wanted to know what the problem with that was (aside from it basically amounting to torture) and I remember there was a good article on either SoTT or here I wanted to share with her. I found thread but I thought there was another one too.

The good thing is that they both don't trust the mainstream and are open reading and researching to really know what are the best things they can do for the baby.