Littlebunny Moey

Moey has a tumour, it’s growing fast😞

There are no humane options for an elderly bunny with arthritis in her hind legs. Vet Mae has experienced this many times, said the operations on young bunnies have never been successful in that area, it would mean an amputation of the front right leg, she said if I really wanted to she could try or that the exotic vet 10 minutes from here would be very capable too.

Although I don’t want her to die I know that any intervention now would just be about me, not the best interest of Moey. She’s on opioids until tomorrow night when Mae will come after my little daughter is in bed and help our dear fur baby go over the rainbow bridge.

The next 28 hours Moey will be honoured, loved, given uninterrupted attention and reminded to be brave as she leaves her sore broken body. The tears flowing for her are unstoppable. She’s leaving this world and will be sorely missed.
I’m so grateful to have spent the last 8.5 years with her, and feel blessed for both of us that we can be together as she goes off the bunny heaven in a dignified and peaceful way.

Stay strong Littlebunny Moey. It will all be over soon.
 
I’m feeling really intense emotions, I know what I’m doing is the right thing, but part of me just wants to not do it, I don’t know what I’d do instead.

Tonight is a full moon, a special strawberry moon that occurs every 19 years according to astronomers because the lunar standstill. Tonight my littlebunny leaves this earth plane, right when the moon peaks at 100% fullness.

The strawberry moon was given its name by native Americans as the time strawberries were sweetest and ready for harvest. It symbolises, love, joy, abundance, celebration of life and all sweet things that come with it.

I slept (sort of) the floor with Moey last night. We nuzzled, I kissed her too many times to count, sang to her, reminded her about the light she’ll see, who’ll be there to call her home, I told her what a beautiful little friends she’s been and how much I love her, but it’s not over, we will see each other again soon.bill had my crystal with us, she moved just enough so she could place her little foot on it.

What raw intense emotions. I feel so alive, yet kind of like I’m floating above it all. We have 12 hours left in the physical, but forever in eternity.

IMG_3419.jpeg
 
Thank you to you all for your support, love and most of all understanding of how hard it is when we lose our precious little 2D loved ones.

I’m just sad, trying not to do ‘what ifs’ in the knowing she couldn’t have had a better passing. I made her last days as rich, full of love and undivided attention except for smokes and showers.

She laid in the sun on the grass, we looked at pictures and watched videos of her life, I sang her songs, played her songs, told her stories about heaven, I cried with her til her fur was soaked.

My partner took the kids out so it was just Moey and I, I appreciate that, my almost two year old was being ‘extra’, I just wanted time alone with Mo. I soaked her up, smelling her sweet fur, nuzzling her head. We both knew time was running out.

The vet messaged at 630pm to say she couldn’t make the 730 time we’d arranged and asked if she could come at 830. I loved that the most, an extra hour, time had been weighing on me all day. I knew we didn’t have an extra day, even though we were offered as much time as we wanted Moey was done, not drinking water, only eating a little here and there and her tumour (nasty fast growing cancer) which had grown overnight was moving into the other shoulder. I couldn’t bear it any longer and neither could she.

I took Mo outside to see the full moon, I gazed deeply into her eyes and saw through them, the universe? I don’t know, may be it’s what the inside of a bunny eye looks like, it’s etched into my mind, a cobweb of worlds.

We lit candles, arranged some crystals and birds, put on some peaceful music and I laid with her while we waited for Vet Mae to arrive. I could feel both of our hearts beating like crazy.

Mae arrived, she was amazing, caring, gentle. I listened as Moey took her final breath, then it was all over for her. A really peaceful and calm passing, I felt her peace as she left her body. I stroked her all over, especially on the tummy because I wasn’t allowed to do that before. I wrapped her like a baby and Mae took her to be picked up in the morning by the people will cremate her. I just felt peace last night after she was gone, went to bed, didn’t sleep good but was still at peace.

Waking up today to no bunny waiting for me has been the most painful part. I’ve done a little bit of cleaning and washing her bedding for the last time, but I’m feeling denial mixed with grief, sad at the sun for not shining, sad that I was left alone with toddler in my sorrow while everyone went off to work and school, sad that this feeling of emptiness last so long, sad because I can’t smell her fur anymore and I might forget, sad that I feel relief, but I could also have gone on forever caring for her like I was.
Sad because I don’t feel enough joy for her that she’s in a better place, I suppose that will come soon though. It’s still just so raw and surreal.

Sad because my kids are sad. We will all miss her so very much.

