Janet Woititz: Adult Children Of Alcoholics

[SovereignDove]

I just ordered a kindle version of another of Janet Woititz's books 'Lifeskills for Adult Children', and wanted to mention it here because it may be an additional resource to her book "Adult Children of Alcoholics'. I am just beginning to read it but the book discusses life skills, communication, and building in yourself social skills that are lacking from growing up in a dysfunctional home. There are exercises in the book that can be done also, which I think I will try doing.

This is a link for the kindle version on amazon.
_http://www.amazon.com/Lifeskills-Adult-Children-Janet-Woititz-ebook/dp/B0026XHG1A/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1389284537&sr=1-5&keywords=janet+woititz

This could tie-in well with the books concerning external consideration('Crucial Conversations', 'How to Win Friends..'), and the threads about external consideration and good manners.

 

[JGeropoulas]

I can easily identify myself in all the characteristics, at least at some point in my life. Many characteristics are still present, but at least now I'm beginning to understand more about where they've come from. :)

I don't doubt that ACOAs (of which I am one) experience these symptoms, but so do LOTS of other people. Nowadays I think of ACOAs as a particular case of children from narcissistic families, rather than a separate group. It clicked when I read The Narcissistic Family three years ago.

It may well be true that narcissists are particularly prone to becoming alcoholics to cope with the emotional vulnerabilities inherent in their untenable self-concept (e.g. "I'm perfect"). And certainly, alcoholism leads people of all types into a prison of constricted narcissism.

As a newly-christened ACOA myself, in the late '80's I chose to focus my doctoral dissertation on investigating the validity of a new-but-suspect diagnostic group: children of alcoholics. My literature review included all research internationally that had been done regarding ACOA's up to that point.

My findings were:

* Children of alcoholics did indeed develop distinct personality traits and behavior patterns
* With a few exceptions, children with severely depressed or schizophrenic parents developed similar traits and patterns

My conclusion was:

Any child forced into "parenting" the parent (i.e. narcissistic role reversal), due to the parent's drug use or psychological problems, develops distinct personality traits and behavior patterns as a consequence of being deprived of an appropriately-nurturing childhood.

 

[aragorn]

That's interesting, JG. I would like to read your dissertation some day, if you're okay with sharing it.

 

[JGeropoulas]

I'll start looking to see where it's ended up after moving nine times since writing it!

 

[eternusphoenix]

Any child forced into "parenting" the parent (i.e. narcissistic role reversal), due to the parent's drug use or psychological problems, develops distinct personality traits and behavior patterns as a consequence of being deprived of an appropriately-nurturing childhood.

For years I have resented my parents for what they are. It was easier to resent my parents than it was to see what I had become. For the majority of my life, I have lived out the very worst aspects of what my parents taught me. These traits and ways of interacting bled into every serious relationship that I have ever had.

It was only after I had started to come to terms with the nature of my anger towards my parents, that I could finally start to see how I was projecting all feelings related to my parents into virtually all deeper encounters that I have had.

I can't say for sure that my parents were alcoholics. I can say however that my parents were dreadfully addicted to white processed sugar. From my experiences, a white sugar addiction can be just as dangerous and destructive as any alcohol addiction. Alcohol is after all, derived from one form of sugar or another. When frustrated, my parents didn't immediately hit the bottle. They immediately went for food and likewise shoved the same "food" down my throat to silence my discomfort.

Parents all over the states wonder why their children act out when they put television advertised frankenfoods into their children before school.

ADD & ADHD seem like they may be directly caused by the food that parents feed their children.

What child could sit still in class after starting the morning with a gigantic bowl of sugar coated genetically modified shapes swimming in pasteurized antibiotic filled bacteria known as milk?

I know that I sure couldn't sit still as a kid after a "breakfast" like that.

In the house that I grew up in, there was no love. Only addiction in various forms.

Thanks for ACOA reminder.