Lists-

[3DStudent]

The Result: In practicing being "listless," I am much more living in the moment and allowing for spontaneity to be a part of my day. It may not work for everything nor everyone, but it is maybe something to try. We are capable of going beyond our perception of limitations by pushing those boundaries, doing what is important and accommodating life as it naturally manifests. FWIW

This is where I'd like to be. I call it getting to 0. Having no lists, so that you may focus on the next thing. With an extensive list, there's always something to do and it gets stressful to the point where you end up not doing it and dissociating just to try to feel better. I fully suspect that you can lead a life without lists. Things would just come to your attention as needed.

 

[Buddy]

Hello all,

I feel that I'm drowning in a never-ending to do list.

Lists of all kinds-

There's the list of how to raise your children and make them happy.

The list of taking care of the household.

The list of taking care of the Parents.

Not to mention the Career List and the list that I don't really want to think about: The How to prepare when SHTF List.

The Spiritual List.

The Health List.

The Friend List and Family List.

For goodness sake, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of Lists and I can't keep up with any of them!

My life has turned into a never-ending List.

Anyone experience something similar?

When I think of how easily life can explode into lists and lists of lists, I think of the cosmic 'big bang' and of the Earth herself; how nature can take a few fractal patterns and, by combining and recombining them with a tweak to the pattern and placement here and there, create an entire planetary topology and living setting for organismal life, full of richness and complexity.

And speaking of 'setting', one can view lists as a mental structure for the energy of life to move into in order to get specific desired things done more efficiently than random actions allow. So, nothing inherently bad about lists, I think.

Remember back to the point before any lists and mentally trace through how all those lists came about. Now, try to think about that process in reverse. Is there a way to compress all those lists into a simple, more general rule of thumb to be applied when one of the tasks on a list come up for attention so that you don't actually have to recall entire lists at a time?

Alternatively, a person could get one of those day planners where a single day has been broken down into hourly blocks. One could then take the lists and start entering tasks in those blocks until the day and maybe tomorrow is filled up. One then just plows through the day getting stuff done without the more abstract concerns about lists. This idea could be played with and tweaked here and there to suit the individual involved. Then the process of making lists might be thought of as a valuable power-planning stage.

 

[Ninas]

Hello everyone!

Thank you for all the advice. I am very grateful to everyone who took the time to respond.

Keit,

Thank you for your story. I understood it completely and do realize that the problem stems from me…

Hi T.C.,

I've always been a list writer and was very efficient at getting most of the items done, even enjoyed it.

It felt good to cross each item off because I new that it would be one less thing to worry about.

Lately, I've been very low on energy and trying to prioritize what things from the lists are more important….but the energy drain is no joke.

And then, when I try to go the route of winging it. I just plain forget and then rack myself after because I missed something important.

In a way, I feel that the lists represent my life, which has become a bit monotonous and I'm beginning to realize that I'm afraid of failure and the unknown, also, it feels that the more I try to move forward, the less results I see.

Recently, I've tried to change and do things outside of the box, but I find that I have to wait until I can muster sufficient will to do some things…

My sleep rhythms are all messed up and even though I've always found comfort in my bed, I find that the lack of energy has me wanting to stay in bed more… I fear that I may be suffering from some kind of mild depression.

The one thing that is really getting me down is the Parent Issue. I feel like I can do better. Be a more outgoing Mother…Goodness that's one list that I do not want to fail…

Thank you Voyageur, I'll take a look at the links.

Thank you again everyone for all of your comments…

L.

 

[A Jay]

I've always been a list writer and was very efficient at getting most of the items done, even enjoyed it.

It felt good to cross each item off because I new that it would be one less thing to worry about.

Lately, I've been very low on energy and trying to prioritize what things from the lists are more important….but the energy drain is no joke.

And then, when I try to go the route of winging it. I just plain forget and then rack myself after because I missed something important.

