carlise
I have a friend that I've known for about 3 years now, and if there was anyone I'd consider as an STO 'candidate' it would be her. We have never argued, I never feel angry at her and as far as I can tell there is no feeding in our relationship (though I may be proven wrong one day). However I have always known her to be a bit dull, she doesnt seem to grasp some concepts easily, isn't great at spelling/grammar and doesnt do to well in school/college (I've seen some of her essays, theres just something missing in the word choice/writing style).
Despite all this, I can talk with her about some of my problems in life as she is surprising perceptive and intuitive. She is also one of the only people who truely appreciates the wisdom in the advice I give her regarding things, whereas with other people it just goes straight over their heads.
So far my intelligence has been the main tool and driving force for me in uncovering the mysteries of life, so I have often wondered how someone like her would fare persuing The Work. Would someone like that have to develop their intellectual capacities before even attempting to free themselves from this reality, or is it not so necessary for everyone? Maybe there are different paths to the same end goal? Also, psychopaths don't seem to lack intelligence, but they certainly won't be riding the wave to 4D STO..
These are really just random musings but I find them interesting nontheless, I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Hi carlise,
You appear to have a sincere desire to grow and change for the better, and I applaud your efforts. Forgive my “old-people speak” but it is extremely difficult for most people as young as yourself to even see that there is a path outside of their personal center of consciousness. That being said, I offer my observations on one of your recent posts with the intention that it may be useful and not hurtful to you.
The tone of your discussion of your girlfriend comes across as judgmental and self-important. It is ironic that you make a point to equate the depth of her character and her intelligence (although you do not specify which kind of intelligence) with her writing ability when your own post contains so many grammar errors (spelling, punctuation, word choice, pronoun agreement, and run-on sentences) that it should cause any graded college-level assignment it was in to fail. Critiquing others for their errors, while making the same errors yourself, damages your credibility. It also sometimes can reveal how we really feel about ourselves.
From reading over the rest of your posts, it appears to me that your intelligence and intellectual abilities are what you base your own self esteem on, and you may find it difficult to value anything else about yourself. It is difficult to learn to love and respect our innate value and ourselves when we come from dysfunctional family systems where we are continually beat up emotionally as well as physically. I know this because I came from a similar working class background and similar parents--harsh critical father and broken, wounded mother. My intellectual abilities and IQ intelligence were my lifeline and the only place I could think well of myself for many years. I suspect the same may be true for you.
In the future, (starting now ;)) you might want to pay attention to whatever criticisms you find yourself making of others and look for them in yourself. The words of Mme. de Salzmann can be of great value when one is striving to learn about ones “machine” and grow spiritually as well as intellectually.
Good luck on your journey.
shellycheval
The 'First Initiation' written by Mme Jeanne de Salzmann:
You will see that in life you receive exactly what you give. Your life is the mirror of what you are. It is in your image. You are passive, blind, demanding. You take all, you accept all, without feeling any obligation. Your attitude toward the world and toward life is the attitude of one who has the right to make demands and to take, who has no need to pay or to earn. You believe that all things are your due, simply because it is you! All your blindness is there! ...
You live exclusively according to "I like" or "I don't like," you have no appreciation except for yourself. You recognize nothing above you-theoretically, logically, perhaps, but actually no. That is why you are demanding and continue to believe that everything is cheap and that you have enough in your pocket to buy everything you like. You recognize nothing above you, either outside yourself or inside. That is why, I repeat, you have no measure and live passively according to your likes and dislikes.
Yes, your "appreciation of yourself" blinds you. It is the biggest obstacle to a new life. You must be able to get over this obstacle, this threshold, before going further.
This test divides men into two kinds: the "wheat" and the "chaff." No matter how intelligent, how gifted, how brilliant a man may be, if he does not change his appreciation of himself, there will be no hope for an inner development, for a work toward self-knowledge, for a true becoming. He will remain such as he is all his life.
The first requirement, the first condition, the first test for one who wishes to work on himself is to change his appreciation of himself. He must not imagine, not simply believe or think, but see things in himself which he has never seen before, see them actually. His appreciation will never be able to change as long as he sees nothing in himself. And in order to see, he must learn to see; this is the first initiation of man into self-knowledge.
... If he sees one time he can see a second time, and if that continues he will no longer be able not to see. This is the state to be looked for, it is the aim of our observation; it is from there that the true wish will be born, the irresistible wish to become: from cold we shall become warm, vibrant; we shall be touched by our reality.
Today we have nothing but the illusion of what we are. We think too highly of ourselves. We do not respect ourselves. In order to respect myself, I have to recognize a part in myself which is above the other parts, and my attitude toward this part should bear witness to the respect that I have for it. In this way I shall respect myself. And my relations with others will be governed by the same respect.
You must understand that all the other measures - talent, education, culture, genius-are changing measures, measures of detail. The only exact measure, the only unchanging, objective real measure is the measure of inner vision. I see - I see myself - by this, you have measured. With one higher real part, you have measured another lower part, also real. And this measure, defining by itself the role of each part, will lead you to respect for yourself.
But you will see that it is not easy. And it is not cheap. You must pay dearly. For bad payers, lazy people, parasites, no hope. You must pay, pay a lot, and pay immediately, pay in advance. Pay with yourself. By sincere, conscientious, disinterested efforts. The more you are prepared to pay without economizing, without cheating, without any falsification, the more you will receive. And from that time on you will become acquainted with your nature. And you will see all the tricks, all the dishonesties that your nature resorts to in order to avoid paying hard cash. Because you have to pay with your ready-made theories, with your rooted convictions, with your prejudices, your conventions, your "I like" and "I don't like." Without bargaining, honestly, without pretending. Trying "sincerely" to see as you offer your counterfeit money.
Try for a moment to accept the idea that you are not what you believe yourself to be, that you overestimate yourself, in fact that you lie to yourself. That you always lie to yourself every moment, all day, all your life. That this lying rules you to such an extent that you cannot control it any more. You are the prey of lying. You lie, everywhere. Your relations with others - lies. The upbringing you give, the conventions - lies. Your teaching - lies. Your theories, your art- lies. Your social life, your family life - lies. And what you think of yourself - lies also.
But you never stop yourself in what you are doing or in what you are saying because you believe in yourself. You must stop inwardly and observe. Observe without preconceptions, accepting for a time this idea of lying. And if you observe in this way, paying with yourself, without self-pity, giving up all your supposed riches for a moment of reality, perhaps you will suddenly see something you have never before seen in yourself until this day.
You will see that you are different from what you think you are.
You will see that you are two.
One who is not, but takes the place and plays the role of the other. And one who is, yet so weak, so insubstantial, that he no sooner appears than he immediately disappears. He cannot endure lies. The least lie makes him faint away. He does not struggle, he does not resist, he is defeated in advance. Learn to look until you have seen the difference between your two natures, until you have seen the lies, the deception in yourself. When you have seen your two natures, that day, in yourself, the truth will be born.
http://www.gurdjieff.org/salzmann3.htm
talking about stable and normal people without some disorder aren't we? because, of course there are very intelligent people with some emotional disorders.