Here’s some photos of Moey’s last day with us IMG_3421.jpegIMG_3452.jpegIMG_3428.jpegIMG_3438.jpegIMG_3455.jpegIMG_3467.jpegIMG_3462.jpeg
 
I absolutely feel for you Fluffy. It’s both heartbreaking and heartwarming what our little family members give to us. They truly are like our own children in our hearts and lives. I’ve said goodbye to both my parents, yet the thought of losing our little Furface is an eventuality for which I’m not certain I’m prepared. It’s crazy to think, yet undeniable. My heart goes out to you.❤️
 
A big LOVE to you and your kids Fluffy, and to dear Moey. :hug2:
How wonderful to be so cherished and go on a Strawberry moon, being sung to, so loved and honoured, comforted by you helping her to understand what was coming. Sad and beautiful, all at the same time.

You won't forget the feel of her soft fur, or her smell. (She's probably left you some little butt nuggets somewhere to make you smile later!) I feel sad for your pain, but grateful to know she is in the light, free from all that hurting. I can imagine all the kids and animal lovers in 5D gently making a fuss of her, enjoying her company, maybe feeding her love heart pellets just like you have (that is SO cute!). Perhaps apples and lettuce taste even better in 5D! 😌

Love comes to teach and heal us in so many forms.
🌟🐰💜
 
I love that I have this space to share, be given comfort, understanding, wisdom and reminders that this world is only a little chunk in the grand scheme, that the universe knows what it’s doing 🙏

The waves of gut churning sorrow are so hard. My body’s auto timer just went off- ‘it’s time to feed the bunny’, it doesn’t know that I have no more bunnies to feed.

I know this all gets easier, time is such a burden til then. I have a pet cemetery in my garden, 4 bunnies and one of the sweetest cats life put breath into.
I was out there today brining up firewood and stopped by to say that I hope they’re taking good care of my girl, helping her settle back in to her home. There was a ball I’ve never seen, I assumed it belongs to the neighbours kids so I threw it to their front garden, then I heard a voice say, ‘that’s for you, a gift from us, Moey is great and having a ball’ so I went to get it, it even has a bite mark- typical bunnies! IMG_3476.jpeg
I played with it for a bit, I felt less sad.

I’m just okay to be sad though.
 
I dreamed about Moey, myself woke me up just afterwards so I’d remember.

I was at a place that I used to live (not in this life only in the dream) a little disoriented. I realised I wasn’t supposed to be there because other people lived there. As I was leaving Moey hopped into the room and went over to her little wooden bed that she used to use when she was young (I burnt it in the fire place last week, like I knew) she jumped up and sat on it, we looked each other in the eye, she was young and healthy. Then I turned and left, saying to the people who lived there that she might visit because this is where she lived with me, they liked that she’d visit.

I’m comforted that she came to me in the dream. I got up and went to her spot, cried, prayed and thanked her again, rearranging some of her little hay poos into a love heart, smelling her bedding.

I know I did the right thing, I know she’s in a better place. God I miss her.
I have a cushion for my bed coming soon so I can hug her whenever I want. IMG_3477.jpeg
 
Today I’m feeling really pissed off with some people who have either shown very little sensitivity or haven’t even bothered to throw me a message to see how I’m doing. (I’m not talking about here in the forum, only my private life)

One of them is my eldest kid, she hasn’t messaged me at all, she did bring flowers on the night we were sending Moey over the rainbow bridge, I really didn’t want her here, she was too busy making jokes and being candid when I didn’t want that. I’m glad she left before the vet came.

I reached out to people I know care deeply for little animals last night just for some comfort and understanding. Apart from my partner and my 11 year old, no one has bothered to show any kind of sensitivity. Too wrapped up in themselves or just don’t grok that I’ve lost someone I love and it hurts… especially a bunny, people have a bad attitude towards them like they are disposable throw away animals.

So this gets me thinking. What have I done in the past to have this kind of rebound effect. How have my insensitivities or carelessness created this response? think that I’m pretty good at being compassionate when there is death but may be I’m lacking, may be i dissociate too easily instead of feeling what others are going through… it could be true. Or may be other people are just s**t and I expect too much from them, attribute how I feel and react to them when they don’t have that kind of empathy or consideration, may be I’m inconsistent, giving freely in one place but restricted in others… It’s something I need to think about more….


What have I done, what could I have done different?

I dunno. I know I always could do better. I have a 93y/o grandparent who I don’t want to visit because I’ve never liked her, she’s always been a bitch to everyone and told us all what she thinks without any filter. I got stuck into her one day about it (my poppy loved it, no one had ever stood up to her) and I was the bad guy, my family expected me to apologise but I never have. I’m confused if I should put myself aside and just go and see her. I won’t feel bad if she dies and I didn’t see her before then.

There have been other times when family members have died and I wasn’t available emotionally or to attend funerals or my own reasons… two died while I was pregnant and I couldn’t travel the distance to their funerals because of physical pain I was suffering. I was being selfish. One was my mum’s brother who was an alcoholic and he’d left his body long ago, was an empty shell with no spirit, I wasn’t sad because he had already died. My bunny dying has made me realise that I showed not enough compassion towards my family who didn’t understand this. I think I might be reaping what I’ve sewn for not fully considering other people’s perspectives. I felt relief for the family that his body had died and his soul could now go through the healing process.