I bought "The Art of Getting Things Done" (which I would recommend to anyone struggling with 'list-itis') a number a years ago, and something I remember David Allen saying was how generally when people make lists they don't really define any actions. People will just write 'laundry' or 'go to store' or 'yard' or things of this nature that are very general and create an anchor to an idea or task but give no definitive steps that can be taken. This is a major unconscious drain as not only is the mind worrying about a task but it is also trying to define the actions necessary to perform a task. If we take a little bit of time, say five minutes, to define the goal and the steps needed to reach said goal then we can move from the planning phase to the action phase. Trying to move into the action phase without first completing the planning phase is impossible, and so when we find that we can't move forward with something because we've not really defined what the goal is or how to get there then we can start to beat ourselves up for not doing the impossible.

So my advice would be to take another look at your lists. If you find something that can be done in five minutes or less, do it and get it out of the way. For anything that will take longer than five minutes, estimate how long it will take and when you can realistically get it done. Then actually write out the first thing that you would need to do to do the task. If it's going to the store to pick up some meat, then write "get in car, start car, drive to store, go to meat counter, etc." Breaking goals or larger tasks down into their fundamental ones can change how we see and feel about them and possibly make them more manageable. OSIT.

Also, I remember reading in an article on SOTT that crossing things off our lists can give a dopamine boost. Not sure if that actually has anything to do with crossing something off a list per se, or if the dopamine boost is the 'feeling of accomplishment' we get after doing something that we really didn't want to do but did anyway. Just something I thought was worth mentioning.

In a way, I feel that the lists represent my life, which has become a bit monotonous and I'm beginning to realize that I'm afraid of failure and the unknown, also, it feels that the more I try to move forward, the less results I see.

The lists are a way for you to think about and structure your life and your goals. Nothing wrong with that. Writing things out helps us to define and understand things better, and taking daily steps towards our goals can sometimes feel like a never-ending struggle that is one step forward and two steps back. But keep in mind that results aren't always tangible. So while you may not see results right now, as long as you continue to take steps towards your goals you are building the foundation for some great things to be built down the road. :)

 

[Ninas]

Thank You A Jay. :)

 

[T.C.]

Hi ninas

First, let me say that I empathise with you massively, as a lot of what you're describing is something myself and others here have been going through.

Hi T.C.,

I've always been a list writer and was very efficient at getting most of the items done, even enjoyed it.

I did wonder about this. That points to the idea that it's not the lists that you're tired of; there's something else up, and the lists are helping to highlight that for you.

Lately, I've been very low on energy and trying to prioritize what things from the lists are more important….but the energy drain is no joke.

And then, when I try to go the route of winging it. I just plain forget and then rack myself after because I missed something important.

In a way, I feel that the lists represent my life, which has become a bit monotonous and I'm beginning to realize that I'm afraid of failure and the unknown, also, it feels that the more I try to move forward, the less results I see.

There's a good article on SOTT at the moment : http://www.sott.net/article/316954-The-importance-of-saying-No-in-a-healthy-life

When I read it, I get conflicting thoughts and feelings about it. It's such a fine art between taking care of what needs to be done, striving to be the best we can be, living by our ideals, and knowing how to balance that and listen to what our body and emotions are telling us. How do we discern between taking important time out from being lazy or indulging in self-pity, for example? There's the negative introject in there that we have to tell apart from the facts. Is the part of us that tells us we should carry on the negative introject or beneficial parent that knows we need a push now and again?

The article says:

The people I see who push themselves too far have excessive vision without a sense of proportion. It's what happens, I think, when we abandon our self-attunement in the pursuit of principles. Frankly, when we refuse to have patience for ourselves and our process, it's an act of self-sabotage (if not self-aggression).

I don't say this lightly. We all deserve optimum well-being, but I'd also argue we can best attain it (and maintain it) when we foster a sense of informed intuition about our needs—balancing those admirable principles and ambitious goals with instinctual self-care. I've heard a friend describe it as living lightly, and that sounds about right.

I have a lot of things I like to do and get done every day, but this week, I decided to take some time off work and spend some time away from the computer. I felt bad about it because I wasn't living up to my standards of what I should be doing, but I FELT that this was necessary - that informed intuition of the need of self-attunement - and if I took some time off, it wasn't going to cause the destruction of the Universe and I wasn't a bad person because of it.

This getting in touch with what we need and allowing ourselves to have it is a fine art that no one can teach you other than yourself.

Recently, I've tried to change and do things outside of the box, but I find that I have to wait until I can muster sufficient will to do some things…

Do you journal at all? Sometimes the things we want to do and are driven to do become monotonous and we forget the real reason why we were doing them in the first place. Then, it's hard to motivate yourself to do something if you don't feel like there's a really good reason for it; and our minds can justify not doing even the most important things.

