This is a subject that has interested me for a while. Growing up I was bullied to a decent degree. It was not so much physical as verbal in terms of what took place. My dad took a "Turn the other cheek mentality" which was then what I grew up hearing. Being smaller then a large percentage of my class and not an "outgoing tough guy" I tended to be a target to an extent. I followed his advice and IT DID NOT WORK at all. Looking back there are many points where I wish I had simply thrown a punch to let the other guy know that I meant business. I did not do this however and instead of people respecting my pacifism they took advantage of it. Not standing up for myself at the time seemed the logical choice to make based on what I was taught/influences growing up but now I find myself looking back on the past and the bullying with a lot of regret. I essentially have almost a seething rage about past experiences that I cannot let go. It was not always this way however, for a few short years after high school the memories never even crossed my mind and then at some point they just came back. I now find myself many times just going back over what happened and imagining another outcome. For a while I thought it was just a phase, but I am starting to realize that this is becoming a problem that I need to address now. I have seriously thought about approaching some type of mental health professional but the stoic side of me says suck it up. In another post I mentioned anxiety and thinking about it, this could be a large part of the problem. I rage a lot internally, I do not think this is normal and it is affecting me on many different levels. I am at a point in my life now where I am tired of floundering. I want to see change, solutions, I want to be proactive and look back in ten years and be happy instead of having a million "what if" thoughts. I am living in the past too much, not concentrating on the now or the future but instead reminiscing (in a negative way) about a past that I can not change. Any thoughts about this would be greatly appreciated.
Being a private person, this is actually one of the first times that I have reached out to others to seek a solution to my problem. But wanting to be proactive, I would like this to be a positive step in a direction that leads to a new, happier me.
Being a private person, this is actually one of the first times that I have reached out to others to seek a solution to my problem. But wanting to be proactive, I would like this to be a positive step in a direction that leads to a new, happier me.