There are other examples where I might have projected my sadness of a death and caused more suffering for others, and times where I was a bit too cold and closed off.

I’m not really sure why I’m experiencing so much distance from others, all I know is that I’m disappointed in them and trying to discover in myself what that says about me and my actions.
 
So a question.

If you have friends, they know your pet has died and they haven’t bothered to message you, are they really your friend? I get the feeling that they’ve only pretended to care and that the friendship was only really about them having their needs or self importance fulfilled.

How much leeway do I give? It’s been 6 days.
 
My condolences for your loss. At least Moey is no longer in pain and discomfort.

As for your emotional questions, there are 5 stages according to Kubler-Ross - denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It's not linear, though. People go back and forth between all of them, swinging in and out. Check out the book On Grief and Grieving, and it can provide a good map of the possibilities. But basically, most emotional issues can be heightened in a state of grief, because it brings up any latent abandonment issues. Death of a loved one can be understood as abandonment by the nervous system.

The brain interprets emotions, then goes looking for a narrative to make sense of it. In the case of anger, that often means looking for a target. Sometimes the target is legitimate, in the case of a sometimes not. If people aren't supporting you right now, it may depend on how and why you are asking.

Fluffy said:
One of them is my eldest kid, she hasn’t messaged me at all, she did bring flowers on the night we were sending Moey over the rainbow bridge, I really didn’t want her here, she was too busy making jokes and being candid when I didn’t want that. I’m glad she left before the vet came.
Click to expand...

I think it makes sense that hasn't reached out. She was grieving in her own way, maybe in denial stage, based on her own capacity. She showed up and did her best, likely felt tested or judged by you, and she now is taking space. It sounds like you pushed her away, and now you want to pull her back in.

Listen to this short Tim Fletcher vid on push-pull and abandonment patterns, and see if it provides some understanding your situation:

 
iamthatis said:
My condolences for your loss. At least Moey is no longer in pain and discomfort.

As for your emotional questions, there are 5 stages according to Kubler-Ross - denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It's not linear, though. People go back and forth between all of them, swinging in and out. Check out the book On Grief and Grieving, and it can provide a good map of the possibilities. But basically, most emotional issues can be heightened in a state of grief, because it brings up any latent abandonment issues. Death of a loved one can be understood as abandonment by the nervous system.

The brain interprets emotions, then goes looking for a narrative to make sense of it. In the case of anger, that often means looking for a target. Sometimes the target is legitimate, in the case of a sometimes not. If people aren't supporting you right now, it may depend on how and why you are asking.



I think it makes sense that hasn't reached out. She was grieving in her own way, maybe in denial stage, based on her own capacity. She showed up and did her best, likely felt tested or judged by you, and she now is taking space. It sounds like you pushed her away, and now you want to pull her back in.

Listen to this short Tim Fletcher vid on push-pull and abandonment patterns, and see if it provides some understanding your situation:

Click to expand...
Well, holy smokes, I’m in a family full of people with abandonment issues. Literally all of us, there is no one ‘normal’ and none of us react with healthy cues to positive or negative stimulus.

My eldest, Lilly, is 25, just recently gotten herself diagnosed with ADHD and medicated with dexamphetamine, she does CBT with her therapist. (she also has EDS, has been researching on her own so I found out last week so I sent her the thread) she deals with life by turning everything into a joke and later getting a tattoo about it. In her solitude she’s very disorganised, doesn’t sleep well, hates the world and burns the candle at both ends and in the middle. She hates kids, has no idea how to interact with them and having a baby sister (twice, one at 13 and the other at 23) has really been hard for her. She needed me by myself and I didn’t give her that. She is severely wounded from how I patented her.

She loves Moey, she lived here with us up until 3 years ago but for some reason didn’t feel like it was her place to be here for her death. She wanted to go, I wasn’t asking her to stay or to be here at all, I’ve become accustomed to doing everything on my own, asking for nothing, relying on no one, at my peril, will just suffer in silence closing myself off from the world. I have a fear of normal healthy people. When I meet them I can’t wait to getaway from them. Lilly is very similar to me, actively seeking normal, she doesn’t realise this but she just wants what she’s never had. Like me, she takes bits and pieces from other people trying to identify those things in herself to make herself feel like she’s a healthy functioning person, inside she’s a scattered mess, she rejected me long ago, I can see that I rejected her from the day she was born.

I’m not angry at her, I learned not to pressure her a long time ago, actually I never have had expectations of her. If anything I expect her to not want to be around me. I take full responsibility for how she is. It saddens me that I wasn’t a different mother, even if I knew I don’t know if I could have acted differently.
I understand why she doesn’t reach out except on surface things like the cute dogs she washed today at her job.

May be this should be moved into the Fluffy unleashed thread to be expanded on there.
 
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