Just journalling really helps me with this. Sometimes it's just constantly reaffirming why I want to carry on. Sometimes it's about consciously associating with my negative thoughts and voices and putting them down on paper in order to 'exorcise' them. Through journalling, somehow out of the amorphous mess that my mind has become over a period, there comes a seed of a thought that is connected to my soul, which reconnects me to my true Will. The fog clears and I can see again.

My sleep rhythms are all messed up and even though I've always found comfort in my bed, I find that the lack of energy has me wanting to stay in bed more… I fear that I may be suffering from some kind of mild depression.

Here's some tips:

Try to stay hydrated as much as possible. It's easy to just drink more water and the health benefits can't be overstated!

You really need to do everything you possibly can to improve your sleep as it's your key restorative system. Try to sleep in complete darkness, away from electrical devices, plug sockets, light switches and sources of EMF radiation. Look into getting a grounding matt or make the surface you sleep on grounded yourself; we should be connected to the Earth when we sleep for the restorative effects it has on our electromagnetic field. Try not to eat for a few hours before bed. Try to limit the amount of florescent light, computer screen, T.V., white light bulbs, etc. after the sun goes down. If possible, try to get direct sunlight into your eyes (not through glass) as soon as you wake up. This only has to be for about three minutes. This will all help sort out your body clock/sleep cycles.

Try to eat as best a diet as you possibly can.

Try to get more sun. If possible, take even a small amount of time each day or each week to get out into nature, get barefoot in your garden while you have a cup of tea or something, if possible.

If you don't feel refreshed and well rested when you wake up, you could also be leptin resistant, which among other things, means your body can't communicate to your brain which hormones it needs, including the hormones that tell us to go to sleep and tell us to wake up.

You can search the forum for all of the above.

All the best!

 

[Chad]

I make to do lists. [...] Anyway, finding lists undone reminds me that things manage to be OK anyway.

Thanks Yupo, that was very insightful and funny! :)

I can relate to what you wrote. These days, I only make very basic to-do-lists, usually for job-related things, with the sole purpose that I don't forget something important.[...]

For example, sometimes I don't have the energy for a certain task, or I'm not in the right mindset, so forcing myself to do it anyway just because it's on some list would be stupid - I might get it done much better and faster on another day, where my mind is more open to that specific task. Or, sometimes something else gets in the way, and I need to shift gears quickly - no point beating myself up over some item on a list that can wait.
[...]

yeah i think it's good to hear others find themselves realising same. And about choosing the right moment.

ninas - i can imagine having all those lists would be overwhelming. And i think what's been said in the thread probably applies; for some of it, it doesn't need a list. I'm still guilty of writing down the name of book i should be reading though... that's probably part of the problem, it's a list of should's rather than needs or wants. It's about balance though, because it is good to push yourself, sometimes.

For myself, i like to note some of the important deadlines and a few others like inspiring or 'growth' things i would like to do. But i tend to try and make them more unstructured and i think it just helps me to think it through by jotting it on to paper, so it's more solidly in the back of my mind, because i often forget to refer to them.

I think the other aspect is the sense of accomplishment that i'd like to reinforce - ticking off things helps to remind me that, yes, "you have done some of the things you needed to do", so "you can relax, there's nothing you've forgotten". And in that sense i think they can be helpful, but as per the other comments, it should be about maintaining a modicum of structure, not berating yourself and becoming controlled by them. Osit.

 

[Ninas]

You're completely right, Itellsya.

I have a tendency to be extra hard on myself, I know it has something to do with my insecurity of not being where I thought I would be in life and trying to cross off several things simultaneously on my list. A lesson, that I'm trying to actively absorb is simply to enjoy the process and just let loose and relax. Enjoy the simple things in life, like the Sunshine on my face, the Sea breeze, taking a walk in the park. Those sorts of things. I know that's it's tremendously important to Work like Laura and her Crew do, but I find that they have a good equilibrium, where they also find time to relax and enjoy simple things… I'de like to learn how to do that as well.

Thank you again Itellsya... :)

And everyone who took the time to answer… Thank you.