Is this a good idea or foolish?

[ScarletBegonias]

Today one of my former students visited my class. She was extremely shy when she took my class, but very much into art-making. She opened up to me last semester when I asked her one day after class what inspired her to cut off her hair that had been so long one day, but then unevenly chopped the next. She told me privately that her mother had cancer and lost all her hair from chemo, so she did it to show her mom that it was okay. I talked with her about my grandmother who died of cancer for a bit and said that she was not alone, etc...

Well, she came to me today to tell me that her mother died on July 20th. I gave her a long hug and we talked for a few minutes. She is living with her grandparents and three siblings. Her younger brother turns eight this Saturday, but it's really bothering her that her grandfather apparently is refusing to allow him a birthday party. She tells me that he is taking out his anger for her on her brother and that's not right. (I guess she and her grandfather have been having problems.) Well, I'm not so sure if this is the truth or her misinterpretation, but the situation must be very difficult for them all.

The reason I am posting is because I want to give my student a gift of watercolor pencils to give the boy. I have two sets and was thinking I could officially give them to her and then say that she can teach her brother how to draw/paint, maybe, with the extra set. This way I wouldn't be actually giving her a gift to give to the boy and maybe it would not upset the grandfather.

I am curious to know if others on here would think of this as a good idea or foolish. Would I be overstepping boundaries here? A birthday celebration and a birthday gift are not the same thing I think, but I don't know...hmm...

 

[Buddy]

Well, it's only Wednesday where I am, so I would first ask the former student if the grandfather's prohibition against a party also means that the boy cannot have any gifts?

 

[anart]

I think you're over stepping bounds. I think you're doing this because of your lack of healthy boundaries in general. You are (were) this child's teacher, not her mother, not her friend and her family life is difficult enough right now without the added resentment of the grandfather from what he would see as your interference.

Sometimes it's really best to be available to talk but draw the line there.

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Thank you so much Bud and anart! I really appreciate this input! I was thinking of asking her that too, Bud, but I think I'm just going to let my idea go.

 

[Buddy]

Thank you so much Bud and anart! I really appreciate this input! I was thinking of asking her that too, Bud, but I think I'm just going to let my idea go.

Good idea. I also learned something here. My first response was more aligned with anart's and when she posted, I went: Then I realized why.

If we had been talking about a teen or young adult being denied a birthday party, I would have asked why you felt the need to do anything other than just be a good listener to the former student (no need to answer).

However, when I visualize a small child in undeserved emotional distress, I tend to ignore that I am most likely imagining the actual scenario, the wings on my heels start flapping and I feel like "flying to the aid of the underdog", so-to-speak.

So, like I said, this was a lesson for me too and this is how we all learn from each other, so thanks for posting. :)

 

[ScarletBegonias]

Thank you so much Bud and anart! I really appreciate this input! I was thinking of asking her that too, Bud, but I think I'm just going to let my idea go.

Good idea. I also learned something here. My first response was more aligned with anart's and when she posted, I went: Then I realized why.

If we had been talking about a teen or young adult being denied a birthday party, I would have asked why you felt the need to do anything other than just be a good listener to the former student (no need to answer).

However, when I visualize a small child in undeserved emotional distress, I tend to ignore that I am most likely imagining the actual scenario, the wings on my heels start flapping and I feel like "flying to the aid of the underdog", so-to-speak.

So, like I said, this was a lesson for me too and this is how we all learn from each other, so thanks for posting. :)

Yeah, these posts really helped because I had already brought the pencil boxes to school, but just had some doubt about it and am glad I posted this thread. My mind kept flipping back and forth between the grandfather potentially being upset and the eight-year-old being upset. But it's not my family and I can't get so involved in the lives of my students.

It's tough when these kids come to me with stuff like this and I am grateful to be able to ask questions on the Forum to get input. This is the first time in my life I've worked this hard on creating and observing boundaries and the helping hands/shocks/advice from the members are allowing me great opportunities to learn. Thanks. :)

 

[Al Today]

But it's not my family and I can't get so involved in the lives of my students.

Doing this Work can be so very hard. And much time is needed to "grow thick skin", especially if one has a soft heart. Methinks Scarlet, you have provided example of and perhaps experienced more of the desperate need for this network and our fellow members. We need each other to "get through this". osit
:) :) :)

 

[cubbex]

Good foolish, whatever it depends on how you interpret them. MMm I agree with anart, mantain the line, your student didn't ask for it as I understand by your post, she just vent out with you I think, she needed someone to talk with, period.

 

[Nawd]

Totally unrelated, but Prometeo, did you just recently change your name? It started with a "B' once right? Driving me crazy. :P

Good foolish, whatever it depends on how you interpret them. MMm I agree with anart, mantain the line, your student didn't ask for it as I understand by your post, she just vent out with you I think, she needed someone to talk with, period.

 

[truth seeker]

Totally unrelated, but Prometeo, did you just recently change your name? It started with a "B' once right? Driving me crazy. :P

Good foolish, whatever it depends on how you interpret them. MMm I agree with anart, mantain the line, your student didn't ask for it as I understand by your post, she just vent out with you I think, she needed someone to talk with, period.

I believe it was Brunauld.

 

[Nawd]

Thank you Truth Seeker!

Totally unrelated, but Prometeo, did you just recently change your name? It started with a "B' once right? Driving me crazy. :P

Good foolish, whatever it depends on how you interpret them. MMm I agree with anart, mantain the line, your student didn't ask for it as I understand by your post, she just vent out with you I think, she needed someone to talk with, period.

I believe it was Brunauld.

 

[cubbex]

:) Mmmm yeah I like it more